


Can't Find My Way Home (But It's Through You)

by tarajuku



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anxiety, Bruce Feels, Caretaking, Codependency, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, F/M, Fake Science, Gen, Hurt Tony, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Multi, Open Relationships, Pepper Feels, Physical Disability, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery, Rhodey Is a Good Bro, Suicide Attempt, Tony Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-08
Updated: 2015-08-11
Packaged: 2018-04-13 13:59:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 32
Words: 89,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4524651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tarajuku/pseuds/tarajuku
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <b>**New epilogue added 08/11/15!**</b>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>(Avengers AU) Bruce and Tony met less than two days before Tony flew a nuke through a portal and didn't come back, but those two days were enough to change Bruce's life forever. In the aftermath, Bruce is left to figure out where he fits into a post-Tony Stark world and, with the help of the Avengers, SHIELD, and Pepper Potts, discovers in Tony's loss things he thought he'd never have - things like comfort, stability, and maybe even happiness.</p><p>And then, just as Bruce and Pepper settle into a life shaped by Tony's absence, Tony comes home - but Tony is deeply traumatized, in denial, and depending on Bruce and Pepper to put him back together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> -[digitalwave made some awesome art for this fic - go check it out!](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4521348)
> 
> -I started writing this for a h/c challenge in August 2013...the challenge never happened and I kind of abandoned this fic, but thanks to [the WIP Big Bang](http://wipbigbang.livejournal.com/) I finished my shit! 
> 
> -As always, thanks to heyjupiter for beta reading/being awesome!

When Bruce woke up after the Hulk had helped the Avengers defeat Loki and the Chitauri, he had the usual aches and pains and the same pounding headache he always woke up with, but he also had something different. He had, for the first time, one of Hulk’s memories, vivid and clear as any of his own memories, not warped and tinted an angry green like he was used to. 

Bruce could see exactly what Hulk had seen: the portal over Stark Tower closing with Metal Man still on the other side. 

By the time Steve appeared to lead him upstairs where everyone else was waiting, Bruce knew Tony was gone, but he asked Steve anyway, just in case he’d misremembered or misinterpreted what he’d seen.

His heart sank when Steve confirmed that Tony hadn’t made it back before they had to close the portal.

Fury had given up on debriefing by the time Bruce woke up, which was nice because Bruce was still trying to process everything for himself. But it also meant he had to stick around for a few more days when he’d been planning to get back to Kolkata as soon as he possibly could.

Bruce didn’t want to stay at SHIELD but he didn’t have much of a choice - he had no money for a hotel, or even a hostel, and he’d been off the grid for so long there wasn’t a single person he could think of who would let him crash on their couch.

Well, there wasn’t a single _living_ person, not with Tony gone. Bruce had gotten the impression Tony would’ve been more than happy to let Bruce crash on one of his many couches indefinitely. 

Bruce was surprised at the pang of sadness he felt when he thought about Tony; no, not sadness, not really. Regret, Bruce realized. Regret for the friendship he’d never have with one of the most fascinating people he’d ever met.

Bruce had plenty of regrets, and not just because of the Other Guy. This was just one more for the pile; one more good thing that would never be.

Steve led Bruce down a long, empty hallway until they reached a huge elevator. Bruce wasn’t a fan of elevators - or enclosed spaces in general - but he followed Steve in and before he knew it the doors were opening again and he found himself in what he assumed was one of Fury’s private offices.

“Dr. Banner,” Fury said, walking toward him.

“Uh...Director Fury?” Bruce shifted awkwardly. 

“I assume Rogers explained the current situation?”

Steve and Bruce nodded simultaneously. 

“SHIELD will provide you with accommodations for as long as we need you on site,” Fury explained.

“Not in your barracks, I assume,” Bruce said dryly.

“We’ve arranged...special accommodations for you, Doctor.”

“As special as the ones on the Helicarrier? Because that worked out so well.”

Before Fury could respond, a loud snort of laughter sounded from somewhere behind his back. To Bruce’s surprise, it had come from Natasha, who was sitting on a leather couch next to a woman who could only be Pepper Potts.

“Thank you, Agent Romanoff,” Fury said, rolling his eye and not bothering to turn around. “Dr. Banner, the Helicarrier arrangement was a precaution, put in place to protect you as much as the rest of the ship.”

It was Bruce’s turn to laugh and if he hadn’t been so desperate for a place to stay, he would’ve turned and walked out. He really didn’t have the patience for any of this bullshit, not with his body still aching and his head still pounding from the transformation.

“And how long will I be enjoying these ‘special’ accommodations?”

“Shouldn’t be more than a few days,” Fury said. The Other Guy grunted in the back of Bruce’s head but he gave no indication he wanted out - apparently he simply felt the need to offer his commentary on the situation. If Bruce believed the Other Guy was capable of higher emotions he’d say the grunt was resentful. He sighed and told himself it would just be for a few days, which earned another grunt from the Other Guy before he settled down.

“Fine,” Bruce sighed. “I expect a mint on my pillow every day, though.” Natasha laughed audibly again and, unexpectedly, so did Pepper. Fury turned to look at them and Pepper shot him a look that Bruce interpreted as equal parts wistful and defiant. Fury shook his head and turned back to Bruce.

“My offer still stands, Director,” Pepper said to Fury’s back.

“Ms. Potts, we’ve discussed this,” Fury said, sounding frustrated. “It’s not-”

“Not a good idea. I heard you, I do have ears, you know. I simply happen to disagree with your assessment.” Pepper stood up and walked toward Fury, stopping about halfway between Fury and Bruce a few feet to Bruce’s right. She crossed her arms and stared Fury down. “Dr. Banner is as much an Avenger as the rest of them and he deserves a better reward for _saving New York City_ than whatever cell you’re going to throw him in, doesn’t he?”

“Ms. Potts-”

“Director Fury. The offer still stands. Stark Tower is open to any Avenger who needs somewhere to stay, Dr. Banner included.” Pepper glanced at Bruce; she had clearly been crying but her eyes were on fire as she argued with Fury. She shot Bruce a sympathetic smile.

“You are aware that one wrong move could trigger the Hulk,” Fury said patiently. He turned to Bruce. “Dr. Banner, you may not _want_ to stay with SHIELD but you will because you understand what could happen if you don’t, correct?”

“I, uh…” Bruce started. Fury was right, he knew the SHIELD housing would be safer for everyone and yesterday he would have given in and played nice. But Pepper was also right, the Other Guy might not be a hero but even Bruce couldn’t deny that he’d helped save the city. If he let SHIELD keep treating him like a monster after that, he knew they’d never stop. “Of course there’s potential for danger, but, uh, I don’t think…”

“Dr. Banner,” Fury snapped. Bruce stopped talking and shifted his weight back and forth between his feet.

“The Tower is open to _all_ Avengers, Dr. Banner included,” Pepper repeated dismissively. “And, Director Fury, you should know by now that I’m more than prepared to deal with potential danger. Living with Tony Stark will do that to a person.” Pepper’s voice tightened when she mentioned Tony but she managed to keep herself steady.

Fury looked closely at Pepper for a moment. Then he shut his eye, shook his head, and sighed before turning and stalking away from them.

“Uh...thank you, Ms. Potts,” Bruce said. “You didn’t have to do that, you know. I _am_ dangerous.”

“Call me Pepper, please,” Pepper said, extending her hand. Bruce shook it and was unsurprised at the firmness of her grip. “I meant what I said, Doctor. You’re welcome to stay as long as you need to.”

“Bruce. And, uh...thanks?”

“Is that a yes?” Pepper asked. Bruce realized it was.

“It’s just for a few days,” Bruce said, hardly noticing he was wringing his hands together nervously. “As soon as SHIELD’s done with me I’ll be out of here.”

“Well, it’s a standing offer,” Pepper said as she typed rapidly into her phone. “If you ever find yourself in New York again. Natasha?” Natasha appeared in Bruce’s peripheral vision carrying the old duffle bag he’d brought from Kolkata. Bruce took it from her and she turned to Pepper.

“Natasha, do you think you could take Bruce back to the Tower? I’d call Happy but he’s apparently trying to keep reporters from breaking down the door.”

“Of course,” Natasha nodded. 

“Thank you,” Pepper said sincerely. “I’ve still got so much to take care of here.” She paused and looked down at her hands for a moment, but recovered almost immediately. “JARVIS will have a room ready. Bruce, please don’t be afraid to tell JARVIS if there’s anything you need. I promise you it’s no trouble.”

“Thanks,” Bruce said again, but Pepper had already started off in the same direction as Fury. Natasha silently led Bruce through a maze of identical hallways until they reached a small service elevator, which let them off at an unassuming door to the street, nowhere near the main entrance. The streets were still too much of a mess to drive on, so they walked toward Stark Tower, which had lost most of its letters except for one lonely ‘A.’

Bruce tried not to look at the disaster zone that was Midtown; he knew Hulk had done good but he didn’t need confirmation of the amount of property damage that had come with the alien-smashing. People had started to clean up and Bruce was grateful that Natasha was keeping her head down too. Hopefully nobody would look too close and recognize them.

“How do you know Pepper?”

“I was undercover at Stark Industries last year,” Natasha explained. “Fury needed someone to keep an eye on Stark so I was assigned as Pepper’s PA after she assumed leadership of the company.”

“And you’re, uh...friends? Now.”

“I suppose,” Natasha said thoughtfully. “She’s a remarkable person and I respect remarkable people.”

“Oh,” Bruce said. He thought about that and decided it answered his question. “Why’d Fury want to keep an eye on Tony?”

“Stark was...out of control,” Natasha said diplomatically. “Palladium poisoning - from the reactor core - damn near killed him. He didn’t tell anyone, of course, so Pepper had no idea why he’d gone completely off the rails like that.” 

“What happened?”

“Fury stepped in, helped Stark figure out the answer to his palladium problem.”

“Oh… _oh_ ,” Bruce said. “So _that’s_ why he built a particle accelerator in his basement!” 

Tony had mentioned it in passing and Bruce had filed it away to ask about later, when they weren’t busy trying to save the world. But there wouldn’t be a later, Bruce realized, and the rest of those questions would always remain unanswered.

“Yes,” Natasha nodded. “He was quite proud of that. I actually think he was more excited about building the thing than he was about synthesizing a new element.”

“I believe it,” Bruce said. He’d spent less than a day with Tony but he had no doubt Natasha was right.

They lapsed into silence again when they turned onto an especially decimated block, where an unofficial clean-up team had assembled. Bruce was tense until he was back on an empty street again. They were getting close to Stark Tower and Bruce tried to remember Pepper’s instructions.

“Oh, Natasha? Who’s JARVIS?”

“He didn’t tell you?” Natasha asked. When Bruce shook his head she broke into what looked like a genuine smile. “I’ll let you meet him for yourself. Trust me, Doc, there’s no way I could prepare you for JARVIS.”

“Uh...okay?” Bruce mumbled, but Natasha just smiled at him silently.

“This way,” Natasha hissed when they reached Stark Tower and Bruce started for the main entrance. Bruce cocked his head but followed along. “Back door,” she explained. “It’s a shit show out there. Oh, _fuck_ , keep your head down and stay with me.”

A few reporters and camerapeople had spotted them and were rushing over, cameras flashing and shouting over each other. Bruce did as Natasha said but the reporters kept coming. He quickly realized that they didn’t know who he and Natasha were, just that they had access to the private entrance and were therefore somehow closely connected to either the company or its namesake. 

“Is Tony Stark dead?”

“Who are the Avengers?”

“Where is Pepper Potts?”

“Who is Captain America?”

“How are the Avengers associated with the secret agency known as SHIELD?”

“Did Iron Man die with Tony Stark or will someone take over the suit?”

“How dangerous is the Hulk to the general public?”

The Other Guy lurched at the last question and Bruce clenched his hands into tight fists and focused on keeping him down.

“Bruce,” Natasha whispered, apparently noticing his reaction. “Ignore it. We’re almost there, just hang on.” Bruce grunted and kept his hands clenched until Natasha practically pulled him through the door behind her.

“I’m fine,” Bruce said, answering the question he knew was coming. She hesitated, then nodded and led him down a short hallway to an elevator. Her smile was back and she snuck several glances at Bruce while they waited. Finally, the elevator opened with a ding and they stepped inside.

“Greetings, Agent Romanoff, Doctor Banner.” Bruce jumped and looked around for the source of the voice, but there was nobody in the elevator except for himself and Natasha. “Congratulations on your victory.”

“Thank you, JARVIS,” Natasha said. “It actually doesn’t feel like much of a victory, not without St...Tony. It’s quite a loss, especially for you, I imagine.”

“Thank you, Agent Romanoff. I was as unprepared as everyone for Sir’s passing and, as he alone created and maintained me, I am unsure what will happen to me in his absence.”

‘ _Is JARVIS an AI?_ ’ Bruce mouthed to Natasha. She smiled. ‘ _Holy shit._ ’

“JARVIS, did Pepper tell you Bruce will be staying in the Tower for a few days?”

“Yes, Ms. Potts informed me of the situation and a guest suite has been prepared for Dr. Banner.”

“Um...thanks?”

“No need to thank me, I am simply following orders. Welcome to Stark Tower, Dr. Banner. You have arrived at Floor 46, where you shall be staying. Please allow me to assist you with whatever you may need; Ms. Potts has instructed me to fulfill any reasonable requests you might express.”

“I...thank you?” Bruce said. He was standing in the middle of a living room or something similar, surrounded by twin plush couches, a huge flat screen TV, and a fireplace. Through a door to his left he could see a large kitchen and, when he turned around, he saw a hallway leading to what Bruce assumed was the bedroom.

“This is a _guest_ suite?”

“Probably a little nicer than whatever SHIELD had for you,” Natasha smirked. Bruce wandered toward the kitchen, still carrying his duffle bag. He tossed it onto a table and almost laughed at how out of place it looked in such opulent surroundings.

Bruce and Natasha explored the rest of the suite together, making their way through the kitchen, dining room, office, guest room (a guest room _inside a guest suite!_ ), and, finally, the master bedroom with its enormous adjoining bathroom. Natasha flopped backward onto the bed while Bruce investigated the complicated-looking bathtub controls.

“You’ve almost got me persuaded to stay here too,” Natasha said.

“Why don’t you?” Bruce sat lightly on the edge of the bed.

“Clint,” she answered, sitting up. “I can’t leave him there alone, not right now, and he’s still under observation so he can’t leave.”

“What about Steve?”

“He’s got an apartment. Anyway, he disappeared to find you as soon as Pepper brought it up. He can’t even look at her.”

“Why?”

“Guilt. He gave the order to close the portal. He _had_ to, even Pepper told him that, but he’s convinced it’s his fault Stark’s gone.” Natasha sighed. “I closed the damn thing, you know. I thought for sure he’d make it back, right up until I closed it I expected to hear him start cracking jokes over the coms again."

“Agent Romanoff,” JARVIS interrupted. “Captain Rogers is downstairs. He intends to escort you back to SHIELD Headquarters at Agent Barton’s request. Dr. Banner, Captain Rogers sends his regards and apologizes that he cannot stay any longer than it will take to collect Agent Romanoff.”

“Uh...tell him it’s okay, I guess, and I’ll see him tomorrow?” Bruce said, mirroring Natasha as she stood up. “Thanks for your help, Natasha. See you tomorrow?”

“Debriefings, can’t wait,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Should be just like a party. See you there.”

Bruce followed her back to the elevator and, once she was gone, he wandered into the kitchen. He knew he should be hungry - the transformation back always wiped him out and he hadn’t eaten in hours, not since SHIELD produced a bunch of pizzas from who knows where to feed the shell-shocked Avengers. He rummaged through the fridge and the cabinets but he was too drained to cook anything. He stood in front of the open fridge for a minute, staring into it as though he expected dinner to materialize in front of him.

“Dr. Banner, do you require assistance?”

“What? Oh, uh, no,” Bruce started. He slammed the fridge shut. “Just...making dinner.”

“Do you require any additional ingredients or supplies?”

“No, no, thanks. I just...don’t feel much like cooking right now.”

“In that case, shall I locate those restaurants that remain open despite the state of the city so you can order something?”

“What? No, I can’t...I don’t have any money. It’s fine, there’s cereal in here.”

“Dr. Banner, I am quite certain that dinner is considered a reasonable request which, once again, Ms. Potts has instructed me to accommodate. What type of establishment shall I look for?”

“Please don’t…” Bruce trailed off. He had a feeling JARVIS would tell Pepper if Bruce refused and he didn’t want Pepper to think he was ungrateful for her help. He was also really tired and vegetable chow fun sounded much more appetizing than Corn Flakes or Fruit Loops. “Chinese?”

“Of course. Allow me a moment to search…”

About twenty minutes later Bruce was directed to the service entrance where a delivery guy was waiting with his food. JARVIS assured Bruce the tip was already taken care of, so Bruce took the bag and thanked the delivery guy before going back inside.

He stopped before he reached the elevator, suddenly craving fresh air. He went back to the door, put his food down, and slipped outside. JARVIS would let him back in so he let the door click shut behind him and wandered down the block toward the front of the building. He heard voices as he drew closer and crossed the street before the end of the block so he could see what was going on hopefully without being noticed.

The reporters were still there - not as many as before but more than a handful - but the source of the voices was the candlelight vigil taking up the entire sidewalk and spilling into the street. They were chanting something Bruce couldn’t quite understand because of the number of overlapping voices - all he could figure out was that the words ‘Iron Man,’ ‘hero,’ ‘Avengers,’ and ‘goodbye’ were featured heavily. Many of the people were brandishing signs or posters, everything from crude depictions of Iron Man to short messages written in careful block letters to one sign Bruce was pretty sure involved an intricate drawing of Tony as an angel in the style of a Renaissance painting.

Bruce all but sprinted back to the door.

The food was good but the vigil had destroyed whatever appetite he’d managed to build up and the majority of his dinner ended up in the fridge. He turned the TV on but shut it off in less than a minute; almost all programming had been preempted by nonstop coverage of the battle and if NBC’s live feed of the vigil wasn’t bad enough, he flipped to FOX just in time to see Tony disappear through the portal, first in real time and then again in slow motion.

Two days ago, Bruce had been in Kolkata, minding his own business and keeping his head down. Yesterday, Bruce had found himself swept up by SHIELD, trying to save the world from Loki and listening to Tony Stark try to convince him he could be a hero. This morning Bruce had, for reasons he still didn’t fully understand but were largely about Tony, chosen to join the team and put Tony’s theory about the Other Guy to the test in a big way.

This afternoon he’d found out that Tony was right. Hulk unquestionably helped save the world, but nobody, not even the Avengers, was able to save Tony. 

Now, Bruce was in Stark Tower, but not for the reasons he’d briefly been able to hope he would be. Bruce was in Stark Tower but Tony wasn’t and never would be again. Bruce was in Stark Tower while the world mourned for Iron Man and, by association, Tony. They mourned on TV and they mourned on Tony’s doorstep and Bruce mourned alone, Bruce and the Other Guy mourned and Bruce hadn’t thought it possible to experience such acute, genuine grief for a man he barely knew.

Bruce didn’t understand how congregating with candles outside Tony’s home helped anyone deal with Tony’s death any better than staying home and watching the many inevitable hastily-produced memorial specials would, but Bruce had never been one to make a spectacle of his feelings (well, except anger, he’d been known to make quite a spectacle when he was pissed off).

Bruce didn’t understand the candles but he hoped Pepper had made it inside without seeing them. He wondered where Pepper was, since the penthouse had mostly been destroyed and was probably too full of Tony anyway, and he wondered if she was alone or if she had someone there to help her get through what was likely to be a long, sleepless, terrible night. He thought about asking JARVIS but decided it was none of his business and went to bed instead.

He tossed and turned all night, his mind full of vivid dreams, _green_ dreams, of aliens and smashing and more than anything else, of watching Metal Man disappear into the sky and knowing he was gone forever.


	2. Chapter 2

Debriefing was about as fun as Natasha had predicted, probably moreso for Bruce since Agents Hill and Sitwell couldn’t seem to understand that Hulk’s memories didn’t always transfer back to Bruce. The last fifteen minutes of his hour-long session mostly consisted of the agents grilling Bruce about Tony and the hours they’d spent together in the lab.

Answering the Tony questions felt wrong, like Bruce was betraying Tony’s memory by telling SHIELD anything, but Hill in particular was persistent and Bruce eventually broke down and cooperated. Hill and Sitwell seemed especially focused on Tony’s interest in the Hulk. They whispered to each other briefly before Sitwell turned to Bruce.

“Dr. Banner, what do you remember about Stark’s disappearance?”

“I already told you,” Bruce sighed. He was cooperating but that didn’t mean he had to be polite about it. “I...the Other Guy saw Tony fly through the portal, he saw the portal close, and I’m pretty sure he understood Tony was gone.”

“This was recorded by a cell phone camera,” Sitwell explained as he pushed a button and a holographic screen appeared in front of him. “Please focus on your reaction.” Bruce considered correcting Sitwell - just because he shared a body with the Other Guy didn’t make them the same person - but the video started before he had a chance.

_Look, Iron Man’s back!_

_Dude, did you see how the big green dude just DESTROYED like a million of those alien things at the same time?_

_Wait, what’s he doing? Is that a nuke? Holy shit, that’s awesome._

Thankfully, Hill muted the audio and Bruce was able to devote all of his attention to the video. A lump appeared in his throat and grew as he watched Tony fly up, up, until he flew out of the camera’s range; the screen shook and spun and then zoomed in on Hulk. He was still smashing Chitauri but he was distracted, staring up at Tony. 

Every single Chitauri dropped dead as soon as the bomb detonated. Hulk looked around, realized the fight was over, and immediately took off. The camera struggled to keep up as Hulk flew through the air, leaping from building to building trying to get to the portal.

Then the portal closed. Hulk threw back his head and roared - the video was still muted but the action was unmistakable. He jumped to a closer building, stared up at the now clear sky, slammed his fists on the roof, and roared again. He roared once more before Thor touched down on the roof. Hulk took a long, last look at the sky, shook his head, and lumbered toward Thor. The video cut out just as Thor stretched to pat Hulk on the shoulder. Hulk’s reaction to that wasn’t recorded but Thor and the building remained in one piece so Bruce assumed the Other Guy had appreciated, or at least tolerated, the gesture.

“That was recorded inside a building so no audio was recorded except the...illustrative commentary at the beginning,” Hill explained. “But according to Agent Romanoff and Captain Rogers, the Hulk’s vocalizations after Stark disappeared were markedly different than his earlier ones. Both Romanoff and Rogers stated that, at the time of the recording, the Hulk sounded sad or mournful. Rogers even described it as haunting. What do you think about that, Dr. Banner?”

“I...uh…” Bruce muttered. “Steve told me the Other Guy was upset and, yeah, some of that I remember. He wasn’t angry. Just sad.”

“Sad that his teammate was gone?”

“Sad that _Tony_ was gone,” Bruce corrected. The Other Guy stirred and Bruce felt that same sadness wash over him anew. “He...he liked Tony.”

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but that is quite unusual, isn’t it?” Hill said diplomatically. “Until Stark, how many people has the Hulk ever _liked_?”

“One,” Bruce muttered, looking down at his hands.

“Elizabeth ‘Betty’ Ross, correct?” Bruce grunted. “What is the nature of your relationship with Dr. Ross?”

“Currently nonexistent, thanks to him,” Bruce said spitefully. “Back then, you know, before the accident, we were friends. Close friends, actually, she was pretty much my only friend. And, uh, she helped me, after. She wasn’t afraid of him even though he hurt her and she...I don’t know what would’ve happened to me if she wasn’t there.”

“Were you and Dr. Ross intimate?” Hill asked carefully.

“Excuse me?” Bruce said, apparently a little too forcefully because both Agents stiffened visibly and Sitwell reached for his gun. Bruce held up his hands. “Sorry, you just caught me off guard with that. I’m good.” Sitwell released his gun and Hill exhaled. Then she looked Bruce in the eye and waited.

“We were...uh,” Bruce floundered. “I guess you could say that? We weren’t, like, together, but a couple of times back before the accident, yeah. And, um, we tried once, after. But I couldn’t...at that time I thought the transformations were triggered by heart rate and it - my heart rate - went up and I made us stop.”

“So you haven’t been sexually active since the incident?”

“I didn’t say that,” Bruce said. He paused. “And what the hell does my sex life have to do with yesterday?”

“Dr. Banner, SHIELD is simply trying to understand how the Hulk decides who he likes and-”

“You think I had sex with Tony?” Bruce asked. Neither Hill nor Sitwell said a word which all but confirmed that, yes, that was exactly what they thought. Bruce laughed and shook his head. “Oh my god, you _do _. And when were we supposed to have done that? We were a little busy, you know. Don’t tell me you don’t have cameras covering every inch of that ship, look for yourself. I promise you’d notice Tony fucking me up against the lab wall.”__

__“You appear to have thought about this already, Dr. Banner.”_ _

__“I…” Bruce paused. Now that he was thinking about it, he realized he _had_ entertained the idea during their short time together. Not seriously, but enough that, if the opportunity ever came up, he already knew he would absolutely have sex with Tony._ _

__Bruce considered that maybe he should have brought it up when he had the chance. Now it was too late._ _

__“I promise you, I don’t have to fuck someone to get Hulk to like them.”_ _

__“Then what is it, Dr. Banner?” Hill sighed. “If the Hulk is going to be a member of this team we need to know he won’t hurt - or kill - his teammates. How can we make him understand that the Avengers and SHIELD are on his side?”_ _

__“You could start by treating him...treating _me_ like a human being,” Bruce snapped. “I get it, you look at me and all you see is the monster. I understand. But he doesn’t, all he knows is that he’s not wanted because people are afraid of him. They hate him. And, trust me, Agent Hill, Hulk has every reason to believe the people who are scared of him are going to try to hurt him, hurt both of us. You’re wondering what Betty and Tony had in common that made Hulk like them? They weren’t scared of him or me. They knew about him and they never treated me like a monster, not once. Hulk isn’t used to being accepted, is it any wonder he latched onto the only people who did?” Bruce felt Hulk shift in the back of his mind but he knew he’d just been roused by Bruce’s sudden defense. Hulk approved._ _

__“Dr. Banner, you understand it’s only natural for people to be cautious when they’re aware of what you...do,” Sitwell finished weakly. Bruce knew Hill had kicked him in the leg before he could end with ‘are.’ “You can’t blame them for stepping lightly or being safe.”_ _

__“I know I can’t, and if that’s all it was he’d be okay. Steve stepped lightly when he met me and later he was cautious, careful, always concerned about safety. I knew it and Hulk knew it. But Steve wasn’t _afraid_ and I’m pretty sure he didn’t think of me as...less than human. And that’s why Hulk listened to him, because maybe he doesn’t _like_ Steve but he knows Steve isn’t going to try to hurt either of us.” Hill was typing rapidly into her laptop while Bruce talked, but she grew noticeably tense as Bruce started to sound angrier. Sitwell was eyeing Bruce warily, his hand on his gun again. Bruce laughed._ _

__“This is what I’m talking about,” he said, motioning at both Agents. “This shit, right here, this is the shit I have to put up with every single day of my life. Why do you think I went on the run to begin with? I had to, because everyone _knew_ and they were all afraid and they all would’ve been happy to see me locked up in a cage like Ross wants. Is it really a mystery why Hulk would like the only two people who would ever stick up for him instead?”_ _

__Bruce’s outburst had only made Hill and Sitwell even more tense and Bruce was annoyed enough that he considered messing with them, making them even more uncomfortable, but he didn’t because he wasn’t really in the mood to get dosed with whatever horse tranquilizer SHIELD had determined might subdue the Hulk._ _

__“Are we done?” Bruce asked after a moment. Hill nodded briskly. “When you give Fury that psych profile I know you’re compiling, make sure he knows that if he wants us on his team he’s got to make us want to trust him. And trying to stick me in a cage all the time isn’t a great way to start.”_ _

__Bruce stalked out of the room and heard Hill and Sitwell whispering to each other as he left. Maybe Hill’s profile of his mental state would be so terrible SHIELD would deem him unfit and he could get back to his old life and forget about all of this._ _

__Well, almost all of it. He didn’t think he’d be able to forget some things._ _

__“Bruce.”_ _

__Bruce stopped and looked around. He found Natasha leaning against a wall._ _

__“Oh, hey…”_ _

__“How was that?” Natasha nodded toward the door Bruce had just come through._ _

__“Useless,” Bruce shook his head. “They were more concerned with what makes the Other Guy tick than anything and their theories were…”_ _

__“Ridiculous?” Natasha smirked. “For the record, I did tell them you weren’t having sex with Stark.”_ _

__“Thanks,” Bruce muttered. “Hill asked anyway. And it basically went downhill from there, which I’ve gathered is kind of par for the course with SHIELD. Tax dollars hard at work.”_ _

__“Well,” Natasha said, pushing off the wall. “No different than any other bureaucracy, then. So what’s next for you, Bruce?”_ _

__“Getting out of here as soon as possible,” Bruce answered immediately. “Maybe back to Kolkata, maybe somewhere else, somewhere where people need help. I just have to figure out how, since I kind of have no money.”_ _

__“Don’t worry about that,” Natasha said lightly. “SHIELD uprooted you, they can spring for a return flight. I’ll make sure of it myself.”_ _

__“Thank you,” Bruce said sincerely._ _

__“Fury’s going to ask you to stick around a few more days, you know. The city is having a memorial service for all the victims and Fury wants the Avengers represented. With Thor chaperoning Loki back to Asgard and Clint still in medical…”_ _

__“You and me and Steve,” Bruce muttered. “One of these things is not like the other.”_ _

__“The service is for everyone who died but they’ll probably do something special for Stark.”_ _

__“Is that supposed to make me _want_ to go?”_ _

__“No,” Natasha shrugged. “Here’s something a little more to your liking, though. SHIELD picked up a bunch of intact Chitauri weaponry and as soon as it’s cleared through decontamination Fury’s going to ask you to examine it.”_ _

__“Me?” Bruce asked. “I’m not exactly an expert on weapons. Or engineering.”_ _

__“I know, but seeing as SHIELD is currently down one weapons-and-engineering expert Fury’s going with the smartest guy in the room.”_ _

__“Oh,” Bruce said. He had a feeling this would’ve been right up Tony’s alley. He figured helping out in Tony’s absence was the least he could do - not for SHIELD, of course, but for the cause Tony had sacrificed himself for. “Just for a few days. I mean it.”_ _

__“Of course,” Natasha said plainly. “You’ll be getting a stipend.”_ _

__“For what?”_ _

__“For saving the city,” Natasha said. “Consultant fee. You don’t work for SHIELD like I do but they’re keeping you on call.”_ _

__“I don’t remember agreeing to that.”_ _

__“You came back when we needed you. It’s not a bad gig, you know. Stark was a consultant.”_ _

__“Can I charge as much as he did for my services?” Bruce laughed._ _

__“He always threatened, but he usually didn’t.”_ _

__Bruce was somehow both surprised and completely unsurprised to learn that Tony had done work for SHIELD with no intention of getting paid for his time and effort._ _

__Bruce considered Natasha’s offer. More than anything, he wanted to get the hell out of New York. Fear of losing control aside, living in New York made Bruce remember Harlem and the destruction he’d left behind. Just walking around the streets in the wake of the recent battle reminded Bruce of his own strength and potential for disaster; even though he’d defended the Other Guy to Hill and Sitwell, Bruce couldn’t deny one thing they got right: the Hulk (and by association, Bruce) was dangerous. The belief was reinforced with every shattered window, crumbling structure, and bit of debris Bruce encountered._ _

__Also, Bruce couldn’t look at the skyline without seeing Tony swallowed by it._ _

__Still, he could really use the money and Natasha knew it. He’d be a fool to turn down such an easy source of income. And if Fury thought he was SHIELD’s best bet at understanding Chitauri technology, well, who was Bruce to argue?_ _

__“Well, if I’m getting paid I can at least start paying rent.”_ _

__“Pepper won’t take it,” Natasha said._ _

__“Then I’ll move,” Bruce said stubbornly. “I’ll even take Fury up on his offer if I have to. The past few years, when I didn’t have a dollar to my name, people would put me up in exchange for, well, whatever I could give them. Medical care, usually, or English lessons. Odd jobs. Anything to earn my keep. Right now, though, I’m freeloading. If Pepper won’t take my money I can’t stay and take advantage of her hospitality.”_ _

__“Bruce,” Natasha said, almost laughing. “Believe me, if Pepper wants you to leave she’ll let you know.”_ _

__“But-”_ _

__“You know as well as I do that Pepper has more than enough money and space to single-handedly support all the Avengers for the rest of our lives. Right now she needs to feel like she’s doing something. Let her help you while you’re here, for her sake if not for yours.”_ _

__Natasha apparently took Bruce’s silence as acquiescence because she smirked, nodded, and walked away without another word. Bruce glanced around him, suddenly hyperaware that he was alone in the middle of SHIELD HQ, where most of the employees likely knew who he was. As if on cue, Bruce watched a group of young agents make their way down the hallway toward him. One of the agents looked at Bruce and immediately turned and whispered something to the others. When all four of them stopped to look at Bruce, Bruce turned and walked away, fumbling with his shirt sleeves and trying to remember the way out of the building._ _

__Once he was outside, Bruce took a deep breath. The fresh air seemed to settle the Other Guy, who had started to get antsy when Bruce realized he was being watched. Most of the subway system was back up and running and every other car on the streets seemed to be a taxi, but Bruce had found he enjoyed walking to and from Stark Tower (even though he still felt pangs of guilt at the destruction on every block)._ _

__The scene in front of the building was still chaotic and Bruce avoided it completely, slipping in the side entrance without anyone paying him the slightest bit of attention this time._ _

__It was almost 4:00 by the time Bruce got back to his room. He decided to do some yoga before dinner, but he quickly realized he was too distracted. He tried to center himself and focus on his breathing, hoping to clear his mind and be completely present, but no matter what he did he couldn’t get the events of the past 48 hours out of his mind._ _

__“Well, fuck,” Bruce sighed, finally giving up. He lay on his back on the yoga mat and looked up at the ceiling. “Get it together, Banner.”_ _

__Natasha said Pepper would let him know if she wanted him gone. She hadn’t yet, but Bruce wondered if she just hadn’t had the chance. He hadn’t seen any trace of Pepper since immediately after the battle, at SHIELD. He didn’t know why that surprised him, because he suspected Stark Tower was big enough that they could live their entire lives there and never cross paths._ _

__Eventually, Bruce got himself up off the yoga mat and wandered into the kitchen. He discovered that the cabinets had been mysteriously stocked at some point in the last 24 hours. Instead of questioning JARVIS, he just shrugged and gathered everything he needed to make curry._ _

__Bruce tended to lose himself in cooking and this was no exception. His head was still full of the same thoughts and he was so deeply involved in them that he almost dropped the glass he was holding when JARVIS called his name._ _

__“My apologies, Dr. Banner. It was not my intention to startle you, but Ms. Potts is requesting that I inform you of her presence at your door.”_ _

__“I...what?” Bruce stuttered. “Does she want to come in? She can, I mean, it’s her building so technically she doesn’t need to ask…”_ _

__“I do try to respect the privacy of guests,” Pepper replied smoothly as she entered the room. She was dressed casually, jeans and a t-shirt with expensive-looking sneakers and her hair was pulled back into a tight ponytail, but she still managed to look both intimidating and beautiful._ _

__“I appreciate the courtesy,” Bruce said, still hovering in front of the stove keeping an eye on his food. “So, uh…”_ _

__“Oh! I’m sorry to barge in on you like this,” Pepper started. Bruce braced himself for news of his inevitable eviction. “But I was sitting upstairs a minute ago and there must be a vent directly between here and there because all of a sudden I could smell something absolutely wonderful. I asked JARVIS and he told me you were cooking so I came down to investigate. I didn’t know you could cook!”_ _

__“It’s, uh...it’s mostly just stuff I picked up here and there,” Bruce explained lamely. “It’s not like I follow recipes or anything, nothing fancy.”_ _

__“Even better,” Pepper smiled, watching him from the kitchen doorway. “What’re you making?”_ _

__“Oh, just curry. It was basically all I ate while I was living in Kolkata,” Bruce laughed. Pepper laughed along with him but stayed in the doorway, still watching. “Do you, uh, want to try some?”_ _

__“I’d love to!” Pepper said brightly. She came closer to Bruce until she was looking over his shoulder. “I have a feeling I’m going to make you teach me how to make this.”_ _

__“Sure,” Bruce said. He moved the pan off the burner, then wrapped a few pieces of naan in tinfoil and put them in the oven to warm. “It’ll be ready in a minute or two.”_ _

__“Great,” Pepper said. She brushed past him and took two plates from a cabinet and two sets of utensils from a drawer and carried them into the dining room. Bruce watched her from the stove. He felt bad that _she_ was setting the table but he had a feeling she wouldn’t let him take over even if he offered. _ _

__“Red or white?”_ _

__“Huh?”_ _

__“Red or white?” Pepper repeated. She emerged from the dining room carrying a pair of wine glasses._ _

__“Oh. Uh...I don’t really drink very much.”_ _

__“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know,” Pepper said, sounding genuinely apologetic. “Forget I mentioned it, I’ll just have whatever you’re having. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, Bruce.”_ _

__“What?” Bruce asked, confused for a moment. Then he understood. “ _Oh_. No, no, it’s not like that, don’t worry. Drink whatever you want. It’s not, like...a thing. I just don’t because alcohol lowers inhibitions and, well, it’s generally not a great idea for me to do that, especially not inside. Or in a city. Or anywhere.” _ _

__The oven timer distracted him and, in the time it took him to get the naan out, Pepper had finished setting the table and was returning the wine glasses to the cabinet._ _

__“I honestly don’t care,” Bruce said, walking toward the table. “You can drink whatever you want.”_ _

__“No, it’s fine,” Pepper said. “I’m just used to...you know. It’s habit. Mmmm, looks good.”_ _

__“Like I said, it’s nothing special…” Bruce watched as Pepper spooned curry onto her plate, then Bruce’s, and for a few minutes they sat in relative silence while they ate. Bruce spent more time looking at Pepper than anything else, trying to determine whether she genuinely liked the curry or if she was just trying to make him happy._ _

__He settled on the first option when she went back for seconds._ _

__“So, tell me about India,” Pepper said shortly after that. “Why Kolkata?”_ _

__“Easy to get lost there,” Bruce admitted. “Apparently not from SHIELD, but as far as I know Ross never managed to track me down.”_ _

__“He can’t do anything to you now, you know. Not after all this.”_ _

__“He’ll still try,” Bruce said. “He’s obsessed and he’s not going to give up until he’s got me in a cage. So I stay one step ahead of him. I had a close call in Brazil a few years back, but as long as the Other Guy keeps his head down I’m pretty good at disappearing.”_ _

__“I believe you,” Pepper hummed. “But what if you didn’t have to disappear this time? Ross can’t get at you as long as you’re here, not without my PR team raising hell. And SHIELD’s got even more reason to protect you now. You don’t need to keep running.”_ _

__“I...you sound like Tony,” Bruce blurted. It was probably the wrong thing to say but all Pepper did was smile. “It’s a nice idea but you’re forgetting one little thing. Well, he’s not exactly little...one slip and it’s over, people get hurt, things get destroyed. I can’t risk it, not here.”_ _

__“But you’re okay risking it in Kolkata.”_ _

__“It’s...it’s different,” Bruce answered weakly. “Pepper, I can’t explain how this works, me and him, why we do what we do. Just...trust me here, okay? It’s not a good idea.”_ _

__“Whatever you say,” Pepper said. “Natasha said you’re leaving as soon as you can.”_ _

__“That’s the plan,” Bruce nodded. He stood up, collected his and Pepper’s plates, and walked into the kitchen. “I’d be gone already if Fury would just leave me alone. First the memorial, now this Chitauri tech, he keeps finding some reason to keep me here longer. For some insane reason, I keep agreeing.”_ _

__“Well, you’re welcome here as long as you keep going against your better instincts. Especially if you keep cooking for me.” Pepper stood up and watched Bruce walk back into the room._ _

__“I have a feeling you’ll get tired of curry real quick,” Bruce laughed._ _

__“You’ll just have to learn some new recipes, then. I’ll taste test!” Pepper smiled, then yawned. “Bruce, really, dinner was wonderful. Food and company both. Promise me you won’t leave without doing this again.”_ _

__“Uh...sure?” Bruce agreed._ _

__“Good,” Pepper nodded. Her phone vibrated inside her pocket but she ignored it. “I’ve got to get back upstairs before our stock drops even lower. Thanks for dinner and have a good night.” She hesitated for a moment, then embraced him in a tight hug._ _

__“Thanks for coming,” Bruce said, even though Pepper had invited herself in. “And, uh, Pepper, if there’s anything I can do to help you out…” _while you’re dealing with Tony’s death_ was the intended conclusion to the offer, but Bruce held his tongue._ _

__“More curry,” Pepper laughed, letting go of Bruce. “Seriously? This is the longest stretch of time since Tony...since the battle when I wasn’t treated like I was breakable. _That_ helps. Thank you.”_ _

__“I could say the same to you,” Bruce shrugged. “Except replace ‘breakable’ with ‘dangerous’ and, well, it wasn’t just you, Tony did it too...so it’s actually not the same at all, I guess.”_ _

__“Close enough,” Pepper said. “Just tell JARVIS when you want to do dinner again. He’s got my schedule. Good night!” Pepper disappeared through the door and Bruce walked into the living room and flopped unceremoniously onto the couch._ _

__It was almost like Pepper was _trying_ to get him to stick around. Bruce wasn’t sure how he felt about that; on one hand, it was nice to feel wanted, like someone actually _enjoyed_ his presence. He hadn’t felt that since Betty, except for his few short hours with Tony. _ _

__And wasn’t that the problem with Bruce’s current situation, or at least the root of it?_ _

__Tony._ _

__Pepper seemed to be dealing with his loss remarkably well but Bruce knew it was just a matter of time until it sunk in that Tony was really, truly gone. Bruce didn’t want to do anything that would make things harder for Pepper and he wondered if staying in New York wouldn’t do just that._ _

__He wondered, not for the first time, if Pepper’s offer to stay in Stark Tower had less to do with her kindness and generosity and more to do with her looking for a surrogate Tony. Bruce didn’t have Tony’s style or charisma, of course, nobody did, but they matched up pretty comparably when it came to intelligence, sense of humor, and general disdain for authority figures and rules. Pepper was astute enough to notice, Bruce had no doubt about that, and if she kept avoiding her grief she might become desperate enough to act._ _

__Bruce shook his head. There was absolutely no way any of it was going to work out for anyone. He’d go to the memorial and take a look at whatever SHIELD salvaged but that was it, a look. SHIELD had plenty of capable scientists who would probably kill for the opportunity. Bruce would offer his feedback while he was on site and after a day or two, he would pack his things, make more curry for Pepper, have Natasha arrange his flight, and be out of the country before the week was out._ _

__Sticking around would only lead to Pepper getting hurt and Pepper had enough hurting to deal with at the moment. Bruce’s failure to live up to her expectations as a stand-in for Tony would just make everything worse._ _

__Selfishly, Bruce realized he’d be protecting himself by leaving, too. Pepper was kind and she treated Bruce like she didn’t know or care what he was capable of. Pepper seemed to have Tony’s best qualities without any of the traits that had earned him his reputation and Bruce knew that was a dangerous combination for him to get used to. He hated to admit it but he knew how desperate he’d become for interaction with people who knew about the Other Guy and didn’t treat him like a walking time bomb, which, of course, he was. It would be all too easy to get used to this, the comfortable way he’d interacted with Tony and Pepper, and Bruce couldn’t get too comfortable, not since the accident. He couldn’t risk it, especially not here. Not with Pepper._ _

__The Other Guy rumbled in the back of Bruce’s mind, registering his disapproval of Bruce’s newest plan to keep him from fucking everything up._ _

____Tough shit, dude. You know what happens when I get sloppy. Sorry, I’m not letting it happen here.__ _ _

__Bruce headed to the bedroom, idly wondering if his room in Kolkata was still available._ _


	3. Chapter 3

The memorial service wasn’t as awful as Bruce anticipated. Actually, he’d hardly call it a service at all; after a brief opening speech from the mayor and a recorded statement from the President, the floor was opened to anyone who wanted to pay tribute to friends, loved ones, or simply all the lives lost during the Battle of New York (as the media were apparently calling it now).

Bruce stood in the back of the room with Steve, Natasha, and Maria Hill; Fury had decided that the Avengers needed to be represented at the service but should draw as little attention to themselves as possible, so they all wore street clothes and stayed at the edge of the crowd. Bruce had asked why Fury insisted he attend, because he knew it was only a matter of time before someone did their research and connected him with Hulk and he’d hoped to retain his relative anonymity at least until he left the States, but he didn’t get much of an answer and only agreed to come along when Steve asked him to. Steve didn’t seem to want to go, either, and Bruce still couldn’t get much of a read on Natasha but he’d bet her feelings were no different.

They stood in silence through improvised speech after improvised speech memorializing lost friends, colleagues, family members, even a dog who’d valiantly tried to defend her master from an approaching Chitauri ship. Nearly every speaker praised or thanked the Avengers which visibly brightened Steve’s mood. All Bruce heard was a body count.

The speeches went on for over an hour and Bruce was starting to get antsy when the mayor took to the stage again. Instead of wrapping things up like Bruce had hoped, the mayor started to give a speech of his own.

The speech was about Tony.

When the mayor announced a special guest speaker, Bruce turned to Natasha who looked just as confused as he felt. Apparently the mayor had personally called Pepper and asked her to speak about Tony at the memorial. She declined, hung up on the mayor, and refused to attend the service at all. Jim had stayed behind with Pepper and all the Avengers were accounted for so, unless the mayor had somehow roped Happy Hogan into it, Bruce had no idea who this special guest might be.

A boy walked onstage and shook the mayor’s hand; then the mayor lowered the mic to the boy’s height and walked offstage, leaving the boy alone. He couldn’t have been more than eight or nine years old and Bruce had no idea what the hell was going on. Then the boy, whose name was Jake, started talking and the entire audience seemed to collectively start sniffling, tearing up, or outright crying all at once.

Last year, Jake had been at the Stark Expo on the night Anton Vanko attacked and, in the ensuing chaotic scramble to safety, had been separated from his parents and wound up by himself in the parking lot where Iron Man saved his life by blasting away one of Vanko’s robot soldiers whose sights were set on Jake and his Iron Man mask. After that, Jake’s dream had been to meet Iron Man and tell him that he was Jake’s hero and thank him for saving his life, but now that he knew he’d never get the chance he wanted to tell the whole world why Iron Man would always be his hero. Even the mayor was wiping away tears when he came back onstage again after Jake was done.

Bruce was pretty sure he, Steve, Natasha, and Hill had the only dry eyes in the room. Jake’s story was touching, of course, but Tony’s loss was still too fresh and painful for any of them to be that affected by Jake’s words.

Following Natasha’s lead, they ducked out of the service just before it ended, managing to avoid the bulk of the exiting crowd. A SHIELD car was waiting on the curb for Hill and Natasha; Hill offered to drop Bruce at Stark Tower and Steve at SHIELD HQ along the way, but Bruce and Steve declined almost simultaneously. They watched the car pull away, then turned and started walking back to the Tower.

“Steve, are you...okay?” Bruce asked gently, already knowing the answer. Steve was walking like a condemned man en route to his execution and he visibly flinched at Bruce’s question.

“I’m...I’m fine,” Steve decided, avoiding Bruce’s eyes.

“It’s not your fault, you know.” Steve froze and Bruce waited for his response.

“I gave the order, I said to close it,” Steve said, his voice low and heavy. “He’s gone because I made that call.”

“He’s gone because he chose to sacrifice himself to save the world,” Bruce said quietly. “He knew he wouldn’t make it back. You did what you had to do, Steve, and if the portal stayed open any longer the explosion would’ve reached us and Tony would have died in vain.” Steve didn’t say anything and still avoided looking at Bruce. Bruce sighed. “Steve, you’re a soldier. You’ve been to war. You’ve lost men before, I’m sure. What makes this any different?”

“Tony wasn’t a soldier,” Steve said, finally looking up. “He made sure I knew that. And I thought I’d figured him out, I thought I knew what he was all about, who he was behind the suit. I knew Howard, I knew him well when he was young, and it seemed to me like Tony got all of Howard’s charm and none of his heart. But I was wrong, Bruce. I was _so_ wrong.”

“Well, in your defense, Tony didn’t exactly make it easy to get along with him.”

“He did for you.”

“I…” Bruce paused. He thought about it, about how Tony had managed to get under just about everybody’s skin within minutes of arriving on the Helicarrier. Everyone except Bruce; Tony had poked and prodded and teased Bruce, of course, but Bruce never once got the idea that he was trying to piss Bruce off, and it wasn’t because Tony was scared of the Hulk, either. Tony just seemed to genuinely want Bruce to like him and, the more Bruce learned about Tony, the more uncharacteristic he realized that was. “Yeah, I guess you're right. But Steve, you can’t blame yourself for assuming he was a selfish, obnoxious asshole when he spent most of the time you knew him acting like a selfish, obnoxious asshole.”

“Still,” Steve said stubbornly. “We’re a team. I’m supposed to be our captain, aren’t I? What kind of captain misjudges someone so badly and then, when that person proves him wrong, abandons him to die alone in some alien universe?”

“You’re only human, Steve,” Bruce said. He started walking again and Steve kept up. “And I don’t think he’d have wanted you to risk the city because of your guilty conscience. Don’t beat yourself up over it when there’s nothing you can do to help him anymore.”

“We can’t just abandon him,” Steve muttered, more to himself than to Bruce. “He deserved better. I never had the chance to go back for Bucky. I can’t do that again.”

“Steve, I get it, I really do. But we don’t even know where in the universe the portal led to,” Bruce said. “Even if you had the technology to access deep space there’s no way to pinpoint even vaguely where he could have ended up.”

“I know,” Steve sighed. "But..."

"What?"

"I know it sounds impossible," Steve said. "But...every day I see at least 10 things that, when I was a kid, would've been impossible. So I can't help but think...why not?"

"That's..." Bruce said. He thought about it. "I guess that makes a lot of sense. But what you're talking about, that's scientifically impossible."

"So am I. So are you."

"Steve..."

"I know, I know," Steve said. "It's just a thought. I know it's probably never gonna happen." 

"It's a nice thought," Bruce said. He looked up and realized they were less than a block away from Stark Tower. "Are you heading back to SHIELD?"

"Yeah," Steve said. "See you later, Bruce." 

"Yeah, sure," Bruce said vaguely. He and Steve parted ways and Bruce headed inside and upstairs, where he sat in the middle of his kitchen floor and did some yoga and tried to center himself, or at least tried to think about anything other than Tony or, more specifically, all the spaces Tony had left behind.


	4. Chapter 4

Natasha showed up at Stark Tower two mornings after the memorial. She’d been sent to fetch Bruce because the Chitauri tech was finally cleared and ready to be examined. Reluctantly, Bruce went, reminding Natasha that he still wasn’t an engineer and really didn’t know what he was doing. Natasha told him he’d be fine and ignored the rest of his protestations until they got to the labs.

Bruce knew he had his work cut out for him when he saw what he would be working with. SHIELD had managed to confiscate three of the small cruisers in their entirety, a pile of Chitauri weapons, several Chitauri helmets and pieces of body armor, and what appeared to be the entire left side of one of the enormous fish-like ships. Bruce shot a pleading look at Natasha, but she simply smirked and, after a minute, slipped out of the room without Bruce noticing. Bruce sighed and touched one of the helmets with his foot. He didn’t even know where he was supposed to start.

Bruce suspected Natasha’s influence when, about fifteen minutes later, someone sent in a handful of assistants, most of whom appeared to have at least some idea of what to do. They worked in silence and Bruce could tell a few of them were uncomfortable with that but, after the youngest female assistant asked Bruce if he’d known Tony very well and received a reply that was so harsh even Bruce flinched as he said it, they all kept their mouths shut.

The mention of Tony only served to remind Bruce yet again that, even though nobody would come out and say it, this project had been intended for Tony and Bruce was only brought in because of his intelligence and his clearance level, not because he had any more experience, ability, or interest in it than anyone else might. SHIELD had decided he could serve as an adequate stand-in for Tony, but as long as he was there Bruce knew he would be dwarfed by the shadow of a man he barely knew and could never begin to emulate. 

Bruce’s only saving grace was one of his assistants, a kid fresh out of school who went by Fitz. Fitz wasn’t as good as Tony - nobody was - but Fitz was kind of brilliant in his own way and Bruce thought even Tony would probably have been impressed with some of Fitz’s tech.

Once Bruce and Fitz got going, the work was actually kind of exciting and Bruce’s self-imposed deadline of “a few days” passed before he knew it. He decided it wouldn’t be the end of the world if he stuck around for one more week. 

When he wasn’t in the lab, Bruce spent his time walking around the city or keeping to himself in Stark Tower. He rarely saw Natasha when he was at SHIELD but Bruce felt like he was constantly running into Steve, which he didn’t necessarily mind, but he thought it was a little weird since he rarely left the labs and as far as he knew, Steve had no need to be hanging around there on a regular basis.

Still, it was nice to see a friendly face passing him in the hall for a change, as Bruce had mostly gotten used to the stares and whispers that usually greeted him outside his lab.

Bruce had also been seeing more of Pepper; she’d started stopping by Bruce’s floor just to say hi and, likely due to Bruce’s inaction, she’d taken it upon herself to schedule regular dinners, something Bruce discovered when he came back from SHIELD and found his kitchen once again full of curry ingredients. JARVIS _swore_ he’d told Bruce but Bruce had a feeling Pepper had instructed JARVIS not to tell because she knew Bruce would just try to get out of it.

Despite his reluctance to get too involved in Pepper’s life, Bruce genuinely enjoyed spending time with her. He understood quickly why Tony had been crazy about her and he knew she had been crazy about Tony, too - which was why Bruce was kind of surprised by how well she appeared to be coping. Not that Bruce expected her to be a weepy, depressed mess, because he hadn’t ever expected that, but he thought it was odd how easily she could talk about Tony and how well-adjusted she seemed to be about the whole thing.

Then again, maybe that wasn’t so unusual after all. Bruce was judging Pepper’s behavior against the normal stages of grief but it was entirely possible those rules didn’t apply in such abnormal circumstances. 

The _only_ thing Bruce actually found concerning was Pepper’s insistence on referring to Tony in the present tense, but he decided not to broach the subject yet. Of course Pepper was still dealing with denial but Bruce hoped she’d work through it when she was ready and he had no intention of rushing her. 

Bruce tried not to pity Pepper, because he knew she wouldn’t want him to, but sometimes he couldn’t help it. Pepper was a good person and Bruce didn’t like knowing she was hurting (even though she tried valiantly to pretend otherwise) and he couldn’t do anything to help her feel better. So he let her tell him when he was making her dinner and he got used to coming out of his bedroom or the kitchen and finding her sitting on the couch, reading or watching TV or just waiting for him, because he understood all too well how loneliness could sneak up on a person and how, sometimes, just the presence of someone else was enough to get through it. 

He hoped following Pepper’s lead was helping her. As long as he thought it was, he’d gladly make her dinner whenever she wanted, or sit and watch TV or just talk whenever she showed up in search of company. At least, he’d help as long as SHIELD kept him busy with Chitauri tech, which was starting to look like a much longer project than he’d originally anticipated.

Oddly, Bruce found that he didn’t really mind.

Fitz was in the middle of adjusting his holographic simulation of the missing right side of the fish ship according to Bruce’s specifications when Natasha came into the lab to collect Bruce for a mandatory meeting. Confused, Bruce signaled for Simmons (Fitz’s other half, the assistant who’d asked about Tony and had been skittish around Bruce ever since) to take over and followed Natasha into the hall.

“What does Fury want now?” Bruce grumbled.

“Not Fury, Rogers,” Natasha said. “Fury’s as confused as the rest of us. I thought Rogers might’ve mentioned it to you, if he told anyone.”

“Nope,” Bruce shrugged. “This better be quick, though, because that fish ship is starting to decay and it’s going to rot away completely if we don’t finish up that simulation really soon, which will be a loss to SHIELD’s research and will be disgusting and stink up their lab for the indefinite future.”

“I thought you didn’t want anything to do with this?” Natasha teased. She stopped and turned to Bruce as she opened the door. “Here we are.”

Bruce did a double take when he looked around the conference room. As Natasha said, Steve was apparently running the meeting, but Bruce hadn’t expected him to be flanked by Col. Jim and Thor at the front of the room. Natasha was already whispering conspiratorially with Maria Hill and, behind them, Fury was fuming and muttering to himself. Only one person was actually sitting at the table: Pepper. She waved Bruce over and he sat next to her just as Steve got everyone’s attention. Natasha and Hill sat a few seats over from Bruce, but Fury remained standing and looming over the back half of the table. 

“Well, thank you all for coming,” Steve said. “We figured it would be best to get everyone in one place for this so...here we are. Oh! Colonel Rhodes, do they know yet?”

“Director Fury does,” Jim said. Fury nodded. “Now that it’s official I can tell the rest of you. As of today, I’ve been reassigned to SHIELD. I’ll be stationed here in New York. I’ve also been talking with the Director and he’d like to offer me - War Machine - a permanent position with the Avengers. I’d be honored to accept but this is your team, and Tony’s, not mine, so it’s up to the rest of you to decide.”

Steve’s approval was a given and, from the hearty pat on the back Thor gave Jim, he approved as well. With Clint out of commission, the decision was left to Bruce and Natasha. Bruce glanced at Natasha, who was smiling in a way that reminded Bruce of a cat, then turned back to Jim and nodded. 

“Welcome to the Avengers, Colonel,” Steve said, enthusiastically shaking Jim’ hand. Pepper turned to Bruce, beaming, and her happiness made Bruce smile. 

“Rogers, that isn’t why you called this meeting,” Fury said impatiently. “Get on with it, some of us have work to do.”

“Yes, sir, sorry,” Steve sobered immediately. “The real reason I wanted you all here is because I had a crazy idea and, after discussing it with Colonel Rhodes and Thor, I started to think it’s not so crazy after all. It might even work and if there’s any chance it will, I think we should do it.” Steve looked down, then to Jim and Thor next to him, then back out at the room. Bruce was almost positive Steve let his glance linger on either himself or Pepper before he looked back at Fury. Steve took a deep breath. “We’re going to bring Stark home. Or try to, at least. We have to.”

A few things happened at once: Fury stormed to the front of the room to ask Steve if he’d lost his goddamn mind, Jim and Thor jumped to Steve’s defense, Hill and Natasha started whispering again but Natasha was staring at Steve with an expression on her face Bruce couldn’t begin to identify, and the Other Guy lurched in the back of Bruce’s head. But Bruce barely noticed any of it because Pepper was crying and shaking and smiling and staring at Steve with wonder in her eyes and Bruce tried to imagine some way this could possibly end without Pepper getting hurt all over again. He couldn’t.

“Pepper,” Bruce hissed. She finally tore her eyes away from Steve and turned to Bruce. “Pepper, please don’t...don’t get your hopes up. This is impossible, you know that.”

“Well, we knew there’d be some confusion, right?” Steve laughed awkwardly, capturing Pepper’s attention again. “We don’t know if it’s even possible but we’ve gotta try. Stark...he’s out there somewhere. Part of him is, at least, maybe just the suit, but it’s still _him_ and we can’t just...give up.”

Quietly, Pepper slid her chair closer to Bruce’s and smiled at him.

“And how are you going to do this, Rogers?” Fury sounded annoyed but not angry and Bruce suspected his curiosity was the only thing keeping him relatively calm.

“I don’t know,” Steve admitted. “But between all of us I know we can figure it out. Thor _knows_ space, he knows how to do things nobody on earth has even heard of. And, well, there’s a lot of science involved, obviously…”

“My beloved Jane will certainly be of much assistance,” Thor interrupted, beaming proudly.

“Right, but she won’t be able to do it alone. No one can.” Steve paused and even though Bruce was looking at his lap he felt first Steve, then Pepper staring at him.

“Bruce, we need you in on this,” Steve said gently, sensing Bruce’s resistance. “Between you and Jane-”

“No,” Bruce said, shaking his head, still looking down. “Steve, it’s a nice idea, but it’s impossible.”

“Bruce,” Pepper breathed. 

“Pepper, listen to me,” Bruce sighed, finally looking up at her. “This is insane. If there was any chance at all I’d be glad to help but the scale of what they’re talking about is…”

“If we figure out generally where to open a portal, which Thor says he can help with, we’ll narrow it down…”

“Steve, you can narrow it down all you want, there’s still too much space to cover. Plus, for all we know there’s nothing left of him to find.” Pepper gasped quietly and Bruce felt bad for his insensitive way of putting it but he didn’t stop to apologize. “Realistically, you could spend the rest of your life looking for Tony - who might not even be out there at all - and never even come close to finding him. Come on Steve, you know it’s insane.”

Bruce didn’t need to turn around to know Hill had her hand on her gun, just in case he got too angry.

“I know it’s what Howard did, for me,” Steve said quietly. The room was suddenly silent and Bruce felt like an asshole. “Bruce, I know you and Tony really got along, better than the rest of us for sure. At least try? For him? Your friend?”

Bruce grunted; he didn’t appreciate being manipulated, even when it was beyond obvious. Then Pepper touched his arm and leaned toward him.

“Please, Bruce,” Pepper said, half-pleading. “Just try. Tony would agree with you but I know he’d do it anyway, that’s who he is. He’d do it just for the science, you can too. Or do it for your friends, or your team. Do it for _me_ , even, or do it for Tony. Just...please.”

Pepper was squeezing his arm and she had tears in her eyes. Bruce knew it was too late for Pepper to get out of this unharmed; she was going to end up hurt whether he got involved or not, but if he kept refusing he’d be hurting her _now_ and, more than that, she’d surely stop coming to him for support and he worried she might not have anyone else to lean on - except for JARVIS and possibly Jim.

He realized he had to say yes or he’d risk essentially abandoning Pepper (and probably getting evicted, too); Pepper was going to get hurt regardless and he’d prefer to stay on her side as long as he could.

“This is bullshit, you know,” Bruce grumbled, but he was half-smirking. “I thought Captain America was above emotional manipulation.”

“Not when it works,” Steve smiled. “You’re in?”

“Why the hell not?” Bruce said. Pepper actually squeaked and threw her arms around Bruce, hugging him without getting out of her seat.

“This is all very touching,” Fury said. “But Banner’s right, noble or not, this idea is insane. Jim, you’re part of this too?”

“Yes, sir,” Jim answered immediately. “Thor won me over. With him we actually have a shot. But, honestly, sir, I’d probably do it regardless. I’ve never once given up on Tony and I’m not about to start now.”

“Romanoff?”

“It’s worth a try, isn’t it?” Natasha shrugged. Fury turned his attention to Hill, who mirrored Natasha’s shrug. Then Fury regarded Pepper and rolled his eye without bothering to ask her opinion; he moved onto Bruce, who flinched at the disappointed glare aimed at him even though he had a feeling Fury wasn’t completely serious about it.

“I think you’re all insane,” Fury said, realizing he was vastly outnumbered. He dropped his arms to his sides in frustration and shook his head. Then he pointed at Steve. “Not on my dime, Rogers. Understood?”

“That won’t be a problem, Director,” Pepper said smoothly. She walked over to Steve and Jim.

“Of course it won’t,” Fury sighed. “Banner, can any of your assistants take over your project or are you planning on splitting your time?”

“I…” Bruce stammered. He hadn’t realized Steve was planning to start immediately.

“Come on, Banner. Rogers and Potts are practically panting over there, no way are they gonna wait for you to finish with your fish ships. Rhodes is just as bad, really. How’d I end up with the two most sensitive soldiers in the whole damn military?”

“Fitz can take over,” Bruce answered. “He’s great. He’ll do fine.”

“Make it happen,” Fury nodded. “Oh, and Banner?”

“Yeah?”

“Keep an eye on...that,” Fury gestured to Pepper, Steve, Jim, and Thor, who were standing in a circle talking excitedly. “You’re the only person involved in this with any goddamn sense, apparently. Don’t let them get too...hopeful. You know as well as I do they’re not gonna find anything. Do what you can to keep them in check and don’t let them get too obsessed. Rogers wants to repay his debt to Howard Stark, fine, but Howard’s obsession had a lot to do with why Tony Stark was up to his eyeballs in daddy issues and I’m not sure if Rogers’ll ever figure that one out on his own.” Bruce nodded hesitantly. He wondered what he’d gotten himself into; he ‘volunteered’ intending to watch out for Pepper’s emotional well-being - he didn’t realize he’d be responsible for Steve’s, too.

“Get Rogers to let Selvig on the team,” Fury continued. “Foster’s just as bad as Rogers and Potts, maybe even worse. Selvig’s got his feet on the ground - or, he did, before Loki. They’re discharging him from medical, though, so they must think he’s okay - and he’s also got some sway over Foster.”

“I’ll talk to Steve, Erik Selvig’s an old colleague of mine,” Bruce said.

“Godspeed, Banner,” Fury said. “Hill, let’s go.” Fury stalked away and was already out of earshot when Bruce’s brain caught up with itself.

“Wait, Foster? Is that Jane? Like, _Jane Foster_?” Bruce asked no one. He wandered over to the group at the front of the room, who were still talking over each other excitedly. 

“Bruce!” Pepper said, grabbing his wrist and pulling him closer to the circle. “Thank you so much for doing this, I know you didn’t want to.”

“I…” Bruce didn’t want Pepper to know she was the only reason he changed his mind.

“Jim Rhodes,” Jim said, shaking Bruce’s hand as he introduced himself. I’m glad you’re in, Dr. Banner. If anything, it’ll be an honor just to work with you.”

“Uh, thank you?” Bruce shrugged self-consciously. “And, uh, Bruce is fine.”

Jim nodded and turned back to Pepper. Bruce stepped toward Steve and Thor and quickly found Thor’s arm around his shoulder.

“With the great Dr. Banner on our side we are certain to succeed in our noble quest!” Thor beamed again. “Tomorrow I shall return with my beloved Jane and our work shall begin.”

Bruce opened his mouth to ask Thor if his “beloved Jane” was, in fact, _the_ Jane Foster, but before he said a word his attention was diverted entirely by Pepper’s conversation with Jim.

“Pep, do you honestly believe-”

“I believe it’s _possible_ , absolutely. Jim, I know you, don’t tell me you haven’t considered it.”

“Of course I have, Pep. It’s _Tony_. But I’m not _counting_ on it…”

“Neither am I. I know it’s unlikely but I don’t think it’s as impossible as it sounds. If he didn’t lose the suit…”

“There _are_ theories about Earth-like planets all over the universe...even ones with oxygen-based atmospheres...but Pepper, the chances are so low…”

“I know, Jim. Of course I know. But if anyone could beat those odds-”

“It’s Tony. And that’s why we’ve gotta try. In case he’s still out there.”

“We can’t just abandon him. All alone, lost in space…”

Bruce realized Steve was talking to him but he had no idea what he was saying and Steve nodded as Bruce excused himself with a mumbled apology about getting back to his work.

There was no way he’d misinterpreted the conversation he’d just overheard. Pepper - and Jim - believed Tony might still be alive and they were planning to operate under the assumption that they were running a rescue mission, not a recovery.

Pepper and Jim were both very intelligent, but grief could do funny things to a person regardless of their IQ, so Bruce wasn’t completely shocked to learn how deeply they both were still in denial. He’d already known that about Pepper, anyway. But there was a difference, Bruce was pretty sure, between not wanting to acknowledge Tony’s death and planning to break multiple laws of space and time on a rescue mission with the goal of bringing Tony back alive.

And now Bruce was stuck in the middle of it. His mere participation in the project would enable Pepper’s delusional hopes but if he backed out now, knowing what he knew, he’d be severing one of the only ties the whole project had to reality and also probably alienating Pepper, which would leave Bruce stuck watching her put all her faith in her impossible dream of Tony’s safe return.

“Why the fuck didn’t I got back to Kolkata when I had the chance?” Bruce muttered under his breath as he paced up and down an empty hallway. 

“Because you let me guilt you into staying, probably.”

Well, not _completely_ empty, apparently. 

“What’s up, Doc? Regretting letting Pepper pull you into Rogers’ fantasy?”

“Natasha,” Bruce said. He decided he could trust her to have Pepper’s best interests in mind. “She thinks he’s still alive.”

“Well, fuck,” Natasha sighed. “I had a feeling she might but I thought...and Rhodes too?”

“Yeah,” Bruce agreed. “If I knew that I never would’ve-”

“But you did,” Natasha cut him off. “And you can’t back out now.”

“I know. But if I stay I’ll just be encouraging her.”

“None of which would be your problem if you were back in Kolkata,” Natasha smiled.

“What am I supposed to do now?” Bruce sighed. “Why didn’t I just stick with my fish ships?”

“Because those things are starting to smell disgusting. And because, despite all your best efforts, you found people you care about and you want to help them.”

“By fueling her delusions?”

“By being there for her when she needs you.” Natasha looked him in the eye and he felt a chill run down his spine.

“What about you? I’m not the only person she leans on.”

“No,” Natasha hummed. “But you’re different.”

“I...I think she’s using me as a stand-in for Tony.”

“She’s doing a pretty lousy job of it,” Natasha said. “Stark was a lot of things, but ‘emotionally supportive’ and ‘sensitive’ were not among them. He couldn’t cook, either.” Natasha winked at Bruce; he coughed into his hand to mask his blushing.

“Can you...talk to her? Please? About the Tony thing,” Bruce said. “She trusts you and you’re not so involved, not like I am.”

“Sure,” Natasha said. “But I can tell you I’m not going to get very far. Pepper’s the only person I know who can be more stubborn than Tony Stark. She’s not going to believe he’s dead until she wants to.”

“Which could be never.”

“I hope your long-term plans don’t involve disappearing off the map again because I have a feeling you’re not going anywhere for a long, long time.”

“Fuck,” Bruce said again.

“Could be worse,” Natasha shrugged. “At least you found out _now_.” Bruce grunted in reluctant agreement - Natasha did have a point, everything would be so much worse if Bruce was unknowingly fueling Pepper’s delusions because he didn’t know what she was thinking. 

He turned back to where Natasha had been moments earlier but she was gone and the hallway was empty again.

Bruce stood there for a moment, wondering yet again how he’d gotten himself into this mess, and then sighed and walked away, in search of Fitz and the smelly, slimy fish ship which was, at least, no longer his problem.


	5. Chapter 5

“Penny for your thoughts?” Bruce looked up from his plate at Pepper’s chipper question.

“Nothing,” Bruce said, but Pepper clearly didn’t believe him. He considered deflecting but decided to tell her the truth. “Why am I still here? In New York, with SHIELD, everything I wanted to get away from. I had the chance, I had plenty of chances, but I chose to stay and it doesn’t make any sense.”

“Maybe you didn’t want to leave as much as you thought,” Pepper said after a pause. “You could still go, you know. If that’s what you want.”

“Pepper, you know I can’t,” Bruce shook his head. “How’d I end up stuck in the middle of all this?” He knew Pepper was staring at him so he avoided her eyes.

“Bruce, if you’re not happy here, just tell me what I can do to help. I want you here, you know, but not if you’re miserable.”

“I’m not…” Bruce sighed in frustration. “It’s not about that. It’s...from day one, I’ve been...well, I’ve been living someone else’s life, I guess. Like I’m expected to fill in for him, that’s what it seems like, and...I can’t keep doing this. I’m not him. I know you want me to be, you all do, but I’ll never be Tony.”

“I know,” Pepper whispered. “You remind me so much of him sometimes, but…”

“Pepper, I barely knew him. People keep telling me I’m like him, or I’m not like him at all, I wouldn’t know either way. I knew him for two days, that’s all. No matter how well we got along, how can I be expected to fill his shoes? It’s not fair - to either of us - to pretend I can be him.” Bruce looked down at the table and focused on his breathing to calm the Other Guy. He wasn’t making himself a problem yet but he was agitated and Bruce wanted to intervene before he really got angry.

“Bruce, nobody’s expecting you to _be_ Tony, or replace him. Yes, you remind me of him, but you’re also so different,” Pepper said gently. “I hope you don’t think I’m keeping you around as a substitute…” Bruce looked up and Pepper knew immediately that he had thought that. She reached her hand across the table and touched his arm. 

“I couldn’t understand why else you’d be so...why you’d care so much,” Bruce admitted. Pepper held onto his arm but she was gazing past him, lost in thought for a minute. Then she let go of Bruce’s arm and looked him in the eye.

“He called me, you know,” Pepper said plainly. “When he was...before he went through the portal.”

“Oh…” Bruce trailed off. “That’s…”

“I missed the call. I was watching the news, watching _him_ , and I missed the call,” Pepper said. She shut her eyes for a moment, then cleared her throat and continued. “The last time I talked to Tony was while he was flying into New York, just before all hell broke loose. He called me to tell me to stay the hell away from the city and, when I asked why, he told me. And then...do you know what the rest of our conversation was about, Bruce? The very last thing I discussed with Tony?”

“I...what?”

“You.”

“Wait, what? _Me_?”

“It wasn’t much, there wasn’t exactly time to chat. But he told me to make sure JARVIS had a room ready for you at the Tower, a nice one close to the labs. When I asked why he said - and I quote - ‘Because I’m bringing Bruce home with me. He doesn’t know it yet but it doesn’t matter, he’s coming. Pep, you’ll love him, I promise.’” Pepper wiped a tear away and cleared her throat again.

“Pepper…”

“He was right, you know. He usually is, but he’s insufferable if you admit it,” Pepper laughed. “So that’s why I cared, at first. Because Tony trusted you and Tony doesn’t _do_ that. I knew he must have had a damn good reason so I trusted his judgement.”

“I didn’t know…” Bruce muttered. He hadn’t known Tony’s plan but he wasn’t surprised by it; he’d gotten the impression that his fast friendship with Tony was the exception to the rule. “I mean, I knew he expected me to come back to fight, he was the only reason I did, but he never mentioned…”

Except Tony _had_ mentioned, Tony had told Bruce to stop by the Tower sometime, to check out all his tech. And Bruce had assumed Tony was trying to show off, which Bruce didn’t necessarily mind since Tony’s boasting was mostly warranted, so Bruce had declined the invitation assuming it was a simple formality, one scientist to another.

He wondered if Tony had decided by then that Bruce would be coming home with him; he figured Tony probably had. Bruce wondered how soon after their introduction Tony was sure he could trust Bruce.

“So that’s why you offered to put me up.”

“Yes,” Pepper said carefully. “But, Bruce, it’s not just that. At first, yes, I was simply fulfilling Tony’s wishes - I had no idea he hadn’t even mentioned it to you, by the way. But Tony was right, I _do_ really like you, for _you_ , not because you remind me of him. And...if you still think you have to leave I’ll understand, but I’ll miss you, a lot. You’ve been so...I don’t know where I’d be after all this if you weren’t here.”

“Pepper-”

“Wait, before you say anything else. I just need you to tell me you know I’m not trying to replace Tony and I don’t need you to fill in for him. You do know that, right?”

“Well...I do now,” Bruce muttered. He fussed with his sleeves until Pepper continued.

“Good.” Pepper smiled at Bruce; he fidgeted awkwardly before returning a half-smile. “I want you around, Bruce, because I like you and I think that’d be the case with or without Tony’s influence. I’m sorry if you thought anything else. Do you...want to stay? Even if you want to cut ties with SHIELD, or even back out of the project altogether, I still want you here. I don’t have many friends, you know, and I don’t think you do either, so let’s stick together. You still need to teach me how to cook, remember?”

“I’m starting to wonder if you have any intention of actually learning or if you’re going to hold onto that as a bargaining chip,” Bruce laughed and looked at Pepper. She was laughing too, with her nose scrunched up and her eyes shining, her freckles standing out against her pale skin. He hadn’t seen her so happy more than a handful of times and he was glad he was able to elicit that reaction.

“Oh no, you got me,” Pepper laughed. “Does that mean you’re staying?”

“Yeah,” Bruce said after a moment. “Yeah, looks like you’re stuck with me for a little while longer.”

“More than a little while, I hope.”

“We’ll see,” Bruce said, but he realized his visions of life in Kolkata or anywhere but New York no longer seemed to be attainable. He didn’t mind nearly as much as he knew he should.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fake science abounds!   
> also, fitzsimmons!

Despite Bruce’s many reservations about the portal project, he couldn’t help but find it absolutely fascinating, at least from a scientific point of view, which turned out to be a good thing as it was also extremely complicated and time-consuming. 

Thor had disappeared shortly after Steve’s meeting and returned the following afternoon with his beloved Jane (who was, in fact, _the_ Jane Foster!), Erik Selvig, and Jane’s assistant Darcy. Together with Bruce and Jim, the group Darcy had quickly dubbed “Team Science” spent a few long days in one of SHIELD’s highest-security labs coming up with a plan, followed by nearly a week of converting an unused floor of Stark Tower into a suitable workspace. 

The original plan involved keeping the project completely secret from SHIELD (besides Fury, Hill, Jim, and Natasha, of course), but they ended up recruiting a few of SHIELD’s top engineers (including Fitz) to help ensure that every possible protection was put in place before they opened the portal, just in case something went wrong. 

Obviously the engineers had to be briefed on the project, but there was no reason they needed to know the motivation behind it and, probably due in part to how much Stark Industries was paying them and in part to the incredibly specific non-disclosure agreements they’d all signed, the subject was never brought up (at least, it was never brought up in front of Bruce). 

Most of the engineers left when the floor was fully fortified and secured, but Bruce kept Fitz (and, at Fitz’s insistence, Bruce recruited Simmons as well) around to help out with the technological elements. (Unbeknownst to Bruce, Pepper and Natasha had conspired to have two of the engineers design and build a Hulk-safe room on one of Stark Tower’s expansive basement floors and, in a testament to how little attention Bruce paid to his surroundings, Bruce didn’t find out about it until Pepper showed it to him on his birthday, almost four months later). 

It took nearly a month for Team Science to figure out how the portal was going to work (a month that was also full of Thor going back and forth between Asgard and New York at least three times a week, Steve sitting attentively nearby and, when he saw or heard something he didn’t understand, scribbling it in his notebook to look up later, and Darcy making sure they all ate at least once a day and showered at least twice a week and, after a few days of peeking over Steve’s shoulder, sitting next to him with her tablet looking things up as he wrote them down) but, once they were pretty sure they wouldn’t accidentally implode Midtown, they decided it was time to put their big plan into motion. 

(Erik left as soon as the decision was made; as he explained to Bruce, after his Loki ordeal, he was done with portals and had only agreed to help at all because Jane and Thor asked him to.)

Bruce still wasn’t crazy about the idea (and he still tried his best to keep Pepper out of it, fully aware he was fighting a losing battle), but he was glad he’d let them coerce him into helping. He’d gone a long, long time without being able to work on something so challenging, and he relished the opportunity to collaborate with such an extraordinary group of people. It felt like he’d gotten part of his old life back, a part he thought he’d lost forever, and, as usual, it was all thanks to Tony. 

**

“It’s...it’s beautiful,” Pepper breathed. She lay her hand flat against the triple-reinforced glass casing that surrounded the newly-opened portal. “And through there, that’s…”

“What’s left of the Chitauri,” Jane finished, tucking her hair behind her ear. “And hopefully Tony. We closed in on this location based on information Thor got out of Loki-”

“Because Loki would _never_ lie to Thor,” Darcy snorted from somewhere behind Bruce. 

“Thor trusts him,” Jane snapped. “And I trust Thor.”

“C’mon Jane, Loki’s a dick and Thor’s a huge sexy puppy,” Darcy smirked, throwing her arm over Bruce’s shoulders. “Back me up here, Bruce.”

“Well...Darcy has a point,” Bruce started, and promptly received identical grunts from Pepper and Jane. “But Thor _did_ seem absolutely sure he got it right and it’s not like we have anything else to go on…”

“And that’s good enough for me,” Jane smiled. Darcy rolled her eyes dramatically, then wandered away from the group.

Pepper smiled at Bruce and he smiled back, but behind the smile Bruce was hit with a fresh wave of guilt and anxiety because there was so much hope in Pepper’s eyes and he knew that the longer her fantasies were enabled the more painful her inevitable fall would be. 

“So how does it work?” Pepper asked, looking from Bruce to Jane. “In English, please.”

“It’s pretty simple,” Bruce started. “I mean, as far as astrophysics goes. It’s basically just a door between here and...there. We can send stuff out there and, if there’s anyone on the other side, they can do the same.”

“We’re monitoring it, of course,” Jane said quickly. “JARVIS is in charge of that. He’ll alert us if anything gets caught in the net so we can figure out what it is and if we want it.”

“There’s a net?”

“Not literally,” Bruce said. “It’s invisible. It’s like…”

“It’s like a magnet,” Jane said, pointing at the portal through the thick glass. “Thor was able to manipulate the energy around the mouth of the portal so it attracts things, like a magnet. It pulls them in. And then on our end…”

“We can draw the net in,” Bruce explained. “To speed things up.”

“We wanted to make it stronger,” Jane said, rolling her eyes. “You know, up the energy around the mouth so it pulls stuff in faster.” 

“But Thor said no,” Darcy teased. “In case there’s any, like, moons or planets or whatever nearby, if the portal’s too strong Thor said it’ll fuck their shit up. Right Bruce?”

“More or less,” Bruce said, laughing as Jane glared at Darcy. He turned back to Pepper and smiled, but she was so busy staring through the glass that he doubted she noticed. “Pep?” 

“Sorry,” Pepper said, stepping toward Bruce but still staring at the portal. “It’s still so...wow.”

“‘Wow’ is a good word for it,” Bruce said, putting his arm around Pepper, which finally drew her attention away from the portal. “Now that it’s stabilized I won’t be spending all day up here anymore. We’re taking turns monitoring it.”

“I thought JARVIS was doing that?” 

“He is, but we decided it’s probably a good idea to have someone in here all the time as well. Just in case something goes wrong and we need to pull the plug. Me, Jim, and Jane are taking turns for now, but maybe down the road, when we’re sure everything’s good, Steve or Natasha can help, too.” 

“And Darcy!” Darcy piped up from somewhere behind Bruce. “Darcy can help, too.” 

“Maybe,” Bruce stressed. “I said maybe.” 

“Maybe I can help, too,” Pepper said hopefully. “It sounds really interesting.”

“It’s really not,” Bruce said, trying to sound as discouraging as possible. Pepper was excited and, as much as Bruce liked seeing her happy, he still didn’t want her directly involved with the project, not as long as she still believed Tony could be out there, alive and waiting to be rescued. “It sounds exciting but really it’s just sitting here watching an empty screen.” 

“It’ll be exciting if we find something,” Pepper countered. She raised an eyebrow at him and he sighed, shaking his head. 

“Pep, I don’t think--” 

“Dr. Banner!” 

Thankful for the interruption, Bruce looked toward the door and saw Fitz rushing toward him, Simmons close on his tail, both carrying large gray cases. 

“Fitz, Simmons,” Bruce acknowledged, taking a few steps forward to meet them. “One of these days I’ll get at least one of you to call me Bruce. Oh, hey, put those over here.” Bruce realized that Simmons was struggling to keep holding the heavy case and she gave him a grateful smile as he helped her slide it onto a table. Fitz almost immediately stacked his case on top and once his hands were free, exhaled loudly and wiped his brow with his sleeve, clearly having had as much trouble as Simmons. 

“They’re all set,” Fitz said breathlessly, patting his hand against the case he’d just been holding. “I mean, they’re only prototypes, haven’t been properly tested, so don’t-”

“Will you stop!” Simmons interrupted, elbowing Fitz in the side. “They’re fine and what do you mean they haven’t been tested, what do you call everything we’ve done for the past two days?””

“ _Properly_ tested, Jemma, sending them on sneaky missions around SHIELD doesn’t count,” Fitz argued, seeming to have forgotten anyone besides Simmons was there. 

“Do I want to know?” Bruce asked. 

“Oh, it wasn’t anything _bad_ ,” Simmons said, smiling a toothy grin and looking at Bruce. “Surveillance, tracking, agility, that sort of thing. It was _Fitz’s_ idea to use Director Fury, anyway.”

“I was _joking_ ,” Fitz protested, but Bruce saw the beginnings of a smile twitching on his face. 

“Oh please,” Simmons rolled her eyes. “Anyway, Dr. Banner, they _have_ been tested and they performed beautifully.”

“And seeing as they’re all intact and in one piece, I take it Fury didn’t realize you were spying on him?” Bruce grinned, which seemed to relax Fitz a bit. “How’d you get away with it?”

“Air ducts,” they chorused. 

“Oh, are these the probes?” Jane asked, appearing next to Bruce and eyeing the cases. “They’re done?”

“Hopefully,” Fitz said. He barely dodged a smack from Simmons. 

“So let’s get going!” Jane looked up at Bruce with wide eyes, practically bouncing with excitement. “Bruce, you ready?”

“As much as I’ll ever be,” Bruce shrugged. “Pepper, c’mere!” 

Bruce’s desire to protect Pepper was overshadowed by Pepper’s need to be involved in some way and, since ‘fascinated onlooker’ seemed to be enough involvement (at least for now), Bruce knew he had to put his reservations aside and let her see it all for herself. 

“These are the probes?” Pepper asked, watching intently as Fitz unloaded the contents of both cases. “They’re so little! What do they do?”

“There’s three different types,” Fitz explained, apparently having overheard Pepper’s question. He launched into an explanation of his designs, showing Pepper the different types of sensors and letting her touch the robotic arm that would hopefully collect samples of alien soil - or even just space dust - so that, even if they never found a single trace of Tony, there would still be some scientific value to all their work.

Darcy came up behind Pepper, both watching Fitz closely, and Jane appeared to be talking Simmons’ ear off (which Bruce knew Simmons didn’t mind at all because she was so awed by Jane that Jane could spend six hours talking about Pop Tarts and Simmons would hang onto every word), but all Bruce could focus on was Pepper. She was fascinated by the probes and her eyes were wide and bright as she leaned toward Fitz as though she didn’t want to miss a single syllable. 

Something about Pepper’s curiosity and wonder made her seem even more beautiful than usual. Bruce shoved his hands in his pockets and told himself it didn’t matter how beautiful Pepper was, the last thing she needed on top of everything else was Bruce’s special brand of fucking up everything he let himself touch. 

Suddenly Pepper was holding his arm again and tugging him toward the portal. Instead of prying open the heavy door, Bruce unlocked and slid open the small hatch built into the glass casing, then crowded in front of the door with Pepper, Fitz, Simmons, and Jane all hovering over the open cases.

“Well guys, I guess it’s time to leave the nest,” Fitz said, addressing the probes. “Make me proud, okay?” 

Fitz delicately removed a probe and handed it off to Simmons, saying simply “Sleepy,” which Bruce soon figured out was its name. Hesitantly, Simmons reached through the hatch and released the probe, which hovered in front of the portal for a moment, then disappeared. 

Bruce was handed Grumpy, then Prancer, then Big Bird, and finally an odd-looking two-headed probe that was apparently called Bert-and-Ernie, and he released each one through the hatch with a silent wish that they might against all odds find _something_ that would help Pepper someday find peace with Tony’s loss. 

After Fitz released the final probe (Oscar the Grouch), Bruce slid the hatch closed and fastened the locks securely..

“Fitz, they’re amazing, really.” Fitz’s only response was a hum. “Whatever they find, even if they don’t find anything, you should be proud.”

“Thanks,” Fitz mumbled, still staring into the portal. He took a step back and, just as he pulled his attention away from the portal, Simmons skipped up next to him and linked arms at the elbows. 

“Time to go, Fitzy,” she sing-songed. “Your babies will be fine, I promise.”

“Sorry, Dr. Banner,” Fitz said apologetically. “We’ve got to get back or Agent Hill’ll send someone to track us down.”

“We told her where we were going, so it wouldn’t be much of a search,” Simmons snorted, pulling Fitz toward the door. “Goodbye everyone, let us know if anything interesting happens!”

“Define ‘interesting,’” Darcy said, but Fitz and Simmons were already gone. 

“They’re adorable,” Pepper whispered, sneaking up on Bruce and making him jump. 

“The probes or FitzSimmons?”

“Perfect for each other, really, don’t you think?”

“You sound like Darcy now. She’s been trying to get those two together for weeks.” Bruce rolled his eyes.

“Wait, they’re _not_ together?” Pepper blurted.

“Oh my god, right?” Darcy exclaimed, practically sprinting toward Bruce and Pepper. “And Bruce, for your information, playing matchmaker wasn’t actually my idea. Your old lab techs started it...I probably would’ve done it anyway, though, because come _on_! I didn’t know two really smart people could be complete idiots at the same time.” 

“You never met Tony,” Pepper said. Bruce tensed at the name but relaxed when Pepper seemed to be okay. “He could write the book on idiot geniuses. I can’t even tell you how long it took him to figure out I was flirting!” 

“Man, and I thought Jane was bad!” 

“Hey!” Jane shouted from the other side of the room. 

“Love you Janey,” Darcy sassed. “Is it just, like, a genius thing? Like their brain is so busy thinking really smart things that they don’t even notice all the normal, interpersonal-type stuff? Bruce, you’re a genius. If I started flirting with you right now would you notice?” 

“First of all, you’re, what, 12?” Bruce said, laughing when Darcy stuck her tongue out at him. “Besides that, um…”

“So, that’s a no?” 

“I could’ve told you that,” Pepper said, elbowing Bruce gently. “Honestly, it’s kind of endearing.” 

“Huh?” Bruce grunted. “I’m not...uh…”

“It’s okay, Bruce,” Pepper laughed. “Like I said, Tony is quite possibly king of the idiot geniuses. I’m used to it.” 

“I…” Bruce started, having absolutely nothing to say in response. He glanced over at Jane, desperately hoping she’d come to his rescue, but she was too engrossed in rewiring one of the monitors that he doubted she was listening at all. “I, uh...I should really get back to work…”

“Okay,” Pepper said, but she was smirking at him which made him even more uncomfortable. “See you later?” 

“Yeah,” Bruce answered quickly. He heard Darcy snort from behind Pepper. “Bye.” 

Bruce realized he was wringing his hands together, so he turned around and made a beeline for Jane and her mess of monitors. He peeked up at Pepper and Darcy and found them still laughing, but whatever Darcy had said made Pepper blush slightly. 

Jane asked Bruce to help hold a monitor up while she yanked out some wires and shoved new ones in their place and, when Jane was done, Bruce looked back up only to find that Darcy and Pepper were gone.


	7. Chapter 7

Dinner became a nightly activity, one Bruce didn’t know how much he enjoyed until the week Pepper was in LA for the grand opening of the newest Stark Tower and he had to eat alone. He realized he missed her a lot more than he probably should.

Apparently Pepper missed him too, though, because she called him on her third night in LA and they FaceTimed for two hours until she almost fell asleep mid-conversation. The next night, Bruce ate later than usual and Pepper earlier to account for the time difference and it wasn’t really the same but it was good enough to get them through the rest of the week.

Pepper reminded Bruce of Betty. Pepper shared many of the qualities he’d fallen in love with Betty for, her passion and determination and refusal to take shit from anyone, and Bruce wondered more than a few times if he wasn’t doing exactly what he’d accused Pepper of and trying to find his own replacement. He still wasn’t sure _what_ he was doing with Pepper, really.

(He’d looked Betty up, or he’d had Darcy find Betty’s Facebook for him. He considered contacting her as an old friend or even just a colleague, but he didn’t. Betty was married, Betty had a _baby_. Betty had a life that didn’t include him and he knew that was for the best. He’d already screwed up her life once and he had no desire to do that again.)

Bruce was pretty comfortable with his life for the first time in years - since before the accident. He’d even fostered some kind of working relationship with the Other Guy. Hulk could come out for Avenging, obviously, and Bruce promised to make good use of the Hulk-safe room in the basement. In exchange, Hulk would back off and not constantly lurk at the edge of Bruce’s consciousness, one step away from forcing his way out and would do his best to _listen_ whenever Bruce told him to stay put unless Bruce was in actual, immediate danger. Bruce was skeptical at first but, to his surprise, Hulk held up his end of the bargain.

He and Hulk both knew that the only reason they were able to cooperate so well was Tony.

Bruce wasn’t surprised when the other Avengers started coming to him with their minor medical needs - cuts that needed stitching, burns, pulled muscles and twisted ankles, nothing that couldn’t be treated with some basic first aid that Bruce was happy to provide. He knew nobody liked SHIELD medical very much but once he realized the lengths to which certain people (Natasha and, after he was cleared for active duty again, Clint) were prepared to go to avoid it entirely, he decided to step in and put his medical training to good use. 

Two unused floors of Stark Tower became a medical wing; the upper floor consisted of three large exam rooms designed for emergency care and the lower floor was intended for longer-term care and rehab. It was a fully-functional replacement for SHIELD’s medical facilities but it didn’t look like a hospital or even a regular doctor’s office at all, not after Pepper brought in her decorator to keep the decor as close to that of the rest of the Tower as possible. 

Bruce couldn’t run an entire hospital wing by himself, of course, so Stark Industries poached a nurse practitioner and a few medical assistants from SHIELD’s ranks to keep on standby and, after she started helping out and proved herself to be more than competent, Bruce also hired Darcy as his own assistant. 

Once they determined the portal was as stabilized as it would ever be, Team Science decided to let other people volunteer for portal-monitoring duty. Pepper was, of course, first to sign up, and Bruce knew it wasn’t worth trying to talk her out of it so he didn’t even bother. Everyone else wanted to help, too, and even when they weren’t on duty, people started hanging out in the portal room, largely because portal-monitoring proved to be a very boring job. Darcy eventually convinced Jane to let her stream Netflix on one of the giant monitors and, after that, the portal room became more of a lounge than anything else. 

Bruce was pretty sure Pepper spent more time in the portal room than anyone else; besides her own shifts and most of Bruce’s, she could also frequently be found in the portal room when Jim or Natasha were on duty and had stopped by at least a handful of times during everyone else’s shifts. More than once Bruce had gone looking for Pepper in her office only to find her working remotely from the portal room while someone else was on duty. Bruce was still worried but, after a few weeks went by and Pepper seemed fine, he relaxed and let her be. 

As bizarre as it all was, Bruce found himself adapting to his new life. He had a routine, he had people he cared about, and he had somewhere he could call home, somewhere he knew he belonged. It was a nice change of pace. 

So Bruce had dinner with Pepper and he monitored the portal and he had a job with Stark Industries R&D and he was a doctor again and he was an Avenger whenever he was needed and he wasn’t so concerned he might stub his toe and level half the city anymore. 

He was content, not quite happy but close, but he still walked around every day waiting for the other shoe to drop.

More than three months had passed and Pepper _still_ hadn’t accepted Tony’s death. She still talked about him like he was alive, she still stopped by the portal room at least once a day to see if they’d found anything, she still wouldn’t clean up his lab or box up his clothes or sleep in their bed and Bruce knew it was only a matter of time before it all hit her at once and she broke down.

Bruce was right.

“Dr. Banner?”

“Yeah, JARVIS?” Bruce had finally stopped looking at ceiling while addressing JARVIS so his eyes didn’t stray from his tablet screen and the equation he was tackling.

“I believe Ms. Potts may appreciate your assistance…” JARVIS sounded uncertain, which caused Bruce to put the tablet down and look up.

“Did she ask for me?”

“No, but I believe she is in considerable distress.”

“What’s wrong?” Bruce asked, quickly shutting off the tablet and standing up. “Is she okay? Is she hurt? Where is she?” Bruce stepped onto the elevator and waited for JARVIS to direct him.

JARVIS took him not to any of the floors Pepper usually frequented, but to a floor Bruce had never stepped foot on and had assumed hadn’t been visited in months: Tony’s lab.

Bruce stepped off the elevator and was faced with a handprint sensor; before he had a chance to ask JARVIS if he had access, the door swung open on its own and Bruce walked inside.

He wasn’t all that surprised when he stepped into the lab and heard Pepper crying - actually, more like sobbing - from somewhere out of sight.

“Pepper?” Bruce looked around for her and couldn’t stop himself from surveying the lab at the same time. Tony hadn’t been kidding when he called it Candyland; the whole place was like nothing Bruce had ever seen and he suspected Tony had made most of the equipment himself.

“Bruce? What...what are you doing here?” Pepper wasn’t crying anymore but she couldn’t quite hide her telltale breathing.

“My apologies, Ms. Potts,” JARVIS said before Bruce could explain. “You appeared to be in considerable distress and in need of assistance.”

“You didn’t have to do that, JARVIS, I’m fine.” Pepper’s voice was returning to normal and Bruce had figured out where she was hiding but he held back, wanting to give her as much space as she needed. “But..thanks. Bruce, you really didn’t-”

“I did,” Bruce interrupted gently. He heard her clear her throat but she didn’t move from behind the massive shelving unit. “Can I...what happened? Can I come back there?”

“Yeah.” Pepper was sitting on the floor with her back against the wall, hugging her knees to her chest. Her eyes were puffy and red and Bruce could tell she’d been crying _hard_ for more than just a minute or two. He sat down next to her and her head was immediately on his shoulder.

“What was it?” he asked gently, brushing hair out of her eyes. Her breath hitched and her eyes welled up again, but she didn’t start crying because, next to him, a large metal arm Bruce hadn’t noticed started moving and whirring. Bruce lept to his feet and lunged toward it when it started to advance on Pepper.

“Bruce, no!” Pepper shouted. She grabbed the back of his shirt and pulled him away before he could touch the arm. “It’s okay. It’s just Dum-E, he’s harmless.”

“Dum-E?” Bruce watched the arm swivel toward him and make a noise that would have passed for offended coming from a human.

“T-Tony’s robot,” Pepper explained shakily. She gestured to the corner where Bruce saw another robot moving around. “U’s over there.”

“What…” Bruce trailed off. He wasn’t even sure where to start with that.

“Tony made them, they’re his...they’re the closest thing he has to kids, I guess. After he...well, they’re learning bots, they need human interaction. So I’ve been - Jim has too but mostly me - I come in here and talk to them, give them things to do, so they don’t...they miss him too. I think they remember last time, Afghanistan, and I’ve been trying to...explain, JARVIS has too, that it’s different this time. I think U understands but Dum-E…” Pepper’s voice broke again and for the first time Bruce noticed she was clutching something tight in her hand. “He was trying to help, he remembers when Tony came back from Afghanistan. So when I told him that Tony might not come back, he might not be able to come back because he’s lost and gone, Dum-E brought me...this.” Pepper held her hand out for Bruce to see what Dum-E had given her. It was an arc reactor.

“Oh, Pepper,” Bruce whispered.

“He was trying to help,” Pepper repeated, sounding slightly hysterical. “This is an old one, I think, because after Obadiah he always kept a spare around, just in case.” She was absentmindedly running two fingers in circles along the front of the reactor, tracing the perimeter over and over. She stopped abruptly and instead clutched the reactor so tightly her knuckles were white. She closed her eyes and a few tiny tears leaked onto her cheeks. When she spoke again, her voice was little more than a breathy whisper. 

“We’re never going to find him, are we? He’s really gone and he’s never coming back...everyone’s been saying that but I thought...I hoped we-” Pepper buried her face in Bruce’s shoulder and he wrapped his arm around her hitching shoulders and let her cry. She hadn’t calmed down at all after a few minutes so Bruce hesitantly stroked her hair, then rubbed her back.

“I...I think I knew,” Pepper said, managing to subdue her tears enough to speak. “The whole time, part of me knew it was impossible, like you said all along. It’s insane. But… _Tony_ , he’s...it’s not supposed to end like this for him. For us. He’s...he’s a survivor, Bruce, he always comes back and I wanted so badly to...but I was wrong, wasn’t I? This time he’s really gone, forever.”

“Pepper, I’m so sorry,” Bruce said, still holding her.

“You probably think I’m an idiot, or crazy,” Pepper mumbled into Bruce’s shoulder.

“No, never. You were in shock, in denial. It’s normal, it doesn’t make you crazy or stupid or anything except in pain.” Pepper’s only response was to lean harder into Bruce. “God, Pepper, I wish you were right, so much. Every day, before I go in there, I tell myself today might be the day we find him, bring him home. But…”

“It never is,” Pepper finished. “And...it never will be, I know it won’t. Fuck, Bruce, he’s never coming home again, _fuck_.”

“No, he’s not,” Bruce confirmed gently. “I’m...I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say.”

“Don’t say anything,” Pepper muttered, still leaning her face into Bruce’s shirt. “Just stay.”

“Of course,” he whispered. He started to rub her back again and she nuzzled even further into his shoulder.

Bruce stayed silent and let Pepper sob for a long as she needed. He’d known it was only a matter of time but that didn’t make Pepper’s breakdown any less awful to witness.

He’d only said it to make Pepper feel better, but it wasn’t actually a lie: Bruce _did_ entertain the idea that they might find something every day, but he never actually _believed_ they would. It occurred to him that keeping the portal open now might be too much for Pepper to deal with and, if she asked, of course he’d shut the entire thing down in a second. 

But she wouldn’t ask. Bruce knew she wouldn’t ask because, he realized, she still wasn’t acknowledging Tony’s death. The basis of her breakdown was that she accepted they were never going to _find_ Tony. She never said anything about there being no Tony left for them to find. Still, this was a big step in the right direction. A difficult, painful step, but a necessary one, and Bruce had no intention of pushing her any further than that until she was ready. 

Bruce wasn’t sure what he’d do if Pepper was never ready to accept that Tony wasn’t just lost, he was dead. 

“Are you okay?” Bruce asked hesitantly, once Pepper stopped crying but remained curled into his side.

“I’m fine,” Pepper answered, at last lifting her head and looking at him. He brushed her hair out of her face again and she smiled. “Bruce, I’m sorry you-”

“You don’t need to apologize.”

“I...I’m glad you were here,” Pepper said quietly. She averted her eyes and looked down at her lap. “Thank you. I...I needed you here. I think I still do.”

“You’re stuck with me, remember?” Bruce said. Pepper hummed in approval and sat up straight, still resting her head on Bruce’s shoulder. He expected her to shrug his arm off her back but instead she adjusted herself so he could hold her closer. She was still clutching the arc reactor against her chest. Her breathing hitched and Bruce thought she was about to start crying again, but instead she closed her eyes, took a few deep breaths, then leaned her head back against the wall with a deep sigh.

Bruce heard whirring and when he looked he saw Dum-E roll closer to Pepper and slowly extend his arm toward her, opening and closing the claw and beeping sporadically. Without opening her eyes, Pepper patted the arm and the beeps immediately became louder and faster.

Now that Bruce had the opportunity to observe Dum-E up close he started to realize what a marvel of engineering and AI the simple-looking robot was. Dum-E appeared to be fully autonomous and sentient, moreso than any robot Bruce had ever heard of outside comic books and sci-fi movies. At first Bruce had been skeptical that Dum-E could really understand what Pepper was saying but the more he thought about Dum-E’s simple act of bringing Pepper the arc reactor the more impressed he was at the complexities of not only understanding what Pepper was saying, but processing that information against existing memories to determine an appropriate reaction almost immediately. Despite the name, Dum-E was brilliant.

The fact that Tony kept a robot like Dum-E hidden away in his lab didn’t surprise Bruce at all.

Pepper shifted next to him and stood up, brushing herself off and reassuring Dum-E that she was okay without loosening her grip on the reactor. Bruce stayed on the ground for a moment, suddenly feeling cold and lonely without Pepper at his side. He shook his head, stood up, and was suddenly bombarded by Dum-E’s claw. The bot appeared to be examining Bruce from head to toe; Bruce looked helplessly at Pepper and Pepper laughed.

“Dum-E, cut it out. Don’t terrorize Bruce, I like him too much to let you scare him away.” 

Dum-E backed off immediately, ducking his arm and turning to Pepper. Bruce was reminded of a puppy caught in the act of chewing up a shoe. 

“Bruce, meet Dum-E. Dum-E, this is Bruce.” Pepper said. She looked over her shoulder. “U, come over here and meet Bruce.” A robot almost identical to Dum-E obediently rolled over and joined in Dum-E’s thorough investigation of Bruce, which had resumed as soon as they’d been introduced. 

“Okay guys, that’s enough,” Pepper laughed after Dum-E tugged on Bruce’s shirt. Bruce usually didn’t like being touched - for pretty obvious reasons - but he was ready to let Dum-E intrude on his personal space indefinitely because Pepper was enjoying it so much. He hadn’t heard her laugh so genuinely for this long since he’d met her and he didn’t want to make her stop just because he might get a little uncomfortable. The Other Guy had no interest in any of it and barely stirred, even when Dum-E accidentally pinched his arm trying to grab his sleeve.

U and Dum-E backed off at Pepper’s command, though, after Dum-E snuck in one last poke in the leg. Pepper moved next to Bruce and they watched the bots beep and whir as though they were in the middle of a heated discussion. Bruce stole a glance and was happy to see Pepper still smiling. 

“Dum-E, U, Bruce is friends with Tony too, like me and Rhodey.” Pepper moved so she was on the other side of the bots. She spoke to them conversationally but her eyes never left Bruce while she was talking. “He’s a new friend, though. That’s why you never met him before. Would it be okay if Bruce came to see you guys sometimes? LIke Rhodey and I do?” Bruce raised his eyebrows and Pepper’s expression shifted from carefully optimistic to pleading. Bruce thought about it for a moment, then shrugged, and Pepper’s face lit up.

The bots checked Bruce out one last time before Pepper sent them off to do a variety of odd jobs around the lab.

“That’s okay, right?”

“Yeah,” Bruce said and Pepper smiled again. “They’re kind of amazing, you know. I mean, I’m not _surprised_ Tony had this kind of tech hanging around his lab but they’re really remarkable. When did he build them?”

“He made Dum-E at MIT, I think he was 16. U came a couple of years later,” Pepper said casually. Bruce had assumed the bots were made fairly recently, maybe a decade ago, give or take a year or two, but apparently he was off by at least twice that.

“And JARVIS?”

“JARVIS has been around for...eight or nine years?”

“I first came online eight years, seven months, and twenty-two days ago, to be exact,” JARVIS supplied.

“It took Tony more than a year to make him, though. Jim helped.” Pepper smiled fondly. 

“Were you working for Tony by then?” Bruce asked, genuinely curious, but he instantly regretted bringing it up.

“Oh, yes,” Pepper replied after a beat. She was still smiling but she had a far-away look on her face and she was holding the reactor to her chest again. “I was Tony’s PA for almost twelve years before he made me CEO. Nobody else even lasted a week.”

“Oh,” Bruce muttered. Before Iron Man, Tony’s reputation had been...less than stellar and it was no shock to learn that nobody could stand to be his assistant for any length of time, regardless of the undoubtedly obscene salary. Nobody except Pepper.

Natasha’s words suddenly ran through his head. _She’s a remarkable person and I respect remarkable people._ Bruce thought he’d understood what she meant at the time but, somehow, he found Pepper more remarkable with every passing day.

“Hey, Pepper?” Pepper immediately snapped out of the daze she’d slipped into. “Hungry?”

“I...no,” Pepper said. “I don’t think I could keep anything down right now, honestly.”

“I had a feeling,” Bruce said, smiling sympathetically. Even though she was doing a good job pretending she felt fine, that kind of hurt didn’t disappear so easily and Bruce knew she would be feeling the effects of her breakdown for at least the rest of the day, probably longer. “So, what exactly does robot-sitting entail? I didn’t see a job description before I signed on.”

“Oh, it’s easy,” Pepper said. She launched into a description of the various tactics she and Jim employed to entertain the robots, tricks to get Dum-E to behave when he was feeling particularly rebellious, jobs to assign them, many of which involved surreptitiously making a mess just so there was something to clean up, and Bruce only half paid attention because he’d gotten a pretty good idea of what he was in for just from watching her interact with the bots. He knew the question would bring her back down to earth, though, so he let her go into as much detail as she wanted to about the reasons Dum-E was under no circumstances allowed to use the fire extinguisher. 

“I usually come down here every other day or so, Jim comes when he can, so between the three of us we should - oh! I forgot! You need a hand scan to get in here, JARVIS can only override if there’s an emergency - and, by the way, I don’t consider me crying to be an _emergency_ , JARVIS. But that’s neither here nor there, you really should’ve been added already, actually.”

Pepper pulled him by the arm toward the door and Bruce knew by now it would be useless to remind Pepper that grabbing him unexpectedly was generally not the best idea, because Pepper was now third on the list of people who knew what Bruce was and still treated him like any other normal person. Bruce knew he could have tried a little harder to get his point across, but he also knew Pepper was just as stubborn as Tony and Betty and nothing he could say would change her mind, so he almost never bothered protesting anymore. He wondered if she had any idea how much he secretly appreciated her casual disregard for the dangers inherent in being friends with Bruce Banner.

“Which clearance level shall Dr. Banner be assigned?” JARVIS spoke up as Bruce was letting the tiny camera scan his eye for the third time; of course, he’d gotten the strongest urge to blink as soon as he was instructed to keep his eye open and still.

“Level One,” Pepper replied casually, after a second.

“Are you certain, Ms. Potts?” JARVIS sounded surprised, or possibly skeptical. 

“Of course,” Pepper answered immediately. 

“Very well. Dr. Banner’s credentials are now active and he has been allotted Level One clearance and controls.”

“Which entails…” Bruce trailed off, waiting for either Pepper or JARVIS to finish his sentence.

“Everything, really,” Pepper said. “Level One’s the top, besides Tony obviously. You’ve got the same authority as me or Jim and that’s basically everything.”

“Pepper, are you sure-”

“Yes, I’m sure,” Pepper cut him off. “I trust you, Bruce. And I’m positive Tony’d do the same thing, he’d probably be mad I didn’t do it months ago.”

“Well, thanks for...your trust? I guess?” Bruce shrugged. 

“Thank Tony,” Pepper said sadly. “Everything’s changed and, as usual, it’s all his fault. He’d be so proud.” 

“I...hey!” Bruce jumped and he felt the Other Guy startle at the same time, which was never a good thing ( _No no no, it’s okay, we’re safe, it was just Dum-E._ ) The Other Guy settled down and Bruce blinked his eyes open slowly. Dum-E was in front of him, watching innocently as though he hadn’t just rammed into Bruce’s shins for no particular reason.

“Not a great idea, Dum-E,” Bruce said, giving the bot a disapproving look. He could feel Pepper watching him closely and he turned to her and smiled. “I’m fine. Wasn’t expecting that but...we’re good.”

“Good,” Pepper echoed softly. Then she turned to Dum-E. “What was that all about?” 

Dum-E beeped and whirred and set off across the room toward the sink. Pepper watched him go, then laughed. 

“Dum-E likes you, Bruce. He made you a smoothie, look.”

“He what?” Bruce asked, but he looked at Dum-E and, sure enough, the bot was pouring some kind of thick green concoction into a clear plastic tumbler. “Why is it green?”

“They’re always green,” Pepper laughed. “Nothing personal. And don’t worry, JARVIS won’t let him make anything poisonous. Go, before he makes a mess trying to bring it over here.” She put her hand on Bruce’s back and pushed him lightly toward Dum-E. Bruce looked over his shoulder, saw Pepper smiling again, and went to claim his smoothie.

It wasn’t a bad smoothie, considering it was made by a robot from who knows what ingredients. Dum-E had dumped the dirty blender in the sink, so Bruce told him to clean it up, which he reluctantly did. Bruce watched him with the hint of a smile dancing on his lips; if anyone could program a robot to be petulant, it was Tony. 

Bruce glanced over to Pepper and found her on the couch, concentrating intently on whatever she was doing on her tablet. It turned out to be Stark Industries work, which Bruce discovered when she swiped the screen and a series of holographic charts appeared in front of her. 

He was silently debating whether or not he should suggest they relocate to Pepper’s office or upstairs or anywhere that wasn’t so full of Tony, but before he made up his mind his phone rang and his attention shifted to helping Jane make sense of some inconsistencies in her data. He stole a few glances at Pepper who was still working, albeit a bit slower than usual, but stopped when she caught him watching and playfully glared in his direction.

Bruce was on speaker with Jane (and Darcy, whose well-timed interjections made Bruce laugh more than they should have) when he heard Pepper clear her throat. He looked at her and sat up straight when he realized she was crying again. Hastily ending his conversation, he hurried to the couch where Pepper was currently curled up into herself and sobbing as hard as she’d been when Bruce first found her. 

After wavering for a second or two, he gingerly sat down next to her and let her cling to his side and cry into his shoulder again. He wanted to ask what had triggered it this time but he realized it didn’t matter. 

“Shhh, Pepper,” Bruce murmured as he shifted so Pepper was leaning on him more fully. “Pepper, you’re okay. Shhh.”

Besides his whispered assurances Bruce didn’t talk while Pepper cried, just kept his arm around her and made several attempts at brushing her hair out of her face, which was apparently a lost cause because it fell back in front of her eyes almost immediately every time. 

Pepper calmed down slowly, transitioning from heaving sobs to steady tears to quiet, sporadic sniffs, never letting go of Bruce. She’d been quiet for almost a minute and Bruce was about to suggest they eat something when he realized she’d fallen asleep. He carefully adjusted her so her head rested on his leg instead of against his shoulder at a weird angle that would most likely be painful when she woke up. Once she looked relatively comfortable, he rummaged through his pocket until he found his phone and started to go over the data Jane had sent him. He was having trouble because the screen was so tiny which JARVIS must have figured out somehow because, suddenly, the data was floating in front of him just like Pepper’s graphs had been earlier. 

“Thanks JARVIS,” Bruce whispered. He peeked down at Pepper who was still fast asleep and then got to work on Jane’s data. He saw the data she was stuck on and pulled up a graph, then laughed to himself when he saw that Darcy was right and the graph did in fact look like a lumpy penis. 

“Bruce?” Pepper muttered. Bruce had completely lost track of time and the sound of Pepper’s voice startled him. 

“Hey, Pepper,” he said softly. He flailed his hand toward his work hoping JARVIS would get the point and apparently he did, because the holograms disappeared almost instantly. “How’re you feeling?”

“Okay,” Pepper muttered unconvincingly. “What time is it?”

“It’s...wow, it’s already 10:30?” Bruce double checked his phone, just to be sure it was actually that late. “Hungry yet?” Pepper made a noise and shook her head, which was still resting on Bruce’s leg. Then she finally looked up at him with her red puffy eyes and her tear-stained cheeks. 

“I think I just want to go to bed,” she said before yawning. Bruce helped her up, then followed her into the elevator and stood silently next to her as they rode to his floor. The door opened but, before Bruce even took one step Pepper grabbed him by the wrist and tugged him toward her. 

“Pepper…” Bruce started, gently pulling his arm back. Pepper didn’t let go.

“Please, Bruce. Just for tonight,” she whispered, sounding more vulnerable than Bruce could ever have imagined. “I...I need you nearby.” Bruce looked at Pepper, still holding him by the wrist, and he saw that she was avoiding his eyes, like she was ashamed to admit she needed his help.

“Just for tonight,” Bruce sighed. Pepper’s eyes lit up and she squeezed his wrist.

“Thank you, Bruce,” she said sincerely. She gave him a weak smile just as the elevator reached her floor. She pulled him into her bedroom and disappeared into the bathroom. Bruce looked around the room Pepper had been sleeping in for months and it made him sad to see the room almost completely devoid of anything that might have personal meaning to Pepper. He wondered what the room she’d shared with Tony looked like - he doubted two such vibrant people would have slept in a room as generic and bland as this one.

“All yours,” Pepper said, emerging from the bathroom wearing soft cotton shorts and what was undoubtedly one of Tony’s old Metallica t-shirts. She looked better - she’d washed her face and no longer seemed ready to burst into tears at a moment’s notice, but no amount of soap and water could make her eyes look any less sad. 

Bruce washed up, brushed his teeth with the toothbrush Pepper had laid out for him, and stripped down to his boxers and undershirt. He normally just slept in his boxers but he was uncomfortable even thinking about doing so in front of Pepper.

Carrying his clothes in a neatly-folded pile, Bruce left the bathroom and headed for the couch he assumed he’d be sleeping on.

“Bruce,” Pepper said before he could even sit down. He looked up slowly, hoping she wasn’t about to ask what he knew was coming. Sure enough, as soon as he was looking up, Pepper patted the empty side of her bed and looked at him with those pleading eyes. Sighing, Bruce put his clothes on the couch and sat on the edge of the bed with his back to Pepper.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to make anything weird.”

“We’re just sleeping, Bruce,” Pepper said. “Nothing weird about that. It’s...I just really don’t want to be alone tonight.”

“Okay,” Bruce sighed. He looked at Pepper and her sad smile, then got under the covers and tried not to think about all the reasons he felt so uncomfortable. Pepper lay down next to him and smiled again; Bruce smiled back. Then Pepper sat up, leaned over, and gave Bruce a chaste kiss on the cheek.

“Thank you, Bruce,” she breathed. She was back under the covers before he could manage a reply. The lights dimmed and Pepper sighed contentedly and Bruce settled in and tried to ignore the growing list of reasons he knew he shouldn’t be doing this. Finally, a long time after Pepper had fallen asleep, he felt himself start to drift off. Though Bruce was usually a light sleeper, he somehow managed to sleep right through Pepper curling up against his chest. 

At least, that’s what he told himself, because while he had no memory of Pepper getting that close he did hazily recall wrapping his arms around her and pulling her closer. He supposed he could have written that off as an unconscious reaction to Pepper’s touch but he was pretty sure smelling her hair and whispering her name and nuzzling the top of her head with his face were a little bit beyond basic instinct and raised a whole bunch of questions Bruce was in no way prepared to deal with. Lucky for him he wouldn’t have to because, as far as he was concerned, he’d slept straight through the whole thing and had nothing to do with whatever weird shit happened to him while he was asleep.

Bruce spent most of the next day convincing himself he could never do that again, no matter how desperately Pepper pleaded. He was too dangerous, she was too much of a mess, she needed him to be a friend, not anything more, he still didn’t want to be her stand-in for Tony, she was still in denial and in no position to be rushing into anything, especially not with him. 

He got all the way to dinner telling himself no but it didn’t even take five minutes for Pepper to get him to reluctantly change his mind, just for one more night.

Bruce only slept in his own bed twice in the ensuing weeks, when Pepper went to Malibu. Every night they fell asleep on opposite sides of the bed and every morning they woke up curled up together somehow, which Pepper never mentioned and Bruce pretended didn’t mean anything.


	8. Chapter 8

“Bruce?”

Bruce squinted his eyes open and groaned at the light. He pushed himself up to a sitting position and rubbed his eyes before opening them again.

“Darcy? What’re you doing here?” Bruce paused and glanced around at his surroundings. “And where’s here?”

“SHIELD HQ. I think we’re in the sub-basement or something.” Darcy handed Bruce a pile of clothes which he took gratefully - someone had managed to get a pair of boxers on him but he still felt exposed, especially in front of Darcy. He dressed quickly, wincing whenever he found a post-Hulk sore spot.

“Where’s everyone else? Are they...I didn’t...did I?” Bruce’s mind started racing at the thought of his having hurt one of his friends. 

“No, no, Shrek only smashed the bad guys,” Darcy said quickly. “But, uh, there’s a...situation.”

“What kind of situation?”

“You know the team you guys got called in to help?” Bruce nodded. “Well, apparently they forgot to mention _whose_ team needed the Avengers to save their asses. Here’s a hint: he stole my iPod. Need another one? He’s supposed to be _dead_.”

“... _What_??” Bruce was on his feet before he caught up with himself. 

“ _Right_?!” Darcy practically shouted. “Oh my god, Bruce, it was _epic_ , apparently Coulson isn’t just not dead, he has his own secret SHIELD team! I guess they were, like, seriously in trouble so they had to call in the Avengers to bail them out. Fury better be glad you were out before Natasha found Coulson hiding out in that bigass plane.”

“Where are they?” Bruce ran his hand back through his hair and tried to process what he’d just learned. 

“Um, last I saw Clint, Jim, and some super hot dude from Coulson’s team were in medical and everyone else was in Fury’s office. I thought Steve was actually going to break down the door before Pepper stopped him.”

“Pepper? Pepper’s here?”

“Yeah, you don’t remember?” Darcy said. “She was there when the call came in, me and her, and there wasn’t enough time to drop us back at the Tower.”

“Fuck, so she knows… _fuck_ ,” Bruce muttered. “You know where Fury’s office is?”

“Yeah,” Darcy said, looking excited at the chance to go back up to the action. Bruce didn’t pay attention to where Darcy was leading him because he was too busy trying to keep himself calm. He knew that, despite the control he’d developed, the only thing keeping the Other Guy from coming out and smashing his way into Fury’s office was his lingering exhaustion from transforming so recently. 

Darcy stopped short and Bruce almost ran into her. They’d reached Fury’s office and a frenzied secretary was attempting to stop Darcy from getting in. Darcy was arguing loudly but Bruce put his hand on her shoulder to quiet her while he looked at the secretary with the most exaggerated glare he could manage. He could see the moment when the secretary realized who he was and stepped aside without a word. 

“Awesome,” Darcy breathed as she followed Bruce down the short hallway to Fury’s office. 

“Dr. Banner, how nice of you to join us,” Fury said flatly. He was standing behind his desk, arms crossed, facing down Steve, Thor, and Natasha. “Will you be staying long or should we be expecting someone else in your place?”

“What the fuck is going on?” Bruce half-growled. Then something moved in the corner of his eye and he glanced at it. It was Pepper and she was crying and beaming and she buried her face in Bruce’s shoulder as soon as he reached her. He wrapped his arm around her back and held her close to his chest. 

“Rumors of Coulson’s death were apparently exaggerated,” Natasha hissed. Her eyes were fixed on Fury and Bruce suddenly understood why the mere mention of the Black Widow was enough to send her targets running for the hills. 

“Agent Coulson was, by definition, dead at the time, Dr. Banner,” Fury drawled. “Nobody lied to anyone about that.”

“It was a dirty trick, Director, and you know it,” Steve fumed. 

“You stood by as we mourned for our fallen brother,” Thor added. “We _still_ mourn for the valiant Son of Coul. To discover our grief was unnecessary is most disgraceful by the standards of any realm.”

“It’s...complicated. Gentlemen, ladies, there’s much more happening here than any of you are ever going to know. The Avengers weren’t supposed to be called in today, the only reason Agent Coulson authorized it was because the circumstances were very literally life-and-death. But Agent Coulson was more than complicit in keeping his survival classified. That wasn’t all on me.”

“Bullshit,” Bruce grunted. 

“Agreed,” Natasha added, still glaring at Fury. “Lucky I didn’t _kill_ him for real like I should have. It’s rarely a good thing to run into your dead C.O. looking alive and well.”

“Is he well?” Pepper asked. “I know he’s in medical right now but in general, he’s okay?”

“That information is classified, Ms. Potts,” Fury said, sounding incredibly bored by the proceedings. “But SHIELD doesn’t tend to assign high-clearance special-ops teams to agents in ill health.” Fury raised an eyebrow at Pepper and she smiled broadly. Then Fury turned his attention to Steve and Thor across the room and after Natasha left to go check on Clint a few minutes later Bruce was left with Pepper and Darcy. 

“I don’t think I’ll believe it until I see him in person,” Pepper said thoughtfully. 

“I dunno, Natasha’s reaction’s proof enough for me,” Darcy replied. Pepper laughed. “Hey, d’ya think anyone told Clint yet?”

“If he’s still in medical and medical’s still in one piece, I’ll go with no,” Bruce said. “Fury better watch his back.”

“Are you threatening me, Dr. Banner?” Bruce jumped when Fury was suddenly looming over his shoulder. 

“Pretty sure you’d hear me coming,” Bruce smirked. Fury wasn’t amused. “No, we were just discussing how Clint’s going to take the news, that’s all.” A vein bulged on Fury’s forehead and Bruce got the impression Fury had considered the issue before. Fury grunted and turned back to Steve and Thor. 

“I think that means you’re right,” Darcy snorted. She looked at her phone for the third time in about thirty seconds. “Ugh, Jane, where _are_ you? I can’t believe she’s not here for this.”

“Bruce, what’s wrong?” Pepper whispered, touching his cheek. 

“Nothing.”

“Are you coming with me to see Phil?”

“Not right away,” Bruce said. “I met the man for maybe five minutes and I’d be really uncomfortable when the rest of you know him so much better.”

“That doesn’t matter,” Pepper said. “But you don’t have to come if you don’t want to. I know you’re still drained from the fight, too. Have you eaten?”

“I...no,” Bruce realized. Pepper rolled her eyes and pushed his hair back. 

“Okay, you eat while I go visit Phil, then. I hope he’s in good enough shape to talk because I have a ton of questions.”

Bruce was about to playfully scold Pepper for being too overbearing but he stopped when he recognized the look in Pepper’s eyes. His heart sank as he realized exactly what kinds of questions Pepper had in mind. 

“Pepper, maybe you should-”

“Director Fury, you - oh!” A familiar voice cut through the room and Bruce smiled when he caught eyes with a visibly flustered Simmons. When she saw him, she grinned and waved. “Hi Dr. Banner!” 

“Agent Simmons, what are you doing here?” Fury demanded.

“Oh, the doctor sent me up here to tell you that Coulson’s being discharged. He wants to speak with you right away.”

“Of course he does,” Fury muttered. He glared at everyone individually one last time before stalking out of the room. 

“Agent Hill said some of you probably want to visit?” Simmons said meekly. Bruce wasn’t sure if it was Steve or Thor - or both - making her suddenly so intimidated. 

“Now?” Pepper perked up and her grip tightened on Bruce’s arm. Simmons nodded and Pepper looked at Bruce with shining eyes. He gave her a tight smile in return. She kissed his cheek, then rushed to follow Simmons, Thor, and Darcy out of the room. Oddly, Steve hung back.

“You’re not going with them?” Bruce asked as he stepped toward Steve. 

“I’ll visit Agent Coulson later. They’re all probably going to overwhelm him as it is.”

“Good point,” Bruce said. “Hungry? I’m heading out for food right now.”

“Yeah, actually, I didn’t realize how hungry I was, too distracted by...this.” Steve gestured around the empty room. 

“Me too,” Bruce admitted. He and Steve were quiet until they were out of the building. The silence wasn’t uncomfortable, quite the opposite, at least to Bruce. One of the things Bruce liked most about Steve was their shared appreciation of silence amidst the chaos that was their lives. 

“Is something wrong?” Steve asked suddenly, breaking the silence. Bruce only looked at him, so Steve went on. “”I know you don’t know Coulson too well either but back up there I got the impression something else was bothering you.”

“I...yeah,” Bruce sighed, crossing his arms and looking up at Steve. “It’s Pepper. She’s so...I don’t know if this is going to be very good for her.”

“What, Coulson?” Steve asked. “I thought they were friends?”

“They are. That’s why I’m worried.”

“I’m confused,” Steve stated. “She’s got her friend back, why… _oh_.”

“Yeah,” Bruce said. “Exactly. She’s finally starting to...not accept it, I guess, but at least acknowledge that Tony’s really gone. She hasn’t given up hope, of course, but I think she’s finally realized that she can’t just wait around for him to come back. She told me as much, that in the back of her mind she knows he’s not coming back. And she’s dealing with that. Finally.” Bruce sighed and shook his head. “She’s so happy and I wish I could be happy for her but I can’t, not after she had that look on her face.”

“I didn’t even think about that,” Steve admitted. “But now I get what you’re worried about. Pepper’s not that happy just because Coulson’s alive, is she?”

“Oh, she’s happy about that, of course,” Bruce said. “But she’s...I have a feeling most of what she’s taking away from this is that dead people don’t have to stay dead. People you thought were gone forever can come back. And that’s the last thing she needs to be getting her hopes up about.” Bruce shook his head again, this time with his eyes shut, and he jumped when he felt Steve’s strong arm across his back.

“Sorry,” Steve said, withdrawing his arm and looking Bruce in the eye. Bruce shrugged and Steve smiled as he put his arm right back over Bruce’s shoulders. “Bruce, I don’t think you need to worry this much. It’s not great but as long as she’s got you there, I think she’ll end up okay.”

“I...what? What are you talking about? I’m not...”

“Bruce, c’mon. Whatever you two are, it’s good for her,” Steve said gently. He squeezed Bruce’s shoulder for a second, then released him. “It’s good for you, too, I think.

“We’re not--”

“None of my business,” Steve smiled, shaking his head. “But you’ve clearly got her best interests in mind and she trusts you, so just talk to her, tell her what you told me, and I think she’ll listen.”

“I hope you’re right,” Bruce muttered. “We’re not, you know. Together, or whatever, that’s not what’s going on. She’s…”

“It’s okay, Bruce,” Steve said. “Just keep doing whatever you’re doing and she’ll be okay. You both will. Thai?”

“Huh?” Bruce grunted before realizing they’d stopped walking and were standing in front of a Thai restaurant. “Sure.” 

Bruce and Steve didn’t talk much while they were eating, and Steve didn’t mention Pepper again, not even when they were walking back to Stark Tower and she called Bruce to tell him about her visit with Coulson. 

Later, Bruce meant to talk to Pepper about his concerns, just like Steve had advised, but she and Natasha spent much of the evening quietly discussing the Coulson situation and, even though Bruce knew Natasha was his ally in keeping Pepper from completely falling apart, he was worried Natasha’s own emotional state was too shaken, too volatile in response to the day’s shocking discovery that she couldn’t be the solid, straightforward support she usually was for Pepper and might even unintentionally make things worse instead of helping. He was also in no rush to take away from Pepper’s happiness by turning a good thing into another horrible reminder of Tony’s loss, so, against his better judgement, he kept his mouth shut and let her be happy about Coulson. 

When he finally did bring it up several days later, Pepper immediately downplayed his concerns and assured him it wasn’t a problem, she knew the difference between Coulson and Tony and she still knew Tony wasn’t coming back, and she told Bruce to stop worrying so much. Bruce wanted to believe her, and he really tried to stop worrying, but a fresh wave of doubt hit him every time he caught her looking optimistic, even hopeful, whenever she mentioned Tony or the portal over the next few weeks.


	9. Chapter 9

Bruce was in the middle of his third trial of the portable, solar-powered water purification system he’d developed with SI R&D when he heard the door to his lab open.

“One second,” he said without looking up from his work; he knew it was Pepper and he didn’t want to disrupt his work when she was most likely only asking about dinner plans or reminding him about his meeting later that afternoon.

“One,” Pepper counted and Bruce could almost hear her smirk. Smiling to himself, he shook his head and kept adjusting the filters. He heard Pepper shift on her feet. “It’s quick, I promise.”

“Okay,” Bruce consented. “I’m listening, I just need to keep an eye on this until it’s done.”

“That’s fine,” Pepper said. “I just wanted to make sure you know that Tony and I have an open relationship.”

Bruce froze and stared straight through his filters and the table underneath them.

“Excuse me?” he finally managed, not looking up.

“We have an open relationship, we see other people. I assumed you knew that but I was starting to think you might need a reminder.”

“Pepper,” Bruce sighed. He finally abandoned his trial and looked up. She was still standing in the doorway and she was dressed for work; the only thing that made her look less professional than usual was the slight blushing across her cheeks and the way she was biting her lip anxiously.

“Pepper, look-”

“Not right now, I really do have to get back to work,” Pepper said, cutting him off before he could finish the thought. “But I mean it, Bruce. And if that’s what you’re afraid of…”

“I’m not _afraid_ , Pepper,” Bruce sighed, stepping out from behind his lab table and unconsciously rolling up his sleeves. “I just don’t think it’s a good idea. It… _we_ wouldn’t work.”

“Why not, and I don’t want to hear a _word_ about the Hulk, Bruce, you and I both know it’s not about that.” Pepper advanced on Bruce and stared him straight in the eye, which made both him and the Other Guy uncomfortable. He cleared his throat and crossed his arms defensively, but Pepper didn’t budge. 

“It’s not a good idea because you - both of us - are still reeling from To...from some incredibly traumatic things, Pepper. I like you, I really do, and maybe under different circumstances it could’ve worked out. But I can’t just be your...your rebound. I can’t replace him and we’re both just going to get hurt if we try to pretend that’s not what’s happening.” Pepper was still staring him down and, when she caught his eye, she narrowed her eyes slightly and crossed her arms. 

“How many times do I have to tell you that I’m not trying to replace Tony?” Pepper spoke carefully, an obvious edge sharpening her words, and remained entirely focused on Bruce. “Nothing can replace him, not ever. Nobody can even come close. But even if I thought you could I would never ask you to try. I like _you_ , Bruce, trying to turn you into Tony would be insulting to all three of us.” Pepper dropped her arms and relaxed her face into a soft half-smile. “Unless you’re just not interested? Tell me, I promise I can take it.”

“No,” Bruce said, too quickly, and Pepper didn’t even try to hide her smirk. “It’s...it’s not that. Not at all. I’m...I worry, Pepper, I worry about you and I don’t think you’re ready to be rushing into _anything_ right now, not with...everything you’ve been going through. Maybe you’re not trying to replace him, not consciously, but until you really, truly believe he’s dead you can’t-”

“I can’t what?” Pepper interrupted, sharply enough that Bruce flinched. When he didn’t immediately respond she narrowed her eyes again and gave him a wicked smile. “Think very carefully about what you’re going to say, Bruce.”

“Pepper,” Bruce sighed. “Dead or alive Tony’s always going to come first for you. I understand that, you’ll always be Tony’s-”

“I’m not Tony’s anything,” Pepper snapped, seeming legitimately annoyed for the first time. Then she relaxed with a groan and took another step toward Bruce. “Please don’t do this to me, Bruce. Tony...you know I know how _insane_ this all is, I know we’ll never find him and he’ll never come back. I know that but I _choose_ to believe in him anyway. I know what I’m doing and it doesn’t mean I’m fragile or unstable or delusional or whatever you’re thinking. Tony’s been my entire life for more than a decade, I can’t push aside everything he means to me in a few months, I don’t think I ever can. But...Bruce, you mean more to me every day and I want you to stay here, in my life, with me. I...I need you, I don’t think you know how much you’ve helped me. And unless I’m totally off-track I think you feel very much the same. About me. You do, don’t you?”

“Of course I do,” Bruce muttered, hugging himself with his crossed arms and bowing his head. “You’re...you’re amazing, Pepper, and I want to hold onto that as long as I can. But...this feels wrong. Open relationship or not, as long as you think Tony might be alive I’ll feel like I’m going behind his back.” Bruce looked up and Pepper was closer, staring at him with huge eyes. Then she laughed.

“Bruce, I can promise you the only problem Tony would have with us together is that he wasn’t invited. I’m serious,” Pepper paused, then laughed to herself. “Would you?”

“Would I what?”

“Invite him.”

“I…” Bruce thought about it for a moment as though he didn’t already know the answer. “Yeah, I guess I would.”

“Thought so. So where’s the problem?” Pepper grinned, but her smile fell when her phone started vibrating in her pocket. She pulled the phone out just enough to read her message, then slid it back with a sigh. “I have to go. Just...please, think about it. You don’t need to make a decision today, take as much time as you need.”

“I will,” Bruce replied, as though he had a chance of thinking about anything else for the rest of the day. 

“Good,” Pepper smiled. She touched his arm lightly, then leaned in to kiss him on the cheek which she did on a fairly regular basis but suddenly seemed so much more significant. 

“Enchiladas tonight?”

“It’s a date!” Pepper winked at Bruce, making him blush and look away. “Oh, Bruce, don’t forget about your PR meeting at 4:30. We really need to get the new line off the ground soon and Bridget needs your feedback before she can finish up.”

Bruce nodded with a grunt, then waved at Pepper as she left the room. He went back to his workspace with a heavy sigh, briefly considered rerunning his abandoned trial, but pushed all his materials aside after a moment because he knew trying to get anything done after that was hopeless. 

So Pepper actually wanted a relationship with Bruce, something more than the playful flirtation they both engaged in regularly. Bruce wasn’t surprised - after all, he’d long ago realized he wanted the same thing - but he’d hoped to keep avoiding the uncomfortable subject indefinitely. 

Bruce’s feelings had only gotten more complicated when he realized his own hypocrisy. He’d accused Pepper more than once of using him to replace Tony, but she hadn’t ever called him out for doing the same thing to her. It wasn’t like he was _trying_ to replace Betty but she and Pepper were so alike in so many ways and just as Tony was the standard Pepper held all her relationships against, Bruce always thought of Pepper as being like Betty, never the other way around. 

As much as Bruce felt like his and Pepper’s relationship was built around the absence of Tony Stark, he knew it was just as structured by the lack of Betty Ross. He’d always be in love with Betty, Pepper would always be in love with Tony, and any kind of romance he and Pepper might have would always be, at its core, a sad imitation of the relationships they’d both lost forever.

Of course Pepper had casually mentioned the open relationship before, more than once or twice, and even if she hadn’t he’d also heard about it from both Jim and JARVIS, undoubtedly at Pepper’s request. Still, Bruce felt an unexpected yet unshakable loyalty to Tony and being anything more than friends with Pepper would feel wrong without Tony’s consent and Bruce didn’t expect that feeling to change until Pepper really came to terms with Tony’s death - if she ever did. 

“Hey, JARVIS,” Bruce said suddenly. 

“Yes, Doctor Banner?”

“Before, when Pepper was talking about their open relationship...I don’t know how much information you’re allowed to give me…”

“Ms. Potts has instructed me to provide you with as much information on the subject as I find appropriate.”

“Of course she has,” Bruce muttered. “And I assume your definition of ‘appropriate’ is much in line with Tony’s, no?”

“Similar in leniency, yes, but my sense of discretion far surpasses Sir’s.”

“I imagine that’s a good thing,” Bruce said. “So, uh...I’m not sure if you were listening to our conversation? When she told me more about her, you know, open relationship? With Tony? And, um…”

“I assume you are referring to Ms. Potts’ assertion that Sir would do more than simply approve of your potential relationship?”

“I...yeah,” Bruce said, wondering if JARVIS was actually advanced enough to discern Bruce’s underlying motivation or if Bruce was just that obvious. “Was she...I figured that was a joke or something, to try and persuade me. But, um…”

“I cannot speak for Sir, of course, but Ms. Potts was almost certainly not joking.”

“Oh,” Bruce mumbled. He wasn’t surprised, not really, but now that JARVIS had all but confirmed Tony’s potential interest Bruce actually considered the prospect. He’d barely known Tony but in their short time together Tony had done more for Bruce than anyone ever had, maybe even more than Betty, and Bruce knew he’d spend the rest of his life in Tony’s debt. Of course he’d never be able to repay that debt, not with Tony gone, but if Tony had lived…

“JARVIS?”

“Yes?”

“Did Tony ever...uh...did Tony and Pepper ever, well…”

“Engage in sexual relations with a shared partner?”

“Yeah?” Bruce knew JARVIS wasn’t actually a person but he still felt incredibly embarrassed. 

“Sir and Ms. Potts separately pursued other partners from time to time but to my knowledge nothing further was ever seriously suggested outside of Sir’s jokes.”

“Then why would he be serious about me?”

“Once again, I cannot speak for Sir, but after considering multiple factors I can almost assure you his interest would be far more serious than his joking would suggest.”

Bruce ran his hand through his hair. Confirmation from JARVIS was as close as he’d get to Tony’s approval and, unlike Pepper, JARVIS wasn’t trying to persuade Bruce either way.

“Even so, it still...without his consent it still feels wrong, at least to me, and...well, I’m never going to get his consent. So…”

“Dr. Banner, while I am obviously not Sir, he programmed me largely in his image and, therefore, I feel confident in saying I know him better than anyone else, Ms. Potts included. With that in mind, Dr. Banner, please believe me when I say your worries are unfounded. Sir would undoubtedly appreciate your concern but I believe he would not only approve of your relationship with Ms. Potts, he would actively encourage its development. He held you both in very high esteem and I am certain his primary concern on the matter would be the happiness of both Ms. Potts and yourself. I hope this helps you with your decision.” 

“I…yeah. Yes, it does help. Thank you, JARVIS.” 

****

Bruce paid as little attention as possible during the PR meeting - Bridget was more than competent and Bruce had much more important things on his mind. A few signatures and a handshake later, Stark Industries latest self-powering tablet line was ready to launch. Bruce pulled his phone out of his pocket to text Pepper with the news, but put it back immediately and headed for the Tower’s private elevator.

“Your quarters, Doctor Banner?”

“Actually, no. I...where’s Pepper? Is she busy?”

“Ms. Potts is in her office alone and does not appear to be particularly busy at the moment.”

“Great, thanks JARVIS.” Bruce rubbed his hands together and smiled. “Let’s go.”

“Very good, Dr. Banner.”

JARVIS started the elevator toward Pepper’s office and Bruce felt his heart pounding harder with each passing floor. He checked in with the Other Guy and relaxed slightly when he realized he didn’t have anything to worry about - at least, not anything green and angry. Before he knew it, the elevator stopped and Bruce was standing in front of Pepper’s office door.

He took a deep breath, ran his hand back through his hair, and opened the door.

“Excu--oh! Bruce!” Pepper pushed her tablet and her paperwork aside and stood up when she realized who was at the door. “How was the meeting?”

“We’re ready for launch,” Bruce said. “Bridget’s tying up all the loose ends right now.”

“Oh, good. I can finally cross that off my list,” Pepper smiled. “So, besides that, what’s up? Unless you were bored enough to come all this way just to tell me that?”

“Well, actually,” Bruce started. He looked at Pepper - who was watching Bruce curiously, her head cocked slightly - closed his eyes, took another deep breath, then crossed the distance between them in a few long strides and kissed her.

Bruce had no idea what he’d been so nervous about, since Pepper had made her feelings very clear, and all his anxiety vanished when Pepper responded to the kiss enthusiastically, pulling Bruce closer and tangling her fingers in his hair. 

“Looks like you made up your mind pretty quickly,” Pepper teased as soon as they pulled apart. 

“Well, it didn’t end up being a very difficult decision,” Bruce shrugged. “And anyway, I think I knew what I wanted a long time ago.”

“I know you did,” Pepper grinned. “But you sure took your time catching up.”

“Yeah, well...sorry?”

“No, a little anticipation never hurt anyone.” Pepper gently touched the side of Bruce’s face, her eyes wide like she couldn’t believe what was happening. 

“Ms. Potts,” the intercom buzzed. Bruce jumped but Pepper only rolled her eyes and groaned.

“Yes, Carla?”

“I have an Aldrich Killian on line two for you? He says you’ll know.”

“Ugh, take a message, Carla,” Pepper said, wrapping her arms loosely around Bruce’s neck as she spoke. “I’m taking off for the day, actually.”

“Have a good evening,” Carla said before the intercom buzzed off. 

“Aldrich Killian?” Bruce asked.

“Ugh, I used to work for him, before Tony,” Pepper groaned. “Smart guy, but a total creep. And he was always jealous of Tony, too.”

“What’s he calling you for?”

“Speaking of jealous…” Pepper smirked, shushing Bruce’s protestation. “Who knows what he wants, I haven’t heard from him in years. Probably wants Stark Industries to invest in some crazy idea of his. Not going to happen no matter what it is, Tony would give up Iron Man before he invested a penny in AIM. C’mon, let’s go upstairs.”

Upstairs, Bruce and Pepper almost didn’t notice what was sitting in the middle of the dining room table, but Bruce saw something shiny out of the corner of his eye as they walked by and he stopped to point it out to Pepper.

“JARVIS, what’s this?” Pepper said, pointing at what appeared to be a bottle of champagne on ice and a pair of champagne flutes neatly arranged on the table.

“Col. Rhodes sends his congratulations,” JARVIS replied. “As do I.”

“You told Rhodey?” 

“Of course not, Ms. Potts. I am simply following orders given several months ago by Col. Rhodes in the event of your coupling.” 

“I’ll call and thank him in the morning,” Pepper said, smiling. She turned the bottle around to read the label. “Oh, Bruce, look! It’s sparkling cider, not champagne. Shall we?” 

“Sure,” Bruce said, taking the bottle from Pepper. They clinked their cider-filled champagne flutes, toasted to each other, and drank the cold, fizzy cider, then kissed again. 

Later that night, they went to bed and, for the first time, Bruce didn’t have to wonder how they ended up tangled together in the morning.


	10. Chapter 10

“Banner!” Bruce looked up from his work and found Nick Fury looming over his workspace.

“Director?” Bruce sighed and looked up at Fury, trying to ignore the whispering of his lab assistants. 

“Clear out,” Fury motioned to the assistants, who scowled and slouched their way out of the room without a word. Fury looked back at Bruce and drummed his fingers against the table. “Something you want to tell me, Banner?”

“I...no?” Bruce wracked his brain for anything Fury might be pissed about, but all of his recent SHIELD work had been completed ahead of deadline and the Other Guy hadn’t made a mess of any SHIELD property for months. 

“Something about you and Potts, perhaps?”

Oh.

“Uh...we, um…” Bruce floundered. “Yeah. Pepper and I are...we’re together.”

“How long has this been going on?”

“Officially? Two weeks.”

“Officially?”

“It’s...complicated,” Bruce answered lamely, not wanting to explore the complexities of his and Pepper’s relationship with Nick Fury. 

“I’m sure it is,” Fury said flatly. “Why?”

“...why?”

“You’re a smart man, Banner, and more importantly, you’re a realist. So why the hell did you think it was a good idea to get involved with Potts? I thought you were all about avoiding trouble but here you are _inviting_ it. I’m gonna need you to explain that to me.” Fury was leaning slightly over Bruce’s desk clearly trying to intimidate him. It was working. Bruce felt the Other Guy rumbling and desperately tried to talk him down without Fury catching on.

“I’m not inviting trouble,” Bruce started. Fury cocked an eyebrow, clearly not convinced. “Pepper and I just...clicked, that’s all. Just like anyone else does, we were friends and then…”

“Don’t tell me you don’t see how unstable Potts has been since Stark died.”

“She’s not unstable,” Bruce blurted defensively. Fury’s eyebrow went up even higher and Bruce crossed his arms over his chest. The Other Guy was still paying attention but he was staying put for the moment. “She _knows_ he’s gone. But she still has faith in him and you can’t fault someone for their faith.”

“Says the avowed atheist,” Fury smirked. “Next you’re gonna tell me the both of you are praying for the second coming of Stark.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“I know what you meant. And I think you’re letting her get to you with her delusional bullshit. Use your brain, Banner, you’ve got too much sense to let this happen.”

“It’s happening,” Bruce said, looking Fury in the eye. 

“I’m aware of that. And when it’s over?”

“It...if you’re worried about the Other Guy…”

“Of course I am, Banner,” Fury shouted, slamming his hands flat on Bruce’s desk and leaning further toward Bruce, who was trying to keep the Other Guy down. “I stuck my neck out for you, bringing you in in the first place and keeping you on and there’s still a whole lot of people who don’t want you here, Avenger or not.”

“So let me go,” Bruce cut in stubbornly. “That was my plan, I wanted to get the hell out of here right away but you seemed pretty damn determined to keep me around. I don’t know why but-”

“Dr. Banner, I kept you here because I believed that, with the right push, you could be more more an asset to us than a risk, and so far you’ve proven me right.” Fury sighed and backed off, putting his hands on his hips and watching Bruce, who grew increasingly uncomfortable as the silence stretched on. He had a feeling it was one of Fury’s intimidation techniques and that was all but confirmed when Fury broke the silence only after Bruce felt a bead of sweat drip down his forehead.

“Stark ever tell you about his SHIELD assessment?” Fury asked conversationally. “Or Romanoff? She wrote it.”

“No,” Bruce answered, still trying to regain his equilibrium after falling victim to Fury’s trap. 

“Stark was never approved for the Avengers Initiative. Too much of a loose cannon.”

“What?” Bruce asked. He knew Tony wasn’t exactly the poster boy for obedience but he couldn’t believe Fury thought the Avengers would’ve had a chance in hell without Iron Man.

“Trust me, Banner, if we’d had a way to enlist Iron Man without Stark we would’ve. But Stark was a huge liability and everyone knew it - Stark included.” Fury paused, as though he was waiting for Bruce to speak, but Bruce gave no indication he had anything to say and after a moment Fury went on. “Lucky for all of us Coulson had a soft spot for Stark and believed he would step up when it counted - which he did, obviously, at the cost of his own life. But Banner, when I decided to call Stark in, I wasn’t thinking about Iron Man’s potential to be a hero. I had my own reasons for bringing him on board.”

“I’m assuming you want me to ask what those reasons were,” Bruce stated flatly. “I’m also assuming those reasons will explain why you’re telling me any of this, because right now I’m missing how this has anything to do with me and Pepper.”

“Smart man, Banner,” Fury smirked. “The only reason Stark stepped foot on that Helicarrier that day was because you needed him there.”

“I… _what_?” Bruce stammered. He didn’t know what he’d expected Fury to say but it definitely wasn’t that. “I’d never even met him, how could I need him if I didn’t even know him?”

“Didn’t matter. I’d been keeping my eye on you and I knew there was no way you were gonna come around on your own. So I needed someone who could see past the monster and who could give you the push you so desperately needed.”

“So you called Tony.”

“Stark was a liability but Stark was probably the only person who stood a chance at getting through to you back then. Stark’s demons weren’t big and green but they had just as much potential to destroy him as yours did - and he almost let them. But Stark didn’t hide from himself when it counted and he didn’t succeed _despite_ his issues. Stark _used_ that dark side to make himself into Iron Man because he _had_ to, Banner, and if anyone could convince you to do the same it was Stark.”

“So the only reason Tony said any of that was because you told him to?” Bruce tried to keep his voice flat and steady so Fury wouldn’t be able to tell how deeply the revelation had hurt him. Here he’d spent all this time believing Tony had actually _cared_ about him when Tony had really been nothing more than Fury’s puppet.

“I didn’t tell Stark a damn thing,” Fury replied. “Didn’t have to, not after the two of you took to each other like a goddamn house on fire the moment you met.”

“Oh,” Bruce muttered. He was still on edge but he believed Fury because he realized Tony enjoyed fucking with Fury enough that, if Fury _had_ asked him to talk to Bruce, he probably wouldn’t have said a word, just to piss Fury off. The thought made Bruce feel significantly less betrayed. “I still don’t see what this has to do with me and Pepper.”

“You’re a liability, Dr. Banner, just as much as Stark was, and we’d both be fools to pretend otherwise. As Director of SHIELD, minimizing liabilities is part of my job every goddamn day and I am very good at making sure my people are protected as well as they possibly can be. Banner, there are only three times in my entire career I’ve taken the kind of risk that could easily damage or even bring down the whole damn organization based on nothing more than my instincts telling me it was a risk worth taking. The first was when Barton brought Romanoff in to recruit her when he was supposed to have killed her. Do you want to take a guess what the other two were?”

“Uh...me?” Bruce already knew he was one of Fury’s exceptions but he wasn’t sure of the remaining one, just that it happened sometime between Natasha and himself. 

“You were the second,” Fury nodded. “And Stark was third. So really, you were both 2 and 3, since you were the reason I took the chance on Stark. Now, Romanoff has proven herself about a thousand times over but there’s _still_ talk that she’s a double agent or some other bullshit. The only reason I’m not getting my ass handed to me about Stark is because he’s dead. And then there’s you. Yeah, you had a good showing against the Chitauri, but that’s not enough to make my people forget your little tantrum on the Helicarrier. I’m still on your side, Banner, but you’re still a risk, a big risk, and I honestly don’t know if you’ll ever get all of them to trust you. So forgive me if I’m a little concerned about you getting involved with a woman who is not only on the verge of losing it completely over her dead boyfriend - and don’t let yourself believe it’s a coincidence that she latched onto the last person Stark ever trusted - but who pulls all the strings for a company that SHIELD desperately needs in our corner if we want to stand a chance at defending ourselves _and_ the rest of the goddamn planet. _That’s_ why I’m more than a little invested in the outcome of your tryst, Banner, and I’ve got a hunch that outcome isn’t going to be pretty. So that’s my problem here, because it’s not just your ass on the line this time and if you were thinking with your brain instead of with your dick I know you’d shut it down before it blows up in all our faces, Potts included.”

“Director Fury,” Bruce said slowly after a long moment of silence. “You wanted Tony to help me control the Other Guy so he could help save the world when you needed him to, correct? Well, mission accomplished. But maybe you missed the memo, or maybe you just forgot, but, you see, I can’t just turn the...the Hulk on and off when it’s convenient. That was kind of the issue since the start, he’s always right there, not just when I want him to be.”

“I’m aware,” Fury snapped. “Your point?”

“My point,” Bruce said, finally stepping out from behind his workspace and advancing on Fury. To Fury’s credit he didn’t go for his gun - but maybe that was just because he knew it wouldn’t help against the Other Guy. “My point is, I should probably thank you. Because without your little scheme I’d be long gone, back in Kolkata or somewhere else on the other side of the world. Your plan worked, Director, it worked more than anyone thought it would - except Tony, somehow Tony knew how this would play out for me. The Other Guy and I, we’re...allies now, and not just when you or Steve or whoever needs up to be. We...cooperate, me and the Hulk, and I’m not saying that completely neutralizes the danger but, Director, thanks to Tony - and you - I’m no more of a liability than the rest of the team. I don’t blame you for assuming the worst if Pepper and I don’t work out but I promise you-” Hulk roared in Bruce’s mind, not fighting him for control, but showing his approval. “As does Hulk - you’ve got nothing to worry about.” Bruce paused and looked Fury in the eye again. Fury grunted but said nothing.

“And, speaking of Pepper, she’s much stronger than you give her credit for. Yeah, she’s still grieving, of course she is. But if you honestly believe Pepper Potts is a potential threat because she’s unstable or because losing Tony pushed her over the edge or _whatever_ , you’re the one who’s delusional, Director. Pepper is the strongest person I’ve ever me and I know for a fact hell will freeze over before she lets her grief get the best of her.”

“You know who you sound like right now, Banner?” Fury was looking at Bruce strangely but Bruce didn’t back down. He shrugged and raised his eyebrows. “You sound like Stark. You sound _remarkably_ like Stark, more than I think you’re aware.”

“I...so?” Bruce shifted on his feet and crossed his arms again.

“Just an observation, Banner,” Fury said conversationally, finally relaxing his face into what Bruce assumed counted as a neutral expression. “One I’m sure Potts has picked up on by now.”

“What-”

“You’re the genius here, Banner. You figure it out.” Fury smirked at Bruce before he turned and strode purposefully toward the door. Just as Bruce shook his head and moved to return to his work, Fury stopped suddenly and looked back to Bruce.

“I’m not happy about any of this, Banner, but there’s not a goddamn thing I can do to stop you, especially since you somehow have all of Earth’s Mightiest Heroes backing you up. But I’ve still got my eye on you and I’m prepared to do what I have to do if I see any sign of trouble. Understood?”

“Got it,” Bruce snapped. “The only trouble I anticipate will be if you try to talk to Pepper like this. Because me and the Other Guy, we’ve both got a problem with that.”

“Potts is neither my employee nor part of the Avengers Initiative, Dr. Banner. As much as I’d love to hear her undoubtedly equally passionate defense of you, I hold no authority over her and she has no incentive to listen to a word I say.”

“And I do?”

“You’re still here.”

“Because you barged into my lab and-”

“Technically,” Fury cut Bruce off. “This lab and everything in it are SHIELD property, making this _my_ lab that I am so graciously allowing you to use.”

“How can I ever thank you enough,” Bruce deadpanned. He’d idly considered the idea of doing his SHIELD work remotely, from Stark Tower, before, but he’d never pursued the possibility. He made a mental note to revisit the idea and maybe ask Natasha to help him figure out the security and confidentiality issues he’d have to work around. 

“Watch it, Banner,” Fury said. “Stark made it his job to be a constant pain in my ass and I let him get away with it for far too long. I won’t make that mistake again.”

“I...you…” Bruce stuttered, searching for a comeback that wouldn’t sound like a retreat but Fury was gone before he had a chance to try. Grunting, Bruce turned back to his work and tried to pick up where he’d left off before Fury interrupted him. He considered calling his assistants back in but decided against it. He wasn’t in the mood to deal with the gossip he knew they were spreading right now, which undoubtedly featured increasingly far-fetched explanations for Fury’s appearance in the lab and he suspected his obvious preoccupation would only encourage them even more.

He wasn’t surprised Fury disapproved of him being with Pepper but he hadn’t expected to find out the circumstances of his joining the Avengers in the first place.

Bruce wasn’t so surprised, though, that, just like every other aspect of his life, he wouldn’t have been able to succeed without Tony. He felt that familiar pang of something like regret that he’d never have the chance to get to know the man who had irreversibly changed Bruce’s life more than Bruce thought possible.


	11. Chapter 11

Bruce never stopped feeling like his and Pepper’s relationship was structured mostly around Tony Stark - or, more accurately, around the space Tony Stark left behind - but after 18 months he found he’d grown used to that and minded it much less than he ever expected he would. Despite Fury’s ongoing insinuations Bruce almost never felt like he was Pepper’s substitute Tony anymore.

Pepper never completely gave up hope that Tony was somehow alive and would one day miraculously come back - she wasn’t counting on it, of course, but Bruce knew she would never stop hoping. Jim never abandoned the idea, either, which struck Bruce as odd, but as long as Pepper’s hopes stayed under control Bruce would stay out of it.

Except he couldn’t stay out of it, not completely, and before long he found himself not quite _believing_ Tony could come back but understanding why, if anyone could, it would be Tony. He started paying closer attention to the scans when he was on duty, asked JARVIS to pull the specs for the Mark 7 so he could see exactly what the suit was made of and if Tony’s survival was even possible, enlisted Fitz (whenever he could get in touch with him) to build bigger, brighter probes to illuminate the portal and, to his total surprise, Steve pulled him aside one day and gently pointed out that he’d started referring to Tony in the present tense, just like Pepper and Jim did. 

Logically Bruce knew that Tony was gone and believing otherwise was bordering on delusion, but at some point during those 18 months he apparently so, when JARVIS woke him up in the middle of the night because of a significant disturbance in the scan, Bruce knew it had to be Tony. 

“Bruce?” 

“Go back to sleep, Pep,” Bruce whispered, pulling a t-shirt on over his head. “It’s probably nothing, just a solar flare or something, but I’ve gotta go check it out.”

“But what if-”

“Pepper, I promise I’ll call you the _second_ I think it could possibly be anything.”

“You better,” Pepper muttered into her pillow. She propped herself up on her elbows and clearly had no intention of going back to sleep as she watched Bruce dig a pair of sweatpants out of the dresser and pull them on over his boxers. 

“You’re getting dressed for solar flares?”

“I’m getting dressed because Darcy’s on duty right now,” Bruce said, grabbing his glasses from the nightstand. 

“Ah,” Pepper said, understanding. “Hurry back.”

“I will,” Bruce said. He leaned in to kiss her, then grabbed his phone and headed for the elevator. JARVIS hadn’t elaborated on the nature of the disturbance but Bruce had a feeling it was something much more significant than a solar flare. 

“Bruce!” Darcy shrieked as soon as he entered the room. “What is it?”

“JARVIS?” Bruce asked as he bent over the nearest monitor and assessed the situation. Something was caught in their net, something much bigger than the bits of space dust they’d pulled in before. 

“At this moment the unknown object is too far away for a clear scan,” JARVIS explained. “However, from my limited data I have determined that the object is at least partially organic and is emitting a heat signature suggesting the presence of life.”

“Holy shit,” Bruce breathed. “JARVIS, call Pepper.”

“Don’t bother, J,” Pepper called as she entered the room. She looked sleepy in her t-shirt and boxers but her eyes couldn’t have been more awake. 

“So...it’s alive?” Darcy asked. “What is it? What if it’s a bad guy? Where’s Thor when you need him?”

“I do not believe this to be a hostile force, Ms. Lewis, as my latest data indicate its point of origin as somewhere within our solar system.”

“Oh my god,” Pepper breathed, wide-eyed. She was gripping Bruce’s hand so tight her knuckles were white. “Bruce, do you think…”

“I don’t know, Pep, this is…” Bruce trailed off as he stared at the blob representing the mysterious thing - mysterious being, even - inch closer to the portal itself. “Darcy, where’s Jane?”

“Already texted her,” Darcy said. Bruce looked up and saw that she was bouncing on her feet with her phone clutched tightly to her chest. “Told her to get her ass over here stat.”

“Dr. Banner,” JARVIS interrupted. “I’ve forwarded you my most recent data which I suspect you will find quite interesting.”

“Thanks, J.” Bruce turned to the closest monitor and stared at the data blankly for a minute. Then he burst into half-hysterical laughter. 

“What’s going on?” Pepper demanded, looking at the data but clearly not understanding its significance. Bruce shook his head, laughing too hard to answer.

“JARVIS, call Jim,” Bruce choked out. “Call everyone, but call Jim first.”

“Of course, Dr. Banner.”

“Okay, what’s so funny?” Darcy was standing with Pepper also looking at the data with confusion. “Are you cracking up on us, doc, because now’s _really_ not the best time…”

“No, no,” Bruce said, calming himself enough to speak but unable to hide his stupid grin. “JARVIS sent me an updated set of readings on the signals that thing is giving off. And...well, this all is almost identical to the last recorded specs of Tony’s arc reactor. It’s...Pepper, I think we found him.”

“Are you sure?” Pepper breathed. She was frozen in place and pale and Bruce wrapped his arm around her as he flipped through the data again. 

“Unless there’s another living thing from this solar system floating around in that specific corner of the universe emitting an energy signature identical to Tony’s last arc reactor…” Bruce watched Pepper’s face as she processed his words and her face lit up brighter than a solar flare when it sunk in.

“Jane, oh my _god_ , where _are_ you,” Darcy was practically shouting into her phone. “Get over here _now_ , trust me, it’s worth it.”

Bruce quickly started to activate the mechanism that would allow them to pull in their invisible net, keeping one eye on the monitor at all times. As the object - as _Tony_ \- grew closer its humanoid shape became clear. Jim burst into the room just as JARVIS announced his confirmation that the object was, indeed, Tony. 

“Holy _shit_ ,” Jim shouted. He kissed Pepper on the cheek, then ran to help Bruce, who had started to draw in the net to hasten Tony’s arrival. “Bruce, can you believe this?”

“You know what?” Bruce said, grinning. “I can.” He glanced at Pepper and was glad to see Darcy at her side, hopefully preventing her from completely hyperventilating. All four of them stared silently at Tony as he inched across the monitor and everyone jumped when Darcy’s phone rang. Bruce could hear Jane yelling from across the room and was entirely unsurprised when Darcy handed him the phone.

“Jane? It’s Bruce.”

_”BRUCE, IS DARCY BULLSHITTING ME?”_

“We got him, we really got him,” Bruce said, holding the phone away from his ear when Jane screamed. “We’re pulling him in now, shouldn’t be more than a few minutes.”

_”Holy SHIT drive faster, I don’t CARE about the fucking speed limit - sorry Bruce, I’m in a cab, I’ll be there soon.”_

As Tony came closer and closer, nobody said a word. The only movement in the room was Bruce and Jim pulling the net in. Bruce peeked over his shoulder and saw Pepper clutching Darcy who stood frozen, wide-eyed, with a protective arm around Pepper’s shoulder. 

The energy surge was unexpected enough that both Bruce and Jim were thrown back, away from the mouth of the portal. Before Bruce could resume his position, the portal started glowing and, seconds later, emitting flashes of light. They’d pulled the net in as far as they could; now it was Tony’s turn. 

Tony was alive but there was no way to tell whether he was conscious; if he was, he could pull himself in the rest of the way and, if he couldn’t, he’d get sucked into the natural flow of energy from the portal. That could take hours, even as close as Tony already was, but something told Bruce they’d be seeing Tony much, much sooner than that. 

Bruce stepped back and took over Pepper-supporting duties from Darcy, who almost collided with Jim when she stepped back without looking away from the portal. Pepper was crying silently and holding onto Bruce’s arm so tight he wouldn’t be surprised if it left a bruise. 

The flashes of light were glowing brighter and more frequently and then, after a few minutes of light, the mouth of the portal began to pulsate, slowly at first, and then, with one final surge of light bright enough to momentarily blind them all, the portal opened wide and Tony stumbled back home.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: implied torture

Tony was wearing what was left of the Iron Man suit, stripped to its barest components and so beat up only traces of its trademark bright red paint were visible. As soon as his feet hit the floor Tony reached up, his hand shaking, and ripped off the faceplate, flinging it across the room away from him. 

“Tony!” Pepper shrieked as she practically threw herself across the room at him. Tony looked half-dazed, those deep dark eyes Bruce couldn’t forget still sharp but now more haunted than ever. Pepper threw her arms around him and the contact - albeit through the suit - seemed to snap him into reality. Jim joined them seconds later, both he and Pepper holding Tony up. Pepper was still crying and even Jim had tears in his eyes as he looked Tony up and down in clear disbelief. 

Bruce took a step back. He didn’t want to intrude on the reunion, even though Jim was waving him over. Bruce shook his head and stayed back, watching. 

Bruce had never once considered what Tony’s return would mean for him and Pepper. Suddenly all his worries and suspicions about what he was to Pepper filled his mind after months of silence. If he was Pepper’s new Tony, what happened to him when she got the real one back? 

The Other Guy grunted but stayed put. 

Darcy must have been thinking the same thing as Bruce because, silently, she inched closer to him until she was close enough to slip her hand into his and squeeze. When Bruce looked at her he saw that her eyes were still wide with wonder but were now full of sympathy, too. She smiled meekly; he returned both the smile and the squeeze. 

“Bruce!” Pepper called, finally able to look away from Tony. “Come say hi!”

“No, no,” Bruce shook his head. “I’ll just stay...don’t want to intrude…”

“Don’t make me come over there, Banner,” Tony replied, his voice hoarse and heavy. “Because I’m not sure I can walk that far right now and you’ve still got two functional legs, four if you count the green ones.” Tony’s encouragement was all it took to get Bruce across the room in a few long steps. Tony was sitting on the ground, still flanked by Pepper and Jim on either side. After a moment’s hesitation, Bruce crouched down, then dropped to his knees when Pepper tugged at his shirt. 

“That’s more like it, Big Guy,” Tony grinned. 

“Tony...I...hi?” Bruce said lamely. 

“You stayed?” Tony asked, still smiling. “You didn’t run off to god-knows-where as soon as the dust settled?”

“Not for lack of trying,” Bruce shrugged. 

“How’s Big Green?”

“He’s...he missed you.”

“I missed him, too. Hey, when I’m back on my feet me and him’ll go out for lunch or something. You ever tried shawarma? I dunno what it is but I wanna try it,” Tony laughed. Then he grunted and winced and shut his eyes momentarily. 

“Tony?” Pepper squeaked. 

“Are you in pain?” Bruce asked, mentally kicking himself for not insisting Tony get immediate medical attention.

“Yup,” Tony said through gritted teeth. “Might be bleeding a little, too, can’t really feel my left leg but I think it’s wet.”

“Jesus, Tony,” Jim said. “Bruce, think it’s okay to move him?”

“Depends. Tony, do you think anything’s broken?”

“Dr. Banner, I’ve taken the liberty of performing a full-body scan. Sir does not appear to have sustained any fractures.”

“JARVIS!” Tony cried, the grin back on his face. “Miss me, buddy?”

“Every day, Sir,” JARVIS replied and if Bruce didn’t know better he’d say the AI sounded like he was holding back tears. Tony, on the other hand, didn’t even try to pretend he wasn’t crying at the reply. 

“Tony, we’ve got to get you down to medical, okay?”

“Doctors?” Tony whined, making a face. 

“Just me,” Bruce said, and Tony smiled. “Can you get up?” Tony shifted and stretched, then grunted and shook his head. Bruce nodded to Jim and together they hauled Tony - still in the suit - to his feet and held him up once they realized the suit’s support was only reason he was standing at all. 

“Bruce? Pepper? _Tony_??” Steve stood in the doorway gaping. 

“What took you so long, Cap? I thought you might’ve gone back under in mourning for me.” Tony said, again through gritted teeth. 

“Had to come all the way from Brooklyn,” Steve said flatly, clearly dazed. Tony moaned when Bruce and Jim accidentally let his foot get caught on the ground and the noise snapped Steve to attention. He took over for Bruce, supporting Tony so much better than Bruce could. Pepper followed right behind Jim, her eyes still fixed on Tony.

“Darcy?” Bruce called as he hurried to the door.

“Yeah?” Darcy appeared in Bruce’s peripheral vision, still looking stunned. 

“We need to get a bed ready for Tony,” Bruce explained as he looked at Tony closely for the first time. He didn’t like what he saw and he could only imagine how much worse he was under the suit. 

“Got it, Doc,” Darcy nodded. She looked at Tony again, then hurried downstairs ahead of everyone else. 

“Jim, Steve, can you guys get him downstairs by yourselves? I’ve got to go get ready. And Pepper…” Bruce trailed off. Even as Pepper was facing him she couldn’t let Tony out of her sighed. “I’ll see you down there.”

“Bruce…” Pepper said, but Bruce kept walking and didn’t turn around. He used the short elevator ride to collect himself, pushing aside every thought except Tony’s health. 

By the time Bruce made it downstairs, Darcy had already done most of the necessary prep and was standing next to the bed, uncharacteristically silent and still.

“You okay?” Bruce asked as he prepared the IV drip.

“I…” Darcy started. “This is insane.”

“Don’t I know it,” Bruce laughed. “I can’t believe Jane’s not here yet.”

“She was down in Jersey,” Darcy explained. “She says she’ll be here soon, but she also said that like twenty minutes ago.” Bruce laughed and shook his head.

“Bruce…” Darcy said, unsteady and soft. She winced when he looked her. “Um, I know it’s a bad time but...what’s gonna happen with, you know…”

“I don’t know,” Bruce admitted, looking down as he wrung his hands together. “She...we never talked about it and, well, you saw her up there. I...all I want is for her to be happy, no matter what that means for us. Me.”

“That...really sucks.”

“It does,” Bruce chuckled. “But it’s not-”

“Dr. Banner, Col. Rhodes requested I inform you of Sir’s imminent arrival.”

“Thanks, JARVIS,” Bruce rolled up his sleeves and smiled at Darcy, who had finally relaxed and seemed more like herself again. 

“You can put me down now, Cap,” Tony’s voice sounded from outside the room. 

“Almost there,” Steve replied, earning a loud grumble from Tony. The door opened and Bruce couldn’t help but smile when he saw Steve carrying Tony in his arms. Jim and Pepper spilled through the door behind them.

“Hard to walk when I’m so busy swooning over Captain America,” Tony said, looking at Bruce while Steve lay him carefully on the bed. “Isn’t he dreamy?”

“Yes!” Darcy exclaimed. Then her eyes went wide and her hand flew up to cover her mouth; Bruce was pretty sure she was blushing. As subtly as he could he looked up at Steve and saw that he was definitely blushing. 

“Who’re you?” Tony asked, picking up his head to look at Darcy. Then, before she could explain, he looked all around the room, taking in his surroundings. “I thought I was supposed to be in medical? Not that I mind but-”

“You are,” Bruce said as he helped prop Tony into a sitting position with some pillows. “We set this up when I realized that certain people - certain master assassins, specifically - hate medical so much they refuse to go and end up passing out from blood loss in the middle of dinner. I thought they might be a little less difficult somewhere that doesn’t look like a hospital, or smell like one, and where there’s not a bunch of doctors always running around.”

“Huh,” Tony said, looking around again until he winced and groaned in pain again.

“Woah, Tony, hey,” Bruce said. “We’ve gotta get this suit off you.”

“Why Dr. Banner,” Tony said, wriggling his eyebrows. “You certainly don’t waste any time, do you?” Bruce laughed, rolling his eyes. 

“Sorry guys, out,” Bruce ordered. “We don’t need an audience for this.”

“Of course,” Steve replied. He turned to Darcy and she made a face. 

Tony mumbled something and when nobody replied - because nobody had understood what he’d said - he cleared his throat and picked his head up.

“Pep can stay. And Rhodey, too.” Pepper let out a squeak and Jim nodded. 

“Jane should be here soon. I’m not sure who else got the message but someone should probably be around to explain,” Bruce said to Steve and Darcy, who both nodded and left the room. Bruce turned back to Tony and realized he was fading fast. 

“Tony? Can you hear me?” Tony grunted and bobbed his head in what Bruce assumed was a nod. “The quickest way to get the suit off is to cut you out of it. Is that...okay? If you don’t want-”

“No,” Tony mumbled. He paused, then inhaled a sharp, deep breath. “Cut away, Doc.” 

Jim handed Bruce a saw and he went to work. He barely made one cut before Tony abruptly threw Pepper and Jim out of the room; Bruce didn’t ask but he figured out why pretty quickly. He carefully removed the pieces of the suit and somehow managed not to gasp when he saw, underneath the tattered remains of Tony’s clothing, not only how dangerously thin Tony was, but that his body was covered in bruises, cuts in various stages of healing, and scars, some likely from natural causes, bad scrapes and lacerations that hadn’t received proper medical attention, but most of them had obviously been inflicted intentionally and, from their placement and precision, not by Tony himself. 

“Tony…” Bruce breathed, half afraid to touch Tony. “What happened to you?”

“Good question,” Tony answered. His breath hitched and Bruce realized he was crying.

“Oh shit, did I hurt you? I’m sorry…”

“No,” Tony said, tears still silently trailing down his face. “Why?”

“You’re...you’re crying.”

“No shit, really?” Tony cautiously touched his face. “Huh. Didn’t know I could still do that. Fuck.”

“Are you…”

“No,” Tony whispered, suddenly breathing heavily. He ducked his head and closed his eyes, still crying. “Just...get on with it, get it over with, whatever you’re going to do to me.”

“It’s just an exam, Tony,” Bruce said steadily despite the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. “I’ll try to make it as quick and easy as possible. Just...relax as much as you can, okay?” Tony nodded, eyes still closed, and Bruce waited until his breathing sounded relatively normal to proceed. 

Bruce touched the stethoscope to Tony’s bony chest as gently as he could, not wanting to make him even more uncomfortable with the cold metal, but he quickly realized the temperature of the metal was the least of his concerns. As soon as Bruce made contact with Tony’s skin, Tony’s entire body went rigid, his hands flew up to push Bruce away (and, when Bruce apparently strayed too close to the arc reactor, Tony’s hands started clawing toward Bruce’s eyes) and he emitted a noise that sent chills down Bruce’s spine, some inhuman cross between a snarl and a shriek. 

“Woah, Tony, what the fuck,” Bruce shouted, jumping away and knocking his tray of instruments over when Tony started going for Bruce’s face. The Other Guy roared inside Bruce’s head. 

_Don’t even think about it. We’re okay. It’s just Tony. Metal Man. Stay put._

“Shit shit shit,” Tony muttered, staring at his hands in horror. “Shit, Bruce, I’m sorry, I don’t know what the fuck-”

“It’s okay,” Bruce said kindly, returning to Tony’s bedside. “You’re...I know that wasn’t you. I should’ve known better than to surprise you like that.”

“Shit…” Tony muttered, still staring at his hands. “I...shit.”

“Calm down,” Bruce said gently. “It’s okay. It’s not your fault.”

Once Tony had calmed himself down, Bruce carried on with the exam, quickly realizing that the only way to keep Tony from freaking out was to explain exactly what he was about to do before he did it. After that, the only time Tony had a reaction stronger than a small flinch was when Bruce touched the edge of the reactor casing and even though Tony had given him permission he hands still flew up as soon as Bruce’s finger made contact. 

“All done,” Bruce announced, prompting Tony to smile in relief. “And I’m not sure about that leg but, besides that, I think you’re going to be okay once we get your weight up. I’m not going to make you get up so I can weigh you right now, it’s pretty obvious that you’re starving. What were you eating?”

“Not much, clearly,” Tony attempted a laugh but it sounded hollow and cold. “Whatever I could find that I was pretty sure wouldn’t kill me, mostly leaves and nuts and stuff, sometimes some weird fruit. But, uh, most of the time all I had was water. Or whatever that was.”

“Okay, we’ll start slow then. Liquids and IV nutrition for now, okay?” Tony nodded obediently. Bruce’s mind was reeling at Tony’s answer and the only thing keeping Bruce from badgering Tony for more details was the knowledge that doing so would probably push Tony over the edge again.

“Bruce?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t, uh...please don’t tell Pepper about...I just need a little time to get my head on straight again, I don’t want her to think I’m…” Tony looked down at his hands. 

“Tony, you’re traumatized,” Bruce said, gently perching on the edge of the bed. Tony peeked up at him and Bruce offered a small smile. “Pepper will understand, everyone will. Nobody’s going to fault you for that. And if anyone tries to, they’ll be answering to the Other Guy.” Tony finally smiled. “But if you don’t want me to tell her, I won’t.”

“Thank you,” Tony said, his smile fading but still visible. “So, um, I kind of...I don’t know, uh...fuck, what year is it?” Tony was clearly embarrassed. 

“2014,” Bruce answered. “February. You were gone for 18 months.”

“It felt like years,” Tony whispered. “How long were you guys looking for me?”

“Everything started a couple of days after New York. It was Steve’s idea in the first place, you know.”

“Cap?” Tony picked his head up. “No shit.”

“Yeah, he talked us all into it. But, uh...well, for most of us, it was a recovery mission. You know. Instead of a rescue.” Bruce found himself looking away from Tony, suddenly ashamed to admit the truth. 

“Yeah, well, can’t really blame you there. I still don’t really believe I made it.” Tony was silent for a moment before looking up at Bruce again. “Most of you?”

“Pepper and Jim insisted you could’ve survived from day one and neither one of them ever gave up hope we’d bring you home alive one day.” Bruce smiled at Tony’s small, genuine grin. “I’ve never been so glad to be wrong.” Tony smiled again and Bruce resisted the urge to give him a hug. 

“So...what’s next?”

“I have no idea,” Bruce answered honestly. “But sleep seems like a good place to start. You must be exhausted.”

“Dunno what I am,” Tony shrugged. The move highlighted just how bony his shoulders were.

“Sleep’ll help you get your strength back up. Do you think you’ll be able to fall asleep on your own? I can give you a mild sedative if you think you’ll need one.”

“I think...I’ll try. But the light needs to stay on. And...fuck, you already saw me cry, why bother pretending, right? Right. So, uh, I need you to stay. At least until I’m out. I can’t...I don’t want to be alone.”

“I’ll be right here,” Bruce said soothingly, and Tony smiled in relief. “Will you be okay if I hook up an IV to start getting some nutrients back into you while you’re out?”

“Just an IV?”

“Just an IV.”

“Okay. Yeah, that’s okay.” Tony was silent and still as Bruce hooked up the IV and, after briefly debating the number of pillows he needed, he quickly settled himself and gave Bruce a small smile. Bruce got comfortable in a chair he pulled up next to the bed at Tony’s prompting and watched Tony out of the corner of his eye while he started working on Tony’s chart on his tablet. He left Tony alone at first but, after fifteen minutes of Tony’s eyes flying open in a panic every time he drifted off, he gently offered the sedative again and Tony accepted. 

Bruce hung around for a few minutes after Tony was out, just in case, then made sure JARVIS was monitoring Tony’s vitals before he went to find Pepper. 

****

“How is he?” Pepper rushed to Bruce as soon as he walked into the room. Just as Bruce expected, she’d been waiting by the door since Tony kicked her and Jim out. 

“He’s…” Bruce sighed and ran his hand back through his hair. “I think he’ll be okay. He lost a _lot_ of weight, hard to tell with the suit on but he’s basically skin and bones. There’s something wrong with his left leg, he says he can’t really feel it and I barely got a response when I did a reflex test, but I don’t know what the problem is. He needs an MRI, maybe a CT too, and I don’t think he’s up to that right now. I stitched some minor lacerations and he’s got a pretty nasty burn, but his vitals are all fine - including his heart. Tomorrow I’ll run some blood tests but if those come back normal my main concern is the malnutrition and dehydration.”

“Oh, thank god,” Pepper exhaled. “The whole time I was sitting out here I kept thinking what if we got him all the way back here and then he just...died?”

“Well, he didn’t,” Bruce said. “Don’t forget, all I heard from you and Jim for _months_ was that Tony’s a survivor, he’s out there somewhere - and you were right, so don’t go giving up on him now. Speaking of Jim, where’d he go?”

“Steve needed him downstairs,” Pepper explained. “Is he awake? When can I see him?”

“He’s asleep, finally, and no visitors until he wakes up. I don’t know how long it’s been since he last slept for any length of time and he’s exhausted.” Pepper nodded, but her eyes were sad and downcast. “I promise you’ll be the first one to see him as soon as he’s awake, okay?”

“Okay,” Pepper smiled. She leaned to kiss Bruce and he reflexively pulled away. Pepper backed off and Bruce looked down at the floor.

“Bruce,” Pepper said softly. Carefully, she cupped her hand under his chin and eased his head up until their eyes were even. “Bruce-”

“It’s okay, Pepper,” Bruce interrupted. “I...I get it. He’s first, of course he is. Of course you’ll pick him over me, I...I know that. I’ve known all along, I think. Don’t...whatever you’re doing, don’t. Just...as long as you’re happy, I’ll be okay.”

“Bruce,” Pepper said again. Bruce let her pull him closer to her. “I’m not picking anyone over anyone. Yes, I love Tony, but I love you too, and I won’t be happy with either one of you gone. We’ll figure something out, okay?”

“What’s there to figure out?”

“The three of us,” Pepper said, smirking. She raised an eyebrow at Bruce.

“Pepper, come on. We can’t…”

“Why can’t we?” Pepper asked, smiling. “As long as Tony’s okay with it - and he’ll be more than okay with it, trust me - why not? Unless you’re not comfortable with another guy?”

“What? No,” Bruce shook his head and crossed his arms. “Of course not. And it wouldn’t be the first time, you know that.”

“So then what’s the problem?” Pepper said, cocking her eyebrow again. When Bruce didn’t reply, she relaxed her face and reached for his hand. “We’ll talk about it. When he’s awake, the three of us need to have a serious discussion. But...please, Bruce. I don’t want to lose you. I need you.”

“Fuck, Pep, I don’t want to lose you, either. And if this is the only solution, well, how can I say no?” Bruce smiled and Pepper embraced him.

“Good answer,” Pepper grinned. She kissed Bruce and, after a moment’s hesitation, he kissed her back. “We’re gonna be fine. Better than fine, even. Don’t worry.”

“I hope so,” Bruce muttered. 

“Ms. Potts, Col. Rhodes would like to inform you that Agent Romanoff has arrived.”

“About time!” Pepper laughed. “Coming?”

“I’ll catch up,” Bruce said, walking Pepper to the elevator. “I have a few things to finish up first.”

“Well, hurry,” Pepper grinned. She kissed him on the cheek. “It’s real, right? He’s really back? I’ve dreamt it so many times I’m afraid I’m going to wake up any minute and lose him all over again.”

“It’s real,” Bruce confirmed. “This time you’re not dreaming. Tony’s finally home, all because you never gave up on him, not once.” 

Bruce thought he saw a tear in Pepper’s eye, but she wiped it away and disappeared into the elevator looking so happy she might as well have been bouncing. After the elevator door closed, Bruce stood still and stared at it for a few seconds. Then he flopped gracelessly onto the nearest couch and buried his head in his hands.

He wanted Pepper to be right, wanted the three of them to work, because the thought of losing Pepper was too much for him to bear (him and the Other Guy both). He knew she’d want him to stay no matter what but he couldn’t, not if she chose Tony, and if he couldn’t stay he’d have to run again. The only reason he hadn’t heard so much as a peep from Ross since New York wasn’t because of SHIELD, it was because he had Stark Industries’ best security and legal teams at his disposal and, maybe even more powerful than that, with Pepper’s people on his side, any attempt of Ross’s against Bruce would become an instant PR nightmare - the kind of scandal that gets people demoted or even discharged. 

If he left all that behind he’d _have_ to run, back to Kolkata or off to some other corner of the globe where he could disappear in plain sight; that was all he’d wanted at the start, 18 long months that felt like a lifetime ago, to leave and forget all about the Avengers and Loki and New York and Tony. Bruce wasn’t sure exactly when that idea became terrible instead of tempting.

Pepper swore Tony would be on board and Bruce wanted to believe her; he wanted to be a part of something so special, wanted to be accepted completely by two of the most incredible people he’d ever met, quite possibly two of the most incredible people in the world. But even if Tony agreed, Bruce knew he still wouldn’t be totally comfortable, not until he could trust that Tony’s opinion was truly his own.

Bruce hadn’t lied to Pepper when he said Tony would be okay. As long as he got his strength back, his wounds would heal and he’d get back to...not normal, not how he used to be, but, eventually, he’d be okay.

Bruce wasn’t worried about Tony’s physical condition. 

He hadn’t performed any kind of psychological evaluation while he was examining Tony and didn’t plan on doing anything like that - he wasn’t that kind of doctor and even if he was, he’d be too concerned about the inevitable conflict of interest to trust the results.

But Bruce didn’t need any tests or scales or evaluations to realize that, psychologically, something was very, very wrong with Tony. Whatever Tony had experienced out there damn near broke him completely and Bruce had no idea how they were supposed to put him back together.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: implied torture/non-con

“Are you hacking SHIELD _already_?”

“‘Course I am,” Tony said, grinning at Bruce. “D’you know they’re still using the program I wrote? Means I can get in and out completely undetected! Convenient, right?”

“Nothing I say will convince you to stop doing this, will it?”

“Smart man.”

“Well...be careful, at least?”

“Brucie, I _always_ use protection.” Tony grinned and Bruce rolled his eyes but couldn’t keep from smiling. “Want me to grab your file?”

“I…” Bruce thought about it, what kinds of things might be in there and whether he wanted to know. “Nah, no secret what SHIELD thinks of me.”

“Suit yourself,” Tony shrugged. “I’ve been enjoying the shit out of mine, though. Why didn’t anyone tell me the goddamn President paid his respects?”

“I...I try not to think about...all of that,” Bruce shifted uncomfortably. “I think we all try.”

“Fair enough. There’s news footage in there too but I didn’t watch it...don’t really need to see that, you know?”

“Good call,” Bruce said, pulling a chair up to Tony’s bedside and sitting. “I couldn’t get away from it in the beginning. Felt like you were everywhere or, actually, like you _weren’t_ , like there was this Tony-shaped space wherever I looked. And it was really weird, at least for me, because I barely knew you but I was still so...that was weird, wasn’t it?”

“No,” Tony said softly. “I thought about you a lot. Almost as much as Pep, actually. Confusing at first, like you said, not like we were old friends or anything. But...well, I was glad I met you before I was gone. Whatever that means.”

“I, uh...yeah, me too,” Bruce stammered, suddenly awkward. “What else was in there? Anything about that godawful candlelight vigil outside?”

“Okay, even I gotta admit that was creepy,” Tony laughed. Then he got a wicked look in his eyes and turned to Bruce with a wide smile. “But I’m glad you asked what else was there, because I found something very, very interesting.”

“Oh yeah?” Bruce asked cautiously. “What was it?”

“I almost didn’t look, actually. I assumed they’d all be boring, you know, because debriefings are boring and Hill and Sitwell are boring and I already know what happened out there, but something told me to find yours. So I did. And Bruce, I’m hurt. Truly, wounded to my core, because apparently you’ve been holding out on me.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Bruce asked, mind racing to figure out what Tony meant.

“Sex, Bruce. I’m talking about sex.” 

“ _What_? What does my debriefing have to do with sex?”

“I’m hurt that you could forget so easily,” Tony smirked. “Well, let me jog your memory. Did you or did you not suggest to Hill and Sitwell that, given the opportunity, you would’ve fucked me? Possibly even in the Helicarrier lab, up against the wall?”

“Oh god,” Bruce could feel himself blushing and he couldn’t look at Tony. “I can’t believe they put that in there. Tony, you have to understand how _weird_ everything was, right after, and then she pulls this idea out of nowhere and I just…”

“Okay, but would you?”

“What?”

“If we had the chance, if all that other shit wasn’t going on, would you want to?”

“I, uh…” Bruce muttered, staring at his lap. “That’s...I mean…”

“Bruce,” Tony said seriously. “Look at me.”

“Hi,” Bruce said, sheepishly peering up at Tony.

“Hi,” Tony grinned. “So Pepper told me not to ask you. She’s afraid I’ll scare you away. But I’m gonna ask anyway and I have a feeling you’re not gonna be all that scared.”

“Okay…”

“So, you’re with Pep and so am I, correct? Which is cool, I’m totally cool with that. But you know what would make it even cooler? I’ll tell you. This whole arrangement could be, like, three times as awesome if we all teamed up. You and me and Pep. Together. That sounds awesome, right?”

“That sounds…” Bruce hesitated. From the moment Pepper first joked about it, the idea of being in a relationship with Pepper _and_ Tony had been in the back of Bruce’s mind, stacked away with other ideas, like the idea of having a family with Betty and the idea of getting his academic career back, ideas he could lose himself longing for if he didn’t carefully pack them away. 

Bruce was very good at compartmentalizing. 

He never expected he’d actually have the opportunity right in front of him. Pepper was apparently on board, telling Tony not to ask for fear of scaring Bruce off, which alleviated his main concern. And, Bruce realized, their relationship had been built around Tony all along; the only difference was that now Tony was back home, right where he belonged. 

Right where they all belonged. 

“Actually, yeah, that does sound pretty awesome,” Bruce said. He grinned when Tony’s face lit up. “I mean, I’ve never…”

“Neither have I. Pep either, as far as I know.”

“You’ve never had, um…”

“A threesome, Bruce, better get used to the word. And yes, I’ve had sex with multiple parties at once, c’mon. But the relationship part, you know, all the feelings and shit, I’ve got no clue what I’m doing there.” Tony sighed thoughtfully and Bruce watched him, still so obviously weak and traumatized but all the while full of the passion, the energy, the essence of Tony Stark that Bruce could almost overlook entirely the sunken cheeks and bony shoulders. Nothing had actually changed but suddenly Bruce wanted to scoop Tony up in his arms and hold him, protect him from all the terrible things he knew would haunt Tony forever. 

Instead of scooping, Bruce settled for moving from his chair to the bed, which Tony apparently approved of, judging by how quickly he all but scrambled into Bruce’s lap. For all of Tony’s swagger and attitude, he was almost astonishingly vulnerable; he was able to hide it most of the time but, when he let his guard down, it all disappeared and left behind the battered, terrified child-like being that was currently clinging to Bruce as if his life depended on it. Before Bruce could ask Tony if he was okay, Tony relaxed his grip, sat up, leaned in, and kissed him. 

“For once I’m glad I didn’t listen to Pepper,” Tony commented, and Bruce laughed. “I told her you wouldn’t be scared off. Apparently in my absence she forgot that I’m always right. Guess I’ll just have to work on reminding her.”

“Shut up,” Bruce laughed, causing Tony to grin proudly. “We should probably call her in here and, I dunno...tell her?” 

“Nah, I think she’s working,” Tony said. “Unless she’s started wearing those crazy hot suits around the house now?”

“No, you’re right,” Bruce said. “She has a meeting with some bigshot from Pym Tech, I forgot.”

“So this’ll be a nice surprise for her to come home to,” Tony said. Then he made a face. “What’s she meeting with Pym for? Don’t tell me Stark Industries is dealing in fucking Pym Particles now.”

“Hey, I stay out of the business end of things,” Bruce said, holding his hands up. “But from the way Pep was talking, I think it’s more of a formality than anything.”

“Good,” Tony grunted. “Speaking of Stark Industries, we’re still out of the weapons business right? Military didn’t court you back as soon as I left?”

“Oh God no,” Bruce said. “They tried, but even Jim basically told them to fuck off.”

“Good ol’ Rhodey,” Tony laughed. 

“Mostly we’ve been working with clean energy,” Bruce explained. “And, uh, I have my own R&D division that develops mostly healthcare tech for underprivileged parts of the world.”

“Hippie shit,” Tony smirked. “Howard must be _rolling_. But, hey, I’m all for it! Anyway, tell me more about this clean energy business. Are we still the only name in reactor tech?”

“Pretty much,” Bruce said. “We haven’t actually made much progress without you but you were so far ahead of everyone else that nobody’s really caught up yet.”

“Good to know. So what _have_ we been doing with reactor tech?” 

Bruce started to explain and, almost two hours later, Pepper came in and found Tony resting his head in Bruce’s lap while he told Bruce about all the ideas he had for expanding arc reactor technology once he was back in working condition. Bruce was listening and slowly stroking Tony’s hair and when he caught Pepper’s eye he knew there was nothing to explain; she smiled and gently joined them on the bed, leaning on Bruce and resting her hand lightly on Tony’s shoulder. 

Soon after Pepper showed up, Tony started to get tired and, after he arranged himself snugly between Bruce and Pepper, he fell into a light, fitful sleep. When he was asleep the true severity of his condition was much more obvious than he would’ve allowed while awake. Despite five days hooked up to a near-constant IV, he was still nothing but skin and bones, resembling the starvation victims Bruce had come across in his travels more than, well, much more than Iron Man. Tony insisted on wearing his old long-sleeved t-shirts, even though they were so oversized they hung off of him, and he only allowed Bruce to help him get dressed, so Bruce knew nobody else had seen the mysterious scars, burns, and marks all over Tony’s body. Bruce made a mental note to talk to Tony about telling Pepper; Pepper deserved to know, needed to know, but Bruce was leaving that decision entirely to Tony for now. 

“Guys?” Tony whispered; neither Bruce or Pepper had noticed him waking up. 

“What’s up?”

“I, um…” Tony sat himself up, fidgeting and not looking up. “This is...this is gonna sound really dumb but...this...this thing, us, the three of us...we all want this, right? You’re not just...for me? Because-”

“Tony,” Bruce cut him off gently. “I didn’t realize it until you asked but this, _us_ , this is exactly what I want. It’s what I’ve wanted all along, I think. It...it just makes sense.”

“It feels right,” Pepper volunteered. “Of course we want it.”

“Okay,” Tony muttered. He fidgeted some more, then sighed heavily. “Because I want it too but...if we’re gonna, you know, _do_ this...we need to be, uh…slow. Take it slow. I...fuck, I’m sorry, I know it’s not fair to you guys--”

“Tony,” Pepper cut him off. “Whatever you need.”

“We want you to be comfortable,” Bruce added. “So just tell us what’s okay and what’s not.”

“I...thanks,” Tony muttered. “I mean, you guys can do whatever, rock on with that, but I...I can’t. Not yet. Maybe never, for some stuff, I don’t know. I guess we’ll find out.”

“What happened to you out there?” Pepper asked gently. 

“Dunno,” Tony said quickly. “Don’t remember. There’s just...when I think about certain things it’s just...it feels...I know I can’t.”

“And that’s fine. You just need to tell us, okay?” 

“Yeah, okay,” Tony whispered. He shifted and tried to make himself comfortable again, but protested when Bruce started to move to allow him room to stretch. Bruce and Pepper were sitting on either side of Tony and, as Tony apparently needed to be between them to fall asleep on his own, they tried their best to arrange themselves comfortably without disturbing him. 

“Hey JARVIS?” Tony asked after watching Pepper attempt to half-lay next to him and Bruce shift and turn until he finally dragged his chair closer so he had somewhere to rest his feet.

“Yes, Sir?”

“I’m thinking we’re gonna need a bigger bed in here. Can you make that happen?”

“Of course, Sir.” 

“Thanks, J,” Tony said as Bruce and Pepper both laughed. Neither of them got any sleep, but Tony managed almost three hours before he woke up in a panic, disoriented and defensive, and, after the combined attempts of Pepper, Bruce, and JARVIS failed to calm him down, Bruce reluctantly administered a small dose of a mild sedative in hopes it would be enough to get Tony back to sleep. 

Tony eventually drifted back off, not into a deep sleep but hopefully deep enough to ward off whatever nightmare had woken him up so abruptly and, after he was out, Bruce shared a worried look with Pepper and wondered if the true extent of Tony’s psychological damage was only beginning to show.


	14. Chapter 14

Tony was temporarily relocated to the next room while they awaited the delivery of the new bed. They’d all - Tony included - sat down and decided to keep Tony’s return a secret for the time being. Outside of Natasha, Clint, Jim, and Steve, nobody from SHIELD knew and, with the obvious exceptions of Pepper and Bruce, all of Stark Industries was in the dark as well. 

Pepper was working and Bruce was sitting with Tony, explaining the self-cooling vaccine syringe system he was working on when the call came in that Clint had been injured on a SHIELD mission and was en route to Stark Tower. Sighing, Bruce left his tablet with Tony and went to prep another room.

Clint had an enormous gash down his side and his leg was swollen and purplish from the knee down, but he was as sharp as ever, cracking jokes and cursing the Doombot that had snuck up on him as Natasha and two SHIELD agents Bruce didn’t know carried him in. The two agents left as soon as they deposited Clint on the bed, leaving Natasha and Bruce to clean and stitch him up. 

“Hold still,” Bruce said when Clint flinched. “Natasha, can you hold him down?”

“My pleasure,” Natasha said with an evil-looking grin. She pinned Clint down, one hand on his right ankle and the other on his left thigh, above the swelling. She muttered something in Russian that made Clint snort, but he managed to stay still enough until Bruce finished stitching up his side. Turning his attention to Clint’s leg, Bruce grabbed some pillows to prop it up; Clint groaned when Bruce adjusted his leg’s position. 

“JARVIS, can we get an x-ray of this leg?”

“Of course, Doctor. Agent Romanoff, I’d advise you step away to avoid unnecessary radiation exposure.” Natasha nodded and, as soon as she moved to stand against the wall, JARVIS lowered the compact x-ray Bruce himself had helped develop. 

“Slight fracture,” Bruce announced as he examined the x-ray.

“Shit.”

“That’s what happens when you show off,” Natasha said, smirking. “Hawkeye here decided to take on a pack of Bots himself instead of waiting for backup.”

“What was I supposed to do, stand back and watch them cut up everything in their path?”

“Yes,” Natasha said. “But no, you went and put yourself _in_ their path instead.”

“Clint, what color cast do you want?” Bruce said, readying the supplies. 

“I get to pick? This is way better than SHIELD, all they’ve got is black,” Clint grinned. 

“He wants purple.”

“Shut up, Nat. Um...how about black?”

“But you just said--”

“Nobody asked you, Nat,” Clint stuck his tongue out at Natasha but grimaced again as Bruce started to wrap his leg. They were silent as Bruce worked his way up Clint’s leg, and Bruce could see Clint clutching Natasha’s hand so hard his knuckles were white. 

“All done,” Bruce announced. Clint breathed a visible sigh of relief and moved to sit up. “Sorry Clint, you’re staying put for now.”

“Aw, Doc, really?” Clint whined. 

“If you want your leg to heal correctly, really.”

“Dr. Banner, your presence is required in Room 2.”

“Give me a minute, JARVIS, I want to clean up in here.” Bruce gathered his supplies back together. 

“I’m afraid the situation requires your immediate attention.”

“Shit, is it Tony? What happened?” Bruce’s heart was pounding and he almost dropped the supplies he was carrying, but Natasha caught them and set him off with a nod. 

“Tony? Are you...oh, shit.” Bruce raced into the room but stopped short when he saw a wide-eyed Tony staring at an equally wide-eyed Phil Coulson standing at the foot of his bed. 

“You died. Bruce, he died, right? You’re supposed to be dead.” Tony didn’t take his eyes off Coulson for a second.

“I could say the same for you,” Coulson replied. “Dr. Banner, what the hell is going on?”

“Fuck, you weren’t supposed to…” Bruce sighed. “Tony, Coulson survived - barely, but he pulled through. Coulson, Tony...we were looking for him, trying to bring home whatever was left of him. And, well...here he is.”

“Is _that_ what got Rogers all worked up? He wouldn’t tell me what he was so happy about yesterday.”

“Probably,” Bruce said. “The whole thing was his idea in the first place.”

“And...well,” Coulson said, as flustered as Bruce had ever seen him. “Welcome back, Stark.”

“Same to you, Agent,” Tony grinned. “And I was all upset about you dying, too. All that for nothing.”

“Coulson, um…” Bruce started. “SHIELD...they can’t find out about Tony, not yet. He’s in no condition to be interrogated or debriefed or whatever Fury will want to do to him. When he’s ready, but for now...please. I know you’re required to report stuff like this but...for Tony’s sake.”

“I’ve got a few bones of my own to pick with Fury,” Coulson said slowly. “So I don’t have a problem forgetting any of this just happened. Who else knows?”

Bruce circled around to Tony’s bed as he listed the names for Coulson. He placed his hand on Tony’s shoulder and Tony smiled up at him. 

“What were you doing up here in the first place, anyway?” Bruce asked.

“Looking for Barton.” Coulson rolled his eyes. “We were nearby when it came over the com that he was hurt so I came. There was nobody out there to tell me where he was so I looked for him myself.”

“And then almost shit yourself,” Tony grinned at Coulson. 

“Understandable,” Bruce cut in. “He’s across the hall. Natasha’s in there with him.”

“How is he?”

“Major laceration down his side, stitched it up. And minor fracture of his left leg, below the knee,” Bruce rattled off. “I’m keeping him here tonight, longer if he’ll allow it.”

“He won’t,” Coulson laughed. “Thank you, Dr. Banner. This is a nice change after years of literally dragging him into medical kicking and screaming.”

“Glad to help.”

“And Stark,” Coulson turned to Tony. “I never thought I’d say this, but I’m incredibly happy to see you. Welcome home and best of luck during your recovery. You’re in good hands.”

“Yeah, never thought I’d be happy to have you hanging around but hey, weirder shit has happened, right?” Tony smiled. “Don’t be afraid to stop by and bask in my resurrected glory sometimes.”

“Don’t worry, Mr. Stark. Since I’m not sharing this with SHIELD, it’s my responsibility to monitor your status when I’m in the area.” Coulson was straight-faced but had a twinkle in his eye that made both Tony and Bruce grin.

“Anyone else back from the dead that nobody’s told me about?” Tony asked, turning to Bruce as soon as Coulson left the room.

“Just Coulson,” Bruce laughed, sitting on the edge of Tony’s bed.

“How’d Fury pull that one off, anyway?”

“I have no idea,” Bruce said, letting Tony lean on his shoulder. “But you should’ve seen Natasha and Clint when they found out. Natasha especially, I thought she was actually going to kill Fury.”

“Bruce!” 

“Speak of the devil,” Tony said in response to Natasha’s call. He jumped when he realized she was right behind him. “Hey, I’m an invalid, you can’t go sneaking up on me like that. My fragile constitution can’t take it. I have a heart condition, remember?”

“Tell me again why we wanted him back?” Natasha smirked at Bruce as Tony gave her the finger. “Bruce, can you come back in there for a minute? That idiot didn’t tell anyone he smacked his head on the ground and I think he might have a concussion. He just puked all over Coulson.”

“You okay for a few minutes?” Bruce asked Tony, who had tensed slightly at the mention of Bruce leaving the room again.

“I”ll stay,” Natasha offered. “I’ll probably strangle Clint if he pukes on me.”

“You’re leaving me with _her_? How do you know she’s not just gonna strangle _me_ instead?”

“You haven’t been back long enough to piss me off that much,” Natasha said, rolling her eyes. She paused and looked thoughtful for a moment, then turned to Tony, addressing him seriously and surprisingly gently. “If you’d rather I leave, though, of course I will.”

“Nah, J’s got my back,” Tony said. Natasha gave him a small smile, then turned to Bruce and nodded as he stood up.

“I’ll be back as soon as I can, okay?” Bruce gently touched Tony’s shoulder and smiled. 

Tony nodded and Bruce left to investigate Clint’s head. 

Clint did, in fact, have a concussion, and as soon as Coulson returned from wiping his jacket clean and heard the diagnosis, he started lecturing Clint just as Natasha had earlier. Bruce chuckled when, on his way out, he caught Clint giving him a truly pathetic, pleading look.

Natasha slipped out of Tony’s room as Bruce came closer and Bruce’s stomach started churning when she silently directed him down the hall, where Tony wouldn’t be able to hear them. 

“He needs a psych eval,” Natasha said before Bruce asked. “He should’ve had one already.”

“I know,” Bruce sighed. “But without getting SHIELD involved...why, what happened?”

“He’s…” Natasha trailed off. “I don’t know if he’s having a flashback or hallucinating or what but something’s wrong. He started to get tired and all of a sudden he wasn’t really there, not all the way. Talking to himself, not making any sense, I think he thinks he’s somewhere else. I said his name and he just came at me. He tried getting out of bed but he didn’t get very far, almost fell on his face though. JARVIS helped calm him down and I got him back in bed without a fight and then he started to come back. He says he doesn’t remember any of it.”

“Well, it’s no surprise that he has PTSD, which explains the flashbacks…” Bruce muttered. 

“I’ve seen flashbacks, hell, I’ve had my share. This isn’t PTSD. This is…” Natasha trailed off, visibly shaken. “Bruce, I think he’s...I’m afraid he’s going to hurt himself, or worse.”

“Shit,” Bruce breathed. “What’s he doing now?”

“JARVIS is watching him. But, Bruce, even when he was out of his mind, he was asking for you and Pepper. Maybe if you’re in there…”

“I hope so,” Bruce said. “Thanks for telling me, Natasha. Oh, and, uh, you were right. Clint definitely has a concussion.”

Natasha cursed under her breath in Russian and headed for Clint’s room, leaving Bruce lingering in the hallway. He stared at Tony’s door and sighed. 

Of course he’d seen Tony space out like Natasha described, and he knew firsthand that Tony couldn’t sleep more than a few hours without waking up in a panic - that much wasn’t news. But Tony never wanted to talk about it, not with Bruce and especially not with Pepper, and that made it easy to write it all off as a series of isolated incidents, just a normal part of Tony readjusting back to the world. 

Whatever Tony had been through - and claimed to have no memory of - had obviously done a number on his mental health and Bruce would’ve been surprised if Tony _wasn’t_ showing signs of PTSD. Tony was doing a good job of hiding it so far - as far as Bruce knew, Natasha was the first person outside of himself and JARVIS to see one of Tony’s dissociative episodes - but it was only a matter of time before Tony couldn’t pretend to be okay anymore. 

Tony hadn’t even been home for a week and his symptoms seemed to be intensifying by the day. Pepper knew something wasn’t right - how could she not? - and her questions for Bruce about Tony’s condition were getting more pointed. Bruce didn’t want to betray Tony’s trust but he also knew it wasn’t fair to hide what was happening from Pepper and he hoped Natasha would tell Pepper what she’d seen (because, as much as Bruce believed Pepper needed to know, he couldn’t tell her, not when doing so might jeopardize Tony’s trust and his willingness to let Bruce see the vulnerabilities he was otherwise so determined to hide). 

Naively, Bruce hoped this would be the worst of it. Maybe as time went on, Tony would realize he was home, he was safe, and the flashbacks and nightmares would stop. Bruce knew the chances of that happening were pretty slim, but he tried to tell himself it was possible anyway because he didn’t know what he’d do if Tony kept getting worse. 

They’d broken multiple laws of space, time, and logic to bring Tony home. Bruce had never stopped to consider that might have been the easiest part about getting Tony back.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: implied torture/non-con

“Tony, when you first came back…” Bruce started. Tony’s eyes were focused on his laptop screen but he stopped typing when he heard Bruce’s voice. Realizing that was all the acknowledgment he was likely to get, Bruce continued. “You said you’d hoped I stayed.”

“Well, I did.”

“Why, though?” Bruce asked. “I mean, you knew I didn’t even want to be there in the first place, let alone _stay_...”

“You came back,” Tony said simply. Then he sighed and closed his laptop. “Bruce, look, part of the reason I wanted you to stay was for you. You spent so long being scared of yourself and maybe now you didn’t have to be. Then you could get back to being a fucking genius instead of dicking around in the dust on the other side of the planet.” 

“I...okay? What was the other part?” 

“Her,” Tony said. “I hoped you stuck around for Pepper.”

“...oh,” Bruce mumbled. “Why?”

“I knew you could...because I wasn’t…” Tony fumbled. He looked at Bruce hopefully, like Bruce might have understood what he was trying to say and he wouldn’t have to go on. When he realized Bruce didn’t know, he scowled. “You came back. We were getting our asses kicked but then you came back and we won.”

“Tony, we won because of you,” Bruce corrected. “Because of what you did.” 

“Yeah, but no way we would’ve made it that far without the big guy,” Tony said flippantly. “Whatever, the specifics don’t matter. The point is that you didn’t have to come back but you _did_. I mean, I knew you were going to, probably, but when Cap said you were there...it was like I knew we were gonna be okay.” 

“That’s a hell of a lot of faith to put into a person you just met,” Bruce said. 

“Good thing I was right, huh?” 

“Good thing,” Bruce agreed vaguely. “So I came back. That still doesn’t explain why I’d stay.” 

“I worried a lot,” Tony said quietly after a pause. He wasn’t looking at Bruce anymore, instead staring off somewhere beyond him. “I worried about her. All I ever wanted to do was protect her, keep her safe, but I couldn’t. Not from out there.”

“She _was_ safe, though. You know Jim wouldn’t let anything happen to her. SHIELD too, I know you don’t like them but they had plenty of reasons to protect her. JARVIS, too, nobody in their right mind would do anything to get on his bad side.” 

“Damn right they wouldn’t,” Tony said, smiling. Then his expression sobered and he looked directly at Bruce. “Bruce, that’s not the point. I wanted you to stay because I knew you could keep her safe, more than anyone else. More than me, even.” 

“How...why me?” Bruce said, even more confused. 

“Because,” Tony said firmly. Bruce cocked his head slightly and Tony cringed. He squeezed his eyes shut, slouched his shoulders, and put his hands on his knees. When he opened his eyes again, he was back to looking past Bruce. “I can’t remember a lot about what happened to me out there, but I remember thinking about you. If I was, uh...when shit was bad or whatever, I guess, I...if I thought about you, I wasn’t so...I felt safe. Like I did when you came back. That...it helped. And, um, I know this sounds dumb but sometimes I...sometimes I’d think about if you were out there with me - not that I _wanted_ you to be, you know, lost in space - but if you were, it wouldn’t be so...I’d feel safer. Even just thinking about it, I didn’t feel so alone.”

“Tony…” Bruce said quietly. The confession had clearly shaken Tony and, even though Tony was doing everything to avoid looking Bruce in the eye, Bruce reached out for Tony’s hand. Tony grabbed it and, when he squeezed, it felt like he was clutching onto Bruce as hard as he possibly could. “Tony, believe me, if there had been any way, any way at all, for me to help you, I would’ve done it in a heartbeat. Even if it meant shooting the Hulk into outer space or something equally drastic. But...well, I’m sorry I couldn’t help more.” 

“You helped,” Tony said, still clutching Bruce’s hand, still looking away, but not sounding so shaky anymore. “I wouldn’t have made it, I know I wouldn’t, if I didn’t have the _idea_ of you to think about. Not just for me, either. I mean, obviously I knew you weren’t out there to protect me...but you _were_ here and, if you stayed, you could protect Pep for me. And you did. So you don’t have anything to apologize for, okay?” 

“I…” Bruce said. He looked at Tony, still clutching desperately to his hand, and even though Tony had turned his head away from Bruce, Bruce could see enough of his profile to know he had tears in his eyes. 

Bruce knew Tony had just told him more about his ordeal than he’d said to anyone in the entire time since he’d returned. He wasn’t sure if he believed Tony’s claims to have forgotten all the details of what happened to him, but his vague recollections were apparently enough to bring out the traumatized version of Tony Bruce had discovered the night Tony came home and had been seeing more and more of over the ensuing two weeks.

“Tony,” Bruce said softly, scooting closer to Tony’s side and rubbing his thumb down the back of Tony’s hand. “It’s okay. You’re okay. You’re safe now.” 

“I know,” Tony said, sniffling and wiping his face with his shirt sleeve, still holding onto Bruce’s hand like it was the only thing keeping him connected to the ground. “You’re here.” 

“And I’m not going anywhere,” Bruce said, trying to keep his voice steady despite the sinking feeling in his chest. Of course he would do whatever he could to protect Tony, but he knew he could never live up to the infallible savior Tony had apparently built him up to be. 

And it wasn’t just Tony - Pepper was counting on Bruce too, of course. Since Tony still seemed determined to hide any signs of weakness or vulnerability from Pepper - undoubtedly as an attempt to protect her - it was left to Bruce to fill her in as much as he could without fully betraying Tony’s trust. 

Bruce had no intention of letting either of them down, but he had no idea how he was supposed to be the person to keep both Pepper and Tony together when he himself already felt stretched so thin. He was handling it for now, but he didn’t know how long Hulk’s fondness for Tony would be enough to keep him contained, especially if Tony kept getting worse and Bruce remained his sole confidant.

Bruce tried to remember when Jim would be back in town. Tony hadn’t told him anything, either, but if anyone other than Bruce had a chance of getting Tony to talk, it was Jim. And, based on what Bruce had just seen, Tony needed to start talking to _someone_ about his experience. Tony might be content to repress all of it forever, but Bruce knew that would only make finally processing it - and, therefore, healing and recovering - so much more difficult. 

“Bruce?” 

“Yeah?” Tony had slightly loosened his grip on Bruce’s hand and, when Bruce answered him, he actually looked at Bruce. 

“Don’t tell Pep.” 

“I won’t,” Bruce sighed. “But you should. You can’t-”

“She doesn’t need to know.” 

“Yes, she does, Tony,” Bruce said firmly. “You know she does. She loves you.”

“Yeah, and that’s why I’m not gonna tell her,” Tony said, stubborn as ever. He let go of Bruce’s hand. “Come on, Bruce. I can’t do that to her on top of everything else. I can’t.”

“I hate to break it to you, Tony, but she’s not stupid. She knows you better than anyone. She can tell you’re not okay,” Bruce said, only for Tony to look away again. “Tony, this is...nobody blames you for not being okay. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. You _survived_ , Tony, do you know how incredible that is? Of course you’re traumatized and you’re having trouble dealing with everything, how could you not be? But they want to help, Pepper more than anyone just wants to help you feel better. Shutting her out hurts her so much more than telling the truth will.” 

“I’m not traumatized,” Tony muttered. Bruce opened his mouth to argue, but Tony grunted and crossed his arms, then stuck his jaw out and scooted away from Bruce. “I’m _not_. I’ll be fine. You’ll see, as soon as I stop looking like a famine victim I’ll be fine.” 

“Tony…” Bruce started. But before he could continue, the door opened and Tony immediately relaxed his posture. 

“Boys, dinner time!” Pepper called, coming into the room carrying a large serving tray. Bruce got up to prepare Tony’s IV - Tony’s system wasn’t up for solid food yet, but he liked to sit up with Bruce and Pepper at dinner anyway. 

Bruce helped Tony out of bed and onto the couch a few feet away, then pulled the coffee table into place in front of them before sitting down next to Tony. Pepper distributed the plates of food from her tray, placing one on the table in front of Bruce’s seat and bringing one with her when she settled in on the other side of Tony. Bruce leaned over the back of the couch and kissed Pepper on the cheek before returning to his spot. 

“How’re you feeling, Tony?” Pepper asked. 

“I’m fine,” Tony replied. “Bored, though. Sorry Brucie but you’re no fun, none at all. Can’t wait until I’m back on my feet again and everything’s back to normal.” 

“Okay…” Pepper said, patting Tony’s thigh. But she wasn’t looking at Tony, she was looking at Bruce, and she looked as worried as Bruce felt. They exchanged glances that silently communicated responses like ‘does he really think we can’t tell there’s something wrong’ and ‘he can’t get back on his feet if he can barely walk’ and ‘nothing will ever be normal again,’ but instead of saying any of those things, they both looked at Tony and, when he noticed he was being watched, they both leaned in to kiss him on either cheek. 

Bruce hated how thin Tony’s face still was and kissing his sunken cheek just made him feel worse - a feeling that was amplified by how easily and comfortably Pepper kissed Tony’s cheek. If she was deterred by the unpleasant reminder of Tony’s condition, she was hiding it a hell of a lot better than Bruce was. 

As Pepper and Tony playfully bickered about whether macaroni and cheese should be eaten with a fork or a spoon, Bruce remembered what he’d felt like when he first moved into Stark Tower, those weeks before he and Pepper had gotten so close. He remembered feeling awkward and out of place, always one foot out the door, afraid to let himself get too close, too involved, ready to run if things got to be too much. He remembered how much of his life was built around Tony’s absence, how sometimes he and Pepper agreed that their relationship would always be about Tony, that there would always be a Tony-shaped hole in both their lives. 

When Bruce decided to stay, when he abandoned the temptation to run for the opportunity to, for the first time, settle down and commit to something, someone, he finally felt at ease, comfortable, and maybe even happy with his life. The old Bruce - the perpetually uncomfortable and uncertain Bruce - was gone and Bruce assumed he’d stay that way.

Bruce hadn’t seriously thought about leaving for months but, suddenly, he had visions of Kolkata in his head. 

He put his plate down; he felt slightly ill, but it had nothing to do with his dinner. No, Bruce’s nausea was due to his realization that the only difference between that old Bruce and his present self was that, now, Tony wasn’t just a memory anymore.


	16. Chapter 16

“Are you okay?” Bruce asked, not looking up from his tablet. 

“M’fine.”

“Do you need help?”

“Nope.”

Bruce didn’t know why he bothered asking - Tony had refused his help every single time Bruce had offered. Apparently he was too stubborn, too proud, to admit how difficult it was to get himself up off the floor after falling.

The first few weeks after he came home, Tony had spent most of his time either in bed or, after he’d been moved from the acute floor to one of the larger recovery rooms, sitting with someone at one of the tables or couches in the vicinity of his room. Bruce and Pepper had been surprised he wasn’t pestering them to let him get up more often, but they figured out why pretty quickly. Tony could barely walk. Whatever had happened to his leg wasn’t healing; it didn’t hurt but, according to Tony, he didn’t have much feeling in it and his range of motion was extremely limited. Once he was on his feet, he could bear enough weight on it to balance and not fall over, but he had a hard time doing anything other than standing still.

He’d let Bruce push him around in a wheelchair for three days before he started refusing, claiming it wasn’t necessary because he could walk on his own. Bruce and Pepper came up with a compromise, that they wouldn’t use the wheelchair if Tony would use a cane, and Tony reluctantly agreed. He hobbled around with the cane for a few days but, before he got used to it, he figured out a way to walk independently - a way that involved a kind of crouched shuffling along that was undoubtedly wreaking havoc on his back - and started only using the cane to help him to his feet from a sitting position. 

Tony’s method worked to an extent; if he was only traveling a short distance, and if he took his time, he could, in fact, get around without the cane. If he tried to go further or faster, though, he inevitably stumbled and, if there was nothing nearby for him to grab onto, fell. Apparently the falling wasn’t enough to change Tony’s mind, though, and once he’d gotten it into his head that he didn’t need the cane, he had to get himself up off the floor at least once a day, usually more, and he showed no signs of moving toward acceptance of his disability. 

Bruce put his tablet down and watched as Tony clumsily pulled himself to his knees, then to his feet, and then carefully got himself over to the couch, where he plopped down next to Bruce.

“Whatcha doin’?”

“Work,” Bruce replied simply.

“No shit.”

“Reviewing the latest data from the solar powered purifying units,” Bruce said, sighing. Tony pointed at the tablet and Bruce slid it across the table to him.

“Hmm, looks good,” Tony muttered, studying the results. “Well done, Dr. Banner. Keeping Stark Industries alive and well and out of the weapons business.”

“Thank Pep for that, she’s the only reason I got the gig in the first place,” Bruce said. He watched Tony flip idly through the data for a moment, then sighed. “Tony, one of these days you’re going to seriously hurt yourself falling like that.”

Tony grunted and kept his eyes fixed on the screen.

“I know you don’t like the cane but I’d think a walker or a wheelchair would be worse, right?” Tony made a noise. “When you were...your leg has been messed up for awhile. Did you...how’d you get around on your own before you came home?”

“I wore the suit,” Tony said, putting the tablet down. “Plus there was less gravity out there so it was a lot easier to move.”

Bruce pondered that for a moment, then asked the question he and Pepper had been afraid to.

“Well...can’t you make something? Obviously you can’t wear the suit all the time but...just something for your leg, so you can get around safely?”

“No,” Tony breathed, the color draining from his face. “No.”

“It doesn’t have to be--”

“Bruce,” Tony snapped, cutting him off. “You’re not listening. No, I can’t make something. At least, not right now.”

“I could help, if you want.”

“Bruce…” Tony started. He looked down at his lap, or maybe at his leg. “It’s not...it’s not that I can’t do it myself, it’s that...the suit. Iron Man. I can’t even _think_ about the suit without...I feel like I’m right back out there. It’s like I never came back. I...no. I can’t.”

“Oh,” Bruce said. He realized Tony was sweating and shaking so he inched closer and placed a gentle hand on Tony’s knee. Tony stared at Bruce’s hand. “You’ll get there.”

“Maybe.”

“You will.” Bruce paused, waiting for Tony to look up. When he did, Bruce smiled. “But Tony…”

“I know, I know,” Tony muttered. 

“Will you at least _try_ the cane?” Bruce asked. He knew a walker or a wheelchair would be much more helpful but getting Tony to use the cane was going to be difficult enough. 

“You’re not really gonna give me much of a choice, are you?” 

“Nope.” 

“So I guess I have to, then, don’t I?” Tony said. Then he sighed. “It’s not the _cane_ that’s the problem.”

“I know,” Bruce said. He waited for Tony to continue, but Tony just looked at Bruce expectantly. “The problem is that you need it.” 

“Yeah,” Tony muttered. “Part of me still hopes I’ll wake up one day and my leg won’t be fucked up anymore.” 

“I’m sorry, Tony,” Bruce said softly. “I really wish there was anything I could do, but whatever’s wrong with it...I can’t fix something if I don’t even know what’s wrong with it. You know that.” 

“Sure,” Tony said vaguely. “I understand.” 

Tony showed no signs of wanting to continue the conversation, so Bruce didn’t say anything. They sat there on the couch for a minute or so before Bruce reached for his tablet and picked up where he’d left off with his work. 

While Bruce worked, Tony sat and stared straight ahead for a few minutes, clearly lost in thought, and every time Bruce peeked and found him like that, he wanted to do something, anything, to comfort Tony. But he knew from experience that whatever he tried would probably just piss Tony off even more, so he didn’t do anything. He was relieved when Tony finally took his phone out and found something to occupy himself. 

Once he was able to concentrate fully on his work, Bruce completely lost track of time, and apparently Tony did too, because they were both visibly startled when JARVIS spoke. 

“Sir, Dr. Banner, Captain Rogers is requesting your presence in the 65th floor conference room.” 

“Tell him we’re on the way,” Tony said, clearing his throat. “Thanks, J.” 

“Do you know what this is about?” Bruce asked, standing up. He offered his hand to Tony, but Tony scowled and shook his head until Bruce pulled it away. Bruce stepped back, away from the couch, crossed his arms, and watched. 

“Nope,” Tony grunted. His first attempt to stand up had failed and he was bracing himself to try again. He came close the second time, but his bad leg started to twist as soon as he put any weight on it and he started to fall forward but caught himself and landed back on the couch instead. 

Bruce took a step toward Tony, but stopped when Tony once again shook his head. Tony was sitting with his legs apart, his elbows leaning on his thighs, and his head resting on his hands. His back rose and fell with every breath and he wasn’t crying but Bruce could tell he was upset enough that he might. 

Shakily, Tony sat up and prepped himself to try again, but he could barely even get off the couch before losing his balance and dropping back down into his seat again. He was clearly embarrassed and immediately put his head back in his hands, likely so Bruce wouldn’t see his face. 

Bruce watched him for a moment, then sighed and walked back over to the couch. He extended his hand again, but Tony either didn’t see him or was ignoring him. 

“Tony…” Bruce said, staying put. To Bruce’s surprise, Tony sighed and sat up. He looked from Bruce’s hand up to Bruce’s face, took a deep breath, and grabbed onto Bruce’s hand without a word. Bruce pulled him up and made sure he was steady before he let go. 

“Okay?” 

“Yeah,” Tony grunted. Bruce started toward the elevator but stopped when he realized Tony wasn’t following him. He turned around and saw that Tony was apparently prepping himself to move, just like he’d prepped himself to stand up. He was tense and, based on his breathing, was starting to get upset again.

“Tony, you’re overthinking it,” Bruce said softly. 

“I know.” 

“Just relax, take a few deep breaths. You’ll be okay.” 

Tony didn’t acknowledge Bruce’s suggestion, but he took a few deep breaths anyway. He was still too tense to walk, though, and instead of trying (and falling) anyway, he looked up at Bruce. Bruce had expected Tony to be pissed off, but instead he seemed helpless and terrified and Bruce wanted to scoop him up and protect him. Instead, he walked back to Tony’s side, wrapped his arm around Tony’s shoulders, and let Tony hold onto him, not even minding when Tony gripped him hard enough to pinch his side. 

Together they made their way to the elevator and, while they waited for the door to open, Bruce turned and lightly kissed Tony’s head. Tony was still upset, but he calmed himself down before they got to the 65th floor. As the door opened, he removed himself from Bruce’s side and linked arms with him instead, which allowed him to walk relatively smoothly, hiding just how much he was relying on Bruce to get around.

It was a short meeting and, frustratingly, Tony really didn’t even need to be there (Steve had started inviting Tony to Avengers meetings because he didn’t want Tony to feel left out, which was a nice gesture). Afterwards, when Tony was talking to Natasha and Jim, Bruce pulled Steve aside. 

“What’s up, Bruce?”

“So it’s great that you’ve got Tony coming to these, it really is. He really appreciates it,” Bruce started. “But, if you’re inviting him...if there’s _any_ way to, you know, have the meetings come to him? He’s been having a really tough time with, well, getting around, and…”

“Oh,” Steve said, clearly understanding what Bruce meant. “Of course, Bruce. I’m sorry, I never even thought about that. It’s no problem.”

“Thanks, Steve,” Bruce said. He paused. “Don’t tell Tony I asked you, though.” 

“Of course,” Steve nodded. He looked over at Tony, prompting Bruce to do so as well. Tony was still talking to Natasha and Jim, but Bruce could tell that he was leaning on Jim, who had his arm protectively around Tony’s back. “It’s really that bad? Still?”

“Yeah,” Bruce sighed. “He’s...not taking it well, either. That’s why we were late, because he couldn’t get up and he wouldn’t let me help him the first couple of times he tried. He usually doesn’t let me help him at all.” 

“Damn,” Steve said, looking at Tony again. “Can’t he use, I dunno, a cane or something?”

“He _can_ , absolutely. He just refuses to. Apparently he’d rather fall all the time instead.” 

“For some reason that doesn’t surprise me,” Steve said, smirking. 

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” Natasha said, coming up behind Bruce. She nodded over at Tony, who was still holding onto Jim. “Jim said something to him about it and he didn’t argue, for once. He didn’t say yes but it’s progress...did something happen?”

“It’s been a bad day,” Bruce said, sighing. 

“I figured,” Natasha said. “Tony didn’t say anything but he couldn’t get up until Jim helped him.” 

“And I’m pretty sure Jim’s the only reason he’s still standing up right now,” Bruce said sadly. 

“Agreed,” Natasha nodded. “Anyway, I think he wants to leave and I figured I’d come get you before he tried to come over here.”

“Good call,” Bruce said. He turned to Steve. “Thanks, Steve. He won’t say anything but he’ll really appreciate it. We both will.” 

“Hey, anything I can do,” Steve said, shrugging. Bruce nodded, then walked away as Steve explained the new arrangement to Natasha. 

“Ready to go?” 

“Yeah,” Tony said, nodding. 

“Wait, Bruce, he--” Jim started, but stopped when Bruce shook his head and gave him a knowing look. Carefully, Bruce positioned himself so Jim could transfer Tony’s weight over to him, which they managed to do without drawing attention to why it was necessary. 

“Thank you, Jim,” Bruce said over his shoulder as he and Tony slowly made their way to the elevator. 

Pepper was home by the time they made it back to their floor and, while neither Tony or Bruce told her the situation, Tony stopped hiding how much he was leaning on Bruce and she quickly figured out what was going on. 

Thinking about what Natasha had said, Bruce left Tony with Pepper and went into the bedroom to get the cane he’d stashed in the closet. At first he’d tried telling Tony to use it, but when that was met with resistance (and anger) every single time, he switched to simply leaving one of the canes they’d acquired out where he knew Tony would see it every few days in hopes that he’d pick it up on his own. 

Cane in hand, Bruce went back to Pepper and Tony just as Tony announced he needed to use the bathroom. Pepper helped him and, as soon as they’d left the room, Bruce leaned the cane next to Tony’s seat.

Realizing he’d left his tablet down in the lab, Bruce got back into the elevator to go get it. He almost immediately got distracted by Jane calling him and ended up spending almost an hour talking to her before he went back upstairs.

“Bruce? Is that you?” Pepper’s voice rang out from the kitchen. “I was about to have JARVIS call you for dinner.” 

“Sorry, Jane called,” Bruce explained. “Just gonna wash my hands, I’ll be right there.” 

As Bruce crossed the room, he looked to Tony’s seat, expecting to find the cane exactly where he’d left it. But it wasn’t there and, glancing around, Bruce didn’t see it on the floor or anywhere in the room. He stopped by the bathroom to wash his hands, then joined Tony and Pepper for dinner. 

He couldn’t stop himself from smiling when he saw the cane on the floor next to Tony’s chair and, later, after he saw Tony willingly using it (and how much easier he was getting around), he texted Natasha to thank her for suggesting he give it another try.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: ptsd, implied torture/non-con

Tony continued to claim he wasn’t traumatized, he didn’t have PTSD, and that he was fine, and Bruce didn’t bother arguing with him anymore, not because he believed him, but because Tony was so obviously lying it was almost laughable. 

Bruce wasn’t sure when it happened, but at some point over the six weeks since he’d come home Tony’s mental condition had gone from bad to terrible, and Tony now spent a considerable amount of time engulfed in an angry, bitter funk and, because they spent the most time with him, it was Bruce and Pepper who bore the brunt of Tony’s negativity - especially Bruce, as Tony still wanted to keep the worst of it from Pepper, but since Tony’s capacity to give a shit had plummeted she’d definitely gotten her fair share of his crap.

They all knew it wasn’t Tony’s fault, but that didn’t make it any easier to live with. Any suggestions that he try to talk about what happened were either ignored or greeted with, at best, scorn and, at worst, angry outbursts full of resentment and derision. 

More worrying than Tony’s anger, at least to Bruce, was the depression that seemed to be slowly sucking the life out of him. It was the depression that made Tony stop caring about anything, including himself, and Bruce tried to remind himself of that as Tony started depending on him more and more for basic self-care. 

Bruce knew it wasn’t Tony’s fault, but he was starting to feel more like Tony’s caregiver than anything else. Plenty of other people offered their assistance but, aside from sometimes Pepper and occasionally Jim, only Bruce was allowed to help Tony and, while Bruce always did it without complaint, he could feel himself starting to get burnt out from being constantly at Tony’s beck and call. 

It wasn’t intentional, but Bruce started spending more of his non-Tony-dominated time working in his lab and, as a result, felt like he barely saw Pepper anymore. He was just so tired and worn down from day after day of convincing Tony to eat and giving Tony a shower and trying to cheer Tony up or at least distract him and being interrupted constantly whenever Tony needed something, and his lab provided him with some desperately needed alone time. 

When Bruce was with Tony, he tried not to let his stress or exhaustion show. Tony’s mood varied wildly from day to day and, on good days, he almost seemed like himself again - a little quieter, a little more subdued, but close to how he used to be. Bruce didn’t want to do anything to jeopardize those moods and it was easy to forget why he was so stressed out when he, Pepper, and Tony could sit around and have an actual conversation - or, on the rare occasion Tony suggested it, actually work on the highly neglected physical aspect of their relationship.

Before Tony came back, Bruce and Pepper had a relatively normal sex life. They figured out what Bruce could safely handle and found it was enough to satisfy them. They never discussed it, but Bruce knew Pepper must have been used to so much more than he could give her - but if she minded, she never said a word.

Things changed when Tony came back. The first few weeks, Tony was in no condition for _any_ physical exertion. Once he started to regain some strength, Bruce expected him to want more than the limited physical contact they’d been sharing - and there were a few times Tony seemed interested in trying, but for whatever reason lost interest before actually doing anything. Bruce and Pepper let Tony dictate the pace; from the start, they knew he needed to take things slowly and they respected that.

Tony felt bad and told them over and over that they didn’t need to wait for him to be ready. He wanted them to do whatever they wanted - and they tried, they really did, but it wasn’t the same, it wasn’t anything like it was before, and after a few weeks it felt more like a chore than anything. 

The nightmares only made things worse. Tony preferred to sleep in the middle, tucked safely between Pepper and Bruce, and on good nights that was fine - better than fine, because Pepper and Bruce wanted to protect Tony just as much as Tony wanted to feel safe, so all three of them slept better wrapped up in each other. 

They couldn’t protect Tony from his nightmares, though - nobody could, not even Tony himself - and the bad nights vastly outnumbered the good ones. On bad nights, instead of sleeping soundly in the middle, Tony slept fitfully, never managing more than a few hours before the terrors in his mind hijacked his body and he woke up screaming or crying or fighting some invisible adversary, clawing and kicking and hitting the air, his pillow, the bed, anything within his reach - including, if they hadn’t gotten out of the way quickly enough - Pepper or Bruce. 

Tony never remembered any of it, not even the dream that set him off, and neither Bruce nor Pepper were very eager to tell him much in fear of prompting the same kind of reaction while he was awake. Their fears weren’t unfounded; the day Tony woke up and saw the bruise on Pepper’s face and the bite marks on her arm, Bruce missed two important Stark Industries meetings and an Avengers call because Tony was more upset than Bruce had ever seen him and he didn’t want to let Tony out of his sight for fear of what he might do to himself. After that, Tony started asking, then begging, for a sedative every night and Bruce grudgingly obliged; he wasn’t crazy about the idea of Tony depending on such an addictive class of medication, especially not with his history with alcohol on top of his fragile physical and mental condition - but he knew nobody would be getting any sleep until Tony could sleep through the night and he couldn’t think of another way to make that happen. 

According to Pepper, Tony had always been an extremely physical person, never hesitant to invade anyone’s personal space, not just sexually but in general, with just about anyone he met. Bruce’s mind jumped to the Helicarrier and how Tony immediately touched his arm and wasn’t afraid to poke him or get in his face - and how Tony’s casual disregard for boundaries allowed Bruce to have more physical contact with another human being than he’d had since the accident. 

Pepper and Bruce had agreed to let Tony dictate the pace of their relationship, but instead of using that safe space to explore what he could and couldn’t comfortably do, Tony’s main concern seemed to be whatever he thought Bruce and Pepper wanted. It was weird and awkward for all three of them, but they kept at it, hoping that eventually they’d come up with a situation that would make them all happy and satisfied.

****

“Stop,” Tony said. Bruce immediately pulled his hands away from Tony and, on Tony’s other side, Pepper did the same.

“What happened?” Pepper asked. “We’ve done this before and you didn’t--”

“No, no, it’s not that,” Tony said. “This is still okay, no problem there.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“Me,” Tony said without a trace of self-deprecation. “I’m the problem. I know you guys are trying - and thank you for that - and it’s working for me. But it’s not working for you two. That’s the problem.”

“Tony--”

“Stop, Pepper,” Tony cut her off. “You know I’m right, you do. I’m all fucked up about this shit but you’re not.”

“Tony, it’s okay, I’m fine. It’s not--”

“I know you, Pep. I know what you like - we had a normal relationship once, remember? You have needs and I can’t meet them, not yet.”

“It’s _okay_ , Tony. I have Bruce too, you know.”

“Do you?” Tony asked, turning to Bruce and looking him in the eye. 

“Of course you do,” Bruce said. Tony rolled his eyes. “What? I’m right here.”

“Physically.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means you’re checked out, Bruce. You’re pulling away - back me up here, Pepper.”

Bruce looked to Pepper who was quiet, so quiet, and not looking back at Bruce. 

“That’s a yes,” Tony said. “I thought you were gonna fall asleep before, you looked so bored, and that wasn’t the first time I thought that. So what’s the deal, Bruce? You want out?”

“No,” Bruce said quickly. “No, not at all.”

“At least admit there’s _something_ going on with you, though.”

“Tony’s right,” Pepper added quietly. “You’re not happy, Bruce. I know we talked about this but...it feels like we’re losing you.”

“You’re not,” Bruce said. Tony and Pepper just looked at him, waiting for his explanation. He sighed and tried to find some way to tell the truth without hurting Tony. “I want to be here, I do. I just...I can’t do everything. I can’t do this _and_ work _and_ be an Avenger _and_ be their doctor _and_ take care of you, I’m sorry, but I can’t. And I’m sorry this is what’s suffering. I love you guys, but...I’m burnt out.”

“You don’t have to do everything, Bruce…” Pepper started. 

“I know. But those things, those are all things I have to do. And I’m doing them, all of them except one. This one.” He paused and looked over at Tony. Tony was looking at his lap. “Tony? You okay?”

“Fine,” Tony said quietly, still looking down. 

“Tony,” Bruce sighed. “I didn’t mean it like that. You’re not...Tony, come on. I”ll gladly take care of you, I’ll be _honored_ to take care of you as long as you want me to, okay? I’m not doing this because I have to, I’m doing it because I _want_ to. But...it’s still stressful. It’s a lot.”

“Sorry,” Tony said sadly. Bruce reached for his hand but Tony pulled it away.

“Tony…”

“Not now,” Tony shook his head. “We can have _that_ terrible conversation later. Let’s finish this one first.”

“Fine.”

“Let’s see, where were we...oh, that’s right,” Tony said. “There’s me, too fucked up to do...just about anything fun. There’s Brucie over here, he’s all burnt out and distracted because of, among other things, how fucked up I am--”

“Tony--”

“Later,” Tony said. “I’m trying to make a point here.”

“Fine,” Bruce grunted. 

“So _anyway_...” Tony started. “Like I was saying. Me and Bruce are out of commission and that’s probably not gonna change anytime soon. And that sucks, for all of us, but especially you, Pep. You’re getting screwed - because you’re _not_ getting screwed - and that’s not fair. Am I right, Bruce?”

“Yeah,” Bruce agreed. “Yeah, it’s not fair.”

“I don’t--” Pepper started to protest. She stopped when both Bruce and Tony stared her down.

“Pepper, come on. You have needs and we’re not meeting them.”

“Would you listen to me, please?” Pepper protested. “That’s not important. This, us - that’s what’s more important.”

“Who says you have to pick?” Tony said. “Pep, we’ve had an open relationship since day one and unless Bruce has a problem with it…”

“Nope.”

“The same rules still apply.”

“I know,” Pepper said, biting her lip.

“Then will you please at least think about it?”

“I, uh…” Pepper shifted uncomfortably. “I know I should’ve told you guys, I just…”

“Wait, what?” Tony paused. “C’mon Pep, don’t be sorry. This is a _good_ thing because it means you get to be happy! So as long as he makes you happy...what?”

“Oh god,” Pepper said. She was blushing and hid her face behind her hands. “It’s...there’s no _he_ , I don’t…”

“Natasha?” Bruce realized. Pepper nodded, her hands still over her face.

“Well, damn,” Tony said.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” Pepper explained rapidly. “It was just...it just kind of _happened_ the first time, she...she basically said the same thing and she wanted to help and she offered and...you’re right, I do need...I was frustrated, I was all pent up. Nat could tell. That’s...that’s the only reason, I swear. I’m not, like, you guys are still--”

“Relax, Pepper,” Bruce said. “We know.”

“Natasha’s not really the relationship type, anyway,” Tony mused. “But, hey, if you wanna bring her by some night…”

Bruce groaned and rolled his eyes while Pepper threw a pillow at Tony. 

As much as Bruce wanted to talk to Tony about what he’d said, Tony was in a rare decent mood and Bruce didn’t want to ruin that by bringing up such a sensitive subject, so he tabled the conversation for another day.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: violent flashback, physical assault, implied torture

Bruce encouraged Tony to spend time with him while he was working, even if he just sat on the couch with his tablet or laptop, because Tony needed something to distract him from sitting around feeling miserable all day. Most of the time it seemed like Tony was just relocating his funk to the lab instead of his room, but once in awhile he would actually show some interest in whatever Bruce was working on. To Bruce’s surprise and relief, sometimes Tony was interested enough that he got up and started messing around with whatever it was, and after a few weeks Tony started doing work of his own. 

Tony functioned best when he was working, which came as a surprise to nobody, but his progress only lasted as long as it took him to get bored and, because his depression was sucking a lot of his creativity and imagination away, he got bored very easily. Bruce tried his best to keep Tony busy, but Tony was actively resistant to any suggestions and, brief bursts of productivity aside, much of Tony’s time was spent inside his own head and, on his bad days, he could - and did - easily slip into flashbacks that sent his mind back out in the blackness beyond the portal. 

“Sorry Tony, I...Tony?” 

Bruce had been gone from the lab for about 15 minutes when he came back and found Tony staring off into the distance, the arc reactor casing he’d been working on scattered in pieces on the floor, and clutching a wrench tightly in his fist. 

“Tony, are you okay?” 

Bruce held back, lingering near the doorway with his hands in his pockets, trying to make himself look as non-threatening as possible, because Tony’s flashbacks often involved Tony becoming incredibly, even dangerously, defensive in response to anything he perceived to be hostile - which was usually just about anything he saw. 

All of a sudden Tony sprang into action, somehow managing not to fall as he spun around and raised his wrench up over his head, ready to attack something only he could see. He held the wrench still, his whole body tensed, and Bruce realized the thing Tony was about to go after wasn’t invisible at all. Dum-E had apparently snuck up on Tony to investigate the fallen pieces of the arc reactor casing and, still lost in his own mind, Tony was about to retaliate violently against the nonexistent threat. Bruce felt his heart sink; he knew Tony would never forgive himself if he damaged or destroyed Dum-E so, even though he knew it was a terrible idea, Bruce knew he had to intervene.

“Stop! Tony!” Bruce lunged forward and put himself between Tony and Dum-E and wasn’t at all surprised to find himself immediately pinned against the wall.

Tony was muttering threateningly and pressing the wrench to Bruce’s throat hard enough that the Hulk started to stir.

_It’s just Tony, he doesn’t know what he’s doing right now. I know you don’t want to hurt Tony, right?_

Hulk backed down but Bruce could feel that he was still watching. 

“Tony, it’s me, it’s Bruce,” Bruce choked, trying to push the wrench away from his throat. Hulk was stirring again and Bruce knew he was rapidly approaching the moment when Hulk would take over automatically because Bruce couldn’t breathe. Knowing just about anything would be better than the Other Guy making an appearance, Bruce stomped on Tony’s good foot and when Tony inadvertently loosened his grip on the wrench and Bruce, ducked, narrowly avoiding the wrench Tony was swinging at his head. 

“Tony, _stop!_ ” Bruce grabbed Tony’s arm and tried to get him to drop the wrench, and for the first time Bruce noticed that Tony didn’t look angry, he looked terrified. Instead of dropping the wrench, Tony managed to shake Bruce’s hand off of him and, when he started for Bruce’s neck again, Bruce tried to push him away and, when that didn’t work, he sighed and punched Tony in the face. The punch caught Tony by surprise and Bruce cringed as Tony, reeling from the punch, fell. He hadn’t wanted to hurt Tony, of course, but Tony currently had no such qualms about hurting Bruce and Bruce couldn’t think of any other way to keep the Other Guy from making a mess.

“Tony?” Bruce asked tentatively when Tony didn’t try to get up and retaliate. 

“What the...did you punch me?” Tony sounded groggy as he sat up, rubbing his jaw. 

“Sorry,” Bruce said. He sat down next to Tony and reached for his hand, but Tony withdrew into himself, tucking his knees up against his chest and resting his head between them, looking down. Bruce sighed. “I had to, Tony. You were about to attack Dum-E and I stopped you so you went after me instead. It was either that or Hulk and I figured you’d rather have a sore face.”

“I...fuck,” Tony muttered into his knees. He was shaking and Bruce started to rub gentle circles over Tony’s back. “What the fuck is wrong with me?”

“Tony, it’s okay, you’re--”

“No, it’s not okay,” Tony snapped, suddenly sitting up and shrugging Bruce’s hand away. Bruce wasn’t sure if Tony was on the verge of tears or rage or something worse, but he was helpless to do anything but stay close by. “Bruce, this is bad, like, really bad. This was, what, the sixth time I’ve attacked you?”

“Eighth,” Bruce muttered. “Ninth, if you could that time right at the beginning, in medical. But this was the worst by far, probably because I touched you first, so...”

“No. It’s only a matter of time until someone gets seriously hurt,” Tony said, hugging his knees to his chest. “If you weren’t here I could’ve destroyed Dum-E. What if I go after Pep next time? Or what about if I get you bad enough that the Other Guy _has to_ come out? I can’t… _we_ can’t live like this. We have to...I dunno. Do something.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t fucking know,” Tony spat. “I have no fucking idea, Bruce. Don’t even know where to start.”

“We start here,” Bruce said firmly. “We start by talking about it, just like this. It sucks, but this is the first time you’ve actually talked about it, so it’s a start. It’s the start of you getting through this, getting better.”

“Since when are you such a ray of goddamn sunshine?” Tony grumbled. “Not that easy.”

“I didn’t say it was easy.”

“Well, what if it’s impossible?” Tony blurted.

“It’s not,” Bruce said patiently. “It’ll take time but eventually this will all stop.”

“No, it won’t,” Tony said quietly. “Not with...I’m not gonna get better, Bruce. We both know it, everyone knows. It’s too late to fix me. I’m too…”

“Tony…”

“Stop. Please, Bruce, you know it’s true. You’re not stupid. I’m fucked, I’m a lost cause, you think I don’t notice the way you two look at each other when you think I can’t see? Fuck, I love both of you and you guys were _happy_ before and now you’re not. And that’s my fault. It...you should’ve just left me out there. Better for everyone that way.”

“Not for you,” Bruce said after a stunned moment spent processing Tony’s words. Tony looked up at him blankly and Bruce felt his heart break a little bit. Silently, Bruce grabbed Tony by the wrist and helped him to the couch. He sat Tony down, then sat down next to him and pulled Tony close to his side. Tony started to curl up into himself again, so Bruce gently guided his head to rest in his lap. He ran his hand back through Tony’s hair and Tony looked up at him with those huge, deep eyes. “We want you here, Tony. We need you, _I_ need you here, with us, where you belong. You changed my life, you know. I wouldn’t have come back if it wasn’t for you. I would’ve run and I never would’ve met Pepper and none of this ever would’ve happened if you never poked me in the side just to see what would happen. I could spend the rest of my life thanking you for that and it wouldn’t be enough.”

“You found me, I think that makes us even.”

“Maybe. Doesn’t matter. The point is, for me, everything hinges on you and I know my life wouldn’t be complete without you in it for more than two days. Pepper had years with you before New York - I had less than two days and that wasn’t enough, not even close. Sure, Pepper and I were happy, but we knew something was missing. We knew it from the start. Tony, no matter what happens, I promise you there is no version of my life better than this one because you’re in it. Me and Pepper both, we’ll do whatever we have to for you, to get you through this. We’ll all get through it, somehow. We found you and brought you back from the other end of the fucking universe. No matter what, we’re not about to give up on you now. I did, once. I wrote you off for dead and I’ll never make that mistake again.”

“Bruce…” Tony started, looking away but not before Bruce saw his eyes brimming with tears. Sighing, Bruce ducked his head and gently kissed Tony’s forehead. “You really think I’ll get better?”

“I really do. Maybe not like you were before, but I know you’ll be okay. It’s gonna take time, but we’ll get there.”

“What if we don’t?” Tony said quietly. “What if I’m like this forever? Bruce, what if this gets _worse_?”

“It won’t,” Bruce said, trying to sound confident. He’d thought a lot about it he still had no idea what they’d do if Tony’s condition continued to deteriorate. He and Pepper swore they’d always stay by Tony’s side and Bruce meant it. Hulk adored Tony and Bruce was almost positive he’d never hurt him - it wasn’t a theory he cared to test, but that wasn’t the reason Bruce wasn’t sure. At least, it wasn’t the main reason.

Bruce didn’t know what he’d do if Tony got worse because Bruce knew he wouldn’t be able to stand by helplessly watching the most brilliant man he’d ever known, the man he loved, be torn apart completely by his own demons. He knew it was terrible - there wasn’t a doubt in his mind that Pepper would stay by Tony’s side until the bitter end no matter how painful it was for her. But Bruce wasn’t as strong as Pepper, not nearly. Bruce didn’t stick around when things got bad. Bruce ran. 

He didn’t know how he could live with himself if he ran from Tony. 

“Bruce? Tony?” Bruce and Tony both snapped to attention at the sound of Pepper’s voice from the hallway. Tony pushed himself off Bruce’s lap and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, but Pepper came in a moment too soon for Tony to play it cool.

“Tony? What happened?” Pepper and Tony both looked at Bruce and Bruce nodded toward Tony, giving him the chance to explain. Tony opened his mouth and shut it almost instantly. He looked at Bruce again, silently pleading for his intervention. 

“Tony had a flashback,” Bruce said, still looking at Tony. Tony was looking down now, his eyes nearly closed, almost as if he was praying. Bruce sighed and turned to Pepper. “He went after Dum-E, I stopped him and he started attacking me, so I punched him before the Other Guy took over.”

“Sorry,” Tony mumbled, ducking his head. Bruce and Pepper shared a worried look, then Bruce stretched his arms across Tony’s shoulders and touched his forehead to Tony’s. 

“It’s not your fault,” Bruce said softly. “I know you would never hurt me, Tony. You’re not _you_ when you’re like that, you can’t let yourself feel guilty about things you can’t control.”

“It’s not...you don’t know what it’s like,” Tony muttered after a moment. 

“Really?” Bruce smirked and picked his head up to look at Tony. “Tony, I learned a long time ago that I can’t carry guilt over everyone I’ve hurt - or worse - when Hulk comes out. I’d go crazy.”

“I’m already crazy.”

“All the more reason to avoid going crazier,” Pepper said gently, sitting down on Tony’s other side. Tony grunted and let her brush his hair back off his forehead.

“Hey, Pepper,” Tony said after a moment. “Bruce here says he knows I’m gonna get better. I say he’s wrong. I know I’m probably going to be like this forever, maybe even worse. What about you, am I eternally fucked or do I actually stand a chance? You’ve got the deciding vote.”

Pepper stared at Tony, then looked to Bruce with tears in her eyes. She cleared her throat.

“What the hell kind of question is that?”

“Scientific inquiry,” Tony responded immediately. “We should know where we’re all at, individually, get us all on the same page about expectations and all that.”

“Tony…” Pepper breathed.

“Just answer the question, Pepper. Not that difficult,” Tony snapped. He’d been trying to play the conversation off with his usual cavalier tone but he couldn’t hide the vulnerability and fear in his eyes. Now that he’d dropped his cover it was obvious how much Tony had riding on Pepper’s answer. 

“Tony Stark, you are the most stubborn person I have ever known,” Pepper said firmly, taking Tony’s hand between hers. “I don’t believe you’ll ever give up on yourself, no matter how badly you’d like to, because I don’t think you can. I don’t think you’re capable of truly giving up on yourself. And as long as you don’t, as long as you keep fighting, I won’t give up on you either.”

“So that’s a yes,” Tony said after staring at Pepper for a long moment.

“I wasn’t aware this was a yes or no question,” Bruce said. “Seems a little more complex than that.”

“‘Yes’ as in ‘yes you think I stand a chance at not living like this forever’,” Tony said, rolling his eyes.

“Two to one,” Bruce said. “You’re outnumbered.”

“Too bad my sanity isn’t a democracy,” Tony sighed. “Look, I know you guys mean well, I know you really believe all that, but it’s...I’m a mechanic, okay? I know when something’s broken beyond repair. I know when it’s not worth wasting my time on trying to fix something that can’t be fixed. Something like me.”

“You’re not a robot, Tony,” Pepper said gently. “You’re not a machine.”

“People aren’t so simple,” Bruce added, resting his hand on Tony’s bouncing knee. “And people are always worth the effort.”

“Some people aren’t,” Tony argued. 

“Well, you are,” Bruce said before Tony could go on. “And I know a whole team of people who’ll say the same thing, because they all went through the effort of bringing you home. Giving up on yourself now is a hell of a way to thank them.”

“Didn’t you just tell me I shouldn’t walk around feeling guilty all the time? He said that, right Pepper?” Tony looked at Pepper, then turned back to Bruce and grinned, that wicked, shit-eating grin Bruce hadn’t seen in what felt like years. 

“Shut up,” Bruce laughed. Tony was still smiling and before he could stop himself, he pulled Tony into a tight hug. Seconds later he felt Pepper mirror his position, wrapped around Tony, ready to protect him from whatever happened, or at least not about to back down without giving it the fight of all their lives. 

They stayed like that for at least a minute, probably more, sheltering Tony, wrapping all three of themselves together. Then Tony broke the silence by clearing his throat, not lifting his head out of the hug. 

“Hey, so, this lovefest we’ve got going here is great, don’t get me wrong, but I’m thinking maybe I should get some ice on my face, you know, since Rocky Balboa over here went all Rock-em Sock-em Robots on me and Bruce, buddy, you are deceptively strong, I wouldn’t guess your scrawny ass had it in you because, damn, of all the people I’d peg to do this kind of possibly permanent damage...you?”

“You know I’m the Hulk, right?” Bruce grinned at Tony as they pulled apart. 

“You weren’t the Hulk when you punched me,” Tony argued. Bruce rolled his eyes and started to reply, but Tony shushed him. He was staring at something over Bruce’s shoulder and for a second Bruce thought he was having another flashback. 

“Hey, Dum-E, make yourself useful and get me some ice,” Tony ordered, and Dum-E whirred obediently and wheeled away, returning moments later with ice. Instead of his usual insults, Tony took the ice from Dum-E, gently ran his hand down Dum-E’s arm, and stared into Dum-E’s camera for a long moment. “Good boy.” 

For the rest of the day, they all tried their best to act like nothing was wrong. Tony in particular seemed to be making an effort to be pleasant, which was a nice change, but Bruce was watching him closely and noticed as his lighthearted mood started to fade back into the darkness again. 

By the time they went to bed, Tony had withdrawn back into himself and neither Bruce or Pepper could talk to him without getting snapped at. Bruce had more trouble than usual falling asleep and he couldn’t stop thinking about Tony wishing he’d never come back home. The worst part was that Bruce couldn’t even wonder if Tony was serious because he knew without a doubt that Tony meant every word.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: suicide attempt

Tony’s near round-the-clock company wasn’t planned. Bruce tossed the idea of a schedule around but dropped it when Steve pointed out Tony might feel like visiting him was a chore. It didn’t matter, though, because there was almost always someone in Tony’s room - because they _wanted_ to be, not because they felt obligated.

But without a schedule, nobody realized Tony would be left alone when the call came in. Pepper was in LA on business and Jane was at a conference in St. Louis. It didn’t occur to any of them - not even Bruce - to make sure someone would be staying behind with Tony. The thought only crossed his mind moments before he transformed and the only thing Hulk was concerned with were the enormous mutated crabs crawling out of the East River. 

“Bruce? Bruce, wake up.”

“M’awake,” Bruce muttered, blinking his eyes open and squinting up to see who was shaking his shoulder. “Don’t tell me the Other Guy missed some, Cap, I don’t think I can-”

“No, we won,” Steve said, sounding distant and rushed. “Bruce, can you get up? We need to get you back home as soon as we can.”

“Who got hurt?” Bruce asked, yawning and stretching. “Barton again?”

“No, Bruce, it’s...it’s Tony,” Steve said, actually cringing. 

“Tony?” The Other Guy grumbled, only so subdued from exhaustion. Bruce stood up so fast he saw stars for a moment and Steve had to extend an arm to steady him. “What happened? Is he okay? Please tell me there’s a car waiting.”

“Yeah, Nat’s outside,” Steve started toward the door with Bruce at his heels, so focused he barely noticed his usual post-Hulk aches and pains. 

“What happened?”

“I don’t…” Steve muttered, avoiding Bruce’s eyes as Bruce practically threw himself into the car. “I think you just need to--”

“ _Steve_ ,” Bruce said firmly despite his rising anxiety. Steve was in the passenger seat and Bruce grabbed him by the arm. “What happened?”

“He tried to hang himself,” Natasha said, not looking away from the road. 

“He…” Bruce breathed, letting go of Steve and sinking back into his seat. “Is he…”

“He’s alive,” Natasha said. Several cars honked as she cut into traffic but Bruce barely heard them. “That’s all I know. We’re almost there.”

“Bruce…” Steve said softly. Bruce hadn’t realized he was shaking until Steve gently lay his hand on Bruce’s knee to stop him. 

“God _dammit_ , Tony,” Bruce said, more to himself than Natasha or Steve. His heart was racing and any hint of post-transformation exhaustion was gone, replaced by the kind of adrenaline rush the Other Guy usually fed on. But Bruce knew he didn’t have to worry about the Hulk right now - either because the Other Guy’s energy was still drained from his recent outing or, more likely, because he understood that Tony was in trouble and only Bruce could help. 

“Bruce, you gotta calm down,” Natasha said. “I know you’re upset but you can’t go in there like this.”

“I know,” Bruce muttered. He focused on his breathing - _in-out-in-out_ \- and, as soon as they reached Stark Tower, he was out of the car and running before Natasha had a chance to park. 

JARVIS had an elevator waiting and the ride up to the medical floor seemed to last forever. Bruce was tempted to ask JARVIS for a status update on Tony but didn’t, mostly because he was afraid of the answer. 

“What’s going on? Tony?” Bruce demanded as he burst into Tony’s room. 

“Bruce, I’m sorry!” Darcy cried, nearly wailing. Coulson was standing next to her, awkwardly trying to comfort her. “I didn’t know you guys left. I would’ve come up here if I knew he was alone.” 

“It’s not your fault, Lewis,” Coulson said as Darcy hid her face in her hands and leaned on his shoulder. 

“Darce?” As soon as Steve entered the room, he went straight for Darcy and wrapped his arms around her when she clung to his chest and sobbed. Steve rubbed her back and whispered something in her ear, but he was looking at Bruce with a terrible, grave expression on his face.

Bruce almost cried with relief when he saw that Tony was alive and breathing on his own. But Tony was also unconscious and unresponsive, and Bruce used every relaxation technique he’d ever learned to push his own feelings aside as he jumped into action and, feeling completely dazed, somehow managed to stay calm and tend to Tony. The room was nearly silent as he worked, except for Darcy’s sniffling and, once it was hooked up, the beeping of Tony’s heart monitor. 

After confirming with JARVIS that Tony’s vitals were all stable, Bruce stepped back from the bed and looked Tony up and down. Tony looked awful, gaunt and weak as ever, his black eye was now an impressive shade of purple, and he was sporting a variety of bruises that hadn’t been there when Bruce saw him earlier that morning. 

“What happened?” Bruce asked, looking up at Darcy. She was biting her lip and her eyes were filling with tears again as Steve wrapped his arm around her shoulders protectively. 

“Dr. Banner, if I may…” JARVIS sounded uncertain.

“Please,” Bruce replied. He saw Darcy visibly relax when she realized she wouldn’t have to recount what she’d seen. 

“Ms. Lewis was unaware of the call to assemble and remained in her quarters. Upon realizing he was alone, Sir became visibly upset. I attempted to comfort him but, when I offered to contact someone for help, he explicitly forbade me from alerting anyone outside the building.”

“He didn’t know Darcy was here…” Bruce said, unnecessarily. 

“No. Sir began to prepare his supplies and, when his intention became clear to me, I immediately alerted Ms. Lewis.”

“Darcy, can you tell me what happened after that?” Bruce asked kindly. Darcy wasn’t crying anymore and, after a moment, she nodded. 

“I ran up here as soon as JARVIS told me and he was...he was standing up on the chair with the sheet around his neck and as soon as he saw me he kicked the chair out from under him and...I, uh, I grabbed scissors from your box and tried to hold him up while I cut him down, you know, so he could breathe. He was unconscious though, and he fell on me. I made sure he was breathing and I didn’t know what to do so I called you, Bruce, but you didn’t pick up. Then I just called everyone until Coulson answered.”

“Jesus, Tony…” Bruce muttered. Then he looked back up at Darcy. “He fell on you? Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Darcy said, but she sounded unsure of herself. She looked down and seemed surprised to find her wrist was swollen and bruised. “Mostly.”

“Okay, uh...go put some ice on that,” Bruce said. “I’ll look at it in a minute.”

“Bruce…” Darcy started, biting her lip again. “I’m sorry. If I knew he was alone I could’ve been here and stopped--”

“Darcy,” Bruce cut her off. “This is not your fault. If you hadn’t been here to cut him down...you saved his life. Thank you.”

“I…is he gonna be okay?”

“He…” Bruce sighed and rubbed his temples. “I have no idea. His vitals look fine and he’s breathing, but depending on how long he went without oxygen…there could be, uh, brain damage. But we won’t know until he wakes up.”

 _If_ he wakes up, Bruce thought to himself. The possibility made him nauseous. 

“Dr. Banner, may I be of assistance by x-raying Ms. Lewis’ wrist?”

“Yes, of course, thank you JARVIS,” Bruce said, snapping back into the real world. Steve escorted Darcy out of the room, looking over his shoulder to give Bruce a small, encouraging smile before he left. Bruce hardly noticed. 

Natasha, Clint, and Jim were still in debriefing so, with Darcy and Steve gone, just Coulson was left behind with Bruce and Tony. They stood on either side of Tony’s bed, silent and subdued, and Bruce reached for Tony’s hand, intending to check his pulse. Instead, he gripped it and couldn’t bring himself to let go. Coulson averted his eyes and wandered over to the window. 

“Does she know?” Coulson asked a few moments later. 

“I...no,” Bruce sighed. “Unless JARVIS…”

“No. I assumed Ms. Potts would rather hear this from you.”

“Fuck,” Bruce muttered. He squeezed Tony’s hand and let go, nodding at Coulson who was standing by the bed again. Bruce pulled his phone out of his pocket and went out into the hallway to call Pepper. 

_”Hi Bruce! What’s up?”_

“I...it’s...uh…”

_”What’s the matter? Bruce? What’s going on?”_

“It’s...it’s Tony. He, uh...fuck, Pep, he tried to hang himself.”

 _”WHAT?”_

“He...the Avengers got called and nobody realized he’d be alone and he…”

_”Oh my God. Is he...he’s okay, right?”_

“He’s alive,” Bruce said. “Unconscious but he’s breathing.”

 _”Jesus…”_ Pepper muttered. Bruce could hear that she was trying not to cry.

“Darcy found him,” Bruce said, mostly to mask Pepper’s sniffling. “If she hadn’t…”

_”No, don’t. Please. Just...I’ll be there in three hours.”_

“Pepper, don’t-”

_”Bruce, you can’t expect me to-”_

“I know, Pep. I know. But there’s nothing you can do here, nothing except sit around and wait. And what about your meeting tomorrow morning? You know Stark Industries really needs that deal…”

_”I know...shit. Promise me you’ll call-”_

“The _second_ anything changes.”

_”Okay. Bruce...Bruce, what are we going to do?”_

“I don’t know. We’ll...we’ll talk about it, when he’s awake.”

_”You’ll call?”_

“Of course I will. I promise.”

_”Fuck. I’m coming home right after that.”_

“I know.”

_”Goddammit. I’ll see you tomorrow, Bruce. Love you.”_

“Love you, too,” Bruce said before hanging up. He lingered in the hallway for a moment, wishing Pepper _was_ coming straight home but knowing she was doing the right thing. When he got back to Tony’s room, Tony was still out. Bruce explained Pepper’s plans to Coulson before Coulson’s phone went off and he left the room, muttering about Fury. 

The stress of the day - Hulk included, even though that felt like a lifetime ago - caught up with Bruce and he all but collapsed into the cushioned chair next to Tony’s bed. He reached for Tony’s hand again and held it, rubbing circles onto Tony’s palm with his thumb. He started to drift in and out of sleep to the sound of Tony’s heart monitor, but he was interrupted when someone came charging into the room. 

“Bruce, what… _shit_ ,” Jim said, frantic and out of breath. “I came as soon as I heard. Is he…”

“I don’t know,” Bruce said, pulling himself to his feet again. “He’s...I don’t know.”

“ _Goddammit, Tony_ ,” Jim said, his voice cracking. He stepped up next to the bed and, arms crossed over his chest, stared at Tony. “Does Pepper…”

“I told her,” Bruce said. “She’ll be back tomorrow, unless anything changes here.” 

“Okay,” Jim muttered. He leaned over Tony and, hesitantly, reached out to touch his cheek. He pulled away, crossing his arms even tighter, and walked away from the bed. He paced back and forth in front of the window and Bruce realized he was crying. 

“Jim…” 

“I can’t tell you how many times he scared the shit out of me,” Jim said. “All these years, all his bullshit...I should be immune to it by now. But this… _fuck_. Tony...shit, Tony’s my brother, or might as well be. He’s all the family I’ve got.”

“I’m sorry,” Bruce said, still looking at Tony. “I should’ve seen it coming, he’s been so…”

“He’s been so _Tony_ ,” Jim said. “He’s always a mess. I love him but there’s always something, you know? Especially since he’s been home…”

“It’s been rough,” Bruce acknowledged. “I thought he was finally making progress but…oh, yeah, sorry I didn’t, you know, tell you.”

“No, no,” Jim shook his head. “If I knew I never would’ve been able to stay put. Then Fury would’ve known something was up. Can I...um…” Jim nodded around the room, then at Tony.

“There’s a cot somewhere,” Bruce said, earning a smile from Jim. “Stay with him while I go find it?” 

Bruce found the cot exactly where he’d left it - against the wall in the room Natasha had stayed in last week, after she’d gotten hit with some weird gas and needed to be on oxygen overnight. Clint’s boot prints were still evident on the bedsheets. 

Instead of wheeling the cot into Tony’s room, Bruce stripped the sheets off and sat on the bare mattress. He stared blankly ahead for a moment, then drew in a deep breath, put his head in his hands, and cried. 

Natasha found him there, about thirty minutes later, and without a word she sat down next to him and gently placed her hand on his back. He shuddered at the contact, but looked up and smiled at Natasha. He rubbed his eyes and stood up, pushing his hair back and clearing his throat. He and Natasha pushed the cot into Tony’s room, where Jim was sitting in Bruce’s chair, staring at Tony with his arms still crossed tightly. 

Steve came by later with sandwiches and coffee. All four of them sat around Tony’s bed, silently picking at the dinner they had no desire to eat. Natasha and Steve left shortly after that and, after tossing some sheets at Jim for the cot, Bruce resumed his position in the cushioned chair, slouched over and holding Tony’s hand. 

Neither Bruce nor Jim slept for more than a few minutes at a time, but they lay silently in the dark, listening to the sound of Tony’s heart monitor, each hoping the other couldn’t hear them crying. 

When Bruce’s mind wasn’t full of terrible thoughts, images of a lifeless Tony hanging in the doorway, Tony never waking up, Tony recovering only to try again, he passed the time counting the hours until Pepper would be home. He thought about texting her, but he decided that would probably just upset both of them even more, so instead he focused on hoping Tony wouldn’t wake up until Pepper was back, because he realized he had absolutely no idea what he would say if he had to talk to Tony first. 

Pepper was stronger than Bruce - Pepper was stronger than all of them, actually - and Pepper would know how to reign in her emotions enough to say what needed to be said. Bruce wouldn’t. Bruce knew he could spend hours, days even, thinking about what he had to say, what he wanted to know, but just the idea of Tony waking up okay pushed all those rational thoughts out of his head, replacing them with pure, unrestrained emotions, like relief and thanks and the desire to never let Tony out of his sight again.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: suicide attempt

“Morning,” Jim muttered. Bruce, still half-asleep, mumbled in acknowledgement. Then he straightened up, yawned, and checked Tony’s vitals; still steady, and Tony still showed no signs of waking up. 

“Tony?” Bruce asked anyway. He shook his head when Tony didn’t respond. 

“Tony, you asshole,” Jim said, sitting on the edge of his cot. “I’m gonna kick your ass when you wake up. You deserve it, for putting me - putting _us_ \- through hell like this. And just wait until Pepper comes back, shit, now _that’s_ a scary thought.”

“He’s got a point, Tony,” Bruce said conversationally. He didn’t know if Tony could hear them but it was better than sitting around in silence. “The Other Guy, too, he’s gonna want to have a few words with you.”

 _After he knows you’re safe,_ Bruce thought. _After we both know you’re going to be okay._

“Shit, Bruce, I gotta go,” Jim said, looking at his phone. He typed a quick response, then reluctantly looked up at Bruce. “Let me know if he...if anything happens. I’ll come right back.”

“Okay,” Bruce said. “Jim, just...don’t get yourself in trouble. I’ve got him, and Pepper will be here in a few hours. If SHIELD--”

“Fuck SHIELD,” Jim said forcefully. “This is more important. Tony’s...just, anything, even if he coughs or something.”

“I’ll let you know.”

“Good...good,” Jim mumbled, looking down at Tony. He touched Tony’s forehead, then the center of Tony’s chest, where the arc reactor glowed bright as ever through his shirt, and finally settled his hand on Tony’s knee, which he shook gently. “C’mon Tony, wake up. Just...be okay, you idiot.” 

Bruce held back a laugh and looked away as Jim wiped his eyes again. 

“Bruce, hey, just…” Jim started. He paused, then held out his hand. Bruce shook it and didn’t comment when Jim held on a moment too long. “If he wakes up, tell him...tell him I love his stupid ass and I’m gonna beat the shit out of him for this.”

“Will do,” Bruce nodded. Jim took another long look at Tony, then turned on his heel and left. Bruce returned to his chair and checked Tony’s vitals again. Still normal. 

“Tony?” Bruce asked, not expecting an answer. He’d wondered if maybe Tony was faking, maybe he wasn’t up to talking to Jim quite yet so he was pretending to still be unconscious. But Tony didn’t respond at all, didn’t move a muscle or make a sound when Bruce said his name.

Bruce sighed. He brushed Tony’s hair back with his hand, then leaned in and gently, lightly kissed his forehead. He wanted to say something, just in case Tony could hear him, but he couldn’t find the words to express what he was feeling. He didn’t know what he was feeling, except that it centered around how badly he wanted Tony to wake up. 

Darcy came by around 10:00 with coffee and a muffin for Bruce. She sat on Jim’s cot holding her own coffee in her uninjured hand. 

“Like my cast?” Darcy asked, raising her left hand to show off the purple cast. 

“Shit, Darcy, I’m sorry,” Bruce said. “I should’ve taken care of that for you but I just…”

“Shut up,” Darcy said, smiling. “I had one of those SHIELD med techs do it. You were kinda busy.”

“Still,” Bruce argued. 

“You can make it up to me by signing my cast! But not yet, Jane has first dibs.” 

“Well, just let me know when it’s my turn, okay?”

“Will do, Doc!” Darcy grinned, then sipped her own coffee. Her face fell slowly as her eyes were drawn to Tony. “He’s still out?”

“Yeah,” Bruce muttered. He’d been picking at his muffin but being reminded of Tony’s condition made him lose his appetite. He wrapped the muffin in a napkin and put it aside, in case he wanted it later. “Same as last night.”

“That sucks,” Darcy said softly. “I hope he’s okay.”

“I hope so too,” Bruce sighed. He was looking at Tony’s face as though his stare would be enough to wake Tony up. 

“Can he hear us?” 

“Maybe,” Bruce answered. 

“Oh…” Darcy pondered. She looked Bruce in the eye. “Bruce, if you want to, you know, talk, or whatever. We can go out in the hall. You don’t have to but if you want to…”

“I can’t…” Bruce shook his head. “He’s…”

“Doctor Banner, I continue to monitor Sir’s vital signs and will immediately notify you of any changes in his condition.”

“I know,” Bruce sighed. He reached for Tony’s hand again. 

“I’m pretty sure that’s JARVIS’s way of saying you need a break,” Darcy said. “Right, JARVIS?”

“That is correct, Ms. Lewis.”

“Yeah, okay,” Bruce muttered. He squeezed Tony’s hand, released it gently, and turned to face Darcy. “Just for a minute, though.”

“I’ve got all day if you need it,” Darcy said, leading the way into the hallway. Bruce paused in the doorway to look back at Tony again, then followed Darcy into the waiting area. He sat down in a chair and she flopped onto the couch next to him; as she made herself comfortable, Bruce caught another glimpse of her purple cast and, suddenly, realized how traumatic walking in on Tony must have been. 

“Darcy,” Bruce started. He looked at her and sighed. “I’m really sorry about yesterday, about all of this.”

“Me too,” Darcy said sadly. “I knew he was still pretty messed up about everything, you know, but I never thought…”

“Neither did I, none of us did, but I should’ve known,” Bruce said. He closed his eyes. “The signs were there, I just didn’t want to see them. If I’d only...I don’t know. I don’t know what I would’ve done but I would’ve done _something_ instead of just letting this happen.”

“It’s not your fault,” Darcy whispered, looking at him with wide eyes. “He’s _Tony_ , once he sets his mind to something he’s gonna do it, no matter what. Even if it’s something fucking stupid...which it usually is, isn’t it?”

“Usually, yeah,” Bruce said, actually laughing for a second. Then his face fell again. “Goddammit.” 

“When is Pepper getting here?” 

“She’s still in her meeting,” Bruce said. “Not for a few more hours at least.” 

“Maybe he’ll be awake by then,” Darcy said hopefully. 

“Maybe…” Bruce muttered. He wished he could be as optimistic as Darcy. If Tony was awake when Pepper got back they’d at least be together, maybe not in ideal conditions, but together. But if Tony wasn’t awake…

It hit Bruce then that Tony never waking up was a real possibility. So was Tony waking up with brain damage. He tried to breathe but it sounded more like a gasp. 

“Bruce?” 

“I’m okay,” Bruce said, attempting to assure himself as much as Darcy. “I just...I don’t know what I’ll do if he doesn’t wake up. Or if he does wake up but...he could have brain damage, permanent brain damage.”

“Or he’ll be okay,” Darcy said, offering a weak smile. “You won’t know until it happens. And whatever happens, you and Pepper are, like, the smartest people on the freaking planet or something. You’ll figure it out.” 

“Darcy? Are you up here?” Steve appeared a moment later, looking around. He stopped when he saw Darcy and Bruce. “Bruce. How are you?”

“Been better,” Bruce answered honestly. 

“Is Tony…” Steve nodded unnecessarily toward Tony’s door. 

“Same as last night.” 

“I’m sorry,” Steve said plainly. “Bruce, seriously, if there’s anything I can do…”

“Thank you, Steve. I’ll...I’ll let you know.” 

“Anything,” Steve repeated.

“That goes for both of us,” Darcy said with a toothy grin. “Steve, give us a few minutes?”

“No, it’s fine,” Bruce said, shaking his head. “I should get back in there, anyway.”

“You sure?” Darcy asked, then shrugged when Bruce nodded. “Well, you know where to find me if you wanna talk some more.”

“Thank you, Darcy,” Bruce said sincerely. Darcy handed Steve her half-empty coffee, then threw her arms around Bruce in a big hug. 

“Let us know if anything changes,” Steve said. Bruce nodded and watched Steve and Darcy walk down the hall toward the elevator. Before the elevator door closed, Darcy waved goodbye and Bruce smiled. Then he turned back toward Tony’s room and went inside.

“I’m back,” Bruce said as he returned to his chair next to Tony. As expected, Tony remained motionless and silent. Bruce sighed, looked around, and then scooted his chair even closer to Tony. “Tony...please, Tony. Please be okay, I...I don’t know what I’ll do if you’re not. I know you’re hurting, I know everything seems awful, but I can’t help you if you won’t talk to me.”

Tony didn’t reply, of course, and Bruce closed his eyes and, leaning on the edge of Tony’s bed, rested his head in his hands. He stayed like that until his phone buzzed in his pocket. It was Pepper, letting him know she’d be leaving LA in a few minutes. 

“Pepper’s coming home in a few hours,” Bruce said conversationally, drumming his fingers lightly against Tony’s hand. As expected, Tony didn’t respond. Sighing, Bruce looked around and realized Tony’s IV bag needed changing, so he got up and changed it and hoped that might wake Tony up, but of course it didn’t.

Bruce didn’t mean to fall asleep, but he was absolutely exhausted and running on fumes, so when he sat back down in his chair he immediately started to drift off. He didn’t bother to fight it, instead adjusting himself so he was vaguely comfortable. 

Then Tony coughed and all thoughts of sleep vanished from Bruce’s mind. 

“Tony?” Bruce sprung out of his chair and looked at Tony just in time to see him open his eyes. “Tony!” 

“Bruce?” Tony mumbled. His voice was gravelly and dry. 

“Are you...is everything…” Bruce asked, trying to put together a coherent thought from the overflow of feelings Tony’s return to consciousness had prompted. “You’re awake.”

“Yup,” Tony said reluctantly. 

“You scared the shit out of me,” Bruce said. Tony coughed again and Bruce knew he should get him some water but he couldn’t bring himself to look away. “I thought...I didn’t know if you were ever going to wake up again.” 

“Well, I did,” Tony replied. He avoided eye contact with Bruce. “How long was I out?”

“Just about 24 hours,” Bruce counted. He was surprised - it seemed to him like days had passed since Natasha told him what happened. “I’ve been here the whole time.”’ 

“Oh…what about Pep?”

“She’s on her way back from LA,” Bruce explained, finally getting Tony some water. “She had a big meeting this morning and I told her to come back after since there was nothing for her to do here. She’ll be here in about forty-five minutes.” 

“She’s mad,” Tony stated. “Everyone’s pissed at me, right?”

“No,” Bruce said gently. “Well, maybe Steve, but that’s only because you scared the shit out of Darcy.” 

“What about you?” 

“I’m not mad. Not at all.” Bruce reached to brush Tony’s hair off of his forehead, but Tony ducked his head and avoided him. “Tony…”

“Why not?” Tony asked, still looking at the wall.

“Because...I’m not mad, just sad.” 

Tony didn’t reply and didn’t even look at Bruce when Bruce handed him another glass of water. 

“Tony…” Bruce awkwardly stuffed his hands into his pockets and walked around to the other side of the bed, trying to catch Tony’s eye. Tony sighed and looked up at Bruce. “Why?” 

“Because,” Tony started. His eyes were starting to tear up but he didn’t wipe them dry. “Because I’m supposed to be dead. Because I’m not going to get better and it’ll be better for everyone if I’m not here.” 

“Stop, please, Tony,” Bruce said around the gigantic lump in his throat.

“It’s the truth, Bruce,” Tony snapped. “Why should I stick around when all I do is make you guys miserable because I’m a fucking mess? Why bother?”

“Because I love you,” Bruce breathed, not looking at Tony. “I don’t...sometimes I don’t think you know how much I love you. You...I need you, I’ve always needed you, and I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“You’d go back to how it was before. When you and Pepper were happy.” 

“We weren’t, though,” Bruce said, turning to look Tony in the eye. “We were content but we weren’t happy because you weren’t there. There was always something missing and we both knew it was you. And, Tony, when we found you, when you came back home, _that’s_ when everything finally felt right. Even with everything that’s happened since then, I wouldn’t have it any other way.” 

Tony was silent for a long moment, stubbornly avoiding Bruce’s gaze, and Bruce only realized Tony was crying when he finally gave in and looked straight ahead. 

“Tony?” 

“Bruce, I’m sorry,” Tony said, still crying. “You deserve better than all my bullshit. I’m sorry for fucking everything up and for...you know. Yesterday.” 

“Can I sit?” Bruce sighed. When Tony nodded, Bruce sat on the edge of the bed and extended his arm around Tony’s shoulders. Tony leaned into him and Bruce never realized how comforted that made him feel until he thought he’d lost it forever. “God, Tony, you don’t know how scared I was.” 

“Sorry. Did you find me?” 

“No, Darcy did,” Bruce said. Tony cringed. “She saved your life.” 

“I should probably get her a fruit basket or something, huh?” Tony smirked. “Or pay for her therapy, considering her emotional distress is my fault.” 

“And physical,” Bruce pointed out carefully. “You fell on her when she cut you down. Broken wrist.” 

“Several fruit baskets, then,” Tony said, cringing again. “Or, I don’t know, what’s better than a fruit basket? What about a car?” 

“Slightly better than a fruit basket.” 

“Good. J, make it happen.”

“Shall I forgo the fruit basket in favor of the car?”

“ _No_ , I was serious about the fruit basket. You can, like, put it in the car or something, whatever.” 

“Of course, Sir.” 

“Yeah,” Tony said dismissively. He was quiet for a moment, then turned to Bruce; he wasn’t crying anymore, but his eyes looked deeper and more haunted than Bruce had ever seen them. “When you shot yourself in the head, what happened when you woke up after? How did it feel?” 

“Shitty,” Bruce admitted. He was taken aback by Tony’s sudden shift in mood but he was willing to go along with it for the sake of maybe having an actual conversation that wasn’t derailed by Tony blanking out or getting upset. “I’d thought a bullet would be quick enough to kill me before the Other Guy got triggered, but clearly I was wrong. I was in a really bad place and I wanted a way out.” 

“Like me.” 

“Not really,” Bruce sighed. “I was alone. All those years, Tony, I had _nobody_. It was just me and the Other Guy, nobody else. But you’re not alone. That’s the difference. You have friends, people who care about you - and not just me and Pepper and Jim, Tony. Every single one of your friends would gladly help you with anything, all you need to do is ask. You’re so loved, Tony, and that’s why you’re not like I was.” 

“Oh.” 

“You could’ve told me,” Bruce said gently. “You know I know what it feels like to be suicidal. Maybe I could’ve helped.”

“Maybe,” Tony said dismissively. “But...I didn’t want help, I just wanted it to be over.”

“Tony…” Bruce said heavily. 

“Sorry,” Tony muttered. “But it’s true.”

“I know,” Bruce sighed. “That’s why I hate hearing you say it.”

“Sorry?” Tony said again. Bruce shook his head, then pulled Tony closer to him. They sat quietly for what felt like hours - but was really only a few minutes - before JARVIS broke the silence.

“Sir, Dr. Banner, Ms. Potts has arrived home and will be here shortly.”

“Thanks, JARVIS,” Bruce said. He felt Tony tense up, probably dreading whatever Pepper was going to say. 

“Bruce, JARVIS said… _Tony_!” Pepper dropped her purse and practically flew to Tony’s bedside, where she carelessly kicked off her shoes and embraced Tony, holding him tightly and crying into his hair. Then she loosened her grip on him and put her hands on his shoulders. “Tony Stark, you can never ever do that again, never. You don’t know how much you scared me.”

“I’m sorry.” 

“When Bruce called me, I thought…” Pepper paused. She stared at Tony, then, smiling, started crying again. “You’re an asshole, you know that, right? You’re a gigantic fucking asshole.”

“I know,” Tony said quietly, not matching Pepper’s playful tone. Her face fell and Tony cringed.

“Tony,” Bruce said gently. “We love you even though you’re an asshole, okay? Always.”

“Okay,” Tony shrugged.

“Jim loves you too,” Bruce added. “He told me to tell you. He also told me to tell you he’s going to kick your ass. Hey JARVIS, tell Jim Tony’s awake?”

“I alerted Col. Rhodes shortly after Sir regained consciousness, however, he has yet to reply.”

“Give me a heads up, will you, J?” Tony said, smirking. “Since he’s gonna kick my ass and all.” 

“Of course, Sir.”

Jim showed up about forty five minutes later, approximately thirty seconds after JARVIS gave Tony his heads up, which Bruce had a feeling was intentional, but instead of an ass-kicking, all Tony got was a long hug and another short lecture delivered with relief instead of anger.


	21. Chapter 21

“Banner, when’s the last time you went outside?” Natasha asked. “Avenging doesn’t count.”

“I...uh…”

“Thought so,” Natasha said, shaking her head. “Where’s Pepper?”

“Pepper’s right here,” Pepper announced. She left Tony’s room and closed the door behind her. 

“I’m kicking you both out,” Natasha said casually. “Barton and I can handle this for a few hours. Go outside. Go on a date. Go do _anything_ , I don’t care what. You need a break.”

“Natasha, we can’t…”

“You can, and you will. He’ll be fine. Besides, JARVIS will call you immediately if anything happens. Right JARVIS?”

“Ms. Potts, Dr. Banner, rest assured that ensuring Sir’s well-being remains my primary objective and I shall not hesitate to contact you at the first sign of any changes.” 

“See?” Natasha asked as she shepherded them toward the elevator. “Go. We’ve got this.”

Bruce looked at Pepper and raised his eyebrows. Pepper hesitated, then shrugged. 

“Only for a little while though…”

“Two hours, minimum,” Natasha replied. “And you can stay out as long as you want. Just about everyone’s close by and you know anyone will stay up here for a few hours at least.” 

“I guess…” Bruce muttered. He and Pepper stood in front of the elevator, looking first at each other and then back at Tony’s door. 

“He’ll be fine,” Natasha said as she leaned around Bruce to push the elevator button. The door opened and, hesitantly, Bruce stepped inside. Pepper followed him. 

"So...coffee?" 

"Sure," Bruce said, shrugging. They stepped outside and, holding hands, they walked the few blocks toward a hole-in-the-wall coffee shop Pepper liked. They ordered their coffee, then found a small table in the back of the cafe and sat down.

“So,” Pepper said. She stared at Bruce from the other side of the small table. 

“So,” Bruce sighed. He wondered how things had gotten so awkward between them (and how long it had taken him to notice). 

“Bruce…” Pepper started. She looked down at her lap, then back up to Bruce. “I miss you.”

“I’m...” Bruce was confused. “What are you talking about?”

“Things are different now. _We’re_ different now. And, well, I feel like you’re pulling away from us.” She paused. “From me.”

Bruce was silent for a minute because he knew Pepper was right. 

“I’m not,” Bruce said anyway. “Pep, that’s not-”

“Bruce, this is the longest conversation we’ve had in weeks. Whenever you’re not with Tony, you’re down in your lab and even when you are with us you’re distracted with work.” Pepper paused. “I miss you.”

“Pepper, I’m sorry,” Bruce sighed. “I don’t blame you for being mad-”

“I’m not mad,” Pepper cut in. “I understand, I do. None of this is easy - for anyone, but especially not for us.”

“Pepper, you don’t,” Bruce said, shaking his head. His arms were in his lap and he was fussing with his shirt sleeves underneath the table. “You...Pep, you’re so much stronger than me and when I look at you with him, I...I know I can’t do it. I’m not…”

“Bruce, it’s okay,” Pepper said softly. 

“No,” Bruce muttered. “No, it’s not. I...I love you, and I love Tony, I love you both so much. But I’m...Pepper, I can’t do this. I can’t watch him fall apart. It’s hard enough right now but what happens if he gets worse? I don’t...I’m afraid I’ll have to leave. I don’t know how I could live with myself if I did, but I don’t know how much longer I can live like this, either. And...I’m sorry.”

Bruce stared at his hands, stared at his lap, anything to avoid the disgusted face Pepper was undoubtedly making. 

“Bruce,” Pepper whispered after a long moment. “Bruce, look at me.”

Bruce looked. He cringed when he saw she was crying.

“Shit, Pep, I’m sorry, I really am. I’m just...I’m not as strong as you.”

“You…” Pepper started. She cleared her throat and wiped her eyes. “Bruce, I understand. I really do. He’s...it breaks my heart to see him like this. Over and over again, every day it breaks a little more. It’s a nightmare.”

“But you-”

“Do you think I haven’t thought about leaving too? I can’t keep living like this either, not indefinitely, but I’m going to. Because I have to.” She paused, then brushed her hair behind her ear. “All those times I imagined him coming home, I knew it could be bad. But not...not like this. When you called me, when he...well, I wasn’t surprised. It was a shock but…”

“But we should’ve seen it coming.”

“Yes. And...over the years he had so many close calls, so many times I was sure he wouldn’t make it. Usually it was his fault, he’s always been very reckless, even self-destructive, and the drinking made it all worse.” Pepper paused. “But he never actually _tried_ to kill himself. He’s too damn stubborn for that. Or...he was. Now...well, now it’s like he’s giving up. That’s not Tony.”

Bruce sighed. It was simultaneously a relief and upsetting that Pepper felt it too, felt like she couldn’t handle much more.

“He’s still there, though,” Pepper continued. “That impossible asshole we know and love is still in there somewhere. We’ve both seen it.”

“I know,” Bruce said. He cleared his throat. “And that makes it worse, I think.”

“I think so too,” Pepper said quietly. “Sometimes, when he’s having a good day, it’s almost like...like he used to be. Before. He’s _Tony_ again and...I wish we knew how to keep him like that.” 

“Pep, unless he starts talking to someone, that’s probably not going to happen,” Bruce sighed. 

“Do you think he remembers?” Pepper asked after a moment. “He says he doesn’t but…”

“I don’t think he wants to remember,” Bruce said. “I mean, I’m sure he’s got gaps in his memory and he probably did block some things out altogether. But...I think he’s scared. Whatever happened to him must have been terrifying and he’s afraid if he talks about it, he’ll have to live through it all over again.” 

"He's already doing that," Pepper pointed out. "All his nightmares." 

"He doesn't see it that way," Bruce said. "And he's not going to come around until he's ready...I'm not sure he ever will be ready." 

"And if he's not?"

"Well..." Bruce started. He stopped and, from Pepper's sad nod, he knew he didn't have to continue the thought. They both knew exactly what would happen if Tony kept doing what he'd been doing - they were living it every day, and it was miserable. 

They finished their coffee in silence and then, taking advantage of the nice weather, they went for a walk. They weren't talking, both lost in their own thoughts, and Bruce only snapped out of it when Pepper's phone alarm started blaring. 

"Two hours," Pepper explained as she turned the alarm off. "I know Nat wouldn't let us back even thirty seconds before that. Ready to go?" 

"I...you go," Bruce said. "If you want to. I'm gonna stay out a little while longer, walk around some more. You're welcome to join me."

"I think I'll head back," Pepper said after a moment of thought. "If that's okay." 

"Tony will be happy," Bruce said, and Pepper grinned. She kissed him, then started back toward Stark Tower. Bruce watched her go, then wandered around for another hour and a half before heading home himself. As usual, Natasha was right - spending some time outside, away from Tony, had been very refreshing. He made a mental note to start going for more walks, then made another mental note not to mention it to Tony because he'd surely find some way to interrupt, just like he did whenever Bruce and Pepper tried to find some time for themselves.


	22. Chapter 22

For some reason, Bruce thought the suicide attempt would be a turning point for Tony, the kind of rock bottom, nowhere to go but up thing that would give Tony a new perspective, new reasons to care about his life or, at the very least, that it would give him some incentive to _try_.

But, infuriatingly, almost killing himself didn’t seem to change anything at all. Narrowly avoiding death hadn’t given Tony a new lease on life; if anything, it only made him angrier, even more miserable and bitter than before, and Bruce could feel himself quickly losing his patience for Tony’s seemingly endless variety of self-destructive behaviors.

Since his suicide attempt, Tony had taken to only eating once a day - at most - and, as a result, had lost some of the weight he’d regained since coming home. Clearly Tony simply didn’t care and, even though Bruce could usually guilt him into eating _something_ , it was a constant battle and Bruce knew there was only so long he could keep fighting.

“Let me do it,” Pepper whispered as she joined Bruce, who was standing in the hallway just outside Tony’s closed door, trying to drum up enough patience to go inside. 

“I’ve got it.”

“Bruce, you can’t keep pushing yourself like this. Take a step back.”

“Okay Pepper, sure,” Bruce said, laughing darkly. “I’ll get right on that.”

“I’m serious, Bruce,” Pepper snapped. “I’m starting to get worried.”

“What, about the Other Guy?” Bruce scoffed.

“Yes,” Pepper said, looking directly into his eyes. 

“Seriously?” Bruce shook his head. “Now? After all this time, _now_ you’re scared I can’t control him? And here I thought you weren’t afraid of me.”

“Stop it. I’m not worried about you losing control of the Hulk, I never once have been and you know that. I _am_ worried about you - Bruce, not the Other Guy. Yes, I know you’re in control, but at what cost?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Bruce grunted. He moved to open Tony’s door but Pepper stepped between him and the door, blocking the doorknob. “Pepper…”

“It _does_ matter,” Pepper said, crossing her arms. “Maybe not to you, but it matters to me and it matters to Tony. You know that, Bruce.”

“Does it?” Bruce snapped. “He’s got a hell of a way of expressing it, then. Had me fooled.”

“Stop it,” Pepper said, arms still crossed tightly over her chest. “Please, Bruce, please just...work with me here, okay? Take a break. Try to relax a little. I can stay here and argue with him about eating just as well as you can. You need to take care of yourself before you can take care of him.”

Bruce grunted and stayed put, staring Pepper down as she continued to block Tony’s door. He knew she had a point; he was drained and frustrated and wanted nothing more than a day - hell, even just a few hours - of true relaxation. Instead, he spent literally every day and every night waiting for Tony to call for him, living in a constant state of heightened awareness of Tony’s needs and wants, unable to take more than a few minutes at a time for himself without Tony finding some way to interrupt, no matter where Bruce was or what he was doing. It was absolutely exhausting.

He couldn’t blame Pepper for worrying about the Other Guy, not when she saw firsthand how much pressure Bruce was under and how poorly he was handling it. It should have been a recipe for disaster but, instead, Hulk was keeping uncharacteristically quiet when it came to Tony. He offered his opinion from time to time but never anything more than that, not when Tony was involved, and, for Bruce, that was both good and bad. 

The good part was obvious - no matter how pissed off and stressed out Bruce got, he at least knew he wouldn’t be the cause of any major injuries or property damage.

The bad part was that, instead of blaming Hulk for the intensity of his anger and frustration, the only person Bruce could blame was himself, which only made him angrier.

“Fine,” Bruce grumbled. Pepper was still standing in front of the door and she waited until he retreated down the hallway to let herself into Tony’s room.

She let herself back out less than two minutes later and didn’t seem the least bit surprised that Bruce was still there, leaning against the wall a few yards down the hallway, sulking.

“That was quick. He ate?”

“What do you think?” Pepper sighed, sounding defeated. “He said he doesn’t want me helping him. He only wants you.”

“Of course he does,” Bruce said, starting back down the hall toward Tony’s room. “So much for taking a break.”

“Lurking like a bat in the hall outside his room doesn’t count as taking a break,” Pepper said, smirking. “Good luck.”

“Yeah,” Bruce muttered as he opened Tony’s door. Tony was where he usually was - sitting up on his bed doing something on his tablet. “Hey.” 

“Oh, hi,” Tony said, not looking up from his tablet.

“Nice to see you, too,” Bruce said sarcastically. His smirk melted into a genuine smile when Tony looked up at him like a wounded animal. “Kidding. Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Tony said quietly, turning his tablet off and gently tossing it next to him on the bed. 

“So what’s for lunch?” Bruce asked lightly. When Tony didn’t reply, Bruce opened the mini-fridge next to the bed and surveyed its contents. “Yogurt?”

“I’m not hungry,” Tony muttered, looking away from Bruce. As Tony pulled his knees up toward his chest, Bruce got a good look at how much weight Tony had lost since he stopped eating. He wasn’t nearly as starved as he’d been when he first came home, but he was starting to look sickly again, thin enough that, underneath his clothes, Bruce was sure Tony was back to looking like he was nothing but skin and bones.

“Tony,” Bruce sighed. He sat down on the bed next to Tony and waited for some kind of acknowledgement, a reply or a nod or even a request to get off the bed and leave him alone. But Tony just sat there, head turned away from Bruce, and Bruce could feel his temper getting shorter and shorter as Tony continued to ignore him. “Tony, come on, I don’t have all day to do this. Either you can eat something or I’ll go get the IV again. Unless you’d rather try a feeding tube…”

That got Tony’s attention and he turned back to Bruce. 

“No, no feeding tube. No IV,” Tony said quickly, shaking his head. “I’ll eat. I don’t want yogurt, though.” 

“Okay, then here,” Bruce said, emerging from the fridge and handing Tony a nutritional supplement shake. Tony scowled but took the drink anyway, opened it, and made a face. “Need a straw?”

“Sure,” Tony said half-heartedly. When Bruce handed him a straw, he stuck it in the bottle, slowly stirred the shake, and took a sip. “Ugh.” 

“I can still go get the IV if you’d rather do that,” Bruce said. Tony shook his head and continued to drink the shake. Bruce stayed with him and they sat in silence until Tony finished. 

“Happy?” Tony asked as he handed Bruce the empty bottle.

“No. I’ll be happy when you start eating without me threatening you first,” Bruce said, standing up. “We’ll try again at dinner.”

“You’re leaving?” 

“I have work to do, Tony,” Bruce said. 

“Oh,” Tony said sadly. He looked at his hands. “Is Pepper coming?”

“No, but Steve should be here in a few minutes.”

“Oh...can’t you work from here? Just go get your laptop.”

“No, Tony,” Bruce said, sighing. “It’s just for a few hours.”

“Please, Bruce?” Tony was all but begging and Bruce resisted the urge to roll his eyes. 

“Steve will be here soon,” Bruce said, shaking his head and walking toward the door. His hand had just touched the doorknob when Tony spoke again.

“Just a few hours, right?”

“Yes,” Bruce said, not caring if Tony could tell how annoyed he was. He was gripping the doorknob hard enough that his knuckles were white and he counted his breathing as he waited for Tony to respond. 

“Don’t miss me too much,” Tony said after a moment. Bruce inhaled deeply, then left the room without saying another word. 

“Well?”

“He drank one of those shakes,” Bruce said, walking past Pepper without stopping.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

“Bruce…”

“I’m _fine_ , Pepper,” Bruce said. “I am. It’s him, he’s…”

“I know,” Pepper said quietly. “I know. It’s not fair, especially not to you. You get the worst of it.”

“Lucky me,” Bruce said dryly. He paused, then sighed. “Who would’ve thought things could get even worse? All that time I sat there waiting to see if he was going to wake up, I assumed that would be the worst of it. I mean, how could it not be? Clearly I was wrong.”

“Sorry I’m late,” Steve said as he walked toward Bruce and Pepper. By the time he reached them, his smile had faded and he looked concerned. “Is everything okay?”

“What do you think?” Bruce said. “Don’t we look like we’re having fun?”

“Tony’s being difficult,” Pepper said, ignoring Bruce. “It’s...it’s hard for us. I’m sure it’s hard for everyone but…”

“No, I get it,” Steve said. “As down as it gets me, I can’t even imagine what you two must be going through. I know I’ve said this a couple of times already but seriously, _anything_ you guys need…”

“Thank you, Steve,” Pepper said gently.

“Yeah, thanks,” Bruce echoed. “I should probably warn you that Tony’s not going to be happy to see you right now. It’s not you, don’t take it personally, it’s just that you’re not me.”

“I figured as much,” Steve said, looking at Tony’s door. “Honestly, I’m surprised you’re keeping it together as well as you are.”

“Hulk likes Tony,” Bruce sighed. “I think that’s why I’ve been okay. There haven’t even been any close calls, not with Tony. Hulk is very protective of Tony.”

“Just like you,” Steve mused. “Even so, you can’t be on edge all the time like this. It’s not healthy. I’ve got the rest of the afternoon free and I’ll gladly spend it being ignored or resented if it means you have a chance to relax for a couple of hours.”

“He will,” Pepper said, cutting Bruce off before he could say something sarcastic. “We’re going to go do some yoga right now, actually.”

“We are?” 

“Yes, we are.”

“Raincheck? I have a lot of work to do.”

“No,” Pepper and Steve chorused. 

“Yoga first,” Pepper said, taking Bruce’s hand. “Steve, thank you again. Hopefully he won’t be too terrible for you.”

“Thanks,” Steve said. “Enjoy your yoga.”

“We will,” Pepper said. “Oh, and Steve? Please, no matter what he says, please don’t call Bruce. Not unless there’s an actual emergency.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t,” Steve said. “Now go, both of you. I promise I’ll take good care of him no matter how many times he tells me to fuck off and leave him alone.”

Laughing, Bruce and Pepper headed for the elevator while Steve went to see Tony.

****

Yoga was a good idea. Bruce and Pepper both felt much more relaxed afterward and even though Bruce’s stress levels were still far too high, he was significantly less tense and managed to get a few productive hours of work done while Steve was still with Tony. 

Bruce was just finishing up his work when he sensed someone watching him from the doorway to his office. When he looked up from his laptop, he discovered that someone was Darcy. She smiled and waved when he saw her. 

“Darcy, hi,” Bruce said, closing his laptop. “I’m assuming Jane sent you?” 

“Nope,” Darcy replied, taking Bruce’s acknowledgment as permission to enter his office. “Thor’s back, so I haven’t actually seen Jane in like a week.”

“Ah, that explains why she’s not replying to my emails.” 

“Yeah,” Darcy said. “Usually her only excuse is just that she’s Jane.” 

“You said it, not me,” Bruce laughed. “So, anyway, how can I help you?” 

“Can we talk?” Darcy said, all traces of her playful smirk gone from her face. “Unless this isn’t a good time…”

“No, no, I was just finishing up,” Bruce said vaguely. It wasn’t a lie, but the only reason he was calling it a day was because he was starting to feel guilty about leaving Tony for so long. Still, he knew Tony would continue to survive without him long enough to stay and talk to Darcy, so he did. 

“Okay,” Darcy said, nodding. She looked around, then hopped up to sit on the table next to Bruce’s desk. Her feet didn’t reach the floor and she kicked her legs back and forth a few times before clearing her throat and looking back at Bruce. “So, um, maybe this is, like, hella inappropriate or something, and you can tell me to shut up whenever, it’s cool.”

“I won’t tell you to shut up,” Bruce said. Whatever Darcy had to tell him was clearly important to her; he watched her fidget uncomfortably for a moment before continuing. “So, what’s up?” 

“I, uh, I just wanted to tell you that I know what you’re going through,” Darcy said quickly. She took a deep breath, then finally looked back at him. “With Tony. I know how it feels.”

“Darcy, you can’t--”

“No, Bruce, I know how it feels,” Darcy said forcefully. “My dad got sick the summer after my senior year of high school and I had to take care of him. He had ALS.”

“Oh,” Bruce said quietly. “I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, it fucking sucked. That’s why I never really talk about it...Jane and Erik know, and I told Steve, but that’s it.”

“Darcy, if this is making you uncomfortable, you don’t have to…”

“I _want_ to,” Darcy said. “You’re not okay and I want to help, if I can. Sit down.” 

“I’m…” Bruce started. He sighed; there was no point in arguing when they both knew Darcy was right. She patted the empty table space to her left and he sat down.

“You’re a mess,” Darcy said frankly. “I say that with love, Bruce, I really do.”

“It’s a valid observation.”

“I know, that’s why I said it,” Darcy said, smirking. “So, yeah, when he got sick, it was just me and my mom and we had to take care of him. Mostly my mom, she’s a nurse so she knew what she was doing, but I did a lot too. I had to. She couldn’t do it alone and we couldn’t afford to hire an aide or anything. And, well, that took over my life for two years, until he died. It was terrible. I know that sounds shitty of me but...I was 18, you know?”

“I can’t even imagine…” Bruce trailed off. “That’s a huge sacrifice to make, Darcy. A lot of people wouldn’t want to take on that burden at any age.”

“I didn’t want to either, but I didn’t have a choice. He was my _dad_ , I couldn’t just not help him and my mom. At first it wasn’t so bad, when he could still do stuff by himself it was mostly, you know, making sure he didn’t fall or anything. And he was really stubborn so he’d still try to get around by himself even when he knew he couldn’t.”

“I definitely understand that,” Bruce laughed, and Darcy laughed along with him.

“Pretty sure Tony’s actually worse than my dad, though,” Darcy said, smiling. “At least he let me help him get up after he fell. But, uh, yeah, when he got worse he needed a lot more help, obviously. We did have to hire someone eventually, because for the last six months or so he needed someone there with him 24/7, and my mom was still working and I was taking classes. It was...it was basically the worst.”

Darcy brushed her hair back behind her ear and kicked her legs back and forth again. When Bruce didn’t say anything, she cleared her throat. 

“And then he was...he was pissed off, obviously, who wouldn’t be? ALS is maybe the shittiest way to die, it really is. But, uh, he was just...he was miserable and he made everyone else miserable too. If me and my mom tried to do anything, like, you know, go out to dinner if we could get someone to watch him, he’d basically have a tantrum about it. Or he’d try to make us feel guilty for abandoning him, which usually worked, at least for my mom. Like, I know it was really hard for him but it’s still manipulation, you know? It’s bullshit.”

“I know,” Bruce muttered. He thought about all the times he’d felt guilty for going to work or being called in for Avenging or even taking a goddamn shower when Tony wanted him to stay. It was dysfunctional, even fucked up, but it wasn’t until Darcy said it that Bruce could identify exactly what it was: manipulation. Intentional or not (because sometimes Bruce knew it wasn’t intentional, it was Tony genuinely feeling desperate and unsafe and wanting Bruce to protect him), Tony was manipulating him - he was manipulating everyone else, too, but like Pepper said, Bruce got the worst of it. “Tony, he…”

“Yeah, I’ve seen him do it,” Darcy said. “And, like, you feel bad, because you love him, but holy shit, you need some room to breathe sometimes. But you can’t tell him that, not without him getting all offended and sad, and that’s just as manipulative as the guilt thing!”

“It really is,” Bruce agreed. “It’s like I can’t win. When I’m not with Tony I feel guilty but when I’m with him I…”

“Want to strangle him?” Darcy offered, smiling. “Can’t even look at him without getting pissed off all over again? Hate him?”

“ _Yes_ ,” Bruce said. How long had he spent assuming all those ridiculously negative thoughts and impulses were just non-Hulk manifestations of his temperamental, fucked up personality? He hadn’t mentioned them to anyone, not even Pepper, because he thought he was the only one who could think such terrible things about someone he loved, someone who trusted him and needed him, someone whose care and well-being he was constantly responsible for. But apparently those thoughts weren’t exclusive to him after all, or even to fucked up, terrible people, because Bruce knew Darcy wasn’t the slightest bit fucked up or terrible and yet, somehow, she knew exactly what he was talking about. “I thought...I didn’t know those kinds of thoughts were…”

“Normal? Because they are. It’s super fucked up but it’s definitely a thing that happens to a lot of people,” Darcy said. Then she grinned. “Hate to break it to you, Bruce, but you’re not a special snowflake after all, at least not about this.”

"So, how do you...deal with it? How do you keep taking care of him when you don't even want to look at him?" 

"You just do it, you have to," Darcy said, sounding a little too much like Pepper. "I dunno, i don't think there's a good way to deal with it, just...less shitty ways. Sorry I can't give you anything more helpful than that."

"No, it's okay," Bruce said. "That's basically what Pepper said, that she knows she'll keep doing it because she has to. I wish I could say the same, but..."

"It's a process," Darcy shrugged. "But don't forget that you're not alone, even if you feel like you're the most terrible person in the universe for thinking like that. It's part of the deal." 

"I...thanks, Darcy," Bruce said. "I think I needed to hear that."

"I know you did," Darcy said, lightly punching Bruce's arm. "So quit beating yourself up over it. It's okay. This is a shitty job to get stuck with and you're allowed to be pissed off about that. Okay?"

"Okay," Bruce said. Darcy grinned again, then hugged him.

"Oops, sorry!" Darcy apologized after she accidentally smacked the back of Bruce's head with her cast. "I keep forgetting about this thing. I think I hit Steve in the eye with it the other day, he says I didn't but I'm pretty sure he's full of shit." 

"Probably won't hurt him," Bruce shrugged, smiling. "You could probably poke his whole eyeball out and he'd grow a new one by the end of the day...don't try it, though."

"I won't. I like his eyes the way they are," Darcy said, winking. "You're okay? For now?"

"For now," Bruce said. "Thank you." 

"Anytime, Doc. Godspeed!" Laughing, Darcy mock-saluted him before she left his office. 

Bruce sighed. Thinking about going back to Tony had filled his mind will all those terrible thoughts again, but now that he knew someone as nice and well-adjusted as Darcy could think those same things, he felt slightly less awful about them.

Slightly.

Like Pepper, Darcy had somehow been able to suck up her negativity and hostility because she had an obligation to take care of a person that she loved, no matter how difficult and draining that job turned out to be. And like Pepper, Darcy seemed to believe that Bruce would do the same for Tony. Bruce wanted to be the person they thought he was, the kind of person who supported the people he loved instead of running from them to save his own sorry ass, but he couldn't shake the feeling that, eventually, he'd end up proving them wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome to the part of this fic where darcy has a conveniently relevant backstory that was surprisingly cathartic to write (which is why i kept it in instead of banishing it to a gdocs folder with the rest of my ridiculously and probably ooc self-indulgent bits of fic).


	23. Chapter 23

“Ugh…” Bruce groaned. He tried to sit up but immediately decided that was a bad idea. “Pepper?”

“Try again.” 

“...Natasha?” Bruce propped himself up on his elbows and slowly opened his eyes. The only thing he recognized was Natasha, watching him from a few feet away. Everything else was totally unfamiliar - and way too bright for Bruce’s pounding headache. He squinted and held his hand up against his forehead to shield his sensitive eyes. “Where are we? What happened?”

“We’re at the new SHIELD facility upstate,” Natasha explained.

“Did I--”

“No,” Natasha said, cutting him off. “It’s still under construction and anyway, you showed up in the middle of the night when there really wasn’t anyone around.”

“Showed up?”

“You don’t remember,” Natasha stated. “I had a feeling you wouldn’t. Looks like transforming back beat the shit out of you.”

“You can say that again,” Bruce groaned. “It hasn’t been this bad for a long time. Maybe I’m getting too old for this.” 

“Or maybe this is the after-effect of swimming halfway around the world.”

“... _What_?” Bruce still had no idea what was going on, but the mention of swimming made him feel very uneasy. 

“Well, I’m assuming you swam. I don’t know how else you’d have gotten back from India without causing an international incident.”

“What...oh, _fuck_ ,” Bruce said, because his memories were starting to come back and once he put the pieces together he wished he could forget all over again. “How long was I gone?”

“Three days, plus the two you’ve spent passed out here.”

“Shit.” Reluctantly, Bruce pulled himself to his feet and took the water bottle and energy bar Natasha was offering him. “Thanks.” 

Natasha stood silently as Bruce devoured the energy bar and half the water bottle in one go. When Bruce put the cap back on the bottle, Natasha started walking toward the door and motioned for him to follow. 

“How’s Pepper? And Tony?” Bruce asked Natasha’s back, not sure he wanted to know the answer.

“Now that you’re accounted for, they’re okay. The first three days are a whole other story I’m not in a position to tell. Out or in?”

It took Bruce a second to realize what Natasha was asking. They’d reached the end of the hallway and unless they wanted to turn back around, they either had to go into one of the offices clustered in the corner of the building or go outside to the balcony that wrapped around the entire facility. He’d adjusted to the light and knew he’d probably feel better if he got some fresh air, so he held the door to the balcony open for Natasha, then followed her outside. They walked in silence until Bruce spotted a distinctive path of uprooted trees and flattened plants leading straight from the dense surrounding forest to the neatly-manicured lawn of the SHIELD building.

His whole body ached thinking about Hulk’s journey back to New York.

“What happened?” Bruce stopped and leaned on the railing directly overlooking Hulk’s path and Natasha did the same.

“You left,” Natasha started. “You told Pepper you were going for a walk and might not be home for dinner and then you took a cab to JFK and got yourself on the first flight to Kolkata.”

“I’m such an asshole,” Bruce groaned. Now his memories were clearer and he could remember terrible details like the duffle bag of necessities he’d stashed in the back of a supply closet on the ground floor weeks before he actually left and his decision to leave his phone behind so he couldn’t be tracked and how easily he’d slipped into autopilot and how he didn’t actually realize what he’d done until hours later, when he’d dozed off on the plane and woke up with a start, dripping with cold sweat and nauseous and so, so ashamed of himself for being so awful and selfish and cowardly. 

Simply recalling the feeling made Bruce unable to look Natasha in the eye; he actually felt like vomiting when he realized he’d have to explain himself to Pepper and Tony. 

“I don’t suppose you remember much about your time in India?”

“No,” Bruce muttered. His memories after the revelation on the plane were vague - the heat of the blazing sun, the smell of spices cooking (which he usually enjoyed but now only made him feel sicker), all feelings and sensations and no actual information that could answer Natasha’s question. 

“Well, there was nothing on the news about Hulk causing trouble, so at least there’s that.” She smiled at Bruce and he attempted to smile back but ended up grimacing instead. “Looks like he just came straight here as soon as he got out - which I assume you didn’t want him to do at all. He was pretty pissed.”

“Well, yeah, that’s kind of his thing.”

“No, this was different,” Natasha said, shaking her head. “He was only mad at you.”

“Great,” Bruce muttered. Maybe that was why he still felt like he’d been hit by a truck, because Hulk was mad at him and his anger was manifesting in his aching muscles and in the sore, painful spots Bruce didn’t even know existed until they started hurting. 

“He knew what he was doing,” Natasha said carefully. “He wanted you to come home. He knew Pepper and Tony need you so he brought you back.”

“If you’re trying to make me feel even worse, it’s not working. That’s not how he thinks. He came back because I felt so guilty, that’s it.”

“No, it’s not,” Natasha said. “Bruce, I’m not making this up. That’s what he told me when I asked what he was doing here. That he brought you home because Tony and Pepper need you but you were too scared to come back on your own.”

“But…” Bruce protested weakly.

“I mean, he didn’t say it like _that_ ,” Natasha laughed. “But that basically sums it up. Oh, and this time you were ‘puny coward Banner’ instead of just ‘puny Banner’.”

“Great, even the rage monster who lives in my head knows what a chickenshit I am,” Bruce said. “Why’d he come here though? If he was coming back for Tony and Pepper why didn’t he go straight to them?”

“He didn’t want to go near the city.”

“Did he tell you that, too?”

“Yes, he did. I don’t know how he knew I’d be here, though. Lucky guess, maybe.”

“No,” Bruce said, thinking back. “It was Pepper. She mentioned you’d be up here for a week or so...I guess he was listening.”

“I guess he was,” Natasha said. She paused. “Why’d you leave?” 

“I don’t know,” Bruce said, but as he said it he realized it wasn’t true. He didn’t remember all the details, but he remembered enough to figure out what happened. All the feelings he’d been ignoring, all the anger and resentment and hatred that had been building up for weeks, everything had finally gotten so overwhelming that he couldn’t repress them anymore. 

He remembered leaving, remembered hailing the cab and buying the plane ticket and telling himself over and over again that he was leaving because of the Other Guy, because he was so on edge he could Hulk out at any moment and he didn’t want anyone to get hurt. He told himself he was afraid Hulk would hurt Tony, because the majority of Bruce’s stress directly involved Tony and, more likely than not, if something happened to push him over the edge it would happen around Tony. 

Bruce blamed Hulk for his decision to run, but in his heart Bruce knew that wasn’t entirely true. Yes, he was exhausted and stressed and both of those things tended to trigger a transformation, and yes, Hulk had been making more noise lately, reminding Bruce that he was always just a second or two away from forcing his way out. He said he left to protect Tony, keep him safe from the Other Guy, but he knew Hulk wasn’t really the problem. 

Communication between Bruce and Hulk was still fuzzy at best, but sometimes, when Hulk wanted to make sure Bruce knew something, his point came across loud and clear and Bruce couldn’t _not_ understand what he was trying to say. And Hulk had made it explicitly clear - on numerous occasions - that unless Bruce’s life was legitimately in immediate danger, he would never, ever hurt Tony. 

So Bruce, staring out over the balcony not looking at Natasha even though he knew she was looking at him, came to a terrible understanding. He hadn’t left because he couldn’t trust Hulk with Tony, he left because he couldn’t trust _himself_ with Tony. He felt sick all over again and must have cringed or flinched or made a face because then Natasha was touching him, gently nudging him in the arm.

“Bruce?”

“Sorry, I...” Bruce said, shaking his head. He still couldn’t bring himself to look at Natasha, so he looked down at his fingers as he drummed them restlessly on the railing.

“Looks like you remember why you left,” Natasha said, leaning forward over the balcony and trying to get Bruce to look at her.

“Yeah,” Bruce said darkly. He drummed his fingers faster and shifted his weight from foot to foot. “Yeah, I did.” 

“And?” 

“I don’t…” Bruce said. He didn’t want to get into it, didn’t want to explore how awful and selfish he’d been, and he was about to tell her as much. Then he realized that, if she hadn’t already guessed, she’d likely figure it out on her own so he might as well tell her, especially because he wanted to tell _someone_ before he saw Pepper and Tony, hopefully get it out of his system so he wouldn’t have to tell them at all. “I’m an asshole.”

“We already covered that,” Natasha said, nudging his arm again. “You’re gonna have to be a little more specific.” 

“I…” Bruce started. Natasha nudged him again and he finally looked at her. She was watching him, her expression as unreadable as ever, but her posture was relaxed and she gave him an encouraging smile when he caught her eye. “It’s too much. I can’t...it’s not a good idea for me to be there. It’s not safe.”

“Because of the Hulk?”

“Yes,” Bruce answered. Natasha raised an eyebrow and he sighed. “No. Hulk loves Tony.”

“So do you.”

“I know,” Bruce said. He was still drumming his fingers and he looked down at them again. “But I don’t trust myself not to...I don’t know. Not actually _hurt_ him, you know, but I get so...frustrated. Not with the situation, though, I get frustrated with him. And I get mad, mad at _him_ , and that’s not...I feel like I’m about to lose control when I look at him - not Hulk, _me_. It’s…Pepper can handle it. I can’t.”

“Did it ever occur to you that the only reason Pepper can handle it is because you’re there?” Natasha asked. “Bruce, you’re not in this alone. You’re not the only one feeling like that, I guarantee you’re not.”

“Yeah, sure,” Bruce said, laughing darkly. “But I’m the only asshole who ran.” 

“Well, yeah,” Natasha said. “But maybe you had to run. Maybe running was the only way you could figure all this out.” 

“Figure what out? That I’m an asshole?”

“Figure out what you were running from. You’re always telling Tony he won’t get better until he really processes everything, comes to terms with what happened to him. Maybe this was the only way you’d listen to your own advice. Now you know. Now you can make it better.” 

Bruce shook his head and laughed to himself. He wanted to believe Natasha but he knew it wasn’t that simple. Sure, they could talk it out, they could talk about it for a year and that wouldn’t make Bruce’s actions any less shitty. That wouldn’t give Pepper or Tony any reason to trust Bruce again. 

“Maybe you should explain it to Pepper and Tony, then. How am I supposed to tell them without pissing them off even more?” 

“I don’t know, but you’d better figure it out pretty quickly,” Natasha said with a wicked smile. Before Bruce could ask, a Quinjet landed quietly on the lawn and Clint hopped out. He waved up at Bruce and Natasha. 

“Natasha…”

“Time to go home,” Natasha said sweetly. She turned and headed back inside and, reluctantly, Bruce followed her. “I was supposed to be out of here yesterday, you know. I stuck around because I was waiting for you to wake up.”

“...sorry?” Bruce said to the back of Natasha’s head. “What’d you do, text Barton as soon as I woke up?”

“No,” Natasha said. “I texted Pepper first. She was going to come too, but Tony didn’t want her to leave so she stayed home.”

“Lucky me,” Bruce said, imagining how much worse he’d feel if Pepper had gotten out of the plane right behind Clint. The flight to the city didn’t buy him very much time but at least he’d have a chance to prepare himself for what was certain to be an extremely uncomfortable conversation. 

****

Surprisingly, the most awkward part of the conversation wasn’t Bruce trying to explain himself. That wasn’t easy, of course, and Bruce apologized about fifteen times, repeatedly called himself an asshole, and did his best to be honest about his feelings without mentioning his Tony-focused Hulk-free rage problem, but that still wasn’t the most uncomfortable aspect of it all. 

The most awkward part of the conversation was how Tony was hardly in it. He nodded and shook his head a few times and cleared his throat once, but he mostly just sat next to Pepper, more subdued than Bruce had ever seen him, and stared directly at Bruce the entire time he was talking. 

Pepper spoke when Bruce was done, but Bruce couldn’t concentrate on what she was saying because Tony’s unwavering stare was too distracting.

“Pep, sorry,” Bruce interrupted, finally unable to stand Tony silently staring at him. “What’s up, Tony?” 

“I…” Tony started. For the first time since Bruce had been watching, Tony broke his stare to dart his eyes nervously at Pepper before focusing back on Bruce. “Pep?”

“Go ahead, Tony,” Pepper said. Bruce must have looked as confused as he felt, because Pepper explained. “Tony and I talked while you were gone and there’s something he wants to tell you.”

“Both of you.”

“Both of us,” Pepper corrected. “He hasn’t told me yet, either.” 

“Oh,” Bruce said. “Well...Tony?” 

“Yeah,” Tony said, nodding. He looked at Pepper, looked at Bruce, then closed his eyes and ran his hand back through his hair. “So...I’m sorry.” 

“For what?” 

“For...well, for everything, I guess,” Tony said.

“Tony…” Bruce said, not in the mood to hear Tony apologize for existing for what felt like the millionth time.

“No, no, not like that,” Tony said quickly. “Not...no. I just, uh...I was talking to Pep and...I didn’t realize how hard this was for you, Bruce. Not until Pepper told me how hard it is for her, too.”

“Tony, it’s not--”

“Bruce, come on,” Tony said. “I know it’s been really hard on Pep and she’s the one who _didn’t_ leave. Don’t bullshit me, I already know.” 

“You…” Bruce started. He was about to tell Tony that, no, he didn’t know, he didn’t know the half of what Bruce was going through, but he stopped himself before he derailed what had the potential to be an actual productive conversation about some very important issues by picking a fight over something so self-pitying. “Fine. It’s been...tough.”

“And, well…” Tony said, giving Bruce a sad half-smile. “When I, uh...you know. That was...I gave up. I didn’t see a point in sticking around when I believed I’d never get better. Honestly, I still don’t think I’ll ever be okay, not really, but...well, it took you leaving to make me realize I’m not just hurting myself, I’m hurting you, too. And I can’t give up on myself without you guys getting hurt even more. So...I won’t, not anymore.”

“Won’t what?” Pepper asked cautiously. 

“Give up,” Tony replied. “I’m done giving up. I want to start giving a shit again. But...it’s not that easy. It’s not like there’s a switch I can flip. It’s...well, it’s just...I need help.”

“Tony,” Pepper breathed. Her eyes were brimming with tears, happy tears. Bruce felt a lump in his throat again, but this time it wasn’t because he was upset. 

“You’re serious?” Bruce asked. 

“Absolutely,” Tony said, nodding. “I’ve been thinking about it and...yeah, I’m ready. But I know I can’t do it alone.” 

“You don’t have to,” Bruce said. “You never had to, Tony. All you needed to do was ask.” 

“I know, and now I’m asking. I don’t know what I’m asking _for_ but I’m asking for you, both of you, to help me figure that out.” 

“And we will,” Pepper said softly. The sound of her voice seemed to simultaneously soothe Tony and put him on edge, and he looked away as she gently lay her hand on his shoulder and used her other hand to smooth back his hair. 

Bruce couldn’t see Tony’s face but he knew Tony was either on the verge of tears or already crying. He felt the usual surge of emotion inside him, the protectiveness and sadness and love Tony’s more vulnerable moments usually elicited, but the terrible feelings that had driven him to leave, the frustration and spite feeding the part of Bruce that apparently hated Tony, were still there, still occupying a not-insignificant portion of his consciousness, and Bruce couldn’t bring himself to choke them down completely in light of Tony’s apparent breakthrough. 

It wasn’t that he didn’t believe Tony. He’d known from the moment Tony started staring that something was different, something had changed, and he had no doubt that Tony had genuinely meant every single word he’d said. And Pepper clearly believed him, Pepper who had known Tony so much longer than Bruce had, had known Tony at his absolute worst and still believed in him no matter how many reasons she had not to. Any doubts Bruce might have had were silenced by Pepper’s unshakable faith in Tony; Bruce had doubted her once and, at least on the subject of Tony, he never wanted to make that mistake again. 

He felt Hulk stir, likely to remind Bruce of his unwavering devotion to Tony, and Bruce suspected it was no accident that Hulk’s appearance coincided with a sudden resurgence of the guilt and shame that had colored the better part of Bruce’s week. 

_I’m not going anywhere so cut it out already. I know I fucked up, I don’t need to be reminded._

“Bruce? What’s the matter?” 

Bruce looked up to find Pepper and Tony both looking at him and, from Pepper’s careful tone and Tony’s tense stare, he knew they were concerned, probably about why he hadn’t already joined them.

“Nothing, nothing’s the matter,” Bruce said, not moving from his seat. “Ignore me, I’m just...tired, you know. Worn out. It’s been a long week.”

“Remember that the next time you’re tempted to run away from home,” Tony said darkly. He was smirking and Bruce knew he meant it as a joke, but he could tell there was more than a little bite behind his words. 

“Sorry,” Bruce said quietly. 

“I wanted to look for you, you know, but Pep said no. She said you’d come back on your own, when you were ready.”

“And he did,” Pepper said to Tony. 

“Sure, let’s go with that,” Tony said brightly, once again staring at Bruce. 

“Tony…” Pepper warned. 

“What? Bruce agrees, don’t you, Bruce?” Tony asked. “You’re only back because of Big Green, aren’t you? He’s the one who wanted to come home, not you. Tell me I’m wrong.”

“Tony…” Bruce sighed. “It’s not like that.”

“Then what’s it like?” 

“Tony…” Pepper said again, but she was looking at Bruce, clearly waiting for an answer, too. 

“I needed to figure some stuff out,” Bruce said, standing up and crossing his arms over his chest. “This, all of this, it’s...overwhelming. I needed some air.” 

“You know we have air in New York, right? And I’m pretty sure our air is less polluted than the air in India, at least if you don’t count New Jersey.” 

“Tony, look, I’m sorry, okay? I needed some space, I needed to get away, and I couldn’t say anything so I left. I’m not proud of it but that’s what happened.”

“Whatever,” Tony said, too lightly. “At least the Big Guy still likes me. And anyway, I told you, the whole reason we’re even having this conversation is because you left. Probably I should be thanking you.”

“That’s enough, Tony,” Pepper said, but Bruce had a feeling she agreed with Tony but didn’t want to get involved. “Bruce, Natasha and Clint are staying for lunch. Coming?”

“I...no,” Bruce answered. Tony was still staring at him and Bruce had to look away because he realized he couldn’t look Tony in the eye without more awful thoughts shoving their way into his consciousness, trying to make him believe he hated Tony, even despised him, and he knew it wasn’t true, he knew he loved Tony despite all his frustrations and anger, but it wasn’t enough to block everything else out. 

And Tony knew, or at least had an idea, and Bruce had no intention of letting Tony figure out the extent of Bruce’s shittiness. 

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah, Pep, it’s fine. I just...I’m gonna take a shower,” Bruce said, still avoiding Tony’s eye. “Go, have fun.” 

“Sure…” Pepper said. She helped Tony up and, once he was steadily on his feet, she looked back at Bruce with pursed lips for a moment, then followed Tony out of the room. 

“Goddammit,” Bruce breathed once they were gone. He made his way upstairs and took a long, hot shower. After his shower, he decided a little yoga might be a good idea. He needed to clear his mind and he was too distracted to do that on his own. 

Later, after his yoga session had calmed him down, he briefly considered asking JARVIS where Tony and Pepper were but, instead, he headed down to his private lab and tried to get some work done. As he tended to do, he quickly became totally consumed in his work, only snapping back to reality when he heard someone come into the room. 

“Bruce?”

“Hi Pepper,” Bruce sighed, putting his equipment down and turning to face her. 

“Are you okay? It’s pretty late.”

“Is it?” Bruce asked, genuinely having no idea what time it was. 

“It’s after ten,” Pepper said, stepping toward him. She wrapped her arms loosely around his shoulders and leaned her forehead against his. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, letting her familiar scent soothe him. Hesitantly, he pulled her closer and then kissed her. 

He hadn’t felt that close to her in months. 

“I miss this,” Pepper said quietly. “Don’t you?” 

“Of course I do,” Bruce sighed. “But…”

“What?”

“Nothing,” Bruce said, shaking his head. “It’s nothing.”

“Bruce…” Pepper started. Bruce shook his head and she reached out and grasped his hand. “Please talk to me.”

“Pep, it’s nothing. I just need to figure some shit out, that’s all. Don’t worry.” 

“Whatever you’re not telling me,” Pepper started. Bruce wanted to pull his hand away but instead found himself holding onto hers and gently squeezing. “It’s okay, Bruce. We’ll figure it out.” 

“Will we?” Bruce asked. Pepper didn’t say anything, just looked at him with sad eyes. “Sorry.”

“I know,” Pepper whispered. She kissed him lightly, then backed away. “Coming?” 

“I, uh...I’m in the middle of...go, I’ll be up later. When I’m done.”

“You sure?” Pepper asked, eyeing the couch he had planned to sleep on. 

“Yeah,” Bruce nodded. “After I’m done.” 

“Okay,” Pepper said. Bruce knew she knew he was lying. “Love you, Bruce.” 

“Love you, too.” He gave her another kiss and, when she gently nuzzled her head against his, took another deep breath and tried to hold onto the way she smelled, the way her smooth hair felt under his hand, everything about her that reminded him of the way things used to be. 

Pepper said good night and retreated upstairs, leaving Bruce alone again. He tried to pick up where he’d left off, but he couldn’t focus and, after about twenty minutes of trying and failing to accomplish anything, he gave up for the night. He walked over to the couch and stood in front of it for a minute, just looking at it. Then, sighing, he turned away and went upstairs. 

Tony and Pepper were both asleep and he tried to climb into bed as lightly as possible to avoid waking them. 

“Bruce?” 

“Sorry Tony,” Bruce whispered, turning his head to look at Tony. Illuminated only by the light of the arc reactor through his shirt, his eyes looked even bigger and darker than usual. “Go back to sleep.”

“Wasn’t sleeping,” Tony said. “Just didn’t want to wake up Pep.” 

“Me either,” Bruce said, smiling. He and Tony looked at each other for a moment before Tony somehow extracted himself from Pepper without waking her up and curled up against Bruce’s chest. 

“It’s okay, right?” 

“Of course,” Bruce said, smoothing Tony’s hair back. He hesitated for a few seconds, then lightly kissed Tony’s forehead. Tony responded by curling even closer to Bruce. 

“Glad you came back,” Tony murmured into Bruce’s chest. “I love you, Bruce.”

“I love you too, Tony,” Bruce whispered. Tony sighed happily and adjusted himself so he was still holding onto Bruce closely without squeezing him too much. Bruce meant to stay awake until Tony was asleep, but he found he could barely keep his eyes open and fell asleep within a few minutes. 

Just over three hours later, Tony woke up mid-panic attack and it took the combined efforts of Bruce, Pepper, and JARVIS to calm him down. Once Tony was settled, Pepper was able to go right back to sleep but Bruce was wide awake, still trying to figure out how he was supposed to take care of Tony without further aggravating all his irrational hostile feelings. 

Suddenly, his conversation with Darcy came back to him. If she was right, if thoughts like his were just part of the deal, then he was being even more of an asshole than he thought. He was pulling away, isolating himself again, and it was affecting not just himself, but Pepper and Tony too. If Tony was serious about trying, he was going to need all the support he could get, especially from Bruce and Pepper, and the only way that was going to happen would be if Bruce started dealing with his negativity in a constructive manner, not like he'd been dealing with it so far. 

Bruce had no idea how he was supposed to do that, but he was finally ready to start figuring it out for himself.


	24. Chapter 24

After Tony asked Bruce and Pepper for help, he still had good days and bad days but, eventually, the good days slowly started to outnumber the bad ones. Tony actually appeared to be making an effort to take care of himself and Bruce rarely even had to argue with him over food anymore. Bruce knew Tony was still depressed and he still couldn't sleep but he was starting to put up a fight and his efforts gave Bruce and Pepper renewed dedication to helping him get better. 

A lot of the positive changes in Tony's life had to do with him starting to make things again. What had started as something to keep him busy when he needed a distraction turned into something he cared about, something he could be proud of, and something to get the creative part of his brain working again. Most of what he made was for the Avengers - arrows for Clint, a variety of miniature weaponry for Natasha, several failed prototypes of Hulk-resistant pants - but when he was bored with that he took to messing around with elements of the Helicarrier and eventually enlisted Coulson to get some of his upgrades on board without blowing his cover. 

Tony never made any new tech for War Machine, though, and he actually had a minor panic attack once in response to Bruce mentioning Iron Man in passing, so they all knew Tony still had a long way to go. Even so, the progress he'd made in the weeks since he promised Bruce and Pepper he'd try was nothing short of remarkable. 

The only thing that didn't change very much was Tony's anxiety, especially when it came to being left alone for more than a few minutes at a time, but now that his attitude and behavior had leveled out, Bruce didn't mind spending nearly all of his time with Tony anymore. Besides, Bruce was still afraid to leave Tony alone and he didn't see that changing anytime soon, so the arrangement worked out for both of them.

After six weeks of slow, unsteady progress, Pepper suggested they go out to California for a little while, spend some time at the Malibu house and get away from the city for a few days. Tony and Bruce immediately vetoed the idea the first two times she brought it up, but she persisted and, eventually, they gave in and agreed to go. There was only one problem: keeping Tony's return a secret hadn't been too much of a challenge because Tony hadn't stepped foot outside Stark Tower since he'd gotten home. There wasn't a doubt in Bruce's mind that SHIELD had some kind of security and surveillance detail around the building and, if they did, there was no way they were going to get Tony from New York to California undetected. They either had to forget about Malibu for now, take the enormous risk of trying to sneak Tony out without being detected, or disclose Tony's continued existence to SHIELD. 

They debated the matter for two days before Tony reluctantly agreed to invite Nick Fury over for a little chat.

****

“You’re nervous.”

“I am not,” Tony argued, still spinning his cane mindlessly. 

“It’s okay to be nervous, you know,” Bruce said. “This is kind of a big deal.”

“Thanks, I had no idea,” Tony said, poking Bruce in the side with his cane. “What’d you tell him?”

“Pepper asked him to come by and check out some Helicarrier parts that’re too big to lug over to SHIELD.”

“He bought that?” Tony scoffed.

“If he didn’t, it got him curious enough to come over,” Bruce said. “JARVIS, ETA?”

“The car is pulling into the garage as we speak, Dr. Banner. Ms. Potts is standing by.”

“Thanks, J,” Tony said, suddenly quiet. 

“We don’t have to do this, you know,” Bruce said, resting a hand on Tony’s shoulder. “I’ll actually show him those Helicarrier parts instead if you’re not ready. Pepper will understand."

“I’m...I’m ready,” Tony stated defiantly. He stood up and stepped away from the couch. “Standing? Or sitting? Sitting, I think, yeah? Then he'll have to come to me instead. Make him do all the work.”

“Sitting it is,” Bruce said as Tony sat back down. He knew Tony’s decision to sit had more to do with his cane than anything else and he didn’t comment when Tony made sure the cane was out of sight while he was on the couch.

“Dr. Banner, Sir, Ms. Potts and--”

JARVIS didn’t need to finish the announcement because Bruce and Tony could hear the argument through the door. 

“Ms. Potts, once again, I don’t know what the hell you think you’re doing but I don’t appreciate your wasting my time with whatever this is.”

“I promise you,” Pepper said patiently. “This will be worth your while.”

“It better be, because I’ve got about fifty oth...what the _fuck_?” Pepper smiled smugly as Nick Fury stood frozen, wide-eyed, staring at Tony from the doorway. “Potts...Banner…”

“Miss me?” Tony grinned. “Well, damn, I think he’s speechless! What’s wrong, Nicky, too overcome with emotion to say hi?”

“Stark…” Fury started as he slowly approached the couch. “How the hell…”

“The portal worked,” Bruce said, causing Fury to jump like he’d forgotten Bruce was there. “We found him.”

“When?”

“About six months ago,” Pepper said, coming up behind Fury. 

“Six _months_?”

“Tony was in no shape to be dealing with SHIELD,” Bruce explained. 

“Who else knows?” Fury barked, sounding more like himself. 

“Steve, Jane, Darcy, Jim, obviously. Thor too. Selvig. Clint and Natasha,” Bruce listed. He paused. “And Coulson.”

“You told Coulson?”

“Not intentionally,” Tony said. “But we sure scared the shit out of each other, coming back from the dead like that.”

“I can imagine,” Fury said, sounding distant. “Six months? You managed to stay off my radar that long?”

“Wasn’t easy,” Tony shrugged. “These two helped. Everyone did, but Bruce and Pep most of all.”

“Helps that nobody thought he _could_ be alive,” Bruce pointed out. “You guys probably would’ve been suspicious otherwise.”

“Barton and Romanoff’s upgrades,” Fury figured out. “And the engine turbine remodel…”

“You’re welcome,” Tony grinned. 

Fury made a noise, then started to pace around the room. Bruce watched him walk and he squeezed Tony’s knee as soon as Fury’s back was to them. 

“And Iron Man?” Fury asked from across the room. Tony froze.

“We’re...working on it,” Bruce said lamely. “Tony…”

“Tony is still Iron Man,” Tony said stubbornly. 

“Tony…” Bruce said. He could see what was happening, how Fury didn’t even have to try to bully Tony into the Iron Man suit again; the question alone was enough to activate the part of Tony’s brain that asked ‘How high?’ before anyone told him to jump. 

“There _are_ actually upgrades to see, Director,” Pepper said smoothly, laying her hand on Tony’s shoulder. Fury grunted and Tony jutted his chin stubbornly, then Fury nodded at Pepper. 

“Lead the way, Ms. Potts,” Fury said, still staring at Tony. Pepper started to lead him out of the room, but he stopped in the doorway. “Stark, these are _your_ upgrades but you’re staying here? Never thought I’d see the day you passed up a chance to show off.”

Tony stiffened and looked up at Bruce, a hint of panic in his eyes. Bruce sat down next to him and wrapped his arm around Tony’s shoulders.

“Up to you, Tony. Whatever’s okay with you.”

“I…” Tony started, his eyes still fixed on Bruce. Then he gulped and took a deep breath. He slid his hand onto Bruce’s thigh and squeezed as he spoke. “Yeah, sure. Let’s go. Don’t want you appreciating my genius without me or anything.”

“Director, why don’t we go on ahead and let them catch up…” Pepper said, clearly trying to lead Fury out of the room before Tony stood up. 

“I’ll wait,” Fury said flatly, crossing his arms and still staring at Tony. 

“Ready?” Bruce whispered. Tony nodded and reached under the couch to retrieve his cane from its hiding spot. Fury’s eyebrows shot way up but Tony wasn’t watching; instead, he was focusing on trying to steady himself, wanting to avoid the stumbling that generally accompanied his standing up. After a long, silent moment of Tony staring at his feet and switching the cane back and forth between his hands, Bruce stood up and offered Tony his arm. Tony froze and then, still without looking up, grabbed onto Bruce’s arm and let Bruce pull him to his feet so he didn’t lose his balance. Once Tony knew he wouldn’t stumble and sway, he relaxed, loosening his grip on his cane and smiling that broad, artificial smile. He looked at Fury for the first time and, to Fury’s credit, any traces of his incredulous stare disappeared instantly. 

“Everything okay over there, Director?” Tony smirked, again bouncing the cane from hand to hand. “Still in shock over my miraculous return?”

“Something like that,” Fury muttered. Pepper made a tutting noise and Fury followed her out the door and down the hall, but Bruce caught him sneaking more than a few glances over his shoulder as Tony made his way down the hall, limping along the way Bruce had gotten so used to he hardly even noticed. Just as they reached the workroom, Fury gave Bruce a significant look and Bruce had a feeling Fury wasn’t planning on leaving Stark Tower without pulling Bruce aside for a chat. 

Fury had his chance when Pepper and Tony resumed their weekly argument over patents; he expertly cornered Bruce without Bruce even realizing he was trying. 

“Banner,” Fury said expectantly. When Bruce didn’t respond, Fury huffed. “Explain.”

“I’m assuming you're asking about the cane?” Fury nodded and crossed his arms. Bruce sighed. “I don’t know what’s wrong with his leg but it’s been like that since he got back. It was worse back then, actually, he could barely even stand up for awhile, but it’s been like this for a couple of months now and it doesn’t seem to be getting any better. But he’s adapting. Honestly, I barely even notice anymore.”

“And Iron Man?”

“Director Fury, you know as well as I do he’ll be back in that suit as soon as he can. But right now...he can’t,” Bruce said. He glanced at Tony, still arguing with Pepper, then went on. “The suit was...whatever Tony experienced out there is much more than any person should ever be subjected to and he is, understandably, still severely traumatized. The Iron Man suit is directly tied to that trauma and it’s going to take time for him to be okay with any suit again. And bothering him about it will only do more harm than good - he needs to come back to it on his own.”

“Fine,” Fury said after a moment of contemplation.

“Is that all?”

“No,” Fury said. “You and Potts. Now that Stark’s back…”

“Really?” Bruce asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“It’s a valid question, Banner. What is the nature of the relationships between yourself, Ms. Potts, and Mr. Stark?”

“I…” Bruce stammered, caught off-guard. 

“We’re fucking,” Tony said casually, smacking Fury in the shin with his cane as he passed by. Fury rolled his eye and Bruce felt himself blushing.

“Banner…” Fury said slowly.

“Well, you asked.” 

“That I did,” Fury muttered, shaking his head. "My mistake." 

"Director..." Bruce started, then waited for Fury to acknowledge him. 

"What?" 

"Tony...I know it's probably too much to ask but...if there's any way you could keep this - him - from becoming general knowledge..."

"Banner, I'm the Director of SHIELD, I can keep all the goddamn secrets I want. Nobody has to know, not yet."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Thank you," Bruce said, smiling. "He's...he's still got a ways to go. We're hoping spending some time in California will help." 

"Good luck," Fury said sincerely. He shook Bruce's hand, then put his hand on Bruce's shoulder and looked him in the eye. "Banner, if you find yourselves in need of anything SHIELD might be able to help you with, give me or Coulson a call, understood? Make sure Potts gets that message too." 

"Will do," Bruce said. 

"I wasn't kidding about those upgrades, Director," Pepper called from across the room. "Come take a look." 

Grunting, Fury made his way over to where Pepper and Tony were standing. Bruce joined them a few moments later and watched proudly as Tony enthusiastically explained his work to a genuinely interested Fury while Pepper stood by, adding her own commentary as necessary. There was nothing particularly remarkable about the scene but Bruce found himself smiling over it anyway.


	25. Chapter 25

“This was a good idea,” Tony stated. He was standing in the driveway of his Malibu mansion with his hands on his hips, his smile growing as he surveyed the property around him. 

“I know, that’s why I suggested it,” Pepper said, moving to stand next to Tony. “How do you feel?” 

“I feel…I feel like me, I guess,” Tony said, shrugging. “That’s weird, right?” 

“Good weird,” Bruce said, handing Tony his cane, which he’d left in the car. He looked around at the beautifully manicured yard. “Wow, this place looks really nice considering nobody’s lived here for a couple of years.” 

“Oh, we’ve kept up the landscaping service,” Pepper said casually. “I try to check in when I’m in LA every few months or so, and Jim stays here once in awhile, when he’s in the area. Come on, let’s go inside and give you the grand tour.” 

Bruce, Pepper, and Tony headed inside the house, which was as impressively pristine on the inside as it was outside. The “grand tour” mostly consisted of Tony and Pepper leading him around from room to room until they’d covered everything on the main floor. Pepper started toward the stairs leading to the lower level but, before Bruce could move to follow her, Tony grabbed him by the arm. 

“Don’t...Pep, wait, let’s not…” Tony took a deep breath and let go of Bruce’s arm. “Bruce doesn’t want to go downstairs today, right Bruce? Enough touring for one day, you know?”

“Tony…” Bruce started. Tony looked at him with wide eyes. “If you don’t want to--”

“Pfft,” Tony scoffed. “I’m just concerned it’ll be too awesome right now. Overwhelming, even for you, Brucie. Sensory overload, etc.” 

“Whatever you want, Tony. There’s plenty of time to show me around.” 

“Fine,” Pepper said. She and Bruce exchanged a worried look. “Let’s unpack, then.” 

“Ugh,” Tony said, making a face, but he and Bruce followed Pepper outside anyway. 

It didn’t take very long to unpack, mainly because the house was already fully stocked with just about everything they might need besides clothes. Bruce had two boxes of lab stuff to set up, but he stacked them next to the staircase instead of going downstairs to investigate without Tony. 

Pepper and Tony seemed immediately at home and Bruce was reminded that, to them, this _was_ home, or at least had been for much longer than they’d been living in Stark Tower. Even though the house had none of the changes they’d made to accommodate Tony’s limited mobility in Stark Tower, he didn’t seem to have too many problems getting around the Malibu house on his own. 

They spent a few days lazing around the house, enjoying the weather and spending some much-needed downtime together (even Pepper managed to take an actual break from work for the first time in, according to Tony, the history of ever). Tony was more relaxed than Bruce had ever seen him, and Tony’s contentment made Pepper happy, and Bruce found himself feeling significantly less stressed out within a few days of arriving in Malibu. 

It was a nice change. 

After three days, Pepper checked her work email and found 564 new messages in her inbox and decided it was time to go back to work. She was commuting to the LA office but most of Bruce’s work could be done remotely so he could stay home with Tony. Tony still hadn’t shown Bruce his lab and, not wanting to push him too far, Bruce hadn’t asked. But there was only so much Bruce could do without his equipment so, reluctantly, he had to bring it up.

“Tony, I know you don’t want to go down there, but I need some lab space. You don’t _have_ to show me, I can just ask JARVIS, but I need to know you’re okay with me being down there.” 

Tony didn’t say anything. 

“The other option is I can go work at the office but that means you’ll be here alone all day and I know you don’t want that - I don’t want that, either.” 

Tony was quiet for a moment, then shook his head. 

“Nope, here’s fine. No big deal. I...I’ll take you down there, show you around, it’ll be fine.” 

“Tony, you don’t have to…”

“No, I do,” Tony said. “I can’t avoid it forever, I know that. Let’s go.” 

Bruce followed Tony to the stairs, then offered Tony his arm, but Tony didn’t seem to notice. He watched Tony carefully make his way down the first few steps and then, when he was relatively certain Tony wasn’t going to stumble and fall down the stairs, Bruce turned to grab one of his boxes, then followed Tony. 

“Welcome back, Sir.”

“Yeah, thanks J,” Tony muttered. JARVIS turned on the lights and, with the lab fully lit, Bruce understood why Tony had been staying away. Iron Man was everywhere, between the completed suits on display, a collection of various suit pieces and tools scattered around, the Iron Man portrait on the wall - there wasn’t a corner of the room that wasn’t linked to Iron Man in one way or another. 

“Tony, are you okay?” Bruce asked. He quietly lay his box down and walked over to Tony, who was standing in the center of the room, clutching his cane and looking around, wide-eyed. Bruce gently placed a hand on Tony’s shoulder.

“Fine,” Tony mumbled, shaking his head. “I’m fine.”

“You sure?”

“Nope,” Tony said, finally looking at Bruce. He was smirking. “But I will be. I have to.”

“Don’t force yourself if you’re uncomfortable,” Bruce sighed. 

“Bruce, I don’t think either of us will live to see the day this _won’t_ make me uncomfortable,” Tony said. “But it’s okay, I’m okay. This is fine.” 

“Okay,” Bruce said speculatively, but he had to admit Tony did look much less anxious than he’d been just moments earlier. He’d loosened his grip on his cane and relaxed his posture and he no longer looked dwarfed by the expanse of the room. 

“Go get the rest of your shit,” Tony said, poking at Bruce’s first box with his cane. “I promise I’ll be okay for the next thirty seconds.” 

“You better be,” Bruce laughed. He went back upstairs to get his second box and groaned when he accidentally tipped it over, scattering about half of its (thankfully non-fragile) contents on the floor. He quickly cleaned up his mess and took the box back downstairs. 

Bruce had a brief moment of panic when he went back into the lab and couldn’t find Tony, but his fear proved unwarranted when he finally located Tony, over in the corner near the Iron Man suits. 

“Tony?” 

“About time,” Tony said, turning back around to face Bruce. He was clutching his cane again, but his face wasn’t nearly as tense as it had been when they’d first come downstairs. “C’mon, let’s get you set up over there.” 

“Sure,” Bruce said. He carried his box toward the empty tables Tony had pointed at and thanked JARVIS when the lights suddenly became brighter in that part of the room. By the time Bruce brought the other box over, Tony had made his way to the table and was pawing through the contents of the first box. 

“What is all this shit?” Tony asked. “I know you have a work laptop and a tablet so why the hell do you have all this _paper_?” 

“Not everything is digitized, Tony,” Bruce said, taking an overfull folder out of Tony’s hands. Tony grunted in response to Bruce’s answer. 

Tony watched Bruce unload his boxes, occasionally examining something he found interesting, but he seemed to get bored before Bruce was done. 

“Make yourself at home,” Tony said unnecessarily. “I’m gonna go work on some coding.”

“Okay,” Bruce said. He watched Tony make his way to one of the computers, then turned his attention back to his work. He easily tuned the sound of Tony typing out and concentrated on what he was doing, so he didn’t know how much time had gone by before he noticed that Tony wasn’t typing anymore. 

Figuring Tony was just taking a break, Bruce glanced up at him for a second or two before looking back at his desk. A few seconds later, as soon as he’d processed what he’d seen, Bruce’s head shot back up and stared at Tony, surrounded by holographic screens of what appeared to be Iron Man. 

“Tony?” 

“M’okay,” Tony muttered, not looking up. He manipulated the holographic helmet in front of him, opening and closing the faceplate as he adjusted the thickness of the helmet itself. “Just messing around.” 

“Okay,” Bruce said cautiously. He knew Tony willingly returning to anything involving Iron Man was a _huge_ step toward recovery, but he had a feeling pointing that out to Tony might just scare him off it again. “If you need anything…” 

“Get back to work, Banner,” Tony said. Bruce shrugged and, with one last lingering glance at Tony, did exactly that. 

They stayed down in the lab for four hours and Tony worked with the Iron Man data the entire time. Bruce tried to keep his frequent looks at Tony as subtle as possible so he didn’t actually know what Tony was _doing_ , just that it was something related to Iron Man. 

Later, when Tony was in the shower, Bruce excitedly filled Pepper in on Tony’s apparent progress. They decided that, instead of asking Tony about it directly, they’d let him talk about it when he was ready. 

The next day, Tony spent the whole day downstairs with Bruce, mostly working with the holograms again (but taking a few breaks to help/bother Bruce while he was working). He didn’t volunteer any information about what he was doing but just the sight of Tony working with his suits again was enough to make Bruce feel happier than he’d felt in months. 

Pepper woke Bruce up in the middle of the night when she realized Tony had somehow gotten himself out of bed without waking either of them up and Bruce was halfway out of bed and ready to go find him when JARVIS informed them Tony was downstairs and wasn’t in need of any assistance. Shrugging, Bruce climbed back under the covers and he and Pepper went back to sleep. 

Tony quickly fell into a routine of working with the holograms when he was with Bruce and, later, when Bruce and Pepper were asleep, sneaking back downstairs for reasons unknown, and a week went by without Tony saying a single word about what he was actually doing. 

“Guys? Are you both in there?” 

Pepper and Bruce were sitting together in the kitchen, sipping coffee and passing Pepper’s tablet back and forth as they completed the Sunday morning crossword. Bruce put the tablet down as Pepper answered Tony, who was apparently shouting from somewhere else in the house.

“We’re here, Tony. What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing. Just...stay there. For a minute.” 

“Okay…” Pepper said, looking just as confused as Bruce felt. “Do you know what he’s up to?”

“No clue,” Bruce shrugged. “Maybe he’s going to tell us what he’s been working on all week.” 

“Why tell you when I can show you instead?” Tony said from the hallway. Before Bruce or Pepper could ask anything else, Tony came into the kitchen.

It took Bruce a moment to realize that Tony was walking normally without his cane.

“Surprise?” Tony said, grinning. Before Bruce or Pepper could ask how he was walking, Tony sat down and rolled up his pant leg to reveal a small metal knee brace with four little blinking lights framing his kneecap. Bruce noticed the lights seemed to blink faster as Tony flexed his leg, then slowed down again when he relaxed. 

“What is it?” Pepper asked, cautiously reaching out to touch it. Tony nodded and she ran her fingers around the edge of the brace. 

“A stabilizing brace, basically,” Tony explained. “Muscles naturally generate electrical pulses, this thing just strengthens those so I can actually use my leg again. It’s not a permanent fix but…”

“But you’re walking,” Bruce said. “Is this what you were doing all week in the middle of the night?”

“Yeah,” Tony said. “I didn’t want to say anything in case I fucked it up.” 

“Well, you didn’t,” Pepper said. Tony started to stand up and, reflexively, she offered her hand to help him up. Tony looked at Pepper’s hand, closed his eyes, and stood up - slowly, but completely on his own. When both feet were firmly planted on the ground, Tony grinned from ear to ear. 

Tony spent the rest of the day testing his device, walking all over the house, up and down every set of stairs, inside and outside. He was right, it wasn’t a permanent fix; he still walked with a slight limp, he had trouble on softer surfaces like grass and the plush carpet in the guest suite, and toward the end of the day he slowed down enough that Bruce suspected the hours of use had made the brace very uncomfortable, if not flat out painful. 

“You okay?” Bruce asked as Tony, using the cane again, limped over to the table and gingerly sat down.

“Like I said, temporary fix,” Tony said, wincing.

“That’s okay. It’s a work in progress.”

“Yeah,” Tony said. Then he smiled. “Just like me.” 

In lieu of an actual response, Bruce simply smiled back at Tony. He knew he couldn’t gauge Tony’s overall progress off of one good day, not even a really good one, but he still found himself more optimistic than ever about Tony’s recovery. 

Since they’d arrived in Malibu, Tony had returned to his lab, worked with his old Iron Man data without freaking out, and figured out how to get himself back on his feet (literally). Tony had promised Bruce he’d try, promised he’d work on giving a shit about himself again, and Bruce finally believed those promises. 

They all knew Malibu wasn’t magic and that they’d all have to go back to New York again, but, for Tony, their short vacation was apparently the boost he needed to pull himself out of his funk. 

The trip was all Pepper’s idea and, when she’d first mentioned it, neither Bruce or Tony were interested. She wouldn’t take no for an answer, though, and she kept bringing it up until they finally agreed. Bruce wasn’t sure if Pepper predicted how much the change of scene might help Tony or if she was just that desperate for a vacation; either way, the trip ended up helping all three of them. 

Everything wasn’t perfect, of course, and many of the problems plaguing them in New York had followed them out to Malibu, but Bruce had a feeling the trip was the first step toward everything not being so shitty all the time. 

****

Pepper had to go back to New York after ten days in Malibu, but Bruce and Tony stayed in California for a little while longer. 

Tony still seemed unable to sleep through the night; after he stopped sneaking out of bed in the middle of the night to work on his knee brace, the nightmares started up again (Tony later admitted that part of the reason he started working on the brace was because it gave him a reason to stay awake), not as violent as they’d been but still enough to wake Tony (and, therefore, Bruce) up at all hours. After three straight nights of spending half the night trying to get Tony back to sleep, Bruce decided to try a different approach and, on the fourth night, as soon as Tony calmed down, Bruce brought him out to the living room and turned on the TV. It was 2:30 in the morning so there wasn’t very much on, but one of the movie channels was showing _West Side Story_ and, when Tony didn’t object, Bruce put the remote down and settled onto the couch. Tony was leaning heavily on his right shoulder but after about fifteen minutes, he lowered his head into Bruce’s lap and started to drift off. 

Once Tony seemed to be sleeping peacefully, Bruce started fading and was asleep before he had a chance to get “Gee, Officer Krupke” stuck in his head. 

Bruce didn’t really want to make falling asleep in front of the TV a nightly thing, but Tony seemed to sleep much better on the couch, curled up against Bruce, with the TV on so, after a few nights of relocating to the living room in the middle of the night, they bypassed the bed entirely and went to sleep on the couch to begin with. Tony still didn’t make it all the way through the night but, when he did wake up, Bruce didn’t have quite as hard a time calming him down and getting him back to sleep. 

The couch was a poor substitute for a bed and Bruce often woke up aching from whatever weird position he’d managed to fall asleep in, but improving Tony’s sleep hygiene was Bruce’s main priority so, instead of changing the arrangement, Bruce pulled the coffee table close enough to put his feet up on it and found a neck pillow to keep his head from resting at some impossibly uncomfortable angle that would hurt for days and, really, it wasn’t so bad once he got used to it. 

Still, when Bruce texted Pepper about getting a bigger couch for when they got back to New York, he had one demand: get one that reclines.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: implied torture/non-con

Once Tony was comfortable working with the Iron Man data, Bruce hoped he’d naturally progress into working with the suit itself but, two weeks after he’d debuted the knee brace, Tony was still spending his days coding, manipulating holograms, and upgrading equipment for the Avengers - on the opposite side of the lab from the suits. Pepper and, after she received her third new and improved gauntlet in two weeks, Natasha, wanted Bruce to ask Tony about it but, afraid that would undo the progress he’d made over the past few weeks, Bruce decided to keep waiting for Tony to bring it up himself. 

Jim stopped by unexpectedly early one morning, while Bruce and Tony were still sitting in the kitchen drinking coffee in their boxers and undershirts. Tony froze when Jim walked into the room and Bruce realized a moment too late that, while he and Pepper had gotten used to Tony’s scars and markings, nobody else had seen them - not even Jim. Bruce saw Jim’s eyes widen for a second but, thankfully, he recovered immediately and helped himself to some coffee and a banana. Tony relaxed and, as Bruce slipped away to get Tony a hoodie and some jeans, he could hear Tony trying to steal Jim’s banana (while making several predictably terrible jokes about said banana). 

After Tony was dressed (and after he showed off his knee brace), Jim explained that, for the past two years, he’d been using Tony’s Malibu lab (with Pepper’s blessing, of course) whenever he needed to repair or upgrade War Machine. Something was wrong with one of the repulsors and he’d stopped by to fix it. 

“Shouldn’t take too long,” Jim said. “Bruce, I hope I won’t be in your way…”

“Not a problem,” Bruce said. “I’ve got to go into the office for a meeting, anyway.”

“Oh…” Jim started. “Is Tony…”

“Tony’s been staying here with JARVIS whenever I’ve had to go out. He’s fine.” 

“Oh, good,” Jim smiled. “I can hang around until later, Tony. Haven’t seen you in a couple of weeks so we can catch up after I’m done.”

“Or we can catch up while we’re working,” Tony said. Jim looked from Tony to Bruce, clearly confused. 

“Tony’s been using the lab,” Bruce explained. “No suits yet but...it’s progress.” 

“Hell yeah it is,” Jim laughed. “Damn Tony, you haven’t even been out here a month and look at you. Walking, working in the lab, next thing you’re gonna tell me you’re sleeping, too...wait, are you?”

“Working on it,” Tony said. “Right, Bruce?” 

“Yeah,” Bruce agreed. “Still having nightmares but--”

“But I don’t think those are going anywhere,” Tony said lightly. “It’s better though, definitely. I haven’t punched Bruce in my sleep in weeks!” 

“No, now you just drool on my leg instead,” Bruce laughed. 

“You guys should’ve come out here a long time ago,” Jim said, smiling. He looked genuinely happy to find Tony in such better shape than he’d last seen him. “Are you gonna stay?”

“No,” Tony said before Bruce could answer. “I mean, probably for a little while. But we’ll come back to New York pretty soon.”

“We’ll talk about it,” Bruce said diplomatically. They hadn’t actually discussed relocating back to Stark Tower but, since Tony was doing so well in Malibu, Bruce had assumed he’d want to stay in California indefinitely. He hadn’t had a chance to talk to Pepper about it but he assumed she’d be on board as long as she could move most of her work to the LA office. 

“Well whatever you guys decide, just keep doing whatever you’re doing because it’s working.” 

“Dr. Banner, as you requested I remind you, you have approximately ninety minutes before you are expected in Los Angeles.”

“Thanks, JARVIS,” Bruce said. “Well, good to see you, Jim.”

“You too, Bruce,” Jim said, shaking Bruce’s hand. “I’ll probably still be around when you get back, if that’s okay.”

“Stay as long as you want, I mean it. Tony, you’re okay?”

“I’m fine, Mom.” 

“Okay. Call me for _anything_ , I always have my phone on,” Bruce said, ignoring Tony’s rolling eyes. Jim and Tony headed toward the stairs while Bruce went to take a quick shower and get himself ready. When he was ready to leave, Jim and Tony had disappeared downstairs, so Bruce grabbed himself an apple and a travel mug of coffee and drove out to LA. 

Bruce was annoyed to find out he could have attended the meeting remotely (even though he’d been told otherwise by the lead project coordinator), but he had to admit it was nice to get out of the house and have a chance to think about things other than Tony for awhile. After the meeting, he went up to his (mostly unused) office for a bit, then went out to lunch with Helen Cho, a geneticist he’d telecommunicated with several times but had never actually met. They had a long, enthusiastic discussion about human tissue regeneration which gave Bruce more than a few ideas for future projects. 

He ended up staying in LA until after 3:30 and only left when he did to avoid rush hour. When he got home, the main floor was empty and he assumed Jim and Tony were still downstairs. He only made it down one step when JARVIS stopped him.

“Dr. Banner, I advise you not disturb Sir and Col. Rhodes right now.”

“What? Why?” Bruce asked, but he stopped with his foot halfway to the next step. “What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing is wrong, Dr. Banner. Col Rhodes simply requested I ask you to please allow Sir and himself privacy until further notice.” 

“...Oh,” Bruce said. He stood on the step for a moment, then turned back around and walked away from the staircase. He knew he had no reason to worry about Tony, because Jim was just as protective of Tony as Bruce and Pepper were, and Bruce knew Jim would have contacted him if anything was wrong. Still, it seemed very unusual that Jim would tell JARVIS to keep Bruce away from the lab. Bruce considered consulting Pepper about it, as she had known Jim much longer than Bruce had and might have more insight as to what might be happening, but he had a feeling that would just get Pepper worried so, instead, he decided to get some work done .

Unfortunately, both his laptop and his tablet were downstairs, so he found a notebook and started to map out a few of his ideas from his conversation with Dr. Cho. He was so focused that he didn’t realize anyone else was in the room until they cleared their throat from a few feet away. Expecting Tony, Bruce looked up and was surprised to find Jim instead. 

“What’s going on? Is everything okay?” 

“Everything’s... “ Jim started. He sat down in the chair across the table from Bruce’s and, watching him, Bruce realized he was very shaken. 

“Jim? Where’s Tony? What happened?”

“He...he talked,” Jim said. “He told me. The whole thing, everything he remembers about what happened out there.” 

“He _what_?” Bruce asked, still trying to process what Jim was telling him. “He just...talked?” 

“We were working on the suit,” Jim explained, looking a little less disturbed than he’d been. “My suit. War Machine. And after we were done I wanted to go upstairs but he wanted to stay down there, so we did, and he was messing around with the computers for a bit, and then he just...he walked over to his suits and picked up a helmet, one of his, and I was about to call you because he was just staring at it, not answering me, but then he said ‘Rhodey, you wanna know why this thing gives me nightmares?’ and he just...told me everything.” 

“Oh my god,” Bruce breathed. “That’s…”

“I know, I know. Took him more than an hour, probably closer to two, and he got pretty upset a couple of times but he just kept on talking.” 

“God, Tony…” Bruce said. “What...how bad was it?”

“Bruce, it’s a hell of a story,” Jim said after a short pause. “That’s about all he wants me to tell you...trust me, everything that’s happened, all the shit he’s done since he came back, it all makes sense. I can’t tell you anything else, I promised him I wouldn’t, but...no matter what you imagined, this was worse.”

“Shit…” Bruce muttered. He didn’t want to believe Jim, didn’t want to believe Tony had lived through something so unfathomably awful, but Jim’s shaken reaction told him all he needed to know about how bad it was. “Do you think he’ll tell me?”

“No,” Jim said immediately. “Not Pep either. He didn’t even want me to tell you we talked about it at all, actually. He said he’s put the two of you through enough hell and he doesn’t want to dump this on you, too. Don’t worry, I told him he was being an idiot, but you know how stubborn he is…”

“Do I ever,” Bruce said, smirking. “Still, though, this is…”

“A big deal,” Jim finished. “I’m proud of him.”

“I am too. How is he?”

“I think he’s okay, all things considered,” Jim answered. “It was really tough for him to talk about and he got pretty upset a few times but he stuck it out.” 

“That’s good...hey JARVIS, what’s Tony doing now?” 

“Sir is currently upgrading the War Machine interface. He shows no signs of distress.” 

“Wait, upgrading the interface?” Jim asked. “He’s gonna change everything around just to mess with me, isn’t he?”

“Most likely, Col. Rhodes.” 

“Tony…” Jim laughed to himself, shaking his head. “I better go interrupt him before he changes the default language to Chinese or something. You coming?”

“I...no,” Bruce said. He wanted to go see Tony but he knew if Tony had anything else to say, he wouldn’t say it in front of Bruce, so he held back. Jim nodded, seeming to understand. “Wait, Jim…”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you,” Bruce said simply. “For...for everything, really. And not just today - you’ve always been there for him, no matter what happens, and...you’re so important to him. I hope you know that.”

“I told you, he’s my brother,” Jim said. “That’s what brothers do, isn’t it?” 

“I guess so,” Bruce said. As Jim headed back downstairs, Bruce went back to his notebook and picked up right where he’d left off earlier. He wasn’t as focused, couldn’t be, not after his conversation with Jim, but he still managed to get a decent amount of work done before Jim and Tony came back upstairs for dinner. 

“Hey Brucie,” Tony said, standing behind Bruce’s chair and leaning over his shoulder, probably hoping for a quick kiss. Bruce obliged. “How was your meeting?”

“Pretty pointless. But I did get to have lunch with Helen Cho!” 

“I should probably be jealous of how excited you are right now,” Tony commented. “I’ve never seen you get this happy about having lunch with me or Pep.”

“Well, neither of you invented a machine that can regrow human tissue,” Bruce pointed out. 

“Oh, is that all it takes to get your full attention?” Tony said, smirking. For the first time in weeks, Tony’s teasing didn’t seem rooted in anger or resentment. “I’ve got a 3D printer, gimme a week or two and I’ll be regrowing whole humans, not just some lousy tissue.” 

“What’s this about you growing humans?” Jim asked from somewhere behind Bruce’s chair. He entered Bruce’s periphery as he lightly patted Tony on the back. “No offense, Tony, but you’re maybe the _last_ person who should be creating any kind of human life. Stick to your dumb bots.” 

“I’m insulted on, like, four different levels, Honey Bear,” Tony said, pouting playfully. “Wounded to my core. For your information, I would be an _excellent_ father to both human and android children…”

Tony could only take his mock-offense so far before he started snickering, then laughing, and Bruce and Jim started laughing too, and they laughed a lot longer than they should have - the idea of Tony as a father was definitely laughable (Tony would be the first to admit that), but it wasn’t _that_ funny - but they all knew the laughter itself was more important than whatever had prompted it. Bruce wished Pepper was there laughing, too.

“Col. Rhodes, your delivery has arrived.” 

“Oh, yeah!” Jim said, grinning. Bruce and Tony waited in silence as Jim jogged off to answer the door and then, moments later, returned carrying two steaming hot pizza boxes and, dangling from his wrist, a large takeout bag.

Instead of staying in the kitchen, Tony suggested eating while watching a movie on the couch. While Tony and Jim debated movie choices, Bruce brought some plates, cups, and napkins from the kitchen, then went back to get the pitcher of iced tea from the fridge as well as a can of Diet Coke for Tony. 

They’d decided on _Jurassic Park_ and, as JARVIS started the movie, Bruce, Tony, and Jim settled onto the couch (the same couch that had been doubling as Bruce and Tony’s bed), with Tony in the middle as usual. There was too much food; in addition to the two extra-large pizzas, Jim had ordered wings (for himself and Tony) and bruschetta for Bruce, but Bruce’s suggestion that Jim take some leftovers home with him was quickly shot down by Tony’s announcement that Jim would be staying over (Jim apparently wasn’t informed of the change of plans, either, but neither he nor Bruce had a problem with it). 

“Hey Bruce,” Tony said as the credits rolled. “I bet you wouldn’t think Helen Cho was so great if she used her big fancy tissue generating machine to make dinosaurs.” 

“I’m pretty sure reenacting _Jurassic Park_ isn’t one of her career goals,” Bruce said.

“Well, yeah, but what about in her downtime?” Tony argued, still leaning on Bruce but shifting to face him. “I mean, what’s to stop her from, I dunno, going on a three-day bender and waking up with a baby T-Rex stomping around her house?”

“You mean besides self-control, a sense of ethics, and sanity?”

“Think about who you’re talking to, Bruce” Jim said, laughing. “I’m pretty sure that’s exactly how Dum-E was born.”

“Shut it, Rhodes,” Tony said, but he was smiling. “See Bruce, it could happen! And then what? Is Fury gonna send the Avengers out? I’m not sure I like the idea of you smashing dinosaurs.” 

“Why, because you’re afraid I’d be outmatched or because dinosaurs are cool and you’d want them to win?”

“Bit of both,” Tony mused. “Hey J, skip the credits, let’s get to the next movie already.” 

JARVIS instantly switched to _The Lost World_ and Bruce settled in as well as he could with Tony leaning on him and digging his elbow into Bruce’s thigh. Bruce looked over at Jim and gave him a sympathetic nod; Tony’s feet were resting in Jim’s lap, leaving Jim unable to move his own legs into a more comfortable position. 

Bruce and Jim both knew Tony would move if they asked him to, but neither of them even thought about asking. Bruce soon discovered he was somehow comfortable enough to start dozing off less than twenty minutes into the movie. He actually fell asleep at one point but woke up when Tony stretched his arms and barely avoided hitting Bruce in the face. Bruce looked up at the TV, realized they were more than halfway through the movie, yawned, and then whispered to Jim, asking if he could reach the pillow that had fallen off Jim’s end of the couch. After Jim tossed him the pillow, Bruce put it behind his head and almost immediately drifted off again. 

“You should’ve told me you were having a sleepover!” 

Bruce was half-asleep and it took him a few seconds to realize Pepper was standing in the doorway. 

“Pep?”

“Sorry Pepper, I--”

“No, it’s fine,” Pepper said, smiling at Jim. “You’re always welcome, you know that.”

“What’re you doing here?” Tony asked, looking over Bruce’s shoulder. 

“I’m on my way back from Tokyo,” Pepper explained, kicking off her shoes. “Felt like surprising you. What’re we watching?”

“ _Jurassic Park_!” Tony said. “Well, the second one. Come watch!”

“Give me two minutes,” Pepper said. She disappeared down the hall and Tony finally sat up. 

“Bruce? Can you get me another Coke?” Tony asked. Before Bruce could ask, Tony pointed at the floor next to the couch and Bruce realized Tony had, at some point during the movie, taken his knee brace off. 

“Sure. Jim, anything?” 

“I’m good, thanks,” Jim said, smiling at Bruce.

In the kitchen, Bruce grabbed another can of Diet Coke for Tony and a bottle of sparkling water for Pepper. He took a detour on his way back to the couch so he could retrieve Tony’s cane from its usual spot in the coat closet. 

“Ooo, thanks Bruce!” Pepper said when Bruce handed her the bottle of sparkling water. She was dressed in sweatpants and a tshirt and had her hair tied up in a ponytail and, when she kissed him, Bruce noticed she was holding a half-eaten slice of cold pizza. 

“C’mon, movie time!” Tony called from the couch, where his now-shoeless feet were back in Jim’s lap. As Jim playfully tried to push Tony away, Tony lifted his good leg so he could wiggle his toes directly in Jim’s face. 

Pepper shot Bruce a curious look and nodded in Tony’s direction. She smiled fondly even as Tony attempted to steal the pizza crusts from Jim’s plate with his foot. 

“It’s...a long story,” Bruce shrugged. 

“A good one, apparently,” Pepper smiled. Bruce followed her back to the couch where she slid herself between Jim and Tony, expertly transferring Tony’s feet from Jim’s lap to her own. Bruce settled back into his spot and immediately had Tony’s head on his shoulder, of course, and when Bruce leaned in for a quick kiss he could see Pepper, laughing, swatting Tony’s foot out of her face in the corner of his eye.

When Bruce woke up the next morning, sore and stiff, and saw that the four of them were still tangled together, Tony’s head now in his lap, his own foot outstretched next to Pepper’s, Pepper’s head resting on Jim’s shoulder, and Jim’s hand on Tony’s feet (which were once again occupying his lap), he realized two things: Tony had apparently slept through the night for the first time in months and, also for the first time in months, Bruce truly believed they might end up okay after all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'd apologize for the ridiculously cheesy puppy pile at the end except that they're adorable and i'm so not sorry.


	27. Chapter 27

By the next afternoon, Bruce and Tony had the house to themselves again as both Pepper and Jim had places to be (places that weren’t Tony’s couch). Tony was still in a relatively good mood and, although Bruce was very tempted to ask him what he and Jim had talked about, he decided not to ruin Tony’s positivity by bringing it up. 

(The more Bruce thought about it, the more he wondered whether he _wanted_ to know what Tony had lived through. Of course he’d listen when/if Tony ever decided to tell him, but until then Bruce was fine leaving it a mystery, which he knew was selfish, but he didn’t feel nearly as bad as he could have because he knew Tony agreed.) 

Of course telling Jim his story wasn’t a magical cure for all of Tony’s issues. His sleeping problems were back the very next night, he still sometimes lapsed into silence and stared intensely at things that weren’t there (Bruce assumed those were flashbacks but, as usual, Tony never wanted to talk about them), Bruce knew JARVIS still had to help Tony when he became suddenly disoriented as to his surroundings and even his own self, and Tony freely admitted he was still anxious almost all the time and still had panic attacks, usually triggered by something specific but sometimes triggered by nothing he or Bruce could identify. 

Bruce and Pepper knew - and Bruce had a feeling Tony knew, too - that Tony probably wouldn’t ever be truly free of these problems and that the best they could do was lessen the frequency and severity of his symptoms. That was just as true the day after Tony talked to Jim as it was the day before.

What _had_ changed was Tony’s attitude. Ever since Tony had finally broken down and asked for their help, Bruce had been waiting for him to make good on his promise to try to give a shit. He’d made a lot of progress in Malibu, but most of the time Bruce still felt as though Tony was trying because _they_ wanted him to try, not because he wanted to himself. Pepper reminded Bruce several times that as long as Tony was trying, it didn’t really matter why, which Bruce knew was true, but he still waited for the day when he could believe Tony actually gave a shit for his own sake. Bruce was kind of afraid he’d be waiting forever. 

But, in the days following Jim’s visit, Bruce realized what he’d been waiting for had happened. Tony made the decision to talk about his experience on his own, not because Bruce or Pepper or Jim or anyone told him he should. He knew it would be painful, he knew it would bring up the terrible memories usually confined to his nightmares, and he did it anyway because he knew he had to, at least if he ever wanted to get any better. And, until Tony cared enough about his own life to believe getting better was even possible, he had no reason to do something so personal, something that would expose all his vulnerabilities and weaknesses and force him to re-live all the things he was trying his hardest to forget.

It had taken months but, finally, Tony gave a shit. Tony cared about himself, his life, his future; Tony believed he _had_ a future worth living, a future he would only achieve if he started to actually give a shit about his recovery. 

So he did, and that was the change Bruce witnessed in Tony’s personality. Tony was finally pulling himself out of his past, freeing his traumatized mind by at last putting words to the terrible things he’d been unable to process. Speaking those words, telling his story, was the only way he could start to reclaim the parts of himself still stuck on the other side of the universe and the only way he would ever be able to make peace with whatever happened to him and move on with his life. It was his first real step toward becoming himself again, obviously not the same as he’d been, but a new Tony Stark, one who believed he _could_ be Tony Stark again. 

Even with Tony’s limitations, even though the mention of Iron Man still drained all the color from Tony’s face, even though Bruce was still up with Tony every night, Bruce knew things were different, Tony was different, and, for once, it was a good kind of different. It was a kind of different that let them all hope their lives would finally start to get better. 

****

“I have to go back to New York,” Bruce said as soon as he hung up the phone. “How long do you need to get ready?” 

“You go,” Tony said, looking up from his computer. “I’ll stay here.” 

“Tony…”

“I have JARVIS, I’ll be fine,” Tony said, rolling his eyes. “What’s in New York?”

“There was some kind of lab accident in one of the off-site labs, Pepper didn’t know any details but the building is half-collapsed and they had to evacuate the rest of the buildings on the block because of a gas leak. A bunch of people are in the hospital, mostly because of the gas but a few employees got hurt in the explosion,” Bruce said, sighing. He ran his hand back through his hair as he imagined the shitshow he’d be walking into. “And because it’s part of my division, I’ve got to go deal with it as soon as possible.” 

“You just can’t get away from lab accidents, can you?” 

“Not funny,” Bruce said, even though he did smile a little bit. “Sounds like I’ll probably be gone more than a day or two. Are you sure you’re okay?” 

“Bruce, seriously,” Tony said, closing his computer and looking Bruce in the eye. “If I thought I couldn’t handle it, my bag would already be packed. I’ll be okay. And if I’m not, I can be in New York in like two hours.”

“I...JARVIS, you’re okay with this?”

“Dr. Banner, there is nothing I prioritize higher than Sir’s well-being. I assure you he will be as safe as he can possibly be here under my watch.”

“I still don’t like the idea,” Bruce said, but he was interrupted by his phone buzzing again. Pepper had texted him a picture of the scene and it looked every bit as bad as she’d described. “But I’ve got to get to New York so...you’re sure you’ll be okay?” 

“ _Bruce_ ,” Tony said, taking the phone out of Bruce’s hand and reaching his arm around Bruce’s shoulder. “Stop worrying. I’m fine, I promise. I can actually take care of myself, you know.”

“I know,” Bruce muttered. He’d left Tony with JARVIS plenty of times since they’d been in California, but never for more than a few hours at a time. Still, Tony was doing much better and there really was no reason he needed 24/7 companionship anymore. 

“Go get ready,” Tony said, handing Bruce his phone - which was buzzing again - and kissing him. “And send Pep my love.”

“I’ll call later, okay? Me and Pepper both,” Bruce said, putting his phone back in his pocket without looking at the screen. He kissed Tony back. “I’ll miss you.” 

“Jesus Christ, Banner, you’re only going to New York,” Tony groaned, laughing. Bruce shook his head and smiled as he started toward the door. He was only a few feet away when Tony said his name, much quieter than he’d been moments earlier.

“Yeah?”

“I’ll miss you, too.” 

“You can still come, you know.” 

“I know,” Tony said. “I’ll be fine.” 

“You better be,” Bruce said, giving Tony a smile as he left the room. He grabbed his old duffle bag and packed the essentials - laptop, tablet, glasses, toothbrush (luckily he could pack light because he had plenty of clothes in New York). He considered going to check on Tony once more, but before he had a chance he heard the Quinjet landing out on the lawn and, not wanting to keep the pilot waiting, he sighed and headed outside, texting Pepper to tell her he was leaving as he walked. 

****

“JARVIS, how’s Tony?” Bruce asked as soon as he and Pepper got back to their floor. 

“Nothing has changed in the fifteen minutes since you last inquired as to Sir’s status, Dr. Banner. Everything is fine.” 

“Good,” Bruce sighed. He looked at Pepper just as she all but collapsed onto the couch. “You okay?” 

“Exhausted,” Pepper yawned. “And I desperately need a shower. What a day. You?” 

“Same,” Bruce said, sitting down next to her. “I have a feeling tomorrow’s going to be just as fun. What time is the press conference?” 

“11:30,” Pepper said, yawning again. “And then that PR girl, what’s her name?” 

“Evelyn, I think.”

“Yeah, that’s it. Evelyn wants us to visit the hospital tomorrow afternoon. All the gas exposures were released but five of your people are still in there, two of them critical, and apparently us making an appearance will help the company look a little more sympathetic.” 

“Seriously?” Bruce groaned. “That sounds like a terrible idea. Are they going to be okay?”

“Probably,” Pepper said. “You’ll find out tomorrow when you visit them. I know that’s not what you’re worried about, though.”

“Huh?”

“You’ve been preoccupied since you got here, Bruce,” Pepper said gently, brushing his hair back. “What’s up?” 

“I’m worried about Tony,” Bruce sighed. “I still don’t think leaving him out there by himself was a good idea.”

“He’s not by himself, he’s got JARVIS,” Pepper replied. “And he’s doing so much better now, you know that more than anyone. Stop worrying.” 

“Can’t,” Bruce muttered. He’d assumed Pepper would be on the same page as he was about leaving Tony in Malibu but apparently she wasn’t. “What if he can’t sleep?” 

“Tony has never been able to sleep like a normal person,” Pepper said. “Never. And remember all those nights he was making that knee brace? He didn’t need to wake either of us up, he just went downstairs and calmed himself down. And if he can’t, he’ll call, or JARVIS will call for him.” 

“But…” Bruce started, but he cut himself off with a sigh. He paused for a moment, then said what he’d been trying to ignore all day. “Pep, I want him to be okay, I really do…”

“But…”

“But if he’s okay after...after everything, all the shit we’ve been through, if he comes out okay...well, where does that leave me? Taking care of him has basically been my life and if he doesn’t need to be taken care of anymore…”

“We’ll figure it out, Bruce,” Pepper said, sitting up straight. “We’ll see how the next couple of days go and then we’ll figure out what we do next.”

“How?” 

“Bruce, please,” Pepper said, shaking her head. She stretched her arms above her head, then stood up. “Stop worrying about it. I’m going to take a shower.”

“Okay,” Bruce nodded. “It’s just...you know how long it took me to figure out where I fit in all this. What am I supposed to do if everything changes again?”

“You fit here, with us, just like you always have and always will. Please don’t tell me it’s going to take as long to get it through your head the second time,” Pepper laughed. Then she smiled and held her hand out to Bruce. “We can always start now, you know. The shower is a really good place to...reconnect. So if you need a little reminding about where you fit…”

“I, uh…” Bruce said stupidly. He took Pepper’s hand, stood up, and didn’t even have a chance to say anything before Pepper was kissing him and fussing with his already-wrinkled shirt collar. “Yeah, sounds like a good idea, reconnecting, reminding, all that. I think I could really use a reminder or two…”

“Thought so,” Pepper grinned. She started toward the bathroom and, as Bruce followed closely behind her, she turned around and walked backwards so she could unbutton Bruce’s shirt and then undo his belt. Before Bruce could make a move of his own, Pepper peeled off her shirt and tossed it aside, then grabbed Bruce’s arm and practically dragged him into the bathroom. 

After their long shower (and after Bruce had to get back in the shower because he’d forgotten to wash the shampoo out of his hair the first time), Bruce and Pepper dried each other off and got straight into bed. Bruce remembered he’d promised to call Tony, so they did.

“Hey Tony, how’re you?” Bruce held his phone out in front of him and smiled.

“Hi Tony!” Pepper chimed in, leaning in so her face fit in the little Facetime box. 

“Hi Pep, hi Bruce, I’m fine, you guys just had shower sex, didn’t you?” Tony rattled off. 

“I...uh…”

“Nothing to be ashamed of, Banner. Shower sex is awesome and Pep’s _really_ good at it.”

“Thank you, Tony,” Pepper grinned. 

“One suggestion, though. Next time, call me _before_ you start because I wanna watch.” 

“I think we can handle that, don’t you?” Pepper said, winking at Bruce.

“I think so,” Bruce agreed. “ _Or_ you could just come back to New York and then I wouldn’t have to worry about water damage to my phone.” 

“Hate to break it to you, Brucie, but your phone is waterproof.”

“Since when?”

“Since I upgraded all the Avengers’ phones to be practically indestructible,” Tony explained, smirking. “Like two months ago. You didn’t notice?”

“I noticed you changed it,” Bruce said, trying to examine his phone without dropping it or making the picture shaky. “Waterproof, huh? Good to know.”

“Yeah, so keep that in mind,” Tony said. “I added a bunch of other shit, too. Ask Natasha, she’s the only one who bothered to find out what I changed.” 

“Will do,” Pepper said. “I wish you were here, Tony.” 

“Me too,” Bruce added.

“You’re making it sound like you’re on vacation instead of stuck doing damage control,” Tony said. “Just come back out here when it settles down, both of you.”

“We will,” Bruce said, and Pepper nodded in agreement. Then she yawned. 

“Sorry, sorry,” she apologized, blushing. “It’s been a really long day.”

“And tomorrow’s going to be longer,” Bruce said, brushing Pepper’s hair out of her face. “You should probably get to bed soon. Tony, you’ll be okay?” 

“As okay as I ever am,” Tony said, shrugging. “J’s got my back.”

“Do you have something to work on if you wake up?” Pepper asked. “To distract you.”

“Yeah, I can find something,” Tony said vaguely. “Stop worrying and go to bed, both of you. You’re gonna be on TV tomorrow and, no offense, but you definitely look like zombies right now. Happy wet zombies who just had shower sex.”

“Good night, Tony,” Pepper yawned. “Love you.”

“Yeah, g’night Tony,” Bruce agreed. “I love you, too.”

“And I love both of your sexy undead asses,” Tony grinned. “Remember, call me next time, I’ll be right here. Good night!”

Tony disconnected before Bruce or Pepper could reply. Bruce gently tossed his phone toward the edge of the bed and pulled Pepper closer to him. She snuggled up against his chest and he was reminded of those first nights after Pepper invited him into her bed, when he went to sleep denying to everyone - most of all himself - how he really felt and woke up the next morning like this, curled up with Pepper, unable to keep his unconscious self from acting when his conscious self wouldn’t. He realized he could’ve saved himself - and Pepper - a lot of time and trouble if he’d simply gone with it instead of constantly fighting what was, in retrospect, basically inevitable. 

Pepper slept soundly all night but Bruce, used to his and Tony’s nightly routine, found himself suddenly wide awake every few hours. The third time it happened, somewhere around 4:30, Bruce sighed, sat up, and reached for his phone. He figured Tony would probably be awake so he started to type a text message, but before he could finish his phone buzzed in his hand, indicating a new message.

_If you’re awake right now, Banner, which I know you are, go back to bed. I’m fine. Promise._

Bruce deleted his half-written text, sighed, and went back to sleep wishing he and Pepper were watching infomercials with Tony drooling on his leg instead. 


	28. Chapter 28

Bruce didn’t mean to spend more than a few days in New York, but between the aftermath of the lab explosion and an unexpected uptake in Avengers-worthy incidents, one week went by, then two, and Bruce was still in New York with Pepper while Tony remained out in Malibu.

They FaceTimed with Tony every night and every night Tony insisted he was fine and told Bruce to take his time and stay in New York as long as he needed. The first few days Bruce and Pepper tried to convince Tony to come join them in the city but they backed down when Tony told them he had to stay in Malibu because he was working on something. He wouldn’t say anything more about it and, while Bruce was so curious he could hardly stand it, he couldn’t do anything except give Tony the time he apparently needed for his mystery project. 

Bruce still didn’t like Tony being across the country by himself for so long and he worried a lot, admittedly more than he had any reason to, because Tony seemed fine and JARVIS assured Bruce that Tony was fine and Jane and Thor told Bruce Tony was fine (they were in the area and brought several bags of Chinese food over so they could have dinner with Tony and left him enough leftovers to last for several days). 

Finally, after three and a half weeks in New York, Bruce and Pepper informed Tony they were flying out to Malibu to spend a long weekend with him for Pepper’s birthday. Tony initially protested, telling Pepper to go to Hawaii or Venice or anywhere more exciting than their house in Malibu because she should do whatever she wants on her birthday, but he relented when Pepper informed him that the only thing she wanted for her birthday was for all three of them to spend it together.

Bruce had planned to go into the office for a few hours before they left, but when he woke up on Thursday morning he had no desire to do anything other than fly out to California with Pepper to finally see Tony again. Trying not to disturb Pepper, who was still fast asleep, Bruce reached for his phone, texted Fitz that he wouldn’t be coming in after all, texted Tony that they’d be there earlier than planned, quietly got out of bed (Pepper stirred but didn’t open her eyes), went to the kitchen, and made breakfast. His original plan was to surprise Pepper with breakfast in bed, but before he was ready, Pepper shuffled into the kitchen, still rubbing traces of sleep out of her eyes.

“Happy birthday!” Bruce said, putting down his spatula and giving Pepper a quick kiss. “Breakfast will be ready in a minute.”

“Thanks,” Pepper said. She investigated the omelettes, hummed appreciatively, and made her way over to the coffee pot. “What happened to work?”

“Change of heart,” Bruce shrugged. He carefully lifted Pepper’s omelette and slid it onto a plate, then not-so-carefully did the same with his own. “I told Tony we’d be there around lunchtime.”

“Oh good,” Pepper said. She smiled as Bruce put her omelette down in front of her. “I can’t wait to see him.”

“Me either,” Bruce said. “I’m really interested to find out what he’s been working on, too. He won’t tell me, he says I have to see it for myself.”

“Probably a better brace,” Pepper suggested between bites. “Whatever it is, we’ll find out in a few hours.”

A few hours later, Bruce and Pepper were getting ready to leave when JARVIS announced that War Machine was incoming.

“Rhodey?” Pepper, followed by Bruce, walked to the window and, sure enough, Bruce could see a silver blur speeding toward Stark Tower.

“Did you know he was coming?”

“No,” Pepper said, smiling as War Machine touched down on the landing platform. “He’s probably just stopping by to wish me a happy birthday. Tony is historically terrible at remembering my birthday so Jim always goes out of his way to acknowledge it. I’ll just go say hi and then we can leave.”

Bruce nodded and Pepper headed for the door that led to the platform. Looking at his phone, Bruce realized Tony hadn’t replied to his text, but he barely got two words into a new message before he was interrupted.

“Dr. Banner, Ms. Potts requires your presence outside.”

“For what?” Bruce wondered aloud as he put his phone back in his pocket and headed outside. “Pep?”

“Bruce!” Pepper exclaimed, poking her head around the corner of the hallway leading outside. “C’mere, there’s a surprise for you.”

“For me?” Bruce asked, confused. Pepper, grinning, nodded and pulled him by the hand outside where War Machine was waiting.

“Hey Jim,” Bruce said, waving. Jim didn’t reply and Bruce looked over at Pepper who was still grinning and was practically bouncing on her feet. 

“Ready for your surprise?” 

“I guess…” Bruce said. Pepper pointed at Jim with one hand and gripped Bruce’s with the other. Before Bruce could ask what was going on, Jim flipped open his helmet and Bruce realized it wasn’t Jim in the suit at all.

It was Tony.

“Ta-da?” Tony said, grinning.

“ _Tony_?” Bruce asked unnecessarily as he, too, broke into a grin. “You flew here? In that?”

“I did,” Tony confirmed. “Took Rhodey’s spare since as far as the rest of the world knows, Iron Man is still dead. I was afraid I missed you, actually, changing your plans at the last minute like that.”

“You almost did,” Pepper said. “So this is what you’ve been working on?”

“Yeah,” Tony said as he started the suit disassembly process. Bruce and Pepper went inside to meet him and, when Bruce noticed how unsteady Tony seemed, he offered his arm as the last pieces of the suit were stripped off. It was only when Tony took his hand that Bruce realized Tony was shaking.

“You okay?”

“Yup,” Tony nodded. “Adrenaline rush.”

“I’m sure,” Pepper said. “It couldn’t have been easy, getting back into a suit…”

“It wasn’t,” Tony said, letting go of Bruce. “It was...I meant to come out here the other day, actually, but once I got in I...I’ve been practicing with bits and pieces, you know, a gauntlet here, a chest plate there, and I guess the full suit was too much and I panicked. It wasn’t pretty.”

“You made it, though,” Pepper said, smiling. Tony nodded.

“How do you feel now?” Bruce asked, his hand still hovering near Tony’s shoulder in case he stumbled again. 

“Shaky,” Tony said. “But not really in a bad way? I think I still can’t believe I did it.”

“Change of plans, JARVIS, we’re staying here!” Pepper said happily.

“I’ve already taken the liberty of cancelling your flight.”

“Thanks, J,” Tony said. “Oh, hey, Bruce, I was working on some simulations and I wanted you to take a look at something. Is your computer handy?”

Bruce retrieved his laptop from his now-unnecessary luggage and followed Tony into the kitchen. Tony immediately commandeered the computer and, with Bruce looking over his shoulder, flipped through a variety of drafts until he found the one he wanted to show Bruce. 

“See, this, right here,” Tony said, pointing at the screen. “There’s no reason this shouldn’t work, right? But watch…”

“Hmm,” Bruce said as Tony ran the simulation. “That’s really weird. Did you try switching these two? That might help…”

“Well done, Dr. Banner,” Tony said as Bruce leaned over his shoulder, made his adjustments, and ran the simulation again, this time successfully. “Knew you’d figure it out.” 

“...no, I’m totally serious, he’s right here!” Pepper came through the door with her phone at her ear. She looked up at Bruce and Tony, then pressed a button on the phone. “Jim, you’re on speaker. Say hi!” 

“Rhodey, light of my life,” Tony said. “For the record, I did remember Pepper’s birthday this year.”

“Holy shit,” Jim said, and Bruce could practically hear him grinning. “Tony! You flew out here? In a suit?”

“In _your_ suit, technically,” Tony pointed out. “Borrowed your spare.” 

“And you’re okay?” 

“Yes sir.”

“Congrats, man,” Jim said, laughing. “This is...this is great. Are you guys still going out to Malibu?”

“No, we’re staying here,” Pepper replied. 

“Is it okay if I stop by, tomorrow maybe? I gotta see this with my own eyes.”

“Why not today?” Pepper said, looking from Bruce to Tony. “If that’s okay?”

“You’re the birthday girl,” Bruce said as Tony nodded vigorously.

“Come by whenever you want, Jim.” 

“Great, I’ll be there around 7. Need me to bring anything?” 

“Just your beautiful face,” Tony said sweetly. “Oh, and that ass, too. Definitely.” 

“Shut up,” Jim laughed. “Gonna invite anyone else? Since you’re staying here and all.”

“I dunno,” Tony said. “Are we inviting anyone else, Pepper?”

“Why not?” Pepper said, grinning. “I think everyone will want to see you, Tony.” 

“Hey, it’s _your_ birthday,” Tony said. “Why don’t we just throw you a goddamn birthday party?”

“What do you say, Pep?” Jim asked. “Party at 7?” 

“Sounds like a plan,” Pepper said. 

“I’ll spread the word,” Jim said. “Hey JARVIS, can you hear me? You wanna take care of food and stuff so Pepper doesn’t have to plan her own birthday party?”

“What he said,” Tony piped in.

“Preparations are already in progress, Col. Rhodes,” JARVIS said. “Ms. Potts, I ensure you everything will be taken care of and I am confident I speak for Sir, Dr. Banner, and Col. Rhodes when I encourage you to relax and enjoy your birthday.”

“But…” Pepper started. Both Tony and Bruce glared at her (and Bruce was sure Jim was glaring as well) and, after a moment’s hesitation, she smiled. “Okay. I will. Thank you, JARVIS.”

“Of course, Ms. Potts.”

“Tony, Bruce, don’t let her do any work, okay? I gotta go but I’ll see you all at 7. Happy birthday again, Pepper!”

“Oh, we will,” Tony said lewdly as the phone disconnected. “I can think of a few ways to help you relax, Ms. Potts. I’m sure Dr. Banner can as well.” 

“Absolutely,” Bruce said, helping Tony up. “More than a few, actually.” 

“Well, the party doesn’t start until 7,” Pepper said suggestively. “So, Mr. Stark, Dr. Banner, it appears we have plenty of time to explore these relaxation techniques of yours. Shall we?” 

“That’s my girl,” Tony grinned. “Oh, and for the record, I’m pretty sure you two owe me a shower.”

“Wait, I thought it was _my_ birthday,” Pepper laughed. “I’ll consider it.” 

“Whatever you want, Pep,” Bruce said, sneaking his hand around her waist. “But, you know, we _are_ having guests later and, in the interest of conserving water, it makes much more sense to take one shower instead of three. Environmentally and all.” 

“You might really be the biggest fucking nerd in the entire universe,” Tony said, draping himself over Bruce’s shoulder. “You’re actually trying to make saving the planet sound sexy. Like water conservation is a guaranteed panty-dropper.” 

“Speaking as the only representative of the panty-wearing population,” Pepper said. “Shut up, Tony.” 

“I didn’t say it wasn’t _working_ ,” Tony whined. “So are we doing this in the kitchen or…”

“No,” Pepper said. She stepped ahead of Bruce and Tony and casually tossed her hair over her shoulder as she turned back to look at them. “And I thought I told you to shut up.” 

“I’m pretty sure you did,” Bruce said, offering Tony his arm. Tony grunted and started to follow Pepper, but his leg was clearly stiff and he was limping more than usual. He didn’t object when Bruce wrapped his arm around Tony’s back and supported most of his weight as they followed Pepper to their bedroom. 

****

Jim showed up at 7:10 with a bouquet of flowers and a bottle of wine that he presented to Pepper before hugging her and kissing her on the cheek. Then he turned to Tony and, after looking him up and down as though he couldn’t believe what he was seeing, hugged him and, grinning, ruffled Tony’s hair affectionately. 

“Bruce!” Jim said, extending his hand. Bruce shook it but wasn’t surprised when Jim pulled him into a half-hug. “What a day, huh?” 

“Yeah,” Bruce laughed. He ran his hand through his hair, which was still damp from their shower. “Did you manage to get in touch with everyone?” 

“Just about,” Jim said, stepping back and looking at Tony again. “Thor’s not around and I couldn’t get in touch with Clint but Natasha said she’d try to track him down. But everyone else said they’d be here. I didn’t tell anyone about Tony, just that it was Pepper’s birthday. Figured you’d want to tell them yourselves.” 

“Tell us what?” Darcy said, parading into the room with Steve and Jane following closely behind her. 

“Tony?” Pepper asked. 

“Hey, when’d you get back from California?” Steve asked.

“Yeah, about that…” Tony trailed off. 

“Tony got back this morning,” Bruce said as Tony looked at him. 

“He flew in,” Pepper said breezily. She smiled at Tony.

“Okay…” Darcy said. 

“Yeah, I flew here,” Tony said. Then he smiled. “In a suit.” 

“You’re serious?” Steve asked as Darcy squeaked excitedly and Jane gasped. Tony nodded. “Congratulations!” 

“That’s so awesome!” Darcy exclaimed before hugging Tony. When she was done, Jane congratulated Tony and hugged him as well. 

“Thanks guys,” Tony said. “I think I finally got Pepper something she wanted for her birthday.” 

“You did,” Pepper nodded. “I mean, it took you more than a decade but it was worth the wait.” 

“Oh yeah,” Darcy said, nudging Steve with her elbow. He took a small, wrapped box out of his pocket and handed it to Darcy, who then presented it to Pepper. “Happy birthday, Pepper! Here, this is from me and Steve.” 

As Pepper thanked Darcy, hugged Steve, and accepted another gift - this one in a bag - from Jane, JARVIS informed Jim and Bruce that the caterers had arrived. In order to keep anyone from seeing Tony, Jim and Bruce took the service elevator to the ground floor and brought the food upstairs themselves. By the time they were done arranging the trays on the kitchen table, Natasha, Clint, and Coulson had arrived and were marveling over Tony. 

In the middle of dinner, JARVIS announced the arrival of another guest: Nick Fury. He’d clearly heard about Tony and, like everyone else, probably wanted to see him for himself. Fury graciously greeted Pepper and unexpectedly handed her a small bouquet of flowers he’d apparently had inside his jacket. Tony opened his mouth to comment but before he said a word, Fury glared at him and Tony shut up. 

Pepper invited Fury to stay and have dinner, which he declined, but he did accept a glass of wine from Jim and pulled a chair up between Coulson and Natasha. When dinner was over, everyone made their way into the next room, but Bruce stayed behind to clean up. Unsurprisingly, Fury stayed there with him.

“Well done, Banner.”

“Excuse me?” Bruce asked as he stacked up the dirty plates and brought them to the sink. 

“Whatever you’ve been doing with Stark,” Fury said. “It’s working. Congratulations.”

“I…” Bruce started. “We haven’t been doing anything, not really. He’s been out in California by himself for the past couple of weeks. We had no idea he was working with the suits again, not until he showed up here this morning.” 

“He may have needed the space,” Fury commented, finishing his wine. “And the leg?” 

“He made a brace,” Bruce explained. “He can’t wear it all the time, it starts to hurt him after awhile. But when it’s working, well, you saw him. He limps a little but besides that…”

“I assume his psychological state has improved as well? I can’t imagine you or Potts would’ve left him out there alone otherwise.” 

“Malibu was good for him. He’s much better, much more stable. He’s still got his problems, of course, especially sleeping, but he can take care of himself again,” Bruce said. He paused. “That doesn’t mean he’s ready to be Iron Man again, though.”

“Oh, I know,” Fury said conversationally. “You told me to back off, Banner, and I backed off, didn’t I?”

“Yeah,” Bruce grunted.

“He’ll be back when he’s ready,” Fury said. “You know where to find me when he is. Ms. Lewis, you can stop hiding now, I’m leaving.” 

Confused, Bruce looked around and, just as Fury exited the room, Darcy emerged from the shadows outside the door on the opposite side of the room. 

“Darcy?”

“Sorry, I wasn’t, like, spying or anything,” Darcy said, still blushing faintly. “I just wanted to talk to you and, God, he’s so fucking creepy.” 

“Don’t worry, it’s not like we were discussing anything confidential,’ Bruce said, motioning Darcy to sit down. She did. “What’s up?” 

“Just wanted to check on you,” Darcy said, grabbing a half-finished glass of wine that was still on the table. She sniffed, then shrugged and drained the glass. “Hey, someone left it on the table, that makes it fair game, right?”

“Something like that,” Bruce mused. 

“Good. Anyway. How’s it going?” 

“How’s what going?”

“You,” Darcy said. “Tony. Pepper. The whole deal. You don’t seem as stressed out as you were. Am I right?”

“Yeah,” Bruce said, shrugging. He sat down next to Darcy. “I mean, he’s doing better, obviously. And since he was in California, Pepper and I got to spend some time together, which was...nice.”

“Yeah, speaking of Tony in California,” Darcy said. “How’d _that_ go?” 

“You saw him,” Bruce said.

“No, not him,” Darcy said, leaning forward and looking at Bruce like she was examining him. “How’d that go for you?”

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean, you went from taking care of him 24/7 to leaving him alone on the other side of the country in, like, a month, right? That’s a big fucking adjustment to make, especially in such a short time.” 

“Yeah, I guess it was,” Bruce said thoughtfully. “It was weird. And...I think it’s still weird, even though he’s back? I mean, he’s only been here since this morning, but something just feels...weird.”

“By weird you mean you don’t know what you’re gonna do with yourself all day anymore?” Darcy said. “You don’t know how everything is gonna change now that he’s doing better? You don’t know how to stop taking care of him and let him go?”

“...goddammit.”

“That’s a yes, then?”

“Yeah,” Bruce grunted. “It’s...yeah. It’s that, all of that. It’s dumb.”

“No, it isn’t,” Darcy said quietly.

“I mean...I should be happy for him. I _am_ happy for him, so happy, I mean, look at him! But, uh, yeah. You’re right. Everything’s changing, again, and it’s…”

“Hard?” Darcy offered. “Weird, but you already covered that one. Shitty? Scary?”

“All of the above,” Bruce grumbled. “God, what the fuck am I doing? Why can’t I just be...happy about it instead of...whatever I’m doing?”

“Sorry Bruce, can’t help you with that one,” Darcy shrugged. “My caregiving career ended a lot more abruptly than yours. Different kind of letting go.”

“Sorry,” Bruce muttered. 

“Don’t be,” Darcy said. “I think it’s probably easier that way. Way less ambiguity, you know?” 

“I guess,” Bruce said. He stood up. 

“Hey, Bruce,” Darcy said, standing up behind him and putting her hand on his shoulder. “You’ll figure it out, I know you will. Maybe not right away but...you’ll be okay.”

“Thanks, Darcy,” Bruce said, gently touching her hand which was still resting on his shoulder. 

“Anytime, Bruce, I mean it,” Darcy said, withdrawing her hand and smiling. She looked at him for a moment, then hugged him. 

“Darce? Are you...oh, sorry,” Steve said, standing in the doorway. When he saw Darcy and Bruce, he immediately averted his eyes and took an awkward step backwards. “Didn’t mean to interrupt.” 

“It’s fine, Steve,” Bruce said as Darcy let go of him. She motioned for Steve to come in and he took a few small steps into the room, still embarrassed. 

“We’re not doing anything scandalous,” Darcy said dramatically. “Besides, Bruce is already spoken for, twice over. Don’t be jealous.” 

“I’m not,” Steve said, putting his arm over Darcy’s shoulder. “I was just wondering where you went, that’s all. Not trying to barge in or anything. Bruce, Jim and Tony were looking for you. I told them I’d keep an eye out while I was looking for Darcy.”

“Looks like you’re two for two,” Darcy grinned up at Steve. “C’mon, let’s get back in there. Bruce, you coming?”

“In a minute,” Bruce said vaguely, waving them off. Once they were gone, he sighed and looked around. He hadn’t made much progress with the dishes but no longer had any desire to do them. He gathered up the loose utensils and wine glasses scattered around the table and brought them to the sink, then put them down next to the sink and turned around, leaning on the edge of the counter with his arms crossed. 

Of course he was grateful for Darcy’s input. She’d already helped him immensely; her insight and advice had allowed him to get over himself and deal with his negativity in a constructive manner instead of letting it continue to control his life. And now here she was, once again articulating the things he couldn’t - or wouldn’t - identify, let alone understand, which meant he again had a lot of thinking to do (and none of which would be particularly easy or pleasant to address, even just to himself). 

But thinking could wait, not indefinitely, but it could wait until it wasn’t Pepper’s birthday anymore.

He ran into Pepper and Natasha making out in the hallway. He tried to avoid disturbing them but failed and, faced with Pepper’s apologetic smile and Natasha’s smirk and raised eyebrow, he simply smiled and slipped past them without a word. 

“There he is!” Tony exclaimed from across the room. Bruce knew his leg must be hurting because he didn’t get up, instead pointing at Bruce from his seat on the couch next to Jim. Bruce made his way to them and sat down on the other side of Tony. “Have you seen Pep?”

“Yeah, she’s...busy,” Bruce said, hoping he wasn’t blushing. 

“Hey Barton,” Tony shouted over the back of the couch. “I found out where Natasha went.” 

Later, after Pepper and Natasha rejoined the party (and after Natasha let Tony get away with exactly two lewd remarks before she informed him that the only way he’d be allowed to join in would be if he’d like to have his head crushed between Natasha’s thighs), the cake JARVIS had ordered was delivered and, after a brief discussion of whether or not they should put candles on the cake (nope), Natasha cut the cake and slices were passed around the room until everyone had one. 

After the cake was done, Jim raised his glass to toast Pepper’s birthday. Everyone followed Jim’s lead and then, when all attention was on Pepper, she raised a toast to Tony, who beamed as everyone raised their glasses to him as well.


	29. Chapter 29

"I'm gonna head upstate for a couple of days," Tony said casually between sips of his coffee. "Natasha said there's nobody at the Avengers facility until the weekend."

"Why?" 

"Only so much I can do with the suit in the middle of Midtown without blowing my cover." 

"You're ready for that?" Pepper asked gently, putting her coffee down and turning to Tony. 

"Dunno," Tony shrugged. "One way to find out."

"Are you still flying War Machine?" Bruce asked. Tony had spent much of his time down in the unused Hulk room working on his suits, but the only person he'd let in was Jim so Bruce had no idea what progress Tony was making.

"Nah," Tony said, shaking his head. "Too bulky. I've been working on something lighter but I need to test it for real, not just down in the Hulkatorium."

"The Mark 8?"

"I...I guess," Tony said after a moment. "Yeah, I guess it is the Mark 8. I guess I'm Iron Man again." 

Neither Bruce or Pepper knew how to respond to that and Tony himself didn't seem sure if that was a good thing or not. Before they could discuss it further, Natasha appeared in the doorway.

"Hey guys," Natasha said, nodding at Bruce as Pepper kissed her lightly on the cheek. She turned to Tony who had gotten up and was now lingering in the doorway. "Ready to go?"

Tony took a deep breath, then nodded. 

"Don't worry, I'll keep an eye on him," Natasha said, hugging Pepper and brushing her hair out of her face. "I won't let him do anything too stupid." 

"Thanks, Natasha," Bruce said. 

They said their goodbyes and, after Natasha and Tony were gone, Pepper refilled first her own coffee, then Bruce's, picked up both mugs and beckoned for Bruce to follow her. He did, and they spent the next few hours curled up together on the couch, silently reading a book (Pepper) and catching up on the news and some science blogs on his tablet (Bruce). 

As usual, Bruce found himself worrying about Tony more than he had reason to, but many of his fears were quelled when Pepper passed him her phone so he could watch the short video from Natasha of a red and gold blur zooming around above the Avengers facility.

****

On his third day upstate, Tony had a panic attack as soon as he got into the suit. Fortunately Natasha was right there and, following the directions JARVIS was giving from the speakers inside the suit, she got Tony out of the suit and stayed with him until he'd calmed down. She brought him inside and made him eat lunch and, when she told Pepper what had happened, she insisted she had everything under control. Pepper believed her, so, despite his ever-present worries, Bruce believed her too. 

Tony was back in the air the next morning and when he came back home the following afternoon, he was in a better mood than Bruce had ever seen him. Later that night, after Tony's excitement lost its near-manic edge, he decided that, while he was okay being Iron Man again, he wasn't ready for active Avengers duty, not yet. 

Pepper assured Tony that everyone understood and that nobody would pressure him into coming back before he was ready. 

Bruce knew Pepper was right, but he also knew it wouldn't take very long for Tony to decide he was ready. He'd made so much progress in such a short period of time and Bruce was pretty sure nothing could stop him from finishing what he'd started. Tony finally believed he could be Iron Man again and it was only a matter of time before he made sure the whole world knew it.

Bruce would support Tony, of course, and he was happy to see Tony acting like himself, his old self, again. But, privately, Bruce hoped Tony wouldn't rush into anything. It wasn't that he didn't believe in Tony's ability to rejoin the team; logically, Bruce knew Tony was almost there, almost ready, and he'd probably be back sooner rather than later - and he knew that was a good thing, at least for Tony. 

The problem was, Bruce knew _he_ was nowhere near ready for Tony to be an Avenger again and, worse than that, he wasn't sure he ever would be.


	30. Chapter 30

Bruce and Tony were in the lab, swapping data back and forth and discussing/arguing over the significance of a particularly errant set of readings when Steve showed up, already in uniform. Bruce sighed and swiped his data to Tony’s screen. 

“What is it this time?” 

“I’m actually not sure. Nat’s at the scene and didn’t give me very many details, just that she wanted everyone there as soon as possible.”

“Are you sure it’s a Hulk-level situation?”

“She specifically called a 'code green’,” Steve said apologetically. “Sorry.”

“Of course she did,” Bruce muttered. “You’re okay, Tony?”

“I’m fine, go,” Tony said, rolling his eyes. “Who knows, maybe I’ll have figured this fucking shit out by the time you’re back.” 

“I told you, call Jane,” Bruce said as he carefully took off his button-down and draped it over the back of a chair. “I’ll be back soon, okay?” 

“Smash a bunch of bad guys for me,” Tony said. “And tell the Big Guy I said hi.” 

“Will do,” Bruce said, laughing. He turned to Steve. “So, where to?”

“Long Island,” Steve replied, studying his phone. He turned to leave, then looked back over his shoulder. “Sorry, Tony.” 

“For what, stealing my man? Hate to break it to you, Cap, but you’re so not Bruce’s type.” 

“Goodbye, Tony,” Bruce said, rolling his eyes. “Is everyone else on the way?”

“Yeah, Clint and Jim are already there and Thor should be there any minute.” 

“Thor’s here?” Bruce asked.

“Apparently,” Steve shrugged. “We haven’t had the whole gang together in a long time.” 

“Yeah,” Bruce said vaguely, glancing at Tony, who was pretending to be totally focused on his screen but was sneaking glances up at Bruce and Steve in the doorway. “See you later, Tony.”

Tony grunted and Bruce followed Steve up to the roof where there was a Quinjet waiting. It wasn’t a very long flight and before Bruce knew it, they were touching down on what appeared to be a school soccer field. Bruce peered around as they landed and saw flashing lights in the distance. It looked like the police had set up a perimeter and Bruce hoped that meant the area had been fully evacuated and he wouldn’t have to worry about angry Hulk encountering any civilians. 

Steve didn’t wait for the plane to fully land before he was off and running toward the action. Bruce peeled off his t-shirt, sighed, and woke up the Other Guy.

****

It took Bruce a minute to open his eyes after he woke up. At first he lay still and took a few deep, calming breaths, which made him feel at least a little bit more like himself. Then he opened his eyes and immediately squinted, unprepared for the blindingly bright sunset. Once he adjusted, he cautiously opened his eyes wider and looked around,which was when he realized someone was standing over him, just outside his range of vision. His head was starting to pound and looking up seemed like a terrible idea, so he looked at the shadow instead and decided it was Jim, still in his suit.

“Jim? What happened?”

“Try again, Banner,” said a very familiar voice. Bruce’s brain was still half-asleep so it took him longer than he’d like to admit to figure it out. 

“ _Tony_?” Forgetting all about his headache, Bruce sat straight up and twisted around to face Tony. He immediately regretted the move and muttered thanks when Tony reached down to steady him. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“Bringing you pants,” Tony said, grinning madly. He dropped a pair of pants into Bruce’s lap and watched as Bruce scrambled to put them on. 

Once he had his pants, Bruce sat up and got his first good look at Tony. The suit was pretty roughed up, dents and scratches all over, and Tony himself had a still-bleeding gash on his forehead, over his right eye. Based on Tony’s borderline manic grin, Bruce doubted Tony even noticed the cut. 

“What happened?” Bruce asked. “Are you okay?”

“Better than okay,” Tony said. “I’m amazing. I’m awesome. That was awesome.” 

“What happened?” 

“Long story, something about Hydra and mutants and world domination, you know, the usual,” Tony shrugged, helping Bruce up. “I was watching on TV and you guys were kind of getting your asses kicked.”

“You shouldn’t have come,” Bruce said. “It’s too...you’re…”

“Too late, Pep already yelled at me, called while I was out there and made JARVIS put her through. I had the pleasure of listening to the dulcet tones of pissed-off Pepper while fighting off a pack of giant scorpion-things. Might have been giant earwigs, actually, which is just really fucking weird. _Earwigs_!” 

“I still get to yell at you,” Bruce said. He yawned, then cringed as his back protested his attempt to stretch. “Later.”

“You kind of already did too,” Tony said. “I don’t think the Big Guy was too happy to see me…”

“What do you mean?”

“He almost grabbed me out of the sky when he first saw me. Not, like, for smashing. I think he was trying to protect me.” 

“He probably was,” Bruce said. He reached into the Hulk part of his mind, hoping to tap into his memories, but Hulk was still exhausted from the fight and all Bruce came up with were a few flashes of a red-and-gold blur in the sky and an intense feeling of protectiveness. “He likes you.” 

“That’s how we ended up all the fuck the way out here, by the way,” Tony said, gesturing around him at the seemingly isolated field. “As soon as he saw me get hit in the face he grabbed me and took off. Luckily everything was basically over by then because there was no way he was letting go of me. I basically had my own personal big green bodyguard.”

“Can’t really blame him,” Bruce shrugged. Then he thought of something that made his stomach churn a little bit. “Tony...people saw you.”

“Technically they saw Iron Man,” Tony pointed out with a grim smile. He walked silently for a moment, Bruce trailing behind, occasionally wincing when some sore part of his body decided to hurt. “But, yeah, the internet’s already blowing up trying to figure out who was in the suit.”

“Someone’s going to put it together eventually…” Bruce said. “What are you going to do?” 

“I dunno,” Tony shrugged. “I bet SHIELD’ll have a cover prepared by the time we get back.” 

“Probably,” Bruce said. “But is that what you want?”

“I don’t know what I want,” Tony said, turning to look Bruce in the eye. “What do you think I should do?”

“I...I honestly have no idea,” Bruce said. His gut instinct said the best course of action would be to stick with whatever story SHIELD concocted and keep Tony hidden from the spotlight until he was ready. He knew that was the best way he could keep protecting Tony, keep him safe. But part of Bruce was starting to realize that maybe Tony didn’t need so much protecting anymore, and maybe keeping him hidden away wasn’t the best thing for him after all. Maybe Tony needed to be Iron Man again, not just for himself, but for the world. 

“Need a lift, boys?” 

Seemingly out of nowhere, a Quinjet appeared, softly landing as Natasha’s voice sounded from the speakers. Bruce and Tony stood by as the plane reached the ground and the back opened to let them inside.

“Thanks,” Bruce said as he climbed onto the jet. Tony, still in the suit, followed easily, and as soon as he was inside, everyone onboard started cheering. 

The whole team was there - Natasha, Steve, Jim, and Thor in the back with Clint flying the plane - and Tony was clearly touched by their show of support. The short flight back to Stark Tower was full of excitement, happiness, and pride, all directed at Tony, and by the time they were home Bruce was grinning like a madman, too. 

Inside, Bruce waited at the end of the disassembly platform, ready to help Tony if he had trouble getting back on his feet. Almost immediately Pepper was by his side and, unlike everyone else, she didn’t seem very happy. 

“What the hell were you thinking, letting him do that?”

“I didn’t know,” Bruce said. “When Steve and I left he was down in the lab. Next thing I knew, I’m waking up and there he is.” 

“I can’t believe him,” Pepper said. She sounded angry but Bruce recognized some panic in her expression. He reached for her hand and, after a moment, she grabbed at his hand and he realized she was shaking. “I was in a meeting and all of a sudden I get this text from Darcy asking me if that was Tony in the suit…”

“Pep, he’s fine,” Bruce said soothingly. She pulled her hand away and crossed her arms over her chest.

“That’s not the _point_ , Bruce. He could’ve been killed. I’ve already watched him die on live TV once and--”

“Still not dead,” Tony said as he made his way down the disassembly line. “C’mon Pep, I’m fine. Good as new!”

Pepper grunted, obviously disagreeing with Tony’s self-assessment. Tony reached the end of the line and stood still, bracing himself, before Bruce helped him down. 

“Pepper,” Tony said seriously. “Sorry I scared you, really I am. But you’re gonna have to get used to this again, you know.”

“I know,” Pepper muttered. She looked at Tony, ran her finger across the cut on his forehead, and then she hugged him, tight enough that Bruce wondered how Tony was still breathing. Pepper clutched onto Tony like she never intended to let him go and she buried her head in his shoulder, which meant she was crying. Tony looked at Bruce helplessly and Bruce hesitantly touched Pepper’s back. When she didn’t resist, he stepped closer and started gently rubbing her back until she calmed down enough to pick up her head and tell Tony she was still mad at him.

“Pizza’s here!” Clint was standing in the doorway smiling at Bruce, Pepper, and Tony. “Unless you guys are too...busy?” 

“We’ll be right there,” Pepper said, pulling away from Tony and smiling at Clint. 

****

Coulson showed up about an hour after they got back to Stark Tower. He congratulated Tony, grabbed a slice of pizza, and summoned Steve and Pepper away from the excitement. Bruce didn’t have to ask what they were up to; they were undoubtedly figuring out how to respond to the questions already circulating the internet. According to Darcy, #whoisironman was trending on sixteen different social media platforms (most of which Bruce had never heard of and he wasn’t convinced Darcy wasn’t just making some of them up). 

Bruce watched as Pepper, Steve, and Coulson disappeared into the hallway, presumably looking for somewhere quieter to talk. He turned back to Tony and found him sitting in an armchair talking to Jim and Natasha. When Bruce noticed the way Tony’s bad leg was positioned, he realized the brace was probably hurting him. Before he had a chance to ask Tony about it, though, Steve reappeared in the doorway and waved to get Bruce’s attention.

“Bruce, Tony, can you guys come out here for a minute?” 

“Um, do you think you could…” Bruce could see Tony out of the corner of his eye and cringed when Tony started prepping himself to stand up. “I think we’d rather stay here?” 

“I… _oh_ ,” Steve said, looking from Bruce to Tony. “Yeah, of course, sorry. I’ll go get them.” 

Bruce headed straight for Tony and, as Jim and Natasha got up, he sat on the arm of Tony’s chair and gently placed his hand on Tony’s shoulder.

“You okay?” Bruce’s eyes darted to Tony’s bad leg.

“Mostly,” Tony said, smiling up at Bruce. “Probably should’ve taken the brace off before I got in the suit, though.”

“Want me to go get the cane?” 

“Nah,” Tony said, shaking his head. Bruce was tempted to point out the absurdity of Tony choosing to sit around in pain so he wouldn’t have to use the cane in front of his teammates, but he knew Tony was stubborn enough that it wouldn’t do any good. 

“Tony, are you okay?” Pepper asked, clearly concerned, as Steve handed her a folding chair. 

“I’m fine, Pep,” Tony groaned. “Just a little sore, that’s all.”

“Oh,” Pepper said, looking at his leg. 

“This won’t take long,” Coulson said as he positioned his folding chair directly across from Tony and Bruce. Steve handed Bruce a chair, then set his own down next to Coulson. Bruce and Pepper arranged themselves on either side of Tony, Pepper narrowly avoiding bumping her chair into Tony’s bad leg, which he still had stretched awkwardly in her direction. 

“So what’s the plan?” Tony said.

“Well, that’s really up to you,” Coulson said. “We’ve prepared a cover story to explain the sudden appearance of the Iron Man suit that won’t endanger your privacy and we’re more than happy to use it.”

“Or?” Tony looked expectantly at Coulson.

“Or,” Steve said, taking over. “You could stop hiding, if that’s what you want.”

“If you’re ready for that,” Bruce said, looking at Tony. “It’s okay if you’re not. We’d all understand.”

“Yes,” Steve agreed. “We’ve all got your back no matter what, Tony. 

“Pep?” Tony asked, turning to Pepper. “You’ve been awfully quiet. What do you think?”

“Well…” Pepper started. She squirmed in her seat a little bit, then looked at Bruce apologetically. “The thing is, someone will find out eventually. It’s inevitable. So, really, it’s a matter of _how_ they find out and, personal feelings on the matter aside, telling people is much better than letting them sniff you out on their own.” 

“Pepper…” Bruce muttered.

“It’s the truth, Bruce, and you know it,” Pepper said. “I don’t _agree_ with it but it’s what’s best for Tony.”

“How is that what’s _best_?” Bruce asked. “Pep, think about it. They’ll never leave him alone, you know they won’t. Tony’s not--”

“Tony’s right here,” Tony said loudly, cutting Bruce off. “And Tony really doesn’t like it when Mommy and Daddy fight so just kiss and make up already...actually we should probably keep that for later but you know what I mean.” 

“So we’ve heard from Bruce and Pepper, what about you, Tony?” Steve asked. “What do you think?” 

“I don’t know,” Tony said plainly. “I have no fucking clue what I think about this. Sorry.”

“Well, you’d better start working on that,” Coulson said. “There’s a press conference scheduled for 10:00 tomorrow, which gives you about thirteen hours to figure out if you officially exist or not.” 

“Great,” Tony muttered under his breath. 

Coulson’s phone rang and Darcy came by to retrieve Steve, leaving Pepper and Bruce still on either side of Tony’s chair. They were all unusually quiet and Tony in particular looked like he was sulking. 

The gathering dispersed shortly after that and, when Natasha and Pepper wandered off together, not-so-subtly discussing Bruce and Pepper’s argument, Bruce and Tony were left alone, still sitting beside each other, and Tony was still scowling. 

“You’re mad,” Bruce said, trying to catch Tony’s eye.

“I’m not,” Tony muttered.

“Bullshit. I know you’re pissed off.”

“Well, yeah, but…” Tony looked up at Bruce, unsuccessfully attempting to hide his building anxiety and desperation. “What the fuck am I supposed to do?” 

“I told you what I think,” Bruce said carefully. “But...they’re right, it’s up to you. You’ve got to decide for yourself.”

“Ugh,” Tony groaned. “Pep does have a point.”

“I know,” Bruce admitted. “But Tony...this is going to be...I don’t know that there’s a word for what a big deal this is going to be - you’ll be. Are you really ready for that? They’ll never leave you alone.”

“Yeah, I know,” Tony said quietly. He paused, then looked down at his hands in his lap. “I couldn’t even tell you and Pepper what happened to me. If I do this, people are gonna ask questions, lots of questions.”

“Questions you won’t want to answer,” Bruce said. “Do you think you can handle all that?”

“God,” Tony sighed. “That shit used to be my life and I was _amazing_ at it. I used to love interviews, press conferences, all that crap, it was like second nature. Half the time I was drunk off my ass but they ate it up, didn’t give a shit as long as I gave them material they could make a profit on.” 

“That was a long time ago…” Bruce said hesitantly. Tony rarely talked about his pre-Iron Man life and, whenever the subject came up, it usually sent Tony into a funk of self-loathing and bitterness that could last for days. But, this time, Tony didn’t seem bitter or angry at all. He just seemed...sad. “Things are different now.” 

“Understatement of the century, Banner,” Tony snorted. “I haven’t been that guy for a long time, not since, you know, Afghanistan and all that. Everything changed after that, you didn’t know me back then but trust me, Bruce, everyone, Pep and Rhodey included, everyone thought I’d actually lost my mind. And maybe I did, in a way, but I wasn’t crazy. Not back then.”

“You’re still not crazy,” Bruce said. “Fucked up and crazy aren’t the same thing.” 

“Sure, if you’re splitting hairs. I don’t care, they can say whatever they want about me. They always have. But…”

“But?”

“I’m handling it now, finally. I mean, I still have flashbacks and panic attacks and shit but they’re not...I don’t get stuck anymore, you know? I stopped letting all that shit run my whole life and things got better, at least for me, and I hope for you and Pep, too.”

“Tony, neither of us would’ve let you stay out in Malibu by yourself if we didn’t think you’d be okay,” Bruce said. “Things are definitely better for all of us.”

“Right. And...fuck, Bruce, after today I don’t think I can go back to...hiding, I guess. You’ve protected me for so long, Pep too but especially you, and I know I wouldn’t be here today without you. But you can’t protect me forever.”

“I know,” Bruce muttered. Of course he saw how much Tony had improved, how far he’d come, and of course he knew he’d eventually have to step back and let Tony be _Tony_ again. He just wasn’t sure Tony was ready to be in the spotlight, not yet. 

It occurred to Bruce that maybe Tony wasn’t the real issue - maybe it was _Bruce_ who wasn’t ready. Coming back to New York without Tony had been a turning point for both of them. It had given Tony a chance to regain some of his independence and, just as important, a lot of the self-confidence he’d lost, both of which were essential to getting him back in the suit and, eventually, back into the world. In retrospect, leaving Tony in Malibu was possibly the best thing Bruce could have done to help him get better. 

For Bruce, though, letting Tony stay in Malibu had forced him to confront the uncomfortable, selfish thoughts he’d previously been able to push away but were suddenly overwhelming and impossible to ignore. He’d touched on the issue with Pepper his first night back in New York, but he hadn’t brought it up since and she was either avoiding the subject or, more likely, had forgotten about it altogether. 

Bruce couldn’t forget, though, and he knew he should be happy for Tony - and he _was_ happy for Tony, but every new milestone, every step toward normalcy served as a fresh reminder that the role Bruce had let consume him for so long was rapidly becoming obsolete. It was a miserable role and Bruce spent a lot of time hating it, but it was _his_. Without Tony to take care of all day, Bruce felt lost, like he had when he'd first come to New York and had no idea what he was supposed to be doing with himself or how he fit into all those empty spaces Tony had left behind.

Bruce wasn’t stupid - he knew it wasn’t a healthy way for any of them to live and he recognized the shades of codependency in all their behavior - but he watched his personal, professional, social, and love lives all collapse with a resigned detachment, seemingly content to let his fucked up relationship with Tony eclipse everything else. It occurred to Bruce that that the intense protectiveness he'd developed over Tony really didn't have much to do with Tony at all and, knowing that, Bruce realized how unfair he was being and how unreasonable it seemed to keep trying to force Tony into a position that took Bruce's needs into consideration much more than Tony's own. 

"Hey, can you grab my cane?" Tony asked, pulling Bruce out of his own head. "I've got a lot of thinking to do tonight and I'd rather do that downstairs."

"Yeah, hang on," Bruce said, getting up. He went and got Tony's cane and brought it over to him. Tony needed help standing up and he leaned heavily on Bruce all the way to the elevator.

"You okay?"

"Sore," Tony grunted. "Should've taken the knee brace off before I got in the suit. I usually do but I was in a rush. The suit fucks with the charge from the brace and leaves my leg even more useless than usual. Lesson learned. I'll be fine, just gotta stay off it for awhile."

"Then stay put for once," Bruce laughed as Tony gingerly sat down on the couch. He turned toward his corner of the lab and rolled up his sleeves but stopped when Tony cleared his throat. "What's up?"

"Don't take this the wrong way," Tony said. "But I'm kicking you out of here for the night. Nothing personal, I just..."

"I get it," Bruce said. "Space."

"Yeah," Tony said. "Rhodey's coming by soon. I'm gonna get his opinion on this whole thing, what I should do, and then it's thinking time."

"Well, good luck. Call me if you need me."

"Will do. Good night, Bruce. Tell Pep I said good night, too."

"Good night," Bruce said. He crouched down to give Tony a hug and a quick kiss, then left the lab. Jim was getting out of the elevator as Bruce was getting in, but they didn't stop to chat and Bruce was back upstairs before he knew it. 

Pepper was nowhere to be found but JARVIS confirmed that she was still with Natasha, so Bruce let her be. He made himself some tea and thought about what advice Jim might have for Tony. 

As much as Bruce wanted Tony to let SHIELD use their cover story, he knew it was just delaying the inevitable. Whether Bruce liked it or not, the world was going to find out Tony was alive and there was nothing he could do about it - nothing except supporting Tony no matter what he decided. 

After twelve long, emotional, exhausting months, it was time to move onto the next phase of their lives, whatever that entailed, but the only way they could would be if Bruce finally learned how to let Tony be Tony again.


	31. Chapter 31

“You’re sure?” 

“I...yeah,” Tony said, not sounding sure at all. “Yeah, I’m sure.” 

“Okay,” Steve said, nodding at Tony. “Ready, Jim?”

“Gimme a minute,” Jim said, throwing his arm over Tony’s shoulder. “Last call, Tony. It’s up to you.” 

“I know. I...I’m sure,” Tony said. He looked over at Bruce, then Pepper, and then back at Jim, and smiled broadly. “Better get out there, darling, looks like they’re starting to get restless.” 

“Ugh,” Jim groaned, looking at the TV mounted on the wall. CNN was on, showing a live feed of the Stark Tower press room where the empty stage was set up for the Avengers press conference. According to the news anchor, attendance was higher than expected, likely due to the rumors circulating about the identity of whoever was in the Iron Man suit, and the murmur of the crowd was growing louder as the time ticked past the scheduled 10:00 start. 

At Tony’s insistence, he, Bruce, and Pepper were watching from the lounge just across the hall from the press room itself. Even though all the Avengers were present, only Steve and Jim would be taking the stage to relay SHIELD’s official explanation: an unnamed recruit had been training with War Machine and, when said recruit realized the Avengers needed reinforcement, he elected to join the fight wearing the only suit he had access to at the time, an old Iron Man suit that was being kept in storage at an Avengers facility. 

Bruce thought it was a pretty boring story, but he agreed with Coulson’s assessment that it was just the right kind of boring - the sort of news that would be easily forgotten or skipped over in favor of something more exciting. 

“Rogers, Rhodes!” Coulson was yelling from the hallway, probably because it was 10:08 and the stage was still empty. The lounge door opened a moment later and Coulson stuck his head into the room. “Let’s go. We’re still going with the cover?” 

“Yeah,” Jim said, squeezing Tony’s shoulder. 

“Might as well get it over with,” Steve said. He hated press conferences but, as the public face of the Avengers, he was almost always called upon to represent the team. 

“Keep it short,” Coulson advised, herding Steve and Jim into the hallway. “We tried to get all the media people we like up front. I don’t think any of them will ask anything too ridiculous so try to take your questions from them. You both have your earpieces?” 

“Yup,” Jim said, adjusting the barely-noticeable speaker in his ear. Steve, nodding, did the same. 

“Then let’s go,” Coulson urged, practically pushing them out the door, then following them toward the press room. Natasha ducked into the lounge before the door even had a chance to close. 

“Oh good, you guys are watching,” she said, nodding toward the TV. The stage was still empty but, just as the stage lights got brighter, the unmistakable sound of feedback rang from the mics. Natasha, cringing, pulled her own headpiece out of her ear and tossed it onto a nearby table.

“What was that about?” Pepper asked.

“Thor probably got too close to the mics again,” Natasha said, rolling her eyes. “He and Clint are hanging out backstage.” 

“What the hell are they doing, pausing for mid-morning tea?” Tony asked, gesturing at the television. He sounded surprisingly agitated and, when Bruce touched his arm, he noticed Tony was shaking. 

“Are you okay?” 

“Yes,” Tony snapped. “But I’d be better if Cap and Rhodey were on TV right now instead of dicking around backstage.” 

“Relax, Tony,” Pepper said soothingly. “You don’t have to do anything but watch.”

“Still,” Tony grunted petulantly. He shifted in his seat twice and then, apparently unable to get comfortable, stood up and leaned on the table Natasha was standing by. 

“Look, there they are,” Natasha said, pointing at the screen. Sure enough, Steve was walking onstage, followed closely by Jim, and Steve shuffled through the cue cards as they took their places behind the podium. 

Tony returned to his spot on the couch between Bruce and Pepper and stared at the television. He was tense and still shaking, but he flinched away when Bruce tried to take his hand. 

“Tony, it’s okay. Calm down.” 

“I...it’s…” Tony said. He quickly kissed Bruce, then Pepper on the cheek, then stood up. “I love you both.”

“Tony, what are you doing?” Pepper said, starting to stand up. Natasha, who was watching Tony closely, put her hand on Pepper’s shoulder to keep her seated. 

Just as Steve began to thank everyone for coming, Tony took a deep breath, grabbed the headset Natasha had left on the table, and started toward the door.

“Wait, wait,” Tony said into the tiny mic. “Rhodey, I’m coming.” 

“Tony?” Bruce asked, standing up. Tony grinned, then disappeared out into the hallway. Bruce made to follow him but Natasha held him back. “What the hell is he doing?” 

“He’s finally being Tony,” Natasha said, smiling serenely. She looked at the television, where Steve and Jim were standing awkwardly, Steve mumbling about technical difficulties and Jim looking like he was about to laugh. “I have a feeling this is about to get really good.” 

“He’s gonna do it, isn’t he?” Bruce said, already knowing the answer. He sat back down next to Pepper and she grabbed his hand and squeezed. 

“Ladies and gentlemen,” Jim said, taking over for Steve. “Sorry for the delay but I have a feeling you’ll agree this is worth the wait.” 

Looking at Steve, Bruce could see the exact moment when he realized what was going on. His eyes grew wide and he was barely able to keep himself from smiling. 

“So,” Jim continued, clearing his throat. “We could stand here and explain what happened yesterday, but wouldn’t you rather hear it from someone much more qualified than Captain Rogers or myself? Here he is, ladies and gentlemen. A man who needs no introduction…”

There was a collective gasp in the press room as Tony walked onstage. He was limping slightly, no more than usual, but Bruce had grown so used to it he was surprised to actually see it on television. As Tony approached the podium, the crowd erupted into an indistinguishable mess of yelling, screaming, and cheering, and, when CNN briefly cut to the crowd, Bruce saw that so many people had rushed to the front that it was basically a mob.

“Someone’s gonna get hurt if they don’t break that up,” Bruce said, looking at Natasha. 

“I’ll go find Phil,” Natasha said, quickly exiting the lounge. 

“Should we go backstage?” Pepper asked, looking from the door to Bruce. “I want to.” 

“Then let’s go,” Bruce said. He glanced back at CNN (where it looked like Thor and Clint had been recruited for crowd control), then followed Pepper down the hallway and into the press room. The noise of the crowd was almost deafening and Pepper had her hands over her ears as she made her way toward where Natasha was waving at them. 

The podium was slightly raised and Bruce noticed Jim subtly offer Tony a hand to help him get up onto the stand smoothly. Once he was standing in front of the mic, Tony looked over the crowd, smiled, and motioned for everyone to sit back down. As soon as the crowd started to quiet, Tony leaned into the mic. 

“Miss me?” 

That only set the crowd off even more and suddenly they were giving Tony a standing ovation, clapping and cheering. Steve and Jim were clapping too, as was Natasha, and Bruce could hear Thor whooping from somewhere across the room. 

“Okay, okay,” Tony said, laughing. “Thank you, really, I mean it.”

“What happened to you?” One of the reporters took the lull in applause as an invitation to shout up at Tony from somewhere in the crowd. The general murmur grew louder and several voices seconded the question and Bruce could see Tony starting to panic. Fortunately, Bruce wasn’t the only one who noticed, and Jim quickly went to Tony’s aid, throwing his arm protectively around Tony’s shoulders as Steve took over the mic.

“Sorry, Mr. Stark will not be taking questions today,” Steve said firmly. 

“Thanks Cap,” Tony said, letting go of Jim and walking to the mic again. “And anyway, if I answered your questions right now it would cut the number of totally batshit conspiracy theories by, like, 90%, and then what am I going to spend the rest of my day doing?”

Both Bruce and Pepper had left their phones in the lounge but, based on the amount of buzzing and beeping from just about everyone else’s phones, Bruce knew the news about Tony had hit the internet. 

“So, yeah, I’m gonna keep this short,” Tony said. “I’m sure you’re all looking for a pull quote so here it is: Hi. I’m alive and...I am Iron Man.”

There was more cheering and shouting from the crowd and Tony was absolutely eating it up. Bruce wasn’t sure if he was just doing a really good job pretending or if he was genuinely enjoying himself. 

“What a drama queen,” Pepper said, rolling her eyes, but she was beaming with pride and Bruce couldn't stop himself from kissing her. 

Natasha appeared next to Bruce shortly after that and Pepper immediately gave her a huge hug. When Pepper released her, Natasha turned to Bruce and smirked. 

"Good thing someone talked you into staying in New York instead of running straight back to Kolkata, huh?" 

"Good thing," Bruce laughed. He looked over at Tony, still basking in the spotlight, then over at Pepper, teary-eyed and beaming, and then back at Natasha. She was still smirking but she smiled when she caught Bruce's eye. "This is...you're right. If I'd had my way I never would have stayed. Thank you."

Natasha said something in reply, but Bruce didn't hear a word of it because the press conference had just ended and Tony walked offstage and into another cheering crowd, this one composed of his friends, every single one of whom wanted to congratulate Tony personally. Tony told everyone to hang on for a minute, then headed straight for the spot where Bruce, Pepper, and Natasha were still standing. Natasha patted Tony on the back as she stepped aside to let him through. 

"How'd I do?" Tony asked, grinning, but instead of answering, Pepper threw her arms around him so quickly she nearly knocked him over. Bruce rushed to steady Tony and then found himself pulled into Pepper's hug as well. 

Standing there, backstage in Stark Tower's press room, wrapped up in a hug with Pepper and Tony, Bruce wondered how he ever could have questioned whether he belonged here, in this life, with these people. Of course this was where he was supposed to be - it had been all along. This wasn't someone else's story, wasn't some life built around someone else's absence. 

This was home.


	32. epilogue

A lot of things happened in a very short period of time after the press conference. 

Within hours of the news breaking, Stark Industries’ PR department was inundated with requests for interviews and appearances, but instead of forcing Tony to face the same intrusive, anxiety-inducing questions over and over again, a vague press release was issued and an hour-long exclusive sit-down with Diane Sawyer was arranged.

Tony was uncharacteristically nervous before the interview and, even though he had pre-approved all the questions himself, he almost called the whole thing off at the last minute. He ended up going through with it and, after it aired, the outpouring of public support and sympathy was overwhelming. For most of his adult life, Tony had been the guy the media loved to hate, but now even his most vocal critics were hailing him - unironically - as a hero. 

During the interview, as well as in all subsequent appearances, Tony talked about his ordeal in the vaguest terms possible. Jim was still the only one who knew any details and, from what Bruce and Pepper could tell, Tony planned to keep it that way. Still, after watching the interview, Bruce knew that Tony’s lost 18 months were mostly characterized by long, maddening stretches of solitude and starvation punctuated by short periods of intense violence and torture. Bruce also suspected (and, when Bruce asked him, Jim confirmed) that after a few torture-abandonment cycles, Tony grew so desperate for both food and any kind of social interaction that he developed Stockholm Syndrome toward his torturers. 

There was only one other time Bruce heard Tony talk about what happened in any detail and, unexpectedly, it was when he introduced Tony to Fitz. As soon as Tony realized who Fitz was, his eyes lit up and, before Fitz could say a word, Tony informed him that one of his probes - Rudolph, specifically - had saved his life. Apparently, Tony had seen what he thought was a meteorite fall from the sky and, mostly to figure out whether or not he was hallucinating, he went looking for it. When he found it, he realized it wasn’t a meteorite, it was a probe. Badly burnt from crashing through the atmosphere, it was intact enough that, when he took it apart, Tony suspected it was man-made. His suspicions were confirmed when he cleaned up the outside and saw the letters carved along the edge. 

Tony told Fitz that his probe was why he knew someone was looking for him, and that was the only reason he didn’t just give up and let himself starve to death. Then Tony patted Fitz on the back and said he’d be in touch about hiring him (and, when Bruce informed Tony that Fitz was already employed part-time by Stark Industries, Tony immediately gave Fitz a raise that was more than double his current salary). 

Mentally, Tony hadn’t seriously regressed, but all the attention - and all the questions about his story - triggered his anxiety and he started having panic attacks again. After a particularly aggressive reporter managed to corner him at an Avengers press conference and started asking invasive, accusatory questions that implied Tony was lying about what happened (she only managed to ask three full questions before Clint realized what was going on and all but tackled her to get her away from Tony, but the damage was done), Tony’s mood dropped to the lowest it had been in months. Tony refused to leave his lab or talk to anyone except JARVIS for two days after cell phone video of the encounter surfaced online (public reaction to the video was overwhelmingly in Tony’s favor but it was still jarring to see the footage of Tony, visibly beginning to panic, backed against a wall and stuttering half-intelligible objections as the reporter advanced on him).

For almost three weeks Bruce felt like he might as well have gone back in time; while Tony didn’t need nearly the same degree of care as he had at his worst, he appeared to have lost interest in things like eating, sleeping, and socializing on a regular basis and, anytime Bruce tried to talk to him about it, Tony either ignored him or became disproportionately hostile. But just when it seemed like Tony’s months of progress had completely come undone, something changed. One night Tony emerged from his lab without prompting, sat Bruce and Pepper down, and confessed that not only was he depressed but he’d started having suicidal thoughts again and he needed help before he got any worse. 

Help, it turned out, came in the form of Clint giving Tony the name of the SHIELD psychiatrist he’d been seeing since (as Clint phrased it) Loki’s mindfucking. Within two days of reaching out for help, Tony had not only met with the psychiatrist for an almost two-hour session but had also started taking an antidepressant. He wasn’t thrilled about being on medication but, after doing some research, he agreed to at least give it a try. The psychiatrist had warned that antidepressants often require six to eight weeks to take full effect, but Tony’s mood seemed to start leveling out after less than a month and, by the sixth week, he reported that he was still pretty anxious but he was having a much easier time keeping it under control. 

Steve asked Bruce if he thought Tony would be interested in meeting a friend of his, Sam, who worked with veterans suffering from PTSD, and Bruce honestly wasn’t sure but figured an introduction couldn’t hurt. He warned Steve not to expect much and asked him to tell Sam not to take it personally if Tony reacted negatively to their meeting. 

Bruce’s warning turned out to be unnecessary because Tony and Sam hit it off almost immediately and, when Sam went back to DC the following afternoon, Tony went with him. He spent four days hanging around the VA, talking to Sam, attending support group meetings, and learning everything he could about PTSD and its treatment and, when he got back to Stark Tower, he immediately set up a meeting with his PR people. Instead of simply basking in all the media focus still directed at him, Tony had decided to use the extra attention for good, which, in this case, meant becoming a vocal advocate for mental health issues - the public face of PTSD. He set up a foundation, pulled some strings to get his Diane Sawyer interview re-aired (with donation information on a constant scroll across the bottom of the screen as well as short PSAs about PTSD featuring Tony added before every commercial break), and raised over half a million dollars for mental health programs and research. 

Tony was still using his original knee brace to help him walk, but it seemed to be losing some of its effect and, after he fell in front of the rest of the team, he decided it was time to find a more permanent solution. He and Bruce developed a variety of braces, splints, and supports, but Tony wasn’t satisfied with any of them until they came up with a small device that could be injected behind the knee and a very simple lightweight brace that, when worn over the implanted device, gave Tony more control over his leg than the old brace had. It wasn’t perfect and Tony still walked with a slight limp, but he could wear the new brace 24/7, including while in the suit, without the pain he’d experienced with the old one. 

Bruce’s focus at Stark Industries was still on healthcare technology and, after sifting through their reject knee brace pile, he asked Tony if he’d ever thought about looking into biomedical engineering. One thing led to another and, with Bruce at the helm, Stark Industries’ healthcare division had expanded to include the Tony-led prosthetics and assistive technology program. 

Stark Industries had stopped making weapons years earlier, but Jim was still officially its military liaison. So when he and Tony had a conversation about possibly contracting with the military again, most of the red tape was bypassed completely and in less than three days Pepper was signing the contract that made Stark Industries the official supplier of prosthetics and assistive technology to the US Military and the VA. 

The new partnership didn’t go unnoticed and, between the cessation of weapons production, the groundbreaking advancements in clean energy, and now the healthcare division, Pepper was being credited with, among other things, steering Stark Industries through the most successful rebranding of a Fortune 500 company the business world had seen in years. 

Tony was still Iron Man but his anxiety was still a problem and he eventually learned that, sometimes, he couldn’t rush right into the fight with the rest of the Avengers, not unless he wanted to have a panic attack. That didn’t stop him from trying, of course, but the team - especially Natasha, Jim, and Hulk - got very good at watching for signs and jumping in before Tony’s anxiety got out of hand (Natasha and Jim usually tried to distract the enemy away from Tony while Hulk preferred to physically remove Tony from the situation). 

As for Bruce, he was more than happy to proudly watch Pepper and Tony succeed while he kept his head down, did his work, and lived the kind of life he never thought he’d be able to have. Unbeknownst to him, while he’d been busy taking care of Tony all those months, Jane had collected all their research and their work on the portal project and written it up for possible publication. Bruce knew their work would be of some interest due to its highly experimental nature, but he had no idea how interested the scientific world really was and he was surprised when he and Jane were invited to give the keynote presentation at one of the most prestigious academic conferences in the country (Jim, Erik, and Thor were also given co-credit, but Jim was busy, Erik declined the invitation, and Thor was more than happy to simply sit in the front row and watch). Bruce had wanted Tony to come along, but Tony said no - he really had nothing to do with the portal itself and, anyway, he would just be a distraction from Bruce’s moment to shine. 

After the presentation - and the lengthy Q&A session that followed - Bruce stepped outside for some air (and to call Tony as promised, to let him know how it went). He talked to Tony for a few minutes, then hung up and found a ledge to sit on. The weather was beautiful and Bruce wanted to take the opportunity to relax and enjoy it for a minute before he went back inside. He closed his eyes and leaned back against the wall and appreciated a rare moment of silence.

“Bruce?” 

Bruce’s eyes flew open and he sat up straight. He must have been half asleep, must have been daydreaming, because that voice...it couldn’t be. Still, he held his breath as he turned around to see who was calling him.

“ _Betty_?” 

“Bruce!” Betty beamed. He hopped off the ledge and walked toward her. She was very pregnant and as beautiful as she’d ever been, and he didn’t really believe she was there until he was hugging her. 

“Betty, I can’t believe...I didn’t know you’d be here.”

“I was planning to sit this year out, for obvious reasons,” she said, motioning to her belly. “But when Jane told me you were speaking I knew I couldn’t miss it.”

“You know Jane?”

“Of course,” Betty laughed. “She and I go way back. We took some classes together in undergrad and we kept in touch. She’s actually been filling me in about your portal project for months. It’s amazing, Bruce, the whole thing is really amazing.”

“Thanks,” Bruce said. He motioned for Betty to sit down on the ledge, which she did, and he sat next to her. “Jane’s brilliant. We never would’ve gotten it off the ground without her. I didn’t know she was telling anyone about it, though.” 

“Oh, that’s my fault,” Betty said. “I asked her about you. I knew you were in New York and I figured you two were working together and...I wanted to know how you were doing. She didn’t tell me about Tony or anything, just about the portal.” 

“Oh…” Bruce said. He thought about that. “She didn’t say anything.”

“Because I told her not to. I know how you feel about being watched and I didn’t want you to think...I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“I’m fine,” Bruce laughed awkwardly. “What about you? I mean, obviously you’re…”

“He’ll be my second,” Betty said. “Clara’s almost three.”

“Congratulations. You look...you look great.”

“So do you,” Betty said. “What else are you up to, besides revolutionizing astrophysics as we know it? How are Pepper and Tony?”

“They’re...we’re…” Bruce stammered. “I mean, I know it’s unconventional, but we’re…”

“Bruce, it’s okay. As long as you’re happy. Besides, you’re pretty unconventional yourself, you know,” Betty laughed. Then she paused for a moment. “I heard what you did, for Tony.” 

“I...what? I didn’t…”

“Jane says you’re the only reason he’s alive right now. And he’s said so himself, I don’t know if you pay attention to his interviews but he’s said it a few times.”

“He has?”

“Yes. And from what Jane told me...that can’t have been easy. I’m sure I didn’t even come close to hearing the worst of it, but what I did hear was bad enough.” 

“It wasn’t easy,” Bruce sighed. “It was...he was...he’s doing so much better now. I’m proud of him.”

“I’m proud of _you_ , Bruce,” Betty said, taking his hand in hers. “You’ve come so far and you’re doing so well. And you’re happy, aren’t you? You’re finally happy.”

“I’m...I guess so, yeah.”

“You don’t know how happy it makes me to see you happy, Bruce. That’s all I ever wanted for you, even before everything. Even if it wasn’t with me, I wanted you to be happy. You deserve it more than anyone.”

“Betty…” Bruce said. She was beaming and had tears in her eyes, and he held her hand and smiled. “Thanks. You...it’s so good to see you, Betty. I didn’t think I’d ever see you again.” 

“I know. I wasn’t sure you’d want to see me but I had to try.”

“I’m glad you did.”

“Me too. Can we be friends again, Bruce? I understand if you don’t want to but...I miss having you in my life.”

“Of course we can,” Bruce said, unable to stop himself from grinning. “After everything’s settled down with the baby, come by Stark Tower. We can catch up and I know Tony will want to meet you, too.”

“That sounds great,” Betty said. She frowned when her phone rang inside her purse. “I”ve got to get going, but it was wonderful to see you, Bruce.”

“You too, Betty,” Bruce said, helping her to her feet. “Good luck with everything. And congratulations in advance! Did you guys pick out a name yet?”

“We’ve got a few favorites,” Betty said. “But we’re waiting to meet him before we stick with one. I’ll send you a birth announcement. Give Pepper and Tony my love, okay? Or at least thank them for me, for taking care of you so well.”

“Okay.”

They hugged again, and Betty leaned in to kiss Bruce on the cheek. They said goodbye and Bruce watched her walk back toward the building with a big smile still on his face. About halfway to the building she stopped and turned around. 

“Do you need help?” Bruce said loudly, starting toward her.

“No,” Betty shouted, smiling. “I just wanted to see you smiling one more time, that’s all. I’m so happy for you, Bruce, I really am. Happy and proud.” 

She grinned, then turned around and continued to walk back toward the building. Bruce stood with his hands in his pockets and watched until she reached the door and went inside. He could hardly believe what had just happened. He’d never forgotten about Betty - he didn’t think he could, even if he wanted to, which he never did - but as time went on without seeing her or hearing from her, he came to terms with the fact that she was part of his past, not his present and almost certainly not his future. He convinced himself that was for the better, at least for Betty, and he didn’t let himself believe they’d ever even meet again. 

Bruce loved Betty but he wasn’t in love with her, not anymore, and that was fine. He had Pepper and Tony, and Betty had her husband, and obviously neither of them had any intention of rekindling their romantic relationship. But Betty would always be important to him; Betty was the first person who knew about Hulk and she was the first person who didn’t treat Bruce any differently because of Hulk (and the _only_ person, until Tony came along). To have her back in his life in any capacity…

As he walked back toward the building to go find Jane and Thor, Bruce started laughing. He’d just presented his own work at one of the most important scientific conferences in the country, he’d reconnected with Betty Ross, and soon he would be on his way home, where Tony and Pepper would be waiting for him. 

How much luckier could he get? 

The vast majority of Bruce’s life had been full of pain, anger, and misery but, after all those years, he’d ended up exactly where he belonged and his life was, for the first time, full of happiness and love.

(Okay, there was still some anger in there, too. But how else was he supposed to awaken his inner rage monster and be a superhero on command?)


End file.
